abomination
Date: Aug 13th, 2009 6:21:57 am - Subscribe
Mood: pissy
i hate myself for allowing somethings to happen. Why does I let things go afar.
I pray to God that everything should be right.
But I was so dull, so lifeless at that moment, i wish I pushed him away. I wished I did my best to hate the evil. I disgust him. From now on I will, I will learn to hate.
Whatever form he may be, I will loathe him.
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Pleasures like how the worms and maggots feast on your body while your alive
Letting them decay your flesh and devour your catapult,
Why do you allow such little filthy creatures eat you alive
For they are so little
You can trample them
you can destroy them in an instant
more before they take a part of you
Are you numb or not aware?
But sure I know you can describe the pleasure
But sure I know the reasons why you are letting them take over you
Such little viles
Let them take your life?
abominations
You adore them
abominations, you adore them
FOr the sake of difference
a pray for a little rain
a lifetime gain?
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You can trample on them anytime you want
Hence you just let them do what they want
Or were you corrupted by an underground media?
Same sort, the things you read from an unknown delighted you
From then on, you carried it until you have grown old
By that influence, subliminal,
you take it with you
and never question how will it harm you when time comes
(Pleasures you know against another thing that delights you.
Confused,
confused,
and confused.
Accept that you are confuse and find the answer
let them take on the different branches
have you found it?)
A time comes to take off the blur
It clarified, it might changed your life
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Retirement and Isolation
Date: Apr 30th, 2009 1:31:48 am - Subscribe
Mood: squishy
Well I'm an artist and introvert and sometimes, I find it hard to cope up with the world outside.
As for now. I just graduated college. I took major in painting. I admit, my skills are not yet that good. I dont know if I could get a high paying job but then my boyfriend, he is also an artist earns dollars from taking commisions from other country. I asked him, If I got better, and developed my skills, could I earn a lot of money too? He says, "yes ofcourse." And so here I go, practicing and developing my skills as far as I could. But sometimes, I find myself all alone. Especially now, it is gonna be my first time to live without my parents. Well, my parents, they got to live in their new house tomorrow. So whats the deal?
Well, I'm not used to this, but I know I can. Someday...
Being an artist needs to be entrapped on your own world.
Someone says that an artist must not see the real world, for thus he creates his own.
Maybe he has his point. But there are certain fields that tackles about reality just like being a socialist, but in other means, in expressing the art, you need to make an out of this world thing. It must not be mundane, so that you can draw people towards you...
Well maybe for the first time, I'm going to face the fact that me, as an artist should go ahead and take my own path. Thinking of myself and only myself.
It maybe selfishness, but taking as a good form.
I just hope I could get to the right track...
Well there goes. Starting today, I'll stay at home, start to work on my portfolios. Coz, porfolios, brings you to life.
As for my dramatic title. I will retire, to the real world and isolate for my own good. I will create my own world, more beautiful, so beautiful that people will struggle to get drawn in my world.
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MY SCRET JUNK SPACE THAT NO ONE READS
Date: Apr 15th, 2009 4:15:05 am - Subscribe
Mood: philosophical
hey here ya go, how did ya end up being here in my secret JUNK SPACE?
Well I put my rants here and let it be lost in a space found somewhere in the internet.
This weird weird geek-geeky internet. You can't touch but you can see, powerful but it can't even hurt you physically. The internet interacts through the plasma TV. Oh yeah, I'm addicted to this thingy.
From now on I will never ever be affected on what others might think of me.
I'll just be myself. ( i had said this before but it turns out to be in a diff. level)
Yeah and so what if I just fucked your friend?
I did.
I admit it was wrong.
Yeah you may say that I am a filthy whore.
I don't really give a damn anymore.
It was the past.
I DON"T WANT TO DO IT AGAIN
And so you may wonder whats the reason behind all of that?
Maybe depression.
Maybe lack of words to describe myself.
Maybe insensitivity.
Maybe the low self esteem.
Maybe a mental disorder that I can easily cure by just understanding my self a little more.
I DONT WANT TO DO IT AGAIN
i dont want to be a fucking whore
Not just because I found Erick but for the sake of my betterment.
Instincts.
I remember my professor in psychology said that animals are not capable to love but rather than they have this instincts. Instinct to feed their springs. Instinct, like a cat being so sweet to its owner, so that the owner feed will the cat.
Animals are different from human beings.
Humans are capable to give love.
Animals have instincts.
Or shall I say the people without using their brain uses instinct most of the time.
Maybe it was my instinct to fuck.
But not ANYMORE!
FUCK!
I hate what I did/
I hate all the WRONG THINGS that i did.
I need to hate in order to love myself.
I just want to move forward.
I am forgetting everything......
I will embrace my new life.
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If there is someone that will pull you out from heaven who is he/ she?
well I don't want to say names but I
there is this certain person that I really like.
He's fun to talk to and he cares for me a lot.
He calls me all the time.
I think he's perfect for me.
Even if I lose friends, I will choose him.
Even if that guy and me alone in the world. I will be so much happy.
Why is that?
Maybe its because
I LOVE HIM.
is it magic? Maybe yes.
I think I'm lucky with him
because he can fucking think.
not fuck and think.
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I hope we can last forever.
I love him so much that I'm really happy.
I don't think of myself as a very down person anymore
Maybe he's what God has sent me.
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That's all the end of the story.
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mwahs.
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GOLDEN BOY
Date: Feb 23rd, 2009 5:53:53 am - Subscribe
Mood: alienated
LAtely i was reading this Golden boy manga.
It is so cool.
Even though most of the time it is perverted. I like the idea about knowledge and kindness.
I am hook into it even most of the time you know what will happen but the question is how did it happen?
kick ass/
love it.
I wonder where could i find the completed scanlation of this?
XD
i love you erik
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Feelings
Date: Feb 13th, 2009 10:14:16 am - Subscribe
Mood: cheated
i feel stubborn.im physically weak.
i m ashamed of myself.
im poor.
all that sort.
i wish my stomache will go away.
T_T
i found someone special i hope he'll stay for sure.
thank you God for givin me a lot of happy days.
I hope i could be stronger.
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