|
|
| I'm sorry I haven't posted in a long time, but I think I was banned for being too much of a rebel. |
|
|
| I talked to my mom last night and she said that I can come live with her as soon as she gets out of rehab. |
|
|
|
I took my dog Beem-o down to Tattoos 'R Us at the mall today to get his lipped pierce but the guy said he couldn't do it because of health department regulations. I don't know though, he looked kind of shifty eyed when he was explaining it to me. I bet my dad called him. WTF, I don't think Beem-o has lips anyway. |
|
|
|
My dad said if I get any more facial piercings he's going to make me sleep in the garage. Dad, why are you such a hater? |
|
|
| The winter olympics only serve to remind me that in dodge ball I used to be the designated target. |
|
|
|
I did my time, but I know where they hid all the sharp objects. Sit Beem-o, sit |
|
|
| I need more food like I need more holes in my cargo pants. |
|
|
|
Fuck the super bowl. I hate sports. They always picked the retarded kid before they picked me, and he smelled like ass! |
|
|
|
Meditation ain't for crap. My brain still hurts and my socks still smell. |
|
|
I always forget the February is ghost season. The time when all the seeds longlosts have planted start to sprout. My crop of perenniels. I don't know why the ghost crop comes in February, but it is true every year. Every February my cycle of dreams plays host to ghosts. Especially his ghost. My Banquo. To mix metaphors. Banquo often covers me in scorn. But last night, he was sweet. In my dream. My reaction to ghost season? Hay fever. I try to blow them away. I sneeze. But that just disperses more seeds. You haunt me, you flower, but you never come back to me. |
|
|
|
When a girl doesn't have a father figure, she fantasizes about various substitues. Some of the men I fixated on as a child were: the original male cast of Saturday Night Live Steve Martin--funky Tut Chevy Chase--daddy Griswold John Belushi--Samurai Papa? Bill Murray--wry, sweet, could dispatch scary ghosts I am still in love with Bill Murray. He should have fucked Scarlett Johansen in the "Lost in Translation" movie. Every girl with a daddy fixation (you hear me, Sofia? You know you have one, too!) needed to see that happen. What a tease. I would've stalked John Belushi, but he died. Burt Reynolds. So virile. Bill Cosby. So rich and tender. Kenny Rogers--burly and bearded, and he could sing me to sleep The Fonz...because he was so nice to "Cupcake" Now I am attracted to anyone who reminds me of Henry Winkler. |
|
|
|
"when you are unhappy in love you forget to turn the oven on." -some old french fart in "Sabrina" Forget about turning the oven on. My pilot's not even lit. That's the problem with these gas models. Anybody got a match? If only I were electric. I used to be an Easybake--all I needed was a lightbulb and I'd be cookin'. No lightbulbs pop over my head. The thought balloon sags empty. I can't incandesce. |
|
|
|
In a pivotal moment in"My Dinner with Andre", Wallace Shawn defined happiness as "waking up and finding that the cold cup of coffee you left out the night before doesn't have a roach in it, so you sit down and you drink the sludge". Wallace Shawn may be even more depressed than I am. This morning the smell of whiskey and coke pervaded my bedroom. I poured myself a stiff one last night, but couldn't bring myself to drink it. I was too depressed to get drunk. Maybe it will be waiting for me when I get home, flat, syrupy, and if I am really lucky, a fly or two may have struggled, given up the ghost and and be floating, an image of my despair, on the sticky surface. If that is the case, I will drink it. |
|
|
|
Can an animal be unhappy? My dog Beem-o just mopes around all day. I see great sadness in his eyes. I just want to curl up with him on his blanket in the mud room and tell him I know how you feel, I know how you feel, I know how you feel. |
|
|
Once again abandoned in my hour of need. It looks like another night of infomercials and splurge and purge. 
|
|
|
| What a waste of an evening. Does anyone have a cup of understanding I can borrow? |
|
|
|
There's something about putting on a fresh pair of panties that just turns everything around. Nice and toasty. |
|
|
 I missed every bus and hit every stoplight today. I walked all the way home in thin soled shoes. My reflection in the piss puddles looked haggard. I drank too much water and peed my pants a little before I made it home. I had the wrong keys. It reminded me of the time I lost control at Disneyland, just outside Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. I can never find a bathroom when I need it. Why did I ever get toilet trained in the first place? What a fucking waste of time. |
|
|
| I feel a need in my heart to become a better man, if only my weaknesses will give way to my strengths. |
|
|
| Blah, blah, blah |