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Well it's that time of year again. Friday nights are pretty low key around the apartment. For me it's the end of a long 6 day work week. I would say I look forward to enjoying my day off (saturdays) but it's always the busiest day of the week. Getting a new bed delivered, need to do some shopping to support the economy, er...christmas. OH....and I am going to meet my girlfriends parents. This has never phased me in all my life....until now. Usually I get away with meeting a girls parents the first few times in passing...a few brief chats when i pick a girl up for a date. This event is some sort of making cookies and hanging out for the day shit and its a bit of a thing because her sister is in town for the holiday. WHO WILL BE MY GET AWAY DRIVER?! No good excuses lined up for leaving if I get awkward. I guess it's because i have been feeling pretty 'emo' the past few days and not interested in chatting up parents. WISH ME LUCK. I'm sure my charm will kick in. It always does. |
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Fooled again. Never been led on this bad. I knew better but I fell for her anyways. The saddest part? I will let it happen again and again and again with each girl I fall for. Where are the girls that are meant for guys like me? ...or is that just a dream I will chase to my grave... |
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..and everything felt good until I fell asleep. There in my dreams I was vulnerable and haunted by the painful memories of bad things that never happened.. ...another piece of my heart handed away. The hole left behind to be filled by her love. Instead darkness sinks in, cold tendrils of despair tighten. For it isn't her that the boy desires now...it is a longing to love and to be loved... |
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I feel motivated to pursue my goals now that I am less upset over the premature ending of what I thought was a nice relationship. I was her first boyfriend so I was silly to think we would make any real connection after all I've been through. But that motivation thing. I am having non stop day dreams about photography, my media company I am working on and it excites me. I need to go go go and realize some of these dreams once all the holiday madness dissipates. Normally I am not hostage to the festivities but my life has become so social as of late that I am low on energy and time for myself. Time to regroup and re-focus on what I love. |