Well, next blogging i'll tell you something about my goddamn story.
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It's a goddamn evening. i feel so alone but old james on yahoo messenger makes me swell. We talked about the game i played called valkyrie profile slimeria. It was really good and all. It made me feel home. But hell, i wonder if old james is one of the phony i met? You know sometimes people appear to be fine but they're a bunch of phonies like the friends i met before. They said they will be here for me and all but they werent here at all. After all, i dont really know, maybe i'm just thankful about that guy. Well we need to be grateful sometimes. Well, next blogging i'll tell you something about my goddamn story.
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This stupid man. Don-chan is back and i was shocked when he phoned me 2 days ago and he begs for forgiveness for the mistake he did to me and i forgot it really. Don-chan's is my 2nd high school first love and he knows me very well. He asked me if he can come over at my house and stuff like that. But i hesitate because he is a stupid guy, i hate him. But after that day, my siblings were off the house and i was tempted to bring let him come over at my house because we will have some space here. Then we met in the mall near our place. He's fatter and taller than he was before and he said that i'm having alot of pimples. Oh so sad life. And so were at home and i dont know what to do. I'm not like before who used to be shy around him, i dont know. T_T And then i asked him, "did you bring the memory card?" And he replied, " Yeah, youi can copy my files." Like he's proving that that's the reason why'd he came over here. I know he's such a stupid guy with bad intentions. I hate him, but he's important to me. ANd silence dwells the place we were right now. ANd he throw an arm behind my back, holding my left shoulder and all. I was draw so close to him. ANd me, i dont feel any "home" anymore. I don't trust this bastard, that's whas playing behind my mind. And he's trying to kiss me. I allowed him but i had no feelings. But when his eyes met mine. I felt "home" atlast. Like it was a long time, no i mean it was really a long time, around six years ago.... He then said that he's unlike my first boyfriend, he'll always be here for me because were friends... friends with bennefits? Hm... it does not impress me the hell. Then i know that as the moment with him grows, it's the same as his two horn shows. Like he's revealing his devilish intention. And he's trying to make me... And i was just, "okay, monster there are limitations one wrong move then your down!" He's a big guy, around 5'11 and i'm just 5'4. I tried to push him away but he keeps on touching. And he said he wants to do the things we do before... phew, don't get hot. I said to him that girl already died. I'm not the same before. I know myself more and i can control myself and i know when will i give in., unlike before, there was another person who lived inside me and "she" takes over when "she" wants to do her thing. She's dead--- for good because she will just kill me. ANd he keeps on kissing and my thoughts keep playing. It seems like a dream i want it forever but i know sooner or later he'll leave and will come back next year or i dont know. What a stupid guy. "i cant be there with you always," thats what he said. He explained that he is not ready for commitment because he's busy with school things. He wants to be a goddamn lawyer and he's currently taking political science. He want to make his father proud. I don't believe his shits. I remember what my ex bf said bfore that when guys said those things it means that you're not enough with him...physically. Like hell i know he wants more beautiful girl and i dont want to do him because he is important. so i keep on insisting. I hate him for that. I want to crush him but i end up laughing at him because he's making funny face. Even though he's forcing me? Rape anyone? Oh my and then i felt like i'm battling a big bear. haha. Then i suddenly acted, that i want to do what he like. then i his hand were off me and i run away. haha. And laughing at him, "man what a freak!" He said he wants to do it again because it was his first time with me. And i said go away, I' not giving you a piece of me. ANd so, it was 2 hours of wrestling action with me resisting his hots for me. ANd then i recall those moments make me laugh--- i know it is bad, but he's an important guy for me so i end up laughing instead. "it's nice to smile for a while and be carefree" that's what he said. And i said at the back of my mind, "whatever buttler". Well i dont really knw that guy but i'm expecting for our friendship to bloom into something really good. Like hell, i know that happy moments will just turn out as personal memory to recall and as a story to write. When will he be with me forever? Well i dont care, he can fuck off somewhere, i will enjoy my life. I dont yearn for him anyomre. fatty bastard. just kidding nyahaha. so long astorias.... i hope we will succeed in our separate lives. |