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crowsblood
I\'m Just Too Unreal.
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| I told you I'd tell you more about my weekend, but it's much too complicated. So many things happened all at once. I just won't. I don't think anybody will mind, much less care. All you really need to know is listed in the entry below. It was a wedding/family reunion, what else is there to say? I suppose I'll write about my feelings, since that is what I do best when dealing with blogs. A few days ago, I cut my elbow, just to watch it bleed. I forced myself for so long to not do it, and I did it. On the surface of my mind, I did it to see if I could go deeper than I could before, to see if I was strong enough to overcome the physical pain more than I could before, just out of curiousity. Deeper, I think I've started again. It's my feelings, too. I'm seeing the world the way I saw it before, and it's scaring me, and yet, I want to slip deeper. Why can't I just be happy? Why am I so twisted? Why can't I see things normally? Am I so blind, or do I see too much? I think my fantasies are getting a hold of me, and making me so anxious. It's hurting me. I even shake sometimes. I'll stop. I'm scaring you, aren't I? I hope it wasn't too visual. This is, after all, only a scraping of what I really feel. I haven't even begun to tell you, let alone what my "fantasies" are. I need to wake up. |
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crowsblood
Don\'t Say I\'m Out-Of-Touch
Feb 1st, 2005 10:18:25 pm - Subscribe
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| I feel a little better today, but my feelings are still there, as well as my situation. I just wish I could accept reality, as well as all the pain and anger life has to offer. I know life is unfair, but why do I seem to get less (or more . .) than everyone else? I feel so inferior to everyone, in all areas. I know, I'm disgustingly weak. I can't find my book for school. I'm pretty sure it's at my dad's, but he said he searched through my room and couldn't find it. Well, it definitely isn't here. I think it might have fell from my binder and I lost it somewhere at school. I hope not. I so hope not. I'd hate to have to pay a fine, as well as not be able to keep up with the class and get a terrible grade. Oh, please, please, I need to find it! Let me find it! Other than my feelings, frets and frustrations, I'm pretty much empty on events. I found out my friend Megan is moving to Oregon, just like my other friend. Why Oregon? I was just beginning to become better friends with her. Why now? I wish I could find a friend that would stay with me, and that would have a warped reality as I do. You can't communicate with people correctly where you're so out-of-touch. I would explain myself, but my situation is so bizarre that I would be laughed at, or thought childish. No . . |
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crowsblood
Wishing
Feb 8th, 2005 6:45:13 pm - Subscribe
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| I'm such a bad person. I'm so lazy and hard to live with. It would be better if I didn't exist. I wish I were perfect, then I'd never make anyone angry. I wouldn't hurt myself as much. |
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crowsblood
AIM Works Again!
Feb 9th, 2005 2:07:15 am - Subscribe
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| W00T! I got my AOL Instant Messenger to work! I'm so flippin' happy! Feel free to chat with me if I'm on. My username is:: Obviously, it has something to do with crows. Well, off to bed. |
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crowsblood
Look! A Quiz!
Feb 11th, 2005 11:14:22 pm - Subscribe
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 You are a CYNICAL VIRGIN. What Kind of Virgin Are You? brought to you by Quizilla Well, ya'. I had nothing better than to take this quiz, OK? Nothing! . . . I wish Shipper and/or Kitsune was on AIM. Get on! Nooow! I'm currently trying to find a specific picture in Kitsune's Deviantart Favorites. XP |