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When *he* asked me out he said we would make it work, he said not to worry, that no matter what it was that we could work through it. He told me he loved me, and he wanted it to work. He said he loved me. When he started on drugs, i accepted it. I didn't ditch him, even though everyone around me told me to. I didn't give up on him when he ignored me for two weeks, and then when he suddenly asked for his jersey back after not speaking to me, i accepted it and just let him be. When i got sick of this i asked him what was up and he said we had to end it. That it wasn't working. That he loved me but it wasn't going to work. He said he loved me. *love* doesn't give up. Love. If he loved me he would make it work.
What did i do wrong? Why am I not good enough.
This evening i started cutting again. This time worse than before. i felt so out of control. Like i really couldn't stop, and when i had finished, it was only then that i realized what i had just done. Overdosed on some painkillers, covered up my wrist, and told myself no one would notice my smeared makeup, and the blood on my jersey.
People noticed
Nobody helped me. Nobody offered to help me. No one asked what was wrong.
I just want to be loved. To know what i did wrong. For the first time in my life i felt like i had really met someone who i could imagine being with for a long time. someone i wasn't afraid to be myself around. Someone i wasn't ashamed to be seen around. Someone i wanted to tell everyone about because i cared about him so much. Someone who's family i wasn't afraid of. Someone's who got on with my family.
Why do i always screw up? |
