duckie_x0's Blog

take it off... take it all off...
Date: Oct 5th, 2005 9:25:48 pm - Subscribe
Mood: giddy


so today was the last day of skool for me for about a week. fall break is pretty cool. we get a week off for nothing. we took exams today and yesterday... and im sure i failed biology and tv production, although i think i aced french, geometry, and acting! today was so much fun at skool... i took so many pictures with my phone in 3rd period and 4th. i have this really cute one of me and robby... ill put it on here when i get them off my phone and on to my computer. so about robby... hes still so awesome. i actually just got off the phone with him about 20 minutes ago. he got in a big fight with his dad... cuz his dad is an ass hole. he was really upset so i asked him if he wanted to come over for a while. hes comin at like 10ish. he wanted to come now but i have to wait for my parents to go to sleep first. last night was so sweet. i was on the phone with him and he said "can i ask u a question?" and i was like "yeah sure" and he said "are u goin to moonlight?" (the formal dance at skool in november) and i said "well i dont have a date yet... why?" and he was like "just wondering..." then later he was like "u dont have a bf do u?" and i said "nope" and he was like "well, jess, will u go out with me?" and i was like "of course robby!" then i was like "just to clear things up...moonlight too?" and he was like "i wouldnt wanna go with anyone else!" hes so sweet! hes great. anyways i cant wait for him to come over though... im gonna ask him to take me to a cool spot my friend took me to over the summer. its like 20 minutes away... but its out in the middle of the country and theres no lights anywhere and u can see hundreds of stars. its so pretty! thats why i love it in the south... theres so much random open country... and its so beautiful. anyways i think im gonna go but ill be back probly tomorrow to tell all about it! <3
blah.: (2)

when you smile, i melt inside, im not worthy for a minute of ur time...
Date: Oct 2nd, 2005 11:51:58 am - Subscribe
Mood: crrrrrrrrrrraaaazzzyyyy!
music: \"On the Rebound\" by 7 $ Sox

so its been a while... and i havent posted... so i figured i would! not that much has changed i guess... monday nothing interesting happened really... i had to stay after for tv production class to edit our project... and the stupid machine was screwin up. so our project didnt get finished in time... it really sucked. we got an F for it... then tuesday sucked and was boring. wednesday was different though. me, emily and my mother went up wo the skool to turn in some of the money for my LA trip this winter. well me and emily were bored when my mom had to sit through the stupid 2 hour meeting. so me and em walkd around the skool and finally ran into robby. (the coolest kid ever!) hes a senior and hes so cool! well we were walkin around with him for a while and i told him about the problems with the editing machine i was having and he was sayin that he would show me how to fix it and use it better. so we all go in there and emily decided to go watch the Miss Wildcat Queen rehearsal. me and robby we the only 2 in there and so he was showing me how to use it and was like taking my hand in his and putting it where its supposed to be. it looked like he was gonna kiss me at one point but parker and seth walked in and asked wat we were doin. robby told them and they we like "oh we'll show her!" and we couldnt really say "no go away!" so i was like "well thats ok... i got it now!" and so they finally left and it was just me and robby again. but then i had to leave cuz the meeting was over. he offered to give me a ride home but my mom wanted me to go shoppin with her so i had to go with her. well thursday was the Miss Wildcat Queen (a skool pagent kinda thing) and me and emily went. at the end while the judges were deliberating, robby went on stage and played guitar and sang "You and Me" by lifehouse and the whole time, he was staring at me. and at the end he smiled and winked at me and i was like... wow! thats so awesome! lol! i saw him after the pagent but only for a second cuz he had to do somethin else... so i hugged him and he kissed me on the cheek and we both left. then friday in class (hes in my 4th period) we were talkin and he asked for my number and asked wat i was doin that night. well i told him i was goin to the battle of the bands at the Autobaun Shell. he said he was goin to meet some friends up there too, and its kinda far so he offered to give me and emily a ride. so he gave us a ride there and we hung out the whole night! it was so awesome! he had his arms around me through all the songs and everything. and the best part was that i knew the mc for the night... RC who is my brothers best friend... so he saw me and got us all backstage and hung out with the bands. we talked some of the bands into givin us free shirts and cds and stuff. it was awesome. then after the show, the BEST band won! (7 dollar sox!) robby gave em a ride home and we just drove around for a while. hes sooooo sweet! when we got to my house, he walked me to back door and kissed me on the cheek again and he left. he called me yesterday and asked me to go to the fair with him. i told him i couldnt cuz i was goin to the bartlett festival with emily. he sounded dissapointed... so i told him to meet us at te festival. he showed up with parker, parkers gf, and seth. emily thought seth was hot so she hung out with him most of the time. we had so much fun though! robby finally kissed me and hes a great kisser! hes so sweet and so much fun! hes great. anyways on to other stuff. me and emily are goin to the fair today! its gonna rock! so yeah... i guess thats about it! later lovies! <3

