sick again
Date: Oct 7th, 2009 3:14:06 am - Subscribe
I'm feeling sick again..feel feverish, feel like throwing up..don't know what's wrong with me and don't give a fuck. In fact I'm better of sick and alone. Who gives a fuck anyway?
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one liner
Date: Jul 15th, 2009 10:25:33 pm - Subscribe
Mood: happy
Sometimes you make my heart swell with happiness; and sometimes you crush it into a zillion pieces.
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Take away all the rest
Date: Jul 15th, 2009 2:53:49 am - Subscribe
He's mine. Take away all the rest. I don't care. Without him they mean nothing to me.
There's no difference between this world and hell to me if he is not here. There's no difference between life and death to me if he is not here.
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Unknown song
Date: May 20th, 2009 9:19:49 pm - Subscribe
Mood: musical
Teri haar jhalak mein dikhe woh rab
Tere nam ko hi dua kahe
Teri haar jhalak mein dikhe woh rab
Tere nam ko hi dua kahe
Tu pohach gaya mere ruhu tak
Ab tujhse kaise juda rahe?
Ek imtiha aise makam
Jo har kisiko mila nahi
Kaise kare isko bayan?
Is dastan ki zuba nahi
Kehte hum ishq ha yehi
Chahe ise tu saza kahe
Tu pohach gaya mere ruhu tak
Is kaise tujhse karhe?
Ab tujhse kaise juda rahe?
Is kaise tujhse juda karhe?
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Nsuers protest
Date: May 10th, 2009 2:28:12 am - Subscribe
Even though most of the departments are on spring break, a number of students, mostly from our department (though not so huge by nsu standards) gathered in front of the administration building in this scorching heat to protest against the raising of tuition fee.
I got the wind of the news yesterday online from a friend of mine from junior batch. I was hoping though quite hopelessly that the classes won't take place. I had a quiz I didn't prepare for and had no intention of preparing, and more over I hated the at-a-stretch-classes that occurs during Sundays and Mondays.
So my wish did come true but the joy of it was almost marred by the fact that I had to forfeit one night's sleep (as I couldn't sleep last night well enough-I had to stay awake to print out hand outs for another quiz, then when I went to bed our IPS went out; you can imagine trying in vain to sleep in that hot, humid night).
Anyways at the uni I had to endure one hr torment of that khaat sir's lecture of GMP. On the next class sir announced the post postponement of the quiz due to lack of attendance. The next class was canceled by the reluctance of the student to do the class. Sigh!
Thank God at least I could find my car when leaving the campus since the main road was blocked by the students. I'm just sulking cause I had to waste my 200 bucks at kfc (which was good) but I'd no money left to get my phone credits and dad's not gonna return so soon to refill my account.
Anyhow I hope at least the protest serves its cause and the administration decide on not increasing the tuition fee. I'm not very hopeful though, just cause they listened to the students last time doesn't mean they will do it gain and this time the increment is only by 500. Let's just keep our fingers crossed for now and hope for the best.
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should have
Date: Apr 19th, 2009 7:24:18 am - Subscribe
Mood: resentful
I've never felt or known such emptiness, such excruciating pain in my entire life.
You should have left me broken instead of breaking me all over again, God. 
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salvation
Date: Apr 15th, 2009 12:26:59 pm - Subscribe
Mood: tormented
They say You're the most Merciful, if You truly are that then You wouldn't be so merciless upon me, You can't be...right?
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ur voice
Date: Mar 3rd, 2009 12:16:09 pm - Subscribe
Mood: grieving
I fell asleep last night..was too tired to wait for 12 o' clock & I dreamt of you, to be more precise of your voice.
You called me when I was asleep telling me to come online. I felt so happy hearing your voice. I was glad realizing you missed me enough to call me. But then my sleep broke off & it only took me minutes to figure out that I was just dreaming..it was only a figment of my imagination of what my heart desired.
Even though I was disappointed I was glad, almost grateful to Allah for fulfilling my wish at least in my dream if not in reality.
Did I ever tell you that you have the most wonderful voice in the world? I could go on listening to it forever without being the least bored. When you speak it's as if my heart sings, soars towards you.
I really do miss listening to your voice. But I know I wont ever tell you that..what strong effects your little traits hold over me. You'll never know of my yearnings, & of my pain.
I spent the entire morning missing you, crying for you. I wanted to talk to you so badly, it took me all my strength not to just call you up myself. I have been getting this weird vibe since morning that for some reason you are upset & it isn't the first time it happened. I am usually good at predicting your moodswings & it leaves me feeling helpless that I can't do anything to make you feel better. I was torn apart between wanting to be there for you & trying to keep myself away from you. You are not healthy for me, and I realized it's not probably me who can make your blues go away, esp not when I myself was having such a blue day.Still I couldn't let you feel the way I do whenever I got upset, like there's no one you can turn to...I had to let you know-you'll always have me, so I left you that message as subtly as possible afraid you'd push me away if you figured that despite your warnings I'd gotten emotional over you again. I'm praying my message didn't give too much away.
