hmm...me so bored...

sum dude on msn keeps sendin me little love heart things and hugs and stuff...

jacob wants me to be his "sex slave"...

rosa is havin a fight with her bro usin "kinky wicka stick" things...which is wrong...coz she is describin what shes doin with her bro as "kinky"...



that is basically all thats happenin rite now...

ooh and also...i kno a scene kid...haha...

theres this dude [kane] who is a skater and whatnot....and he just suddenly turned "full on emo"...but hasnt heard of like thursday or the get up kids and stuff like that...

...he thinx 18 visions started emo...

dont get me wrong...18 visions rock...but...they didnt start it...did they?!?!

no...dint think so...

but anywayz...he keeps goin on about how "sooooooo totally" emo he is...

grr its so lame...

but yeh...watch this space...sumthin interestin will happen soon...

xo

today...i dunno...hmm...meh...

sooo...i broke up with matt...jacob came onto me...

[you dont kno about jacob...] allow me to explain...

he is gregg's [my ex bfs] mate...and has always kinda liked me apparently...and i always kinda liked him as well...

so yeh...today he came on to me...like a full on man whore...

grr...he kinda pisses me off...

but anywayz...ive been flirtin with luke like...all day...teehee...

[you dont kno bout luke] allow me to explain...he is a guy that i kno...who realy likes me...and i kinda like him..and we flirt with each other like...all of the time...

...and that is basically all thats happened today...so far...

omfg...that makes me sound like a whore, really, doesnt it??!

...meh...

xo

hmm...i aint wrote in a while coz my comp got a virus and totally died...but now i have a new one and its all shiny and new...

...not a lots really happened...well...kinda..not exactly...

most notable thing would be that i got back together with matt...but that is nearly over anyway...

we aint spoke to each other for like...a week...and i want to end it...but then really i dont...

but i do...

grrrrrr its well confuzzling...!

but yeh...so that is that...

and jenny is now goin out with james...

[my ex bf from somerset]...

and he is apparently comin down next saturday to see her...even tho he never came down for me...

which pisses me off...but not realy...its just realy weird...

and i feel like a bitch for sayin that coz jen is my friend and i should be happy for her...and i am...really i am...but it just feels really weird...

and its gonna be hard to get used to...

especially if he does come down...coz that is gonna suck...for me i mean...

but what sux even more is that everyone [rosie in particular] keeps goin on about him comin down...and i dont want to tell them to shut up about it...coz then ill sound selfish...

and i dont want to sound selfish because i am tryin not to be...but i just dont think anybody will understand me if i say this is hard for me...

grrrrrrrrr...so that is THAT!

what else...?

er...a dude called mike fancies me, a sdude called luke fancies me and a dude called ash wants to meet me...

i feel like a whore...

but other than that...

umm...i dyed my hair red...well dark red...kinda mahoganny-ish...

we have mock exams all this week at skool...

and that is basically it...




this blog wernt exactly detailed was it?? sowwie bout that y'all...but im kinda pushed for time...

xo

i found out! yes...thats rite...i found out why i appear to be so fucking angry all the time...

[well...like you couldnt already guess that...]

but...yeh...so anyway...me and my parents went to skool today for a meeting with my principal [from this day forward he shall be known as...mr. cunt]...

all he basically did was sit there and blame me and my friends for what has been happening to us for the last...eighteen months...

he goes "well i spoke to those boys and they said that they are only responding to the aggression that you show to them"...i just sat there literaly like :/

how the fuck are we aggressive to them? well...we are but not to their faces...none of us has ever said anything to them that was unprovoked...

the one time anybody did say anything was when two of them started on marfa...they were like "dyu want a piece of me or what?" and she goes "no...the good lord wouldnt want me to" [as a joke] and they were like "wtf are you on about? look at the state of ya" and she just went "yeh well...god dont like yo momma" and they were most unhappy about it...

but anywayz! that is the one time that we have ever been "aggressive" to them in any way shape or form...

and then he went on to say that we are going to have a fresh start on monday morning...but why the hell should i???

im sorry if i sound unreasonable or whatever...but this man has pretty much ignored me for the last year and a half and he expects me to suddenly forget all of that and "start afresh" with him...i seriously fucking doubt that....

and he kept digging into my friends saying that they are all too angry for no reason...

NO REASON????? and im britney fucking spears if there is no reason for their anger...

its exactly the same reason as mine...and the only reason he has noticed their anger and not mine is because i have not been there for the last week...if i was then he wouldnt have even noticed them...he'd be too preoccupied with me probably swearing at him...

[i probably would've ended up calling him a cunt...i just kno it]

and if i go back on monday...im gonna call sumone a cunt...and that is just gonna blow this up even more....

i am so pissed off...

we were in the meeting and the whole time i was thinking about punching sumone...but i think i am gonna do that stoopid [and bad] thing that i have been worried about for the last few weeks...

i dont want to...buti need to take my anger out on sumthing...and whats better to take my anger out on than me???

there is sumthing inside me telling me that i NEED to do it...i dont kno what it is...i cant describe it...

i have tried soo hard to restrain myself from cutting over the last week...and i dont think i can hold on for much longer like this...

grrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCKING FUCKING FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKING FUCKING FUCK SHIT FUCKING CUNT FUCKER FUCKING GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!

---sorry for the amount of swearing at the end there...but this is a blog and...im gonna write what i feel...

soo...like...i broke up with matt...

im not actually very sure why...

its just that lately he hasnt been the bf that i thought he was...[that make sense?]...he just never supported me or anything, especially when i needed him the most...and i think that one of the most important things to look for in a bf is someone who will support you when you need to be supported...

surely that makes some sort of sense...

but anyway...no for the really interesting part...how did it happen...???

me-...do you think this is...working?
matt-no
me-thank fuck...im so glad you feel the same
matt-so why do you think it isnt working?
me-i dont kno
matt-so you WERE just using me...i knew youd only hurt me well FUCK OFF

then he blocked me...

...all incredibly strange and random...but yet, we all kno that matt is incredibly strange and random...

i just dont get how he came to the conclusion that i was using him...he has had this thing all thru our realtionship that i just want to get him back for what he did to me...but i really wasnt trying to do that to him...

hmmmmmmmmmm...i dont know exactly how i feel rite now...i really really really dont know what to feel...

i think im kinda in a bit of denial coz im not upset [and i thought i would be]...but i think it is gonna sink in later when i delete all of his messages off my phone and stuff like that...

wait a minute...

...yup...now i feel upset because i just remembered that now im gonna have to let go of him for good...