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I have had a nauseating vortex of thoughts lately. I cant focus but I ponder over fleeting ideas for a few moments before the next idea or distraction. I guess I am coming to accept that bipolar is real. I am doing pretty great the last few months though. I have learned how to do this without medication pretty well. I decided that it is part of who I am and I don't want to take pills to change that. Writing my thoughts seems to be an effective way for me to cope. The things I wouldn't burden a friend with or don't care to discuss with people I know can be thrown off into the void of the netz. Sure some people I know might read it but it's on their own time and effort. I can be sure I am not being a downer to them. As soon as I can concentrate again I want to plan a day to take photographs somewhere. Not sure where yet but I need to take more pictures. I will be 23 years old in a month and a half. A sense of urgency to take more steps towards my goals is grabbing hold. |
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Been up late for too many nights in a row and I feel pretty damn tired finally. I hate when things catch up to me. I run run run, push push push, try to get away with as much as I can. Pushing limits of my sanity, society and political correctness on a daily basis. It isn't that I am extremely active and busy, I just cannot get the rest I require even for my lazy lifestyle. Anyways, although much of my current physical status is due to lack of sleep I am also guilty of a few things I want to change. I need to eat healthier, stop smoking and exercise. Typical things most people want to do, things that I need to do. My body has changed in the last 2 years and it bothers me more than I let myself think. Step 1: Get proper rest. If I could get my sleep schedule straight I would actually have time for eating better and exercising. Those three things would help my life so much, physically and mentally. It would make the bi-polar more friendly too. |