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chizel Stressed. - Subscribe
I have gotten myself so worked up over this whole night shift thing that I have given myself a huge stress headache and can't sleep.
I just want to cry and angrily punch someone.
It's not going to end well no matter what happens.
Either I can give in and make Dad happy, leaving me very miserable if they decide I can't have the job any more. Or I can say "fuck it" and risk either losing my music education, having a huge struggle and fight to keep it, or just outright moving out because I can't take it any more.
And I'm having arguments in my head about things that have happened the past years, to do with "bad decisions" and the such that I was actually either proud of or didn't think was bad, that he does think was bad.
I think I'm going to make myself ill with this.
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Mood: ill

chizel Self-fulfilling prophecy Oct 21st, 2011 4:15:20 am - Subscribe
I started losing weight and now am slightly obsessing over it again. This isn't good =/

I don't feel as self conscious as I once did, so this obsessiveness is making me uncomfortable and worried.

Maybe it's because I'm working with (fatty) food now?
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Mood: reluctant

chizel crappy Oct 24th, 2011 9:40:06 am - Subscribe
I'm feeling pretty crap right now
I just want to sleep but I'm scared I'll get wrong for napping
YOU'RE YOUNG YOU DON'T NEED TO NAP >:C
yeah well maybe I do
and I slept in this morning and nearly missed my bus and dfgjkf
My singing lesson was...idk, It was good but I got so dizzy I thought I was near passing out towards the end, I was pushing so hard, and I'm just completely exhausted from it and
mams home from work and really upset because the washing up isn't done but she could have asked me to do it for her and sat down and relaxed instead of being how she is
I just want to cry atm
idk
idk anymore


/close now thine eyes and rest secure
thy soul is safe enough
thy body sure
he that loves thee
he that keeps and guards thee never slumbers
never sleeps
the smiling conscious in a sleeping breast/
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Mood: stop everything please

chizel It's so unfair I know but Oct 25th, 2011 5:35:16 pm - Subscribe
I wish people would learn to deal with their fears, or at least, TRY to deal with them.

I know some are really severe and it's not nice but...

I'm a strong believer that you'll never get over a fear unless you face it

and I have no respect for people who will only whine about it and not attempt to get over it.

I guess it's worse because they're scared of something I enjoy so it's frustrating that I have to sit and listen to "how awful" it is when I'm trying to relax and enjoy it while it lasts
(p.s. it's thunder/lightning)
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Mood: grr

chizel Horoscopes Oct 31st, 2011 4:57:16 am - Subscribe
How can people take them so seriously, to the point that they assume they can't be friends with someone because according to their horoscopes they are "incompatible".

For example:

"Today was a good day. Though missing Clara kinda sucked. Buuuut, other than that, good day. Met some new people.<3"
"Alex was an Aries, like Clara, and it's hard to keep friends with an Aries."
"Cancer + Aries = Incompatible! :'("

Well, if you're missing her you must have been getting on well with her at some point yet now, because she was born in a certain timeframe, you've decided you're incompatible?

Something related that also pisses me off is seeing someone constantly retweeting horoscope tweets about their starsign, that clearly aren't true of them.
"They are so couragous! If they want something they will go and take it"
Well, you certaintly aren't. You're too scared to go on a bus. You moan and complain everytime you have to leave the house because REAL LIFE. You can't even bring yourself to do your own applications.

So many things have just pissed me off about you lately. But maybe you'll grow up enough soon for us to be friends again.
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Mood: rude