a little about robby:
hes tall... like 6'3ish. he has light brown hair, kinda curlyish, kinda longish... but not like really long. hes cute, really good kisser, skinny, plays guitar and the lead guitarist and singer in his band, hes pretty religous... but not like it takes over his whole life... ya know? well his band is really good, theyre like a punk/aternative kinda band. alot like lifehouse or train. really good. hes really nice, hes 17 and hes goin to LA with us this winter. hes really into the whole TV Broadcasting thing... thats wat he wants to do when he gets older. hes just so cool!
blah.: (1)

cuz perfect didnt feel so perfect...
Date: Sep 24th, 2005 11:46:03 am - Subscribe
Mood: saucy
music: some sugarcult song

i have officially decided.... lauguna beach is the best show ever! lol! i love it! ok anyways... so its been awhile since ive posted... so i thought id fill u in. well so me and matt talked alot tuesday... like the whole 1st period and then all day texting. well he asked me to Moonlight... which is my skool fall formal dance. i said i wasnt sure if i was going yet cuz i dont have any money to get a dress... but id talk to my mom about lending me some money and get back to him. i still havent told him if i would go or not. its not until november 6th and yall know how i float around from guy to guy so i probly wont go with him. i met a cool new guy too! man i hate that i go from guy to guy so much! i freakin need to find a steady crush and stick with it! anyways so theres this guy whose in my english class. his name is kenny. he was actually in my english class last year too... but we never really talked cuz he sat on the other side of the room. anyways we really started talkin like wednesday and since then weve talked the whole 3rd period. but yeah he asked me if i was goin to the midsouth fair (the really big fair that comes once a year to memphis) and i said yeah but i wasnt sure when. well he asked if i wanted to go with him... and i said yeah. i gave him my number and he called me last night and asked me to go to the switchfoot concert with him and so i said yeah (cuz it was only 5 dollars at the fair) and he came and got me and we had a blast! hes the kinda guy that waits awhile to like go in for the kiss so all we did was hold hands but it was still awesome. were gonna go again next sunday to ride all the rides and stuff. we didnt have enough money to ride any of the rides... cuz im a poor little girl! anyways so yeah i really like kenny... hes really cool. but yeah so i think im gonna go cuz i dont really have anything else to say! ill be back soon... hopefully! <3
blah.: (0)

she wants someone to see her, she needs to hear shes beautiful
Date: Sep 17th, 2005 12:08:28 pm - Subscribe
Mood: confused
music: \"i want to save you\" by Something Corporate

have u ever had a dream about someone... and i totally changed ur outlook on that person? i miss matt! i dont want cam, i dont want nick... i want matt. i really miss him. i had a dream about him last night... it was kinda weird but i liked it. alot. it reall has no significance at all and u wouldnt think that i would fall for him again for somethin stupid like this particular dream... but i dunno... its just... well... heres the dream:

apparently my parents had a few more kids or were babysitting or something but i had to sit in some room that looked kinda like the kitchen and help them take care of the babies. there were like 2 i think. anyways i was on the phone with emily and it was really loud in the room and then i saw matt walk in... kinda like he belonged somehow. like he was supposed to be there. i didnt think anything of it in my dream. well i still had the phone and i was tryin to tell her that matt was there... but i couldnt cuz i thought he would hear me... even though he was on the other side of the room. well i motioned to matt to follow me. well i walked really fast into the living room and got under a cover that was on the couch. well i was tryin to tell em again that matt was there but he came in right when i was about to so i just hung up on em. well he sat down on the other end of the couch and got under the covers with me. i kept rubbing my leg against his to make it seem obvious that i liked him and i wanted him. he rubbed his against mine too and i was really happy in the dream. we just sat and talked about random things for a while... then i woke up.

