"And I know my actions are impossible to justify, they seem adequate to fill up my time. But if I could talk to myself like I was someone else, then maybe I could take your advice. And I wouldn't act like such an asshole all the time."
Sometimes I make mistakes, say the wrong things, take the wrong actions. I have never been good at saying what I mean, and my intentions hardly ever seem clear. I will try to complament someone and totally insult them, try to make someone feel better and make them feel worse. I will dig a hole and kep digging if you don't stop me. This isn't always, but it happens, and I feeel bad when it does.
I never mean to do anyone harm, hurt anyones feelings. It happens, and the best I can do is apologize and try to explain if the person wants an explanation.
*sigh*
Anyways, I have good and bad news...that mostly pertains to only me. I have many scheduled hours this week, but I have to miss bible study one day and work the other.
My availability must be messed up because I got scheduled during bible study and my first day of classes. Rats, I love Rick Lou, Brian, Adam and Kyle. Seei8ng them once a week is what makes my life strong. We fight for each other.
We are warriors for each other. We keep each other strong and on track. Give advice and listen. We are there for each other.
Maybe I have just become what I used to dislike, but here is something I believe.
A Man's soul needs a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue.
A woman desires to be fought for and wanted, an adventure to share, and beauty to unveil.
These are a few things in the book "Wild at Heart" by John Eldredge. He goes much more in depth on all of these and makes great arguments about the masculine and feminine hearts and how each is very similar but wonderfuly unique. God made men and women in his image. Since God doesn't have a body gender has to be beyond the body and its parts, but as deep as the soul.
I think that it is important to know oneself and to feel distinctly that you are who God created you to be, experiencing life the way God invites us to.
Maybe I've just lost my mind.
I was very spiritual at one point, and then became drasticly athiest for some time. The call of the holy spirit is stronger than me. I have learned that it is okay to give up control of my life. It doesn't make me stupid or weak to have religion. In fact, I think my faith makes me stronger. Living with Gods grace makes me strong. Being a man the way God intended makes me strong.
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I dislike medication...I just want to be better without pills!