I wanted to text you something else too..it's sort of a few lines that were humming inside my head when I was missing you, but I realized it would be too much obvious. May be I'll say it to you someday while we're talking, when you're in a less guarded mood. For now I'll just write it down here:
if wishes were dreams
and dreams came true
if only right now
i could be with you...
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Yearnings
Date: Mar 2nd, 2009 2:24:16 pm - Subscribe
Mood: broken
Who do I reach out to
in my time of despair?
Where am I gonna go from here?
When I've got
No one to turn to
No where to go to...
Wish I knew God was listening to my prayer
even if only for this one last time
Wish He were there for me
just like He's there for everyone
Wish I didn't have to bear this alone..
Wish I didn't have to go through this at all
I've given up..
tired...
tired of these tears that won't stop flowing
tired of this pain that won't subside
tired of this heart that won't heal
tired of this life of eternal solitude
Wish I had the antidote to my misery
Wish I knew the charm to break this cursed spell of life
Wish I had you here by my side
Will I ever find peace
in my forever restless heart?
Will I ever tread on a path
not filled with the broken pieces of my heart?
Will I ever be touched by the Cupid with an arrow that's unbroken?
Will fate ever let me be your bride
and find my happily ever after?
That's all my heart writhes for in agony
To be with you forever
That's all is gonna take
to make it all go away
to make it not just all right
but to make it perfect.
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RJ/MJ
Date: Feb 27th, 2009 5:53:47 am - Subscribe
Mood: skeptical
Juliet can't live without Romeo...how can I then live without u?
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Lost
Date: Jan 31st, 2009 5:55:00 am - Subscribe
Mood: meesed up
I'm engulfed by this feeling that I've lost everything, and I wonder how did I lose it all? Where has all the good things in my life gone? Where has my life gone? I'd thoughts of death swirling in my head. I tried to push them away telling this will be over, but I'm just so tired of feeling this way. I don't have an armor shield to protect myself from this feeling, to fight it away. It brings me down & takes me own to the bottom. I don't want to feel this way. I wish this day were over. I wish I could fast forward this day. I wish I were in another world, in another place & time, as someone else. I want to believe everything will be all right, and tomorrow will e different, but I don't have the faith *& tomorrow never really comes in my life; everyday stays exactly the same. I'd never asked too much from this life, why does this life expect so much out of me? Why is this happening to me? I don't even want to know that, I just want to be ok, I just don't want to feel this way. Help me Lord.
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Godforsaken
Date: Dec 27th, 2008 8:25:01 am - Subscribe
Mood: hopeless
I wish I never existed. I'm still so dreadfully miserable. Everything's wrong; everything's out of control. I wish I could turn things around, I wish I could make everything all right!
I feel so left alone, so betrayed by my own life. I can't stand this life anymore. I'm tired of feeling this way 24/7. I do everything to forget it, but I can't make it go away. Everything keeps coming back to me. And it keeps me bringing me down. I don't even have anyone to reach out to. Everyone's gone, everything's over!
I don't know why it always happens to me. Do I expect too much from life? I don't. Then why does this life expect so much out of me always? Why does God take away everything from me, everything that matters to me?
I'm tired of losing. I'm tired of feeling this pain. I'm tired of fighting this pain. I'm tired of living this godforsaken life. I can't anymore.
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Online traits I hate
Date: Nov 21st, 2008 11:33:55 am - Subscribe
Mood: okay
1. Random people adding me.
2. People who says brb but actually never returns.
3. People who doesn't have the courtesy of replying to a simple "hi".
4. People who leaves in the middle of a conversation. Again, this is rude unless u have a really good excuse!
5. People who multichats.(more than 2)
6. People who takes 5mins or more to reply u back!
7. People who uses monosyllable words to every single chat line.
8. People who uses "lol" in every single chat line!
9. People who signs off without saying goodbye. Is it that hard to type a 3letter word???
10. People who keeps sending unlimited nudges.
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Of Lies & Liars
Date: Oct 30th, 2008 10:30:17 am - Subscribe
Mood: alright
Lies lately I’ve been thinking a lot about this 4 letter word, seeing how lies & deceptions fill my surrounding. These days, people aren’t just double-faced but there are multifaceted people who camouflage themselves underneath mask of being decent & nice.
Superficially, everybody is the same & almost flawless; only after spending quite sometime with an individual does one get a peek on his dark side & suddenly we feel the person has transformed. It makes us wonder if this person was the same person we knew, trusted.
I believe in giving people second chances. I guess my most short-coming is that I believe in the good side of people too much. Everyone knows no one’s is perfect- not you or me. May be I tend to overlook a bit too much. I don’t know.
