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broknangel
Teach me not to fear - Subscribe
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I guess its gone on awhile. its hard to see where it started, but its even harder to see when it will end. For so long, all ive felt is like a screw up. not good enough. worthless. fat. ugly. and for as long as i can remember ive been treated that way. I could blame people, but Ive treated myself that way. I cant pin blame on any one person. I could blame my parents, for fighting. I could blame my ex for ignoring me in public and making me feel horrid. i could blame another ex for ditching me cos "my sisters hotter than me." I could blame my sister for being thin, but none of that is going to get me anywhere. None of it is going to make me feel better. All i know is that the fear i hold, is greater than anything ive felt before. fear of love, fear of change, fear of FEELING. fear of losing. but in being afraid, it causes me to make bigger mistakes, tell bigger lies, and do more things that i promise myself i never should... when you constantly get asked certain things, you soon begin to think thats al you are worth, and if thats what its gonna take to keep friends, to stay feeling secure, no matter how much it hurts for some reasn you go with it. When does it change? How does it change? How can i learn to trust again? Myself....as much as anyone else |
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broknangel
Writing again.....*shrugs* Oct 25th, 2006 5:18:59 pm - Subscribe
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Im not sure where this is heading.. or if its even heading anywhere. Her eyes slice through the dark like a sharp knife, rain falling like a thick blanket, wind tearing through the trees. Looming ahead the outline of a building, A small light, swinging violently in the wind, shines out faithfully, guiding the way. Weary, cold, and wet, she pushes on, eager to get to the comfort of the building ahead of her. Pushing open the heavy wooden door, she instantly is overcome by tiredness, and barely manages to push on. Her eyes heavy, and her body weak, she searches cupboards, and rooms, for a bed, and some blankets. One room leaps out to her, seemingly to invite her in, she feels warm and comfortable, finding a blanket in the closet she curls up on the bed, and closes her eyes. Sleep takes over. |