how to prepare beans
jk

i'm feeling sick, and queasy. i keep seeing myself in the near future working 24/7 because thats the only thing i've got going for me.
and then later, i'll end up alone with out even realizing it till the last minute. alone with my cats.

i've got so much dreams. i need them all fulfilled. i feel like im the only one who can give that to myself.

i feel like with me, there is no "forever" because i can never be sure.

oh, and today, i remembered you. just now actually. i'm so sorry. you used to be my best buddy, bet you never thought that i'd mature and replace you with an replica. or should i say immature. you're the only j that should be put on a pedestal. 'nuff said. hope you and lynne are doing wonders. talk to me someday. ring me someday.

i feel selfish when i fear. my phobias are so self-induced.

back to the sick and queasy:

something has changed. it terrifies the shit out of me. everything was so dependable, blah blah blah.. but then out of no where you get this big evolution of neoterism. except, no innovation here -- more like disconnection.

oh, there you go again. as i right this entry, there you go again. in the back of my mind. making me sick and queasy.

can you just let me go?

i am abused
xoxo, salmon
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