see... its not like its a big deal or anything... any normal person wouldnt think twice about it... but ive been thinkin about him alot lately and i guess thats why im thinkin about it again. i feel like i wanna be with him again... and i miss him alot. i dont really wanna tell him i wanna be with him but i dont wanna just ignore it. i dunno... he got a new cell so i dont have his number to talk to him. ive been thinkin about it so much this morning... i dont wanna wait until monday... but i know im just gonna chicken out when monday comes. i dunno... i need to talk to emily about everything and see wat her opinion is. later. <3
blah.: (1)

were only good for the latest trends...
Date: Sep 15th, 2005 7:19:42 pm - Subscribe
Mood: dreamy


wow... so brit left... and yeah we did cry... alot. i really didnt want her to go. nick, cam, and her bf erik came over to say bye. it felt way awkward cuz cam and me are friends... i really like him and i have for about a year... and nick really likes me. i was tryin to flirt with cam but not make nick mad. oh well... after nick left me and cam got pretty close. hes got a gf... but he flirts with me alot. i really like him. we were watching home alone 2 and he kept moving closer... so i pulled a "wow im tired" kinda thing and layed my head on his shoulder. i do it with everyone... even brit and em. anyways he brushed his hand against mine a few times... until he finally took mine in his hand. he started to kiss me and i stopped him and i was like "u have a gf dont u?" and he said "kinda... but he was about to break up with her" and i said "well i dont wanna do anything until yall actually do break up" and he was like "yeah i agree" but we still layed on the couch and i still kept my head on his shoulder with his arm around me. i dont think that bad at all. anyways i think im gonna tell nick that i dont wanna ruin our friendship. i know thats mainly a guy thing to say cuz girls actually come up with better reasons... well its the truth. anyways my mom gave me the ok to go to LA january 31st... the day after my bday. im goin with the bhs live group. its gonna be cool. but yeah so im gonna go cuz im like way tired cuz we did alot today. ill be back eventually... one of these days in sure. later. <3
blah.: (1)

feelings suck.
Date: Sep 15th, 2005 11:07:13 am - Subscribe
Mood: bothered


so me and brit skipped today. we really didnt feel like goin to skool today... plus... she told everyone her last day was yesterday and she already turned everything in to the skool. oh well... we did it all to stay home today. so about the nick thing... i told him i still had to think about it... and i would let him know as soon as i found out wat my answer was. im not sure... i dunno... hes just... too much of my friend. ya know? anyways... we took pictures yesterday! wanna see?



all 3 of us! (im n the middle of course)



brit and me. our "grrrrrrr!" faces!



wow... wat is she doin?!

anyways... thats all the important ones for now. wow... today is brits last day! im gonna miss her sooooo much! its gonna suck only seein her once a month! i know were gonna end up cryin when her mom comes to get her this afternoon. oh well... at least i will see her once a month! thats better than nothing i guess. anyways i think im gonna go cuz shes just now wakin up! later! <3
blah.: (2)

forget me, its that simple...
Date: Sep 11th, 2005 9:53:12 pm - Subscribe
Mood: confuzzled
music: some taking back sunday song... i dunno the name

