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Were you not listening? Or did you choose to forget maybe? -- I honestly thought that you were giving me a friendly hug and invited me in out of concern. What a fucking fool I am. But I am just as much to blame. I know that. -- Thank you for restoring my confidence in my musicianship. I still have a lot to learn, I still find things difficult, but I'm feeling a lot more able to face these challenges. |
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My god, I'd forgotten how much I loved this song And the video One of my favourites as a kid. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=U0cyxVMSxCs#! But there was no-one there to hold before I swore that I would be alone forevermore ^relevant to my life right now |
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I've never had a problem or been insulted by anyone using the word gay. Or been insulted if someone called me it... after all, I am bi so they're close enough. Until today. And Dad. Of course, it would be Dad. I don't know if he realises just how angrily he was saying it but that hurt. I don't even want to see avenue q any more. Not if he's going with us. It'll just ruin it. |
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My friend Blake had his heart broken. I'm being there for him to lend an ear and give him as much practical advice as I can from my experience. And I don't know if it's just the memories or what but I'm feeling his pain so strongly right now, as though my own heart is being broken again. Or maybe it just has been permanently for a while now. I've been thinking about him every day. I know he doesn't think of me any more. In January it'll be 2 years, yet how can I still get upset over it? Sometimes I still imagine that we could maybe see each other again. And that's the hardest. My thoughts run away with me - I try for them not to. But then as I'm imagining it I realise that if he did turn up out of the blue like that... I don't really know what I'd do. Maybe I'd want to hug and kiss him and be ready to forgive every tiny fault. Or maybe I'd want to scream at him and tell him I never want to hear from him again. But then I realise that it would probably be the first option. Which is pretty sad of me. I feel like Cio-Cio san blindly waiting for him, even though all the signs are there that I'm being ridiculous and it won't happen and oh god. I want to cry a bit now. Well, one thing's for sure, at least I know I won't kill myself over it like she did. God that opera breaks my heart so much. Pinkerton you bastard :'( |
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It is so nice. SO NICE. To have teachers that care =) Who don't give a fuck if they have to miss their lunch break to help you out when they could easily just cancel your lesson because the other girl isn't there so you couldn't do what was originally planned. Who will sit down and keep you company and have a laugh when you're waiting for your next lesson and encourage you to get into cool things like teaching in spare time and the such. Who get excited over the fact that Bach made a SERIOUS MISTAKE in one of his cantatas then turn it into a "spot the mistake" competition for their students, hoping that they will find it just as great that even Bach isn't perfect. Who, even though they never have and never will teach you, and only know you in passing, will enquire about your future plans and have high hopes for you. Weekend school is amazing. And keeps me happy. And alive. |