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he was never mine to lose. why regret what could not be? these are words he'll never say. not to me, not to me. ~les mis |
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Last night I dreamt that you died. But you came back to stay with me in spirit form or something? And it was all very sad and makes me want to cry just thinking about it. Carmina Burana went pretty well last night. It started off pretty badly... I mean, I missed the coach through, and ended up there an hour or so late. Then when I walked in someone shouted "Charlotte, thank goodness YOURE here" and I can't quite work out if she was taking the piss or not x_x Then, when we went into the changing rooms everyone just walked past/ignored me and I ended up alone in a room until the lads came along and decided that the other room was too full of girls and that the room I was in must be the lads changing rooms... awkward... (not like there were signs on the doors saying which was which or anything.) But, things got better because one of the younger members came over to talk to me <3 And of course, the singing was fun. With that percussion and double pianos. So I guess it got better and I enjoyed it in the end. Today is a great day - only two lessons and nothing tonight ^^ And then the theatre to see "Ha Ha Holmes" tomorrow night! OH AND HOLIDAYS YESSS <3 And not forgetting I get to see Bex again soon :3 OH AND SIS IS COMING FROM SPAIN <33333 So excited x3 |
| When you asked if I'll be online for "a whole day", "sometime this week" and I said I was pretty busy I didn't realise you'd bitch at me for being on facebook this evening for an hour when that completely disagrees with what you said to me. Just fuck it, I don't even care about that RP site anymore, I'm only doing anything there because I agreed to and feel obliged now. You keep asking me to work on it but I don't know what you want, since you keep changing things and everything has to be edited by you afterwards anyway. Why don't you just do it then? I have better things to do right now. |
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says (22:42): YOURE ~ALWAYS~ BUSY Yes, well, I have an offline life, unlike you. Stop moaning that I haven't finished your site... if you and your friends are so eager to RP there, why don't you do it? I have more important things to do right now. I guess I'll just reply politely as always though and get on with it. Maybe I'll just get off the internet for a couple of months. |
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I seem to have lost all motivation and/or inspiration for singing lately. When I sing my voice no longer feels young and energetic, just bland and flat. I've got difficulty reaching both high and low notes. I think it's a mental rather than a physical thing though. It's amazing how your state of mind can completely change your voice. On top of that, I'm struggling at school. I never have before. Maybe it was the mental blow of that bad psychology grade. I tell myself it was a fluke and I'll be fine next time but I'm just starting to feel worn down and overwhelmed. I find it hard to understand things as fast as I used to and even my homework grades are just lowering. The French teachers seem to think I'm getting better in their class but that's only because it's speaking. When I'm writing, my grammar and spelling is terrible. In music, I feel like I'll never be able to remember the masses of chamber pieces I have to write about. I feel like I should be making sure I'm not so behind over these holidays but there's so much to do and it's just making me bogged down and miserable. And every night I keep wondering... why did I decide to go into music? I could have done so much better, had an amazing career in, I don't know, science or something. It's hard to find the passion I once had. But I know that if I ever give up, there'll come a time when it returns, and I'll hate myself for letting go of what I could have had. |