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Not really seeing the need, the purpose, the reasoning behind any of these things. I know I'm just going through the motions. I'm trying to pass as an ordinary person. I feel incredibly conscious of myself, as if everyone around me is judging my every move, my every action. Borderlining paranoia follows me around everyday, and I haven't the slightest idea why. Well, okay, maybe I have a slight reason. But I know that not a single soul knows that secret, and I'm not about to let that go. Mystery makes life more interesting. If everybody had all the answers, there wouldn't be much interest to living daily life. Now I can sense my future. I can smell the freedom and the adventure. I can feel independence breathing down on my neck, just tempting me to jump for it. Everyday I want to just drop all of my things, and run out the door, and just leave. There isn't a point to all of it. I'm done. I've gotten all I can out of it. There's nothing stopping me now, except everyone else's expectations. But screw them. The only expectations I need to meet are my own. I know it's a horrible thing to plan or to wish, but I don't see any aspect of my current life fitting into my future. I put on this facade, and this show for everyone else everyday, while inside of me, the real person grows anxious, waiting for his chance to shine. The only problem is I don't think my current audience wants to see it. |
| So it's slope day...and surprise surprise I drank a lot last nite...but the problem is I never went to sleep...instead I decided to seek out the one person awake on campus and go bother them while they wrote a paper/project and now the sun is up and we are both sitting here confused out of our minds. Today is gonna be rough but I got SNOOP DOGGGGGGG!!!! and lots of drinking to look forwards to so lets hope those carry me through otherwise you will not find me so happy next time you talk to me. Other than that things seem to be pretty cool with me...I found another job for the summer or maybe two and I can do some traveling but I mean really we'll see what happens. It will be a fun summer and of course better than the last. So for now wish me ado and I'll be back maybe Slope Day Night with a tale and a half to tell you...(by the way you've missed out on some interesting stories with the nites I've spent out with Seth! - but those are for you to ask about :-P) |
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"Is it weird that when I think about you all I want is some god damn taco bell... or a fried, not steamed cute little chihuahua that dances real awkwardly while it cooks? Yeah. I guess it is. I'm ok with that." -- only when incredibly hot upenn girls say this can they get away with it
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| Did I just get a job that might totally change where I thought my life would lead me?? Well really I don't know if I got it yet either - it was odd to say the least but cool too. And is hotter boss really flirting with me? or was today just her feeling funky and energetic - either way it was damn intimidating - can't say I'm used to giant hotties hitting on me so hard core but it was nice :-) It's been interesting to say the least and I feel like waking death with the no sleep I'm getting since my cousin and his friend are in town. I even fell asleep in the middle of the bar friday night. SOOOO MESSED UP! |