crowsblood's Blog

I\'m Just Too Unreal.
Date: Feb 1st, 2005 3:22:59 am - Subscribe
Mood: unreal


I told you I'd tell you more about my weekend, but it's much too complicated. So many things happened all at once. I just won't. I don't think anybody will mind, much less care. All you really need to know is listed in the entry below. It was a wedding/family reunion, what else is there to say?

I suppose I'll write about my feelings, since that is what I do best when dealing with blogs. A few days ago, I cut my elbow, just to watch it bleed. I forced myself for so long to not do it, and I did it. On the surface of my mind, I did it to see if I could go deeper than I could before, to see if I was strong enough to overcome the physical pain more than I could before, just out of curiousity. Deeper, I think I've started again. It's my feelings, too. I'm seeing the world the way I saw it before, and it's scaring me, and yet, I want to slip deeper.

Why can't I just be happy? Why am I so twisted? Why can't I see things normally? Am I so blind, or do I see too much?

I think my fantasies are getting a hold of me, and making me so anxious. It's hurting me. I even shake sometimes.

I'll stop. I'm scaring you, aren't I? I hope it wasn't too visual. This is, after all, only a scraping of what I really feel. I haven't even begun to tell you, let alone what my "fantasies" are. I need to wake up.

Comments: (1)

chibiheartdragon - February 01st, 2005 *huggle* Meep.. you did scare me. =O

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