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chellie What am i feeling? - Subscribe
grrr... today briana was soo mad at me. i don't know what's up with her. and i'd rather not ask. that just makes it worse with her. but soon it'll pass.

jen is starting to talk to me more, but things still aren't like they used to be. i'm afraid they never will be.

i had a decent conversation with steve today. i'm thinkin i can be his friend again. life has been changed for the better and worse because of him. he's ruined some friendships, but my hating him will only cause me to have one less friend. that's not really what i need at the moment. let's just make one thing straight here... i will NEVER date him again. i will never find him attractive ever again, i will never go anywhere alone with him. i will never go to any of his parties. ah... we're just social friends forever.

i had to run to church today to pick up music for sunday morning. when i drove in the parking lot i saw pastor steve's, pastor heath's and earl's car there. oh boy... but anyhoo, i walked in anyway to get the music. i was in the secretary's office and i could hear earl and heath talking. i was NOT evesdropping, possibly just listening. but it was impossible not to hear what they were saying. heath said something along the lines of, "well, just pray more for her, pray with her. just be patient. read your bible, apply it to your life." stuff like that. though, the 'her' was never revealed!!! now i am so confuzed! i don't know who it was. cecilia? i sure hope not, she has a boyfriend! and i don't think they would talk that loud about andrea since her dad is pastor steve and his office is even more close to heath's office than where i was. when they were about done i walked into the office to chat with heath. i didn't even look at earl. i couldn't. i'm still somewhat mad at him. i started talkin with heath and earl just interrupts us and was like 'hi, michelle.' in a kinda hurt voice. i said hi, but couldn't make eye contact with him. i just felt so weird. i got all nervous, i was even shaking. i just kept directing the convo at heath, tho earl kept adding his two cents. i don't know what to do with him. wait til he goes away to college and not have to talk to him ever again, or talk about what's goin on between us to make these next months bearable. i don't hate him, i act civil towards him, we just don't have the same friendship we used to. i don't know. i don't want to talk to him, but i think it might be necessary.

tomorrow night i'm goin on a lil trip with the youth group to listen to a talk from a guy who was on the 81st floor of the world trade center and survived. that means a busride. yikes, but it'll be okay. im sure of it. i'm really looking forward to it tho!
3 Comments
Mood: complicated
Music:: none

chellie last night Mar 3rd, 2005 6:06:29 pm - Subscribe
last night was really interesting. so many different things happened. i was up, i was down. i was calm, i was freakin out.... i was scared, i was confident... it kinda sucked

i went to listen to su jo jong, a guy who survived the world trade centers from the 82nd floor. i was kinda disappointed that mike didn't come. he had to go to catholic church for ccd and we went to a different town so he wouldn't make it back in time. as crazy as it sounds.... i want him to try makin a move on me. we need to talk about it, but he's kinda a cocky guy, so if i just bring the topic up, he's gonna deny it all. so i want him to do somethin so i can stop him and we can talk. maybe i'll be lucky and it will all go away. i was talkin to tenly on the bus and she even noticed that he was hittin on me last thursday. great eh?

i talked to sarah on the bus and told her i wanted to sit by her durin the talk. all was cool, but when i found her in the auditorium, she was sittin next to earl. mmm... yes! not! i still wasn't very happy with him. he somewhat behaved, but he told me another sexual-like joke. he just doesn't get it! i blew up at him and he got all quiet and was like 'settle down, it was just a joke.' and i let him have a lil more piece of my mind. sarah just sat back in awe and then high-fived me afterwards. he didnt like that much, but still tried jokin around with me the rest of the night. i was civil, but not very nice to him. afterwards on the bus.... not good. sarah asked me if it bothered me that her and earl were flirting. not my sarah! i don't want her to be with him. but i couldn't tell her that. i now know it was sarah earl was talkin about with heath in the office. it just killed me. i said it was ok, that she needed to be careful. i trust her to make good decisions. but i just started crying anyway. she didn't notice at first, but then was like 'michelle, if it bothers you, i'll stay away from him. our friendship is worth more to me than any guy around here.' that made me feel a lil better. i just don't want her to be with him at all. and i also thought i was over him. i am, it just hurts so much that he's moved on sooo quickly. he goes thru girls like toilet paper. nice analogy eh? i don't want her to get hurt. if he hurts her, i will stalk him down. i know where he lives. he don't know that tho! grin.gif and another thing... he doesn't even realize im mad at him. i said goodbye to everyone after we ate at subway last night except him. he was like 'bye michelle' i glared at him and walked out, but i could here him say 'what the crap!' all madlike... but i didn't care. i cruised on outta there like no other. i could see him in the window watchin me go. i hope he gets the pic now that we need to talk. i hope sarah talks to him about it too. i need a good session with loraine!!!
3 Comments
Mood: frumpy
Music:: nobody\'s home, avril

chellie Bruce Mound Mar 4th, 2005 11:47:29 pm - Subscribe
Today i went to Bruce Mound for a school trip. its a ski/tube/snowboard place. im not that great of a skiier, but i had a really good day today. i only wiped out twice, once on the intermediate cuz i was goin super fast and the wind just took me out, and once on the expert. it was sooo stupid. i woulda been fine, but i saw a stick in the ground pokin up thru the snow. i started to concentrate on it and totally lost track of what i was doing. it was like i wasn't even skiing anymore! the next thing i know, i'm sliding down this steep incline on my right thigh (which btw is very sore right now) and my ski is ten feet behind me. that was a glamorous moment. but i guess things could have been worse. 3 kids from my school wound up goin to the hospital! mind you onlly about 100 students went. one kid went off this jump he made, did a flip by accident, landed somehow, and started coughin up blood. the girl fell down somewhere and when she went to get up, really hurt her back. she could hardly walk. and the third kid, what a dud. he went on this trail that wasn't approved yet and we were supposed to stay off of... he ran into a tree and broke his leg in two places. i guess he kinda asked for it!
1 Comments
Mood: tired
Music:: none

chellie December Mar 5th, 2005 5:25:19 pm - Subscribe
heck why not?!

December
Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egoistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

hmmm.. how many of these do i believe are correct?
3 Comments
Mood: careless

chellie another day in the life of me Mar 6th, 2005 4:13:26 pm - Subscribe
i finally got to talk to loraine today. we went out to lunch at subway after church. we got to talk. i really needed to talk to her about... everything. especially boys. argh... life is changing.... for the better? i guess i'll find out later. thing is... i am so emotionless right now. well, maybe that's not the right word choice. perhaps, im just feeling a lot of emotions all at once. hurt and confused would be two major ones. lonely, stressed, and depressed fall under there too. idk... i just want to get away. today didn't help much. i went up to school to watch my sister's basketball game and i ran into the 3 boys that have been on my mind lately. mike was reffing some of the tournament games, so i talked to and sat with him for a while before he had to work. that was fine, i think he realized he shouldn't go there. he elbowed me once, no biggie. ryan was there, watching his sis. i didn't even know he had a sis in 5th grade.... and then i caught myself spying on earl. he went swimming to get in shape for track. idk why, but i just stood there in the door and watched him for the longest time, like i wanted him to.... slip up, or drown or something. i don't want him goin after my friend. she's too nice to be hurt. gah.... who woulda thought that i'd ever have boy problems?
1 Comments
Mood: insignificant
Music:: NONE