Entry number two
Date: Mar 21st, 2009 5:57:30 am - Subscribe
Mood: Reminiscent
So, I just woke up (hooray for lying in!)
But, I had an awful dream last night. I can't really describe it as a nightmare, because it wasn't scary. But, I wish I hadn't had it because I'm confused enough as it is.
So, the start I'm vague on, and the middle too, but I'll say the few things I can remember.
I was on an open topped double decker bus, and it kept going under these bridges, but it should have been too tall, and I kept getting scared like "Shit we're gonna crash! >.<" But, we just wet straight through it like it was an illusion or something. Anyway, I saw another bus do another thing, and it was like the upr deck just suddenly had wheels and drove over the top back onto the top of the bus and merged back with it, or something. Weird. Anyway, I was going somewhere with a friend (who I don't recognise no I've woken up), but they had to leave or something.
I got there, and walked to where I was going. I think it was some kinda abandoned car park. Everything was dark and gloomy, real dark shades of grey, even he sky, and it was cold and everything was covered in water as though it had just been raining.
I went and stood by some fence on the other side, that had another carpark type thing on the other side, but under shelter. The fence was upto my waist and a mix between dark red and grey.
I got a phonecall, so I answered and it the person said something along these lines.
"I really miss you Charlotte. I always loved you, and always will. You are the reason we broke up, and I'm just trying to distact myself from you, but you are always the one I want. I hope we could at least get together as friends sometime, it would be nice to talk."
I just kinda stammered "I... I don't know..." and put the phone down (well ended the call since it was a mobile.) I stood leant against the fence hugging myself and it was raining a little.
((The person on the phone, it was Mike. As in, not Mikey from choir, but Yoshie... and that kinda scares me a little, since he kinda scares me. I'm glad we don't talk anymore. Well, that's who I think it is. It might have been Anto. Or maybe an amalgimation of the two. Who knows. I can't remember who I thought it was in th dream.))
Next I saw someone walking up to me, but I just kinda looked away and held myself tighter, feeling cold and lonely. Turns out to be Rik, who comes over to me and asks if I' ok. He hugs me and shows me how to get into the shelter I was stood next to, which I thought was blocked off by the fence.
So, he was holding me to try and keep me warm, and said why don't we have a game of 40k while we were there? So I said "Ok..." and we started setting it up. Then I got a text saying "I've realised I made a stupid mistake and wish I could have you back. I would do everything possible to see you. But, I can see you're with someone else, and I'm sure you're happy with them. That's all I can ask for you, so I'll leave you alone." I started crying so Rik was looking after me and making sure I was ok etc., getting blankets and stuff to keep me warm and things. He took me to the other side of the car park and we stood looking at the vast water and it smelled of the ocean, and looking at it upset me even more.
It was almost black, with white reflecting off it, as though it were the moon or stars, but in the sky it was cloudy and there weren't any stars or moon so I don't know where that was reflected from. And, I just stared at it kind of in a state of shock and upset whilst Rik held me.
So, I kind of get most of the dream, even the fence and two carparks, the bridges with the buses and shit, who the text is off, why I was so upset by the ocean, but I'm not gonna bother explaining it.
And, Rik. I miss him. Kind of stupid, really. He lives across the road, but I miss him. Well, I never see him IRL anymore, and I wish I did. I should probably go visit him sometime. I'm just stupid and worry that I'll be bothering him v.v. And, online, whenever he's on, he's usually set to "busy" with his college work, so I don't like to talk to him because I know he always has loads, more even than I had when I still did French (but then again my subjects all involve lots of practical things like performing whereas he has lots of essays and stuff to do).
Yesterday, I happened to be on Haunting echoes, a forum I joined a while back to RP with him. So I was looking at his profile and read some of his old blogs, like just before Christmas, and remembered just how much he hates college. He wished that he hadn't changed schools because all his real friends are at other schools, and his "friends" from college are all dicks. And then I read this: "Anyway I have two years before all of my friends go off to University, and they're all going to different ones, some to Scotland, some to London and others to other places away from me." Maybe. Maybe it's not me he's talking about there. But, my first choice of uni is in Scotland, and he knows this. So even though this was from November, and it might not be me he's talking about, it does make me feel bad that I haven't been talking to him much, and pretty much neglected our friendship, especially since I know what a tough time he's going through at college.
Hm, I think I'll get all my work finishd off today and go see him tomorrow.
I have more to write but I think this entry is long enough, and I need to get ready to go to grannys for lunch now.
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