Date: Jun 19th, 2005 6:08:24 pm - Subscribe
Mood: isolated

yea. so its fathersday. i was up late last night hanging out with my friends and then even later with my best friend who just got back from his family vacation. yeah so i fell asleep around 2 AM and i had to be at work at 8 in the morning. so i tried getting up at 7 but slept in til 7:40. not that great of a morning. so work went by pretty fast. i was texting my friend matt cuz we were gonna try to hang out later after the whole fathers day stuff was over. so he said he was going out to dinner and then to a movie with his dad. so when i got off of work i went to my dads house and sat around for about 30 minutes, i don't really wantto get into it, so blah happened and we went out to dinner then back home. then i called matt and it sounded like we could do somthing so i drove home to my moms house (where i live) and called him to see how things were going. and somehow during the 10 minute drive from my dads to my moms he got grounded. and his mom didn't even give him a reason. its so stupid. i have freakin band camp tomorrow. don't want to go. why does everything have to suck for me?? i hate it here so much. i have nothing. i have no clue what to do right now. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! that helps some.

whatever. i'm not in the mood for anything.
Comments: (3)

Date: May 16th, 2005 10:53:01 pm - Subscribe
Mood: spiritual

hey, so i've been really busy. a lot has happened but i dn't want to get into it, but it is good. these past few weeks have made all of my relationships stronger. i haven't seen my dad in a while for stupid reason; most of them cuz i'm a stupid teenager. and i realized i really miss him, i'm going to go over there sometime when school gets out

so prom was fun. thats pretty much it. i don't remember much and i didn't drink anything. yeah, so alcohol is stupid. i thought it was cool but it is really stupid. and a lot of people are stupid, if you give alcohol to stupid people something stupid is going to happen cuz there is twice normal amount of stupid. if you drink please don't drive. it'll really piss me off.

so graduation is this thursday. i can't wait until my brother moves out... only 3 more weeks! i honestly don't think i'll miss him. so there are going to be a lot of parties (graduation parties, nice clean non-alcoholic fun w/ parents and such) my brothers is this saturday, matts staying over friday night after a different party for 3 different people.

so star wars comes out thursday morning, i have tickets for 12:01 AM. i can't wait. its going to be awesome. i'm going to put everything aside and not let anything ruin my day, not many of my days have been ruined lately so i think i'll be ok.

so i've gotten closer to God. hes awesome but b4 when people would talk about God i would get annoyed, so if you are annoyed you should really try it. if that made sense... ok, so i think i would get annoyed because i was jealous. again it may not make sense.

but its pretty late so i'm going to go to bed. good night.

side note: the mood thing, for the most part, happens to be set on how i am feeling. itsn't that weird.
Comments: (1)

Earth day!
Date: Apr 21st, 2005 6:24:00 pm - Subscribe
Mood: mature

so tomorrow is earth day so matt and i walked to school. on the way home we stopped at publix and got a small pizza and some ice cream and went to his house and watched part of season 6 friends. it was a lot of fun.

tomorrow night i'm hoping to go to University (aka University High School), (a high school near ours) with a big group of friends to see their school musical, every year theirs is amazing. the set and the acting are super cool, you can tell they've spent a lot of time on it. haha, its kinda sad that i don't even know what the play is called... oh well, it'll be fun happy.gif

so only 10 more days until the current seniors get out of school. that will make my class the oldest their, its gonna be great... but i have so many senior friends that are gonna leave. summer sure won't be the same. i'm going to miss them so much and for most of them it wasn't until this year i really got to know them. so prom is going to rock. i'm taking nicole (fey fey) she is so perfect and shes helped me through every little problem, i don't know what next year will be like without her.

so i'm gonna make these last ten days the best ever. graduation is may 19, my bros turn... i don't really know what i think about him leaving and going to UF... kinda happy that he won't be here anymore to fight with... its not that often either of us see each other anyway.

i have an A.P. test coming up... the great Orange County School System can't find a place for us to take it so it looks like we're gonna be taking it at school, that ruins the AP experience cry.gif

today felt like friday, tomorrow is gonna suck. all of you people here are pretty cool. c ya
Comments: (3)

Date: Apr 18th, 2005 8:24:57 pm - Subscribe
Mood: warm

so relay for life was awesome. i was stupid around 1 AM and let my negative emotions take over... but in the end me and Matt grew closer that night. I'll explain- so he was talking about this other kid Matt that he knew from Destin. So at that i kinda was sad that while he was with me he couldn't stop talking about him... well it wasnn't that much. he said they were in boy scouts and what not.

