i've been without a good journaling community for quite some time.
the one i used.. well.. let's not get into that.
the end for now.
i'm trying to collect myself once again.
i hate how my mood can just change in an instant.
it baffles me some days that i can feel completely fine and when the night comes, it just blows up in my face.
it just hurts to realize over and over again that someone you loved with all your heart left you.
it has been almost two months.
i'm over chris, i think.
i don't know why it still gets to me.
i don't know why i still let it get to me.
i guess it's because i feel as if i need that loving, caring, support figure in my life right now.
[my dad had a stroke two weeks ago. he's in the rehab center in the hospital. i have to take care of my sister(17) and my two brothers(15 and 13). my parents decided to seperate last december. my mother hasn't been around a lot since then.. but she's trying now.]
it's just hard getting used to everything.
and my mind sometimes is just.. meh.
so today was a just a day.
bitched at my ex because his cell phone bill was outrageous for the second month in a row.
i'm worried about him and what he's doing with his life... but it's not my position to care anymore, so i try my best not to.
LET ME GO OOON LIKE A BLISTER IN THE SUN!!
dad is doing better everyday.
-smiles all around-
let's hope that i don't get sad tonight!!!
i just want to get laid.
that is all.
i just need to become a really big ho.
i'm hoping this place will feel more like home each day.
old no doubt makes me happy.
i don't feel like being all sad-like tonight, i think it might happen anyway.
i wish i didn't work sometimes..
i'd sleep all day.. and all night.
it feels so good to sleep.
i need to find some pretty boy to start some pretty relationship!
(What should I do? I'm about to crack..
And there's a force that comes over me.
It's almost as if I'm tied to the tracks and I'm waiting for him to rescue me.
The funny thing is he's not going to come.
He's not going to find me.
This is a matter of fact..
The desire you lack..
This is the way I guess it has to be.)
i'm worried about sir christopher.
he might ruin his life.
i don't want him to do that.
(You came in with the breeze on Sunday morning.
You sure have changed since yesterday without any warning.
I thought I knew you well.. so well.)
anyone damned to living in louisiana?
meh. heh. LAME.
i want to go buy myself a guitar right now!
even though i don't take classes until august..
i wants myself a pretty one and play it right now!
i plan on looking on friday.
but first i have to find someone to accompany me.. because.. yeah.
i have toes?
i'm in such a weird mood right now.