wow last night was so much fun! so many people came over yesterday. i told brit to come at like 1:30 and told her that no one else was there yet... and everyone called and said they couldnt come. she almost started crying. then brian showed up and she was so happy. then we told her i was jk and everyone started showing up! we had so much fun! then everyone had to go cuz they couldnt stay long... the party was really short notice and most people had other plans. anyways the only people that were left was nick, brian, me, brit, and emily. we all piled on my bed and were pretty much cuddling with eachother! it was so fun! i have a futon and it was foled into the couch so there wasnt much room. well we were watching edward scissor hands, and stand by me, and election. fun night. well brian had to go and we were actually kinda happy when he left... cuz we all knew about brits special punch. (brian doesnt drink cuz of a long story about getting really drunk at skool from everclear, almost dying, and getting his stomach pumped) well her punch was like 1/5 hawaiian punch, and like 4/5 vodka! well we all 4 got extremely drunk. luckily my mom fell asleep in the living room and so did my dad... so they couldnt hear us. i dont remember much from last night but that we cuddled... alot... and i kinda made out with nick... and maybe did some stuff... not alot though! ok so yeah i made out with nick... for like... a long time... and we got way close! lol thats a good term for it! basically he took my shirt off (bra still on!) and i fondled him a bit. not a full hand job or anything... but a little fondleing! lol! anyways it wasnt too bad. but yeah so this morning, we all 4 wake up on my bed. luckily my parents never came in to check on us cuz they would see nick... and not be too happy! but yeah so me and him walked around to the drive way and say in the truck bed thing of his truck (u know... the outside part on pickups) and we were sittin in that cuddleing and he asked me out and i said i didnt know. i dont really know if i like him alot... or if its just cuz i liked him when i was drunk... or anything like that. i dunno if i did it cuz he was the only guy or if i actually like him. i do kinda like him... like i think id have a relationship with him and everything... but i dunno. he left his shirt at my house and im gonna take it to him tomorrow before 1st and talk to him about goin out with him. i kinda want to... but i kinda wanna be single for a while. since my last serious bf ryan (lasted like 4 months) there was (in order)
1. ryan (4 months)
2. chris (2 months)
3. kevin (like a week... but i like him for like a month!)
4. shane (about 2 weeks)
5. david (like 2 days... but i dont consider that a bf or anything)
6. matt (3 weeks or so)
7. jonathan (about a week... until he CHEATED on me! wat a jerk!)

and now it would be nick... i havent been single for a while for almost a year. i like havin bfs... and i think im probly gonna go out with nick... cuz why pass up the oppertunity. hes a really cool guy, and i like him, the only thing that would bother me is hes moving an a few months back to chicago. he lived in chicago until about 2 years ago (i was the 1st person he ever really met in memphis) and weve been friend since. anyways hes moving back cuz his dad is gettin transfered. so that would suck if we happened to still be together. i dunno though... ive had some pretty bad luck lately with bfs only lastin like a week or 2. i wish guys didnt piss me off so bad sometimes. anyways i think im gonna go and think about the nick thing. brit is stayin with me for about a week and shes asleep on my bed... and i need to go push her off anyways. later. <3
blah.: (1)

im bouncin off the walls again... wohhhohh!
Date: Sep 10th, 2005 11:23:04 am - Subscribe
Mood: buzzed
music: movie- Multiplicity