so after a while i didn't really want t obe around people so i went and laid down. he kept walking so after a little bit i gathered my thoughts and went and found him. he was up on the bleachers so i went up there and it took a while for me to get it out, i had an almost-crying feeling. -we established that i saw myslef as a "secondary friend" but he assured me other wise. It was a great conversation then the night kept going and it was cold so i kinda stuck close to him, for warmth of course, wink.gif . So the night ended with us leaving at 5:45 in the morning. we went to '5 and diner' for breakfast, it wasn't that good...

the next day i really wanted to hang out but i didn't really want to do anything. we decided we were gonna go rent a game after wboth of us ate dinner with our families. so there was this big misunderstanding thanks to text messages and we tried talking online but i got kicked off so he thought i was avoiding him so he drove all the way over here.

when i got kicked off and finally got back on he had signed off. i sat there for a little while then decided to go outside, when i just stepped outside he pulled up, it was kinda like i could sense him coming... kinda cool.

so he wanted to know what was wrong with me and i really couldn't think of anything to say. it was kinda sad, i must have looked really stupid, i sure felt it.

so after a few moments of standing in silence he said he was just gonna go so he left and i went back inside. after a few minutes i decided to go on a walk but when i was out there i saw his car turn around and came back... he got out of his car and said h wasn't leaving until everything was resolved... so somehow we managed to talk about stuff. i was expecting way too much and everytime something went wrong or didn't happen i would always feel bad and that would make him feel bad.

so i realized, he drove all the way over to my house to see me and talk to me that night so i didn't have anything to worry about... with him not caring about me.

so everything is going great now... ha, today i told him if he died i'd name one of my kid after him. he said if i died he wouldn't cuz it would mess up the system of his way of naming children so he wouldn't name one after me... it was a weird conversation... i have no clue how it started. but it came up every now and then during the day and i think i kinda made him think about it some. i don't really care, i'll be dead and if i'm alive i won't have to worry about it, it would be a waste of worrying.

so thats about all i'm feeling emo over. earthday is coming up, we're walking to school. i'm excited. be happy!
Comments: (1)

A.P. Test and then some...
Date: Apr 14th, 2005 8:20:08 pm - Subscribe
Mood: discarded

Today was pretty cool. I took my very first A.P. test- it was only a practice though. It wasn't that bad, kinda hard. I don't think I passed but I have eleven days until the real one, which I am hoping to pass (I guess that isn't necessary for me to say, I don't think that many people want to fail an A.P. test).

My best friends from last year were testing in the same class room as I. Not much fun for the first part, and seeing they haven't talked to me since halfway through summer I shouldn't have expected anything to happen. I was right, it wasn't even that awkward. We both just minded our own business. Something funny though, the window was open and everyone in the room could hear Amy scream from outside, Amy is so cool.

After school I had Key Club elections, the plan was Matt and I were to become President and Vice President, seeing I just finished a 3 hour test I wasn't all too enthusiastic in my speech, so pretty much they kicked our butts and we got 2 votes each. One from each other and one from Jenn.

So after the Key Club meeting Matt and I went to his house to make brownies for a Relay for Life bake sale for Service Learning. We made 2 batches and seeing it took about 40 minutes for them to cook we had a lot of down time. We did dishes, it sounds weird but it was fun, and cleaned up his kitchen. On his table there was a small stack of pictures so I looked through them and I asked him who the people were. There was this one picture of a group and in this group was a child Matt's age at the time, I asked him who it was and he said it was "he is my... (pause) one of my close friends." So what do you interpret the pause as? What was he going to say?

I've heard of this other kid before. They are going to Destin for a week over summer. So what I feel is I'm not all that important and I'm just here until he can get away to see this other kid. But I don't think I should be. Matt is one of the closest friends I have ever had my whole life, dare I say Best Friend? But I feel I'm just setting myself up for defeat because this other kid just isn't living here, other wise they'd be buddies. This may sound cheesey but I don't want to have a best friend who doesn't mutually feel the same way.

Though a good thing, back over the Martin Luther King Jr. Day break I went with him and his family to Destin and he was talking about this kid saying he is his "best friend, besides me." I don't know what to think. I just know I'll get hurt if he doesn't feel the same way. It's obvious I consider him to be my best friend, but I don't want to be the "spare" who he can forget about when the other kid comes calling.

I don't want to go to school tomorrow, especially after writing and thinking about all of this. Tomorrow is Relay for Life, I don't have a reason to go so I think I'm just gonna skip it, I won't be able to spend the night and that's the only think I've been looking forward to.

Comments: (1)

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