I hope you\'re doing fine out there without me...
Date: Oct 12th, 2005 11:31:36 pm - Subscribe
Mood: clueless
utter confusion has completely taken over.
stupidness! i wrote a long blog a few days ago explaining wat went on... and i forgot to put a title and it deleted it. it sucked. so basically before i get to the confusion part... ill lead up to that. so like monday robby came and picked me up and said we needed to talk. we drove down to the park and he pused me in the swings and stuff. it was sweet. i asked him why he needed to talk and he said we wanted to just sit with me and enjoy some time together before we talked. it kinda confused me but i was like "alright." well later we went back and sat on the back of the truck and he proceeded to tell me that he had to break up with me cuz his ex wanted to get back with him. his exact words were "im sorry jess, i like u, but i love roxanna." and i was like "then why did u tell me u loved me?!" and he was like "i dunno... i thought thats wat u wanted to hear!" and that made me so mad. so apparently i didnt like robby... i liked who he was when he was dewin wat he thought i wanted him to. how gay!
ok so the next part...
i cant really describe it. i like this guy, hes really sweet and hes crazy at the same time. he doesnt always say the right thing and ive come to find out that proves that hes honest... not just tryin to put up a front or something. hes really nice, hes kinda shallow but then again... arent most guys? well i really like him. ive seen him at his high points and low points, and i wanna be there for him. u know... sometimes i think hes interested and sometimes i think hes not. like there was this one thing that made me think "hey... maybe i have a chance" like we were talkin online one day and he mentioned something that was so sweet and it made me so happy... it wasnt like a compliment or anything, he just said that he was really nervous to talk to me but then theres times that hes talkin about other girls and stuff and im thinkin "maybe i dont have a chance." hes way out of my league and weve talked about some things before that fits in to my circumstance with him and i really dont think it would ever happen. i really want him. i think about him all the time. like the other night, my friends bf was bein so sweet to her and later that night when they got off the phone, she didnt shutup about him for the next 8 hours and then another 6 the next day... and the whole time she was talkin... i was ignoring her and thinkin about this guy. i dont wanna come out and be like "hey, guess wat! im in love with u!" but i dont wanna ignore it anymore. i guess u could say ive been in love with him for about 4 or 5 months... i know ive had bfs and stuff between that time but it was all just tryin to cover up my feelings. i dont like having to cover things up... but i dont wanna be so open with this subject. ive thrown out hints like crazy... but i just need to accept the fact that its never gonna happen... right? right... <3
blah.: (1)
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perfect110 - October 13th, 2005 |