so yeah. i found out last sunday night, that one of my best friends britanie is moving. shes movin like to east tn... which is on the other side of tn. the past week ive been at her house everyday helpin her pack. ive never seen a room so trashed. anyways we got done last night at like 1am... and she took me home. my mom was so mad cuz she just got back in town yesterday afternoon and i wasnt there to greet her or something. i dunno... shes weird! anyways shes comin over today at like 2ish and im throwin her a surprise party. its gonna be cool. so some other crap happened... but im not too upset about this problem as i am about britanie movin! well thursday afternoon, my group for BHS Live had to film interviews for a feature in class about gas prices. we got some peoples groups changed and we got this little slutty girl named Courtney in our group. shes kinda pretty, and really skanky. well im defiantely no skank. i dont walk around in short little skirts, and low cut belly shirts like she does. well anyways, jonathan is kinda the leader of our group thing so she decided she would be the anchor and interviewer. well she was wearing so questionable clothes that we shouldnt show at skool... and i had a jacket, so i let her borrow it. it was really cold that night, and stupid jonathan didnt offer me his jacket or anything! well casey was workin the camera so he was just standin around staring at the skank, so i walked over to him and tried to get him to hold me so i wouldnt be so cold. well he just pushed me off and walked towards the skank. well when we were done, i asked jonathan to give me a ride home, and he said he had to take the skank home and to get casey to take me home. well she takes me home and i dont talk to jonathan until friday afternoon. he comes up to me before class and hugs me and i start to kiss him when i see the skank walk up... and he just walks away towards her. well i was gettin pretty pissed off. anyways later that day, the skank told my friend (she doesnt know me and cam are friends, but she thinks her and him are when he hates her) all about thursday night. apparently he took her home and... lets just say... they had little TOO much fun! well i went up to him, slapped him across the face, kicked him in his balls, and walked off. he came over after skool to ask wat was goin on, and i asked him if the rumor was true, and he said yeah. he tried to apologize and say she got him drunk, and he had no control... but i didnt believe him. i saw the way he was staring at her and everything. well i kicked him out and cried for a bit. im kinda upset that it happened... but im glad it happened now... and now 2 months later or something when i would get really attached! he sent me 4 texts sayin he was sorry and he wanted me to forget about everything... but i just cant forget about it. i dont tolerate cheaters! so yeah... were definately over. im glad i found out though... instead of not knowing and him doing it behind my back. the funny part is the fact that the ckank courtney didnt know me and jonathan were together... and my friend told me after i left the parking lot when i kicked him and slapped him, she came up to him and did it again! i think its funny! wat sucks is that im stuck in their group for the rest of the skool year. fun! not! anyways i gotta go clean and get ready for the party. later loves! <3
blah.: (1)

i still know everything... i still know...
Date: Sep 4th, 2005 11:56:52 pm - Subscribe
Mood: seductive


so matt eventually stopped calling. luckily hes leaving me alone now. thats not important... this is! alex confessed his "undying love"for me friday. me, jonathan, and casey were taping for BHS Live and alex shows up and he wanted to talk to me. well we get into his car and jonathan and casey leave. well he starts sayin that he cant live without me, and he loves me so much, and he has for like a year or something. well it was sweet and all but it kinda creeped me out. he proceeds to ask me out and then when i said i had to think about it and tell him saturday... he gets really pissed off and tells me to get out of his car and drives off. well im stuck at the gas station and i call jonathan. he could tell i was upset and everything so he shows up like 15 minutes later with McDonalds french fries. hes the coolest cuz hes only known me for like a month and he already knows that mcdonalds french fries always make me feel better. well i get in his car and we drive around for a bit and decide to go walk the mall for a bit. it was like 8:30 and the mall closes at 9 so we didnt stay long... even though we just walked around and talked for like 20 minutes after it closed. well as we were about to walk out, he grabs my hand and just holds my hand. i let him (cuz hes majorly hot and like the coolest guy ever). well we get in his car again and were holding hands the whole way back to my house. (so sweet! lol) then when i get out of the car he walks me to my back door (cuz the back lights were out and its kinda creepy) and just like in a movie, when we get to my door, he kisses me and says goodnight and all and walks off. hes the sweetest guy ever! anyways he had my cell number cuz hes in my group thingy so we all have eachothers numbers. well he texted me when he got home askin if i got in alright and everything. well we were texting all night... until i eventually fell asleep at like 3am. well he calls me at like 11am and asks me to do something and i said i cant until night cuz i had to meet alex and some other people. well i end up goin to alexs and im the only other one there. well hes not too happy with me when i tell him i cant go out with him. i didnt tell him about jonathan... i just said i didnt think it would be a good idea to go out with him since hes such good friends with matt. well anyways it gets way awkward so i leave. i get home and call jonathan and tell him i can do something then. well he came over and got me and we went to eat lunch and just drove around and talked and went to a movie. after the movie, we were sitting in the lobby of the theatre and he said "i wanted to kiss u so bad in there but i was so nervous" and i said "well... we can go see another movie so u have the chance again!" he just laughed and we walked into wedding crashers again. we made out every once in a while... it was great. well on the way home he asked if i would officially go out with him... and of course i said yes. wow guys... hes so great. hes tall... like 6'4ish, he has brown hair, and brown eyes, and omg hes hot! way hotter than any guy ive EVER gone out with! i didnt get to hang out with him today cuz i went to my brothers play, then shopping with em, then went to some church to help the hurricane victims. weve been texting all day... and he called about 20 minutes ago and said hed call back in like an hour. hes so great. i get butterflies just thinkin about him. i think were gonna hang out for a while tomorrow... cuz my parents are goin to my grandmothers house. anyways i think thats about it... sorry the whole thing it about jonathan... but wow... im actually speachless for once <3
blah.: (0)

