Just Some Day
Date: May 17th, 2007 1:22:30 am - Subscribe
Mood: alluring
Today was above all satisfactory.
I took my AP English Lang. test. It wasn’t that bad. I want to believe I did well, but we won’t know until the 3rd week of June. Love how specific they are, those School people are on some schedule. I mean the scheduling we’ve gone through this year? What with ‘Learning Seminar’ (God, I wonder who coined that phrase) and adding two minutes to the school day- oh and lest we forget its not coinciding with the academy schedule, the ‘warning bells’ are utterly confusing, taking one minute off time between classes and all this resulting in confusion and a butt-load of late students! I calculated that the whole two minutes thing only adds three hours to the ENTRIE YEAR. Mrs. Bucco says it was really to please some disgruntled AP teachers (herself not included). The whole scheduling situation is absolutely ridiculous. And from what I’ve heard from the teachers’ moans and groans it’s only getting worse from here.
Well I want to write more, but I actually got really bored. This is probably why I don’t write Journal entries as frequently as I once did. Of course I was looking back on some of those and they weren’t all that long.
Well blah blah, summer is only four weeks away. Since I’ll probably just be working and college planning, I’ll need some way to release my agitation. It would be a nice hobby. It only pays off in the future though, when you can look back on all your past meaningless woes and roll over with laughter from your ignorance and mindless ramblings.
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Stepping Back
Date: Mar 10th, 2007 1:59:44 am - Subscribe
Mood: curious
Current Tune: Imogen Heap - "Headlock"
Very often I find myself stepping back and seeing how lightly I connect to the world in which I’m surrounded. I interact, I get along, and am there, I do exist, unlike others who don’t seem too, they never speak and are always aware but honestly seem so desperate for life to thrust them into the middle of humanity. Above all it makes me wonder is the majority just not seeing what I see, this disconnection, and this absolute oneness with who I am and what no one else could ever be? Or do I just not know because like me that oneness is a private concern which is unrevealed to the functioning world? The only thing is that my disconnection is apparent. I’m not ‘normal’ of any standard. I don’t intermingle constantly conversing and sharing and experiencing with a multitude of people nor do I cling tight to my closet group of friends having constant ins and outs with them. It was almost a somewhat subconscious more so conscience decision to avoid these ways of life, for I have lived like this and both ways I found myself sad in miserable. Perhaps it was simply the inability to cope, for at the time I was much younger and knew so much less even thought it was only three years ago. The thing to consider is; I didn’t like being unhappy so I avoid that which makes me unhappy. Is this not what one would consider basic human instinct? No? For it seems to me a great majority unknowingly want to be unhappy and have themselves immersed in problems that aren’t so much as serious as they’re explanation and reaction may lead one to believe. One could then argue that this is in fact human nature, or perhaps if it were someone knowledgeable of human psyche they would say that is no so much human nature but human tendency depending on the situation in which they have grown to know understand â€" their uncontrolled perspective of life created and shaped by their upbringing and up-bringers.
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Those Moments
Date: Feb 23rd, 2007 4:16:39 am - Subscribe
Mood: unstoppable
Don't you enjoy those moments where everything around you slows down, no matter how much you've got going on?
Tonight has been like that. I've had the window open letting the strong breeze filter in. The chilly breeze has brought my mind alive, but with a certain tone of tranquil serenity.
It's rare for mind which is always racing with complications, aggitations and instability. It's alright though. These moments tell me that everything is going to be alright. The Taoists believe it is better to flow with nature rather than constantly be in a upstream battle. I learned that today, and plan on trying to heed such wisdom.
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Continued Life
Date: Feb 10th, 2007 6:52:24 am - Subscribe
Mood: diseased
Today was interesting. I stayed home from school because there was an elective’s fair and since I know what classes I plan on taking next year there was no need to attend. In the afternoon I went out with friends. D needed shoes because hers exploded off her feet. Poor kid. Such a life. I didn’t really get much. Just some stuff for Tituba the hamster and some candy from World Market. We had to take two cars because JS wanted to abide under 18 laws. So, I ended up driving Ash which wasn’t bad. We had fun listening to music and making fun of JS and D to their faces. There was a lot of laughs today but hanging out with people’s ultimate truth is that everyone is so harsh to each other. I don’t know if it’s just the environment I put around myself or am myself the cause of, but…
I’m just not sure about people sometimes. I hold very little self doubt. Maybe it’s because I don’t fear rejection. I’m no human pinnacle of perfection nor one to think of myself has having absolute confidence in everything I do and say, but I’m pretty well put together as far as most go.
I just don’t fit into this teenage angst environment any longer though. I’ll readily admit at one time I was deep into it. That constant want to be part, in, known, accepted. I’m not saying that those instinctive desires have been all together eradicated, but somehow they’ve simply been subdued by no conscience effort. It’s all just a matter of maturity I supposed. Maturity and a stable environment suitable for a child to grow up in. Thank you mother dearest. I know you’ve tried, there is no way ever for a child to repay their parents except with blessing and happiness. Anyway, back to my original point, I believe college will be a colossal change for me, but a good one that will put me in constant contact with those equal to me in understanding. Not to say that in intellectual level, for I know I am far from super intelligent. I just think those in college will have the same explorative nature as me. I doubt if all â€" but more than now. At least enough collectively joined together to be, well, a group of its own. Surprise, surprise for contradiction is one of the most baffling mysteries of the univers
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Some Day at Christmas...
Date: Dec 17th, 2006 4:50:37 am - Subscribe
Mood: Restless
Current Tune: Some Day at Christmas
I went to church last Sunday. I liked it a lot so I’ve decided to go again tomorrow. Today was spent buying Christmas presents! It was alright. I was shorted $20 at the ATM which ‘royally’ sucks. Everything is going pretty much day by day lately. Don’t have time for anything else what with track and school crapola. I think winter break might give me some time to get my head on straight. Either that or just torture me, by getting me thinking about having to go back to school again afterwards. I also have to work. But that’s not so bad because for the most part I like work.
It’s hard to believe that there’s only 1.5 years of high school left, and how LONG AGO 9th grade seems. I sit next to these two 9th graders in my Tech Drawing class and they just seem very young. One more than the other, but still; I’m 17 and they’re 14. THAT SEEMS LIKE SUCH A HUGE DIFFERENCE. The funny thing is that both of them are taller than me. It’s hard to think about college and the different environment exposure. A place and life completely different from that of K-12 grade school. It keeps me up at night, literally. But, I’m a worry wart. I know I easily adapt and move one. Life only moves forward in my mind. I’m not a live-in-the-past type of guy.
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