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I am a little upset with myself. I told myself...no new girls this week. Its only tuesday and I already kissed another girl, her names Lauryn. Yeeah. I don't know what to do about this. Why me?! I wish I were ugly or really realyl ridiculously not fun to be with. *sigh* After anthropology Lauryn, this fellow and I went out and just putsed around gurnee. Then she dropped this fellow at his car and took me to mine. We went in my car and I took her to Caribou...my love...and then we kinda just chilled. Okay...We sat in the clc parking lot for like 2 hours just talking and holding each other just sitting on her car...I dont even know man. I just...wish I didn't even talk to girls anymore. I mean...why....why do they like me?!?! This new girl at work likes me too. Bah. I mean, its not like kissing these girl is even meaningful, it just doesnt feel right...Its wrong of me. I dont want to wound any more girls. I just wish one of them was right for once. This girls dad is like, high up in the church or something, but she doesnt seem to embrace christianity or to be firm in her beliefs, but just like all the others...I love their soul, their heart...they are all so beautiful. I am obviously going to call her tomorrow...I don't know what to do...I don't....heeeeelp. I just....bah. How come I always get the pretty girls phone number lately. Its a curse...someone take it. Everyone thinks its really cool to be able to meet gorgeous girls and click but it isnt...its BAD BAD BAD. |
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Hmmm, the evening with Lauryn was lovely. We went for a walk in a forest preserve and then we drove to Kenosha cause I was looking for this restaurant. Then passing woodmans decided that since she had the urge to bake an apple pie that we would make dinner and apple pie together. So...I made manicoti and it was pretty good stuff. Also, after eating(which wasnt until 8:30, we were starved by then) we just cuddled on the couch for a few hours talking, and not talking, and then talking again. It was lovely. Well, I know that the guys may be upset with me, I know they will beat me down on sunday for meeting a girl, and holding her and kissing her, but its so nice. Well, anyways....I am just feeling nice lately. I so love just holding her, playing with her hair...its so right...it just feels so warm inside. More about her later, maybe, but thats mostly the gushy details. She is a very special girl, my mom thinks so too. It will be interesting to see where this one goes. I thought Ashley was going to last, wrong. Rambling, just know that Lauryn IS actually a good girl, and whatever blah blah blah just too much to go into now. Night folks, I gotta wake up and take care of all my responsibilities i passed off today. |
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Ugh, I am pretty tired right now. Been late nights and even if you go to bed at 3 and wake up at 10 its still not the same as a good nights rest durung normal sleeping hours....like midnight to 10. Work today, actually have to go take a shower right now. Last night Lauryn and I went to Chilis with her sister and her friend. It was pretty fun stuff. Lauryns sister was into the punk-ska scene because shes 24, i think its hilarious. So we know a bunch of the same bands and the scene. I think it kinda bothered Lauryn so I didnt really talk too much about that stuff. I will make her my Punk Rock Princess though, introduce a little emo and indie into her life! After that we came to my house and she fell asleep mostly and I lay there, I mostly just relaxed and thought and prayed and eventually slept a little myself. As much as it may sound mean, Im glad that I dont see her today or tomorrow. I kinda dont think its healthy to be spending so much time together so soon. She fairly emotionally delicate and saying some of the things I need to are difficult. I dont think she likes to or wants to adress those things because when I get close enough to work in a point without being blunt she seems to change the subject, not even on purpose it appears...maybe just a sub-conscious thing. Blah, well, today I can just go to work...and that sucks. Work is boooring, and on saturdays its painful. 9 hours of pure suck. Ack. |
| Well, All is well on the women front. Umm, I have an interview at Zumiez on tuesday. I also want to work at Caribou and if not there, Starsucks. Either way, all is well. |
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Had the interview at Zumiez today, and I believe it went okay. Lauryn went over to my house and when I got home we lay together...fill in some boring details...and then she went home. I was a little manic at one point today and it upset Lauryn, she was mostly worried about my driving. Also, I'm kinda mean when I am manic, and that is no good either. So, she wants me to take my medicine...as much as I dislike medication, I agree. I took it tonight and I ended up cleaning the kitchen before bed. Plus I need to restore my family relationship and duties because I have been failing at that. Medicine will probably help there. Also with school. I may be able to function normal to accomplish my homework and projects. That would be good for me to do well at CLC. I owe it to myself, and my father. I have said that before though. I believe thats it for now. I have a lot of stuff to catch up on. School, family and financial matters. I'll keep updated on my emotional progress, I need to get better. |