and will you tell all your friends uve got ur gun to my head?!
Date: Aug 31st, 2005 8:26:48 pm - Subscribe
Mood: done
music: \"cute without the e\" by taking back sunday

so kinda alot happened. well friday night i had a thespian (actor) lock in. it was sooooo much fun. all we did the whole time was play games, act, and all that fun stuff. well i was hangin with matt, em, spencer, erin, and cameron the whole time. me and matt had gotten really close in the past few weeks and i really really liked him. well after the lock in, he drove me home and i snuck him in my window. well he mustve been really horny or something cuz he kept wantin to make out. let me remind u that it was 6:30 am and we hadnt slept all night. well we were layin on my bed and he kept tryin to touch me. i mean i like cuddling and everything but he wasnt tryin to just cuddle... trust me! he put his hand up the back of my shirt, and i thought it was no big deal, then u know wat he freakin did?! he undid my bra and tried to take it off! well i pushed him off the bed (i was half asleep at this point) and he got all pissed off and left. well since i was half asleep, i didnt bother chasing after him. well we didnt talk until sunday night when i went to his house. apparently he was super pissed that i didnt go after him when he walked off. he didnt seem to care about the bed part. i son found out that he was drunk when i went to his house, so he was actin all weird. i called alex and got him to come get me, and i went over to his house and hung out. alex hasnt tried to make a move on me since me and matt got together... and i like that alot. well i fell asleep at alex's... luckily alex called em and em called my mom and told her i was stayin at her house. (wat great friends huh?) well after that, i see matt in 1st period monday but i dont talk to him much. he acted like i wasnt even in the room. i was talkin to erin and brit anyways so i didnt care. i was havin one of those "f*ck the world" kind of days so i was super pissed at everyone. well i got a ride home with alex cuz matt just left me at skool. (how mean is that?!) alex comes to my house for a while and then at like 9ish i guess (when alex was still there) matt calls. he starts yellin at me for stayin at alexs over night, and "ignoring" him at skool. anyways we start fighting alot and he ends up breakin up with me. i was really upset and cryin and everything, and alex was still there (luckily) so he stayed there with me for a while. we both ended up falling asleep on my bed (we didnt do anything!!!) and i wake up at like 1am and theres no power, and nothing works (cuz of the hurricane). well alex was still there and i dont like the dark... i guess u could say im afraid of the dark. well we uhh kinda got close and he held me till i fell asleep. (dont get me wrong, i was still upset over the matt thing... im not a rebound skank or anything) we dont wake up again until 8am and i go wake up my dad (we still have no power) and he goes off to work. luckily the skools got cancelled... even thought i probly wouldnt have gone anyways. well me and alex spend all day at my house just hangin out and talking and stuff. we go to the mall at like 5pm and meet alot of people up there (including matt). well he kept tryin to talk to me but i didnt talk to him... and i just walked off when he started talkin. anyways today was a pretty boring usual day. me and matt still havent talked. we had play auditions today. matt decides to get this slutty rachel girl to be all over him to try to make me jealous. well it didnt work... but i decided to do the same thing with alex. he got so pissed and wrote me a note during auditions that says:
baby im so sorry. i dont want to break up with u and i regret doing it. i havent been able to stop kicking myself for doing it. blah blah blah...

well i crumble the note up and throw it at him. me and alex walk out hand in hand to piss matt off. anyways alex still likes me and i kinda like him to... i really like the fact that he was there for me through the whole matt thing. so im still thinkin about him. if i do go out with alex, it will be a few days at least. im still upset over the matt thing... and i still wanna be with him, but hes an ass. i dunno... maybe ill let him talk tomorrow or something... oh well. well thanks for listening to my stupid week! <3
blah.: (2)