escape
Date: Aug 14th, 2007 7:55:31 am - Subscribe
Mood: vulnerable
listening to: nothing.
don't you wish you could just run away from your life when you thought nothing could possibly make it better? i know i do...i also wish i was older. being 15, im completely helpless. i can't drive myself or make my own decisions, and i'm trapped in a situation i can't escape from. or change. for now all i can do is smile and laugh and pretend nothing about me is different. and pretend i don't give a shit that my closest friends know how bad things are at home for me, but aren't there to listen when my world is spinning out of control. i'm scared and helpless.
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bored out of my mothereffing mind
Date: Jun 30th, 2006 11:19:05 pm - Subscribe
Mood: ill
listening to: Girl-Beck
im stuck at home on a friday, my first day without water polo in like a million years because i feel like shiiiit. its SO much fun! so i've spent the whole day reading james frey's a million little pieces which has taken me months to freaaking pick up and read. i feel like it's been forever since i've seen any of my friends, which SUCKS!! and i want my summer to start being more eventful!
116 pounds mothafuckaas =]
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HATEtraveling
Date: Dec 26th, 2005 7:35:13 pm - Subscribe
Mood: mad
listening to: The Mix Tape-Jack\'s Mannequin
okay so i had to spend four days in cold, miserable Georgia and it was actually pretty fun, but the traveling KILLED me.
on the plane ride there my family didnt even get to sit together.
i had to sit next to a guy with tatoos and rings and necklaces and slicked back hair who looked like he was in a gang. i couldn't fall asleep because i was SURE he would kill me. i was like pushing the lady next to me out of her seat because i was trying to stay away from him.
and the people in the row in me would NOT stop talking and the lady had the most annoying laugh i've ever heard. she sounded like my idea of a unicorn neighing. you can beg to differ what that sounds like but you get the idea.
so the trip itself wasn't that bad. i got to go the Georgia Aquarium and pet sting rays and stuff like that. it was really cool, I wish i had taken my camera along.
i learned how to play darts, which (along with pool) became my best friends. i played in the basement the whole time which resembled Eric Foreman's basement on That 70's Show. Pretty fun.
The trip back was the worst part because we had to fly up to Chicago before coming back down to Orange County. The flights were long and turbulent, and there were so many screaming kids that I wanted to scream myself. We got into Orange County at like midnight and it took forever to get our bags. We got all of them, except mine of course which had to get lost with 2000 dollars worth of stuff in it: skateboard, brand new digital camera, all my MAC makeup(no big loss) and a bunch of clothes i dont really care about anyways. i just hope i get it back, because that was the COOLEST camera i have ever owned. it has 12x zoom, and it's just great. Sooo today I'm sitting at home waiting for the airline to call.
TRAVELING BITES.
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popularity blows
Date: Dec 2nd, 2005 12:53:43 am - Subscribe
Mood: anti-popular
listening to: Where Is My Mind?-Pixies
for a lot of my friends being popular is like their life dream, but i didnt realize until today that i don't want to be popular.
all the people i used to hang out with hang out at like the lunch tables and stuff at our school, but for some reason i prefer hanging out behind the gym. according to most people, this is where the "losers" hang out, but they don't really know us.
we're the kids that could be popular in half a second, but it just doesn't appeal to us. i mean, people look up to the popularsss because they all drink and do drugs and stuff, but that's all.
i was talking to this girl i don't know very well, but that hangs out with the same people as i do, and we saw a big group of people moving towards where we hang out. and then she said "great...now all those hoity-toyty kids are gonna come over here"
and i don't know why, but for some reason that made it like sooo clear to me why i dont want to be popular. it's like super hard to explain but it's been like killing me to understand why i left behind popularity, and now i know.
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bad day you could say
Date: Nov 18th, 2005 1:06:54 am - Subscribe
Mood: insecure
listening to: Forget December-Something Corporate
well, i was starting to think that everything had worked. my whole starting-over-making-new-friends plan. i thought the people i was hanging out with really liked me.
but i guess i was wrong. in the last 72 hours ive been told to my face that im annoying. another person told me i was so mean no wonder i had no friends.
i know these things arent true about me but when people say it i start to believe them...im just so insecure.
so now im thinking i should start over again, maybe a little less confident (note to self:confidence can be mistaken for annoying-ness) i just wish it was easier. people that i thought liked me turn out to hate me 
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