unsure why
Date: Jan 13th, 2011 1:42:16 am - Subscribe
Mood: trapped


for a second i felt like i was someone who i've wished to be at a time where i didn't want to be myself if i had the choice to be them instead. that's so sad not to want to be you. you can examine the predicament you're in and see all the pathways to resolve so clearly, but then the surrounding obstacles and precursors to the conflicts are repulsive. it's so sad. someone died and i am feeling it! i don't know who it is or why i suck at adaptation. i've been weakened! i want to cry and break glass but i want someone to stop me before i muster up the courage to rage out and give me a better outlet, solution, release, a reason not to, a reason to do something else.

my tongue hurts, the skin on my thumb is torn and infected, my vagina is leaking and stinking and itching, my hair is burnt, my mouth is an ogre, my chest cavity is always frozen, my shoulders are tense, i can't hear anything, i'm hoarse, and there are no doctors in the world that will ever care about me let alone anything better than a doctor.

i'm sad and obsessive

everyone thinks i'm happy for the wrong reasons and sad for the opposite or wrong reasons as well. how do i explain it to them when their assumption is so far gone? and they're not very presumptuous ignorant people who essentially wouldn't understand anyway. it's mostly my fault. i didn't make anyone understand. i was too confused myself, and indecisive as to whether or not i should share anything with them because i feared a misunderstanding. now there's more misunderstanding and i really need someone to talk to but no one is on the same page. and i'm goddamn fine but i know i'm not. when one fucking person shows me love and desire and affection i don't need anyone or anything else and i'm just happy. i put all my eggs in one basket because i don't want more than that and it's never that good when you have love from many different sources. doesn't anyone get that i can't feel a fucking thing unless you do it harder? do i fucking harder! fuck me harder! love me harder! love me harder! why can't anyone do that or realize that?

i don't understand what the fuck anyone is saying right now

one day i have to take my love away from everyone and then i give a little when i feel they deserve it and then they have it all and then i have to take it away again until they deserve it again and so on

don't do that to me!

people didn't leave me alone at this table in the back of the cafe by the ladies room because my vagina smells. they left because the cafe is closing.
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