I’ve always lived my following this one rule- treat people the way they treat you. I think it’s the most right way to justify how others treat you. I can be the nicest person and then again be the as cold as the harsh winter to the same person depending how the other person in question treats me. But there are also exceptions about those who mean a lot to us, and things don’t work out the way we imagined or planned. I’ve seen it- people taking advantage of somebody’s trust. They exploit it, abuse it and break that trust completely without realizing what the person who trusted you would go through once they get to know the truth. And the most unfortunate thing is when we have known a person long enough to know when they are lying or hiding something from us.
Somehow if that happens to me, I usually find out the truth one way or another. I don’t know if it’s God’s will or what, some may call it a gift, but sometimes I wish I were foolish enough to be ignorant of the lies people feed me than to come to the realization that those I’ve trusted never valued my trust. It’s disrespectful and not to mention painful. I can stand hearing an unwanted truth, but I can’t stand hearing the lies. I’d prefer knowing the truth from the person in concern than from any other source. That’s when it hurts and it hurts me a lot probably because when I trust someone I do it with all my heart and I remain honest to that individual on my part.
Trust and honesty are intertwined to each other and in some cases due to lack of honesty trust becomes very fragile. It’s like virginity, if once lost, it’s all gone! And I don’t believe confrontations can help to revive the trust that’s lost; it only deteriorates what is already worse. I can never make someone feel disrespectful because of what they might have done to me. That’s just not me. So I remain numb. It has become like a game for me, a game I wish people would quit playing. I’ve been there down that road God only knows how many times and I’m tired.
Is expecting someone to be honest too much to ask for?
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everydays
Date: Jul 1st, 2008 10:30:40 am - Subscribe
Mood: cursed
I can't get any sleep in the nights!
Last night I was awoke the whole night listening to radio. Than finally Id to take an antihistamine to doze off..practically spent half the day sleeping in the morning!
Then I get to watch tv, though I fabulously hate this activity. I avoid this pc as much as possible trying not to log onto fb!
Than my eating frenzy starts from the late afternoon..I eat anything except the healthy stuffs mom advices me too. I won't be surprised if I get more skinnier than I already am within a few weeks and I already got dark circles in my eyes from my nocturnal insomnia
Ya. I look horrible and I feel infinite times more horrible inside.
I wonder if I did ask for too much in this life. Or if I'd done a lot of bad deeds in this life for which I'm being punished this way.
God help me!Plz 
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Crystal Ball
Date: Jun 21st, 2008 5:10:56 pm - Subscribe
Mood: all right
Something I can relate to:
The Crystal Ball
Who is the man I see
Where I'm supposed to be?
I lost my heart, I buried it too deep
Under the iron sea
Oh, crystal ball, crystal ball
Save us all, tell me life is beautiful
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Lines ever more unclear
Not sure I'm even here
The more I look the more I think that I'm
Starting to disappear
Oh, crystal ball, crystal ball
Save us all, tell me life is beautiful
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Oh, crystal ball, hear my song
I'm fading out, everything I know is wrong
So put me where I belong
I don't know where I am
And I don't really care
I look myself in the eye
There's no-one there
I fall upon the earth
I call upon the air
But all I get is the same old vacant stare
Oh, crystal ball, crystal ball
Save us all, tell me life is beautiful
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Oh, crystal ball, hear my song
I'm fading out, everything I know is wrong
So put me where I belong
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Transformed
Date: Jun 20th, 2008 5:53:50 pm - Subscribe
Mood: all right
Sigh! Today I discovered a change within me...a change that is not so good.
I was out today..after a long time, and that's because I had been busy with my uni stuffs and also partly because lately I had turned in to more of an antisocial person!
There was a time I used to enjoy going out. (I know unlike most girls I'm not a shopoholic & I've always pride myself in that), still I used to like just by hanging out on those malls, even it was only with my shopoholic mom.
I used to enjoy eating out.
I used to enjoy watching a good movie.
I used to consider these little sources of enjoyment as happiness.
But lately doing these activities does not give me the slightest feeling of happiness. Forget happiness, they don't even make me feek good.
As more days pass by I'm getting more and more detached to my interests, & even from my family. And the worst part is that I'm not even scared or regretful by this new transformation of me.
I feel like I'm turning into a human-robot day by day.
Perhaps it's not so bad...at least this way, I won't be hurt anymore.
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last wish
Date: Jun 12th, 2008 4:19:44 pm - Subscribe
Mood: destroyed
I want to die so much.
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THings I need to abstain from:
Date: Jun 9th, 2008 11:27:29 am - Subscribe
1. Facebook
2. Instant messaging
3. The one person I've come to love.
toughie
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chai na
Date: Jun 4th, 2008 2:13:39 pm - Subscribe
Allah ato koshto er shojjo hoyna. Amake tumi tule nao.Ami er parchina Allah!
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