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deathcab4u's
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| I Can\'t Stand This |
Oct 3rd, 2005 10:43:27 pm - Subscribe |
| I was having a really good day after yesterday, untill about ten minutes ago, now I'm sorta pissed off, Im really pissed off. Why is car insurance on a damn 1990 Dodge caravan $160. What the hell. Sons of bitches. Also, they asked what day is good for me to have the $ withdrawn, I said October 21st. I got a letter today saying $160 id due the freaking 16th. I was also led to believe insurance was going to be around $120. Screw Sate Farm, screw people that made it necessary to carry insurance. Im gonna buy a fucking moped, and move somewhere i can drive it all year round. Screw it screw it screw it. I was having an awesome day. God I am gonna cry about this shit. Why is it that I am not allowed to do anything. I wanted to buy a guitar so I could express my thoughts musically. Now what. Im lucky if this paycheck is $200 dollars. Insurance is $160...gas is 40 a weak basically. I already had to take money from savings to get gas before my next paycheck. I swear I don't have a unclaimed capitalist penny to my name anymore. Screw it. I just wann go away. I dont even like school. I just want some freedom from what I've been thrown into. This post is goping to be long... So after high school my world has turned upside down. Before I graduated I had never had a real job, I didn't even have my license, a cell phone, anything. Within two months of graduating I work 20-30 hours a week, pay out so much money that I'm lucky to go get coffe with a friend, I am a slave. This routine is killing me. What good are fridays off of work for me. I dont have money to go anywhere. What do I do if I need new clothes...gonna be fuckin hittin up salvation army, or my dad. He already pays for my school. My Mom and step-dad have their own money issues. How do these people pay for their own school and cars and shit like that. Props to every 18 year old out their making it on their own without stealing or selling drugs. I admire anyone making an honest go at working and paying their way through life, while doing school or having relationships. It's just so crushing...to want to do so many things and to be stopped by such ridiculous things like money or time. Money and time have created a prison, formed bars preventing me from all the things I want to do....taunting me. I cant go on being angry, to the good day. On my break during math I ran into Tony and got his phone number, I was supposed to get back to him to hang some two weeks ago. Tomorrow were going to get coffe at this new place. He also had this friend named Elena who is really cute, and likes al the music I do, and I talked to this girl for only 2 minutes, but restored my faith in the type of girl im looking for. Then at work someone smacked my ass while I was vaccuming - How do you spell vaccuum...vacum... - and It was Megan Obrian!!! And Scott!!! It was so nice to see them again. We traded phone numbers and I guess try to go to a show or a party. Then I drove home listening to Coheed and Cambria...singing along to the vicious lyrics of Devil in Jersey city, and I love it every time. It feel good. Damn car insurance. I wonder if I'm paying comprehensive...I dont need that on a crap 90 Caravan. Oh well. I might just take sleeping pills and call it a night with me and Fevers and Mirrors, or Coheed...or Iron & Wine...or shuffle them all. Well, I dont know how to feel right now. It seems like a victory, or a good day, and it always crashes. Its like beinbg bi-polar...a swing from mania to depression. For most people mild depression wouldnt be that bad. But after being manic, mild depresiion can be serious...and bad depression is asking for trouble. Luckily I love myself too much to want to die, but I really could just give up for a few days. I just want a real break. I want to, go camping or something and be alone. I want to forget about money and obstacles for an hour...a day, whatever I can get. Oh yeah, bi-polar meds that dont work are $15 a month, forgot to factor that in, I think right now my spending is more than my income...and its effecting my outcome... Who will hold me when I feel like this. Who will squeeze my hand on a cold night when taking a walk to see the stars, and just forget about it all, because the moment with her makes everything go away... |
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| mood: I don\'t even know I hear: I cant decide yet... |
(3) comments |
| deathcab4u |
October 03rd, 2005 |
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| I'm not angry now...just lonely. Friends are good to me. | ||
| lost |
October 04th, 2005 |
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| gotta pick urself up take another look adn dust urself of coz lifes too good | ||
| lost |
October 04th, 2005 |
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| gotta pick urself up take another look adn dust urself of coz lifes too good | ||
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