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The year 11 students are joining our class next year since they took the exam a year early. So, Miss Hazel was trying to get us all to mingle whilst doing the physically theatrey kinda things we were doing. And, I was coping pretty well, everyone was friendly and thankfully I didn't need to talk too much since we were concentrating more on the exercises we had to do. But when we were sat watching a video about it, at one point I looked to my left to see one of the lads I'd just met looking at the scar my arm, then as he realised I'd noticed he just stared at me in an almost horrified way. After a few seconds I just looked away and tried to watch the video again, and I think he did too. And when we were done, although we were finishing and therefore leaving the lesson, it was like he kept trying to keep a distance from m and kept casting me these dark looks. Or maybe I'm paranoid. I can't get that look out of my head though. It was just awful. What must people think when they see it? It's just a burn, but I doubt if I told anyone who didn't know they wouldn't believe me anyway, think I was covering something else. Other than that I've had a pretty awesome day. It's just that this keeps bugging me though. |
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God I'm so tired All day I've been going dizzy. I thought maybe it was heat exhaustion or something but I feel like I haven't stopped drinking, I'm so thirsty, constanty, so you'd have though if it were the amount of water I've had would have helped. I tried to have a nap earlier but I just drifted in and out of sleep for half an hour, with these terrible dreams about people close to me hurt or upset, or me being attacked or chased etc. And then when I finally started to drift off peacefully Mam came in and told me off for being asleep and telling me it's no wonder I haven't been getting any sleep if I'm sleeping during the day but I haven't been yet I'm still not sleeping. I just wanted, what, an hours respite, so maybe I could have the energy to do something, anything. So instead I've sat and watched Rent, an I haven't finished it yet, I'll probably go back to watching it after I've written this. Or not. There's not much point seeing as Mam started to list things that made her cry in it (eg characters dying) when I told her I was watching it so I might as well just not bother anymore. I've been crying all day, thugh no-ones realised yet, I've kept out the way. I just want to sleep already. But I bet when it gets to a suitable time where I won't get wrong for trying to sleep I'll be wide awake again. Earlier I even ate tea, despite having no appetite whatsoever, and the sight of the food making me sick. I did that because I feel like I want to starve myself again to make myself feel better, even though I should be using other ways to cope, and if I skip one meal, it'll just be a matter of time before I start skipping them all again. II just want this dizziness and fatigue to go away already. And I hope it's a lack of sleep and not some other problem that's causing it ;-; |
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I'm so sick of crying today. There isn't even anything to cry about. It must be the 15th time I cried just then. Maybe more. I just want it to stop already TT-TT |
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I want to puke. Yes. Not because I'm physically ill. I guess I'm feeling fat or something. I don't even know what it is that's set it of today. I haven't felt it for the past week. I might go for a run or something to burn off what I ate instead. Dad'll be back soon and want to get on with the bathroom so I wouldn't be able to purge anyway. |