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eadwine So it begins - Subscribe
quote:
It is the job that is never started that takes longest to finish.


Let's start this blog off then and see where it goes.

It is the new year now, 2007 already. It sure is a long time ago since I started my activities online, being eadwine right from the getgo. That is now 7 years ago, though I have been active longer, back in the time there was still something known as a number of bauds to connect. Brr... now I feel really old with my mere just barely 34.

Why I am starting this blog? I used to have one on Diary-X, then that one went down the drain when a big hard drive died, and since then I have actually been looking around. Creating various blogs left and right but nothing really struck my fancy. I wanted one with a backup service, that is pretty much a no go everywhere unless you want to go through all sorts of hoops. I have just accepted that I will never have that and when it is lost it is lost, oh well.

I did change one thing here, and that is the commenting system. I want more than one anonymous user to be able to comment here, hence the addition of haloscan. The numbering is off, as you can see in the top left corner, but oh well.. deal. Anyway.. first entry done, off to more real blog writings.

What to expect from me? Nothing. Anything. If you read me, that is just peachy, want to leave a comment, also just fine. Be warned though, I may say things you won't agree with, and I will decide whether or not to leave comments out of the loop. It's my blog after all, not your discussion forum. wink.gif
Mood: perfect

eadwine Forum drama Monday, January 1st 2007 @ 17:40 - Subscribe
Why on earth is it so addictive? I have done quite some pondering about this in the past few weeks and months actually and I can only come to one conclusion: soap opera.

Every time something on a forum goes out of hand you see two things. The starter, and those who feed the argument by disagreeing with what the starter has said. Usually what was said is something so out of the main stream of accepted arguments that people HAVE to respond.

Oh yeah, I am guilty of being "the responder" as well.

The best thing to do is not respond to it, but when we all follow that advice the drama is gone. The fun really lies in what the "starter" will post in reponse. Usually that is food to yet another salvo of comments.

Ahhhh, forum drama. You can live without it, but life online sure is less interesting then!
Mood: amused

eadwine First day of work in the new year Tuesday, January 2nd 2007 @ 22:35 - Subscribe
Geez, amazing how ten days can pass by so quickly. First my birthday, then Christmas, then New Years, all in those ten days. When I set my alarm last night I wondered about it, and remembered me thinking on the first day that it would pass so quickly... it sure did.

I did a full reinstall of my system, like I wanted to do. I finally have Windows 2000 Pro combined now with Simply Mepis 6.0 final release. There are betas out already of an even newer version but I think I will stick to this one for a while now. Nice and neat install, the way it is supposed to be, no more mess.

For all those out there whose floppy drive is working and whose boot CDs are read proper, but the darned thing won't boot to DOS: exchange your flat cable for a new one.

There, that will save a few people the two hours worth of bullshitting that I did with the system till in the end I took it to the shop. It cost me 2.50 plus gas, but I had a new cable and a now booting system so I could partition. Sure you can do that with Linux as well, but I rather like the DOS way, so sue me.

Did anything noteworthy happen today? Hmm.. not really. It was a day like all others, aside from a client venting to me who usually is a rather quiet type. All I could do was listen, and agree.

People, respect your elders when they respect you. Have some patience with them, let them decide what they want, they were once young like you and I. Ask if they want help before forcefully helping them. That is how they see your good efforts, so keep that in mind. You are being much more helpful if you let them decide whether or not they wish to be helped.

Also, no one is the same, neither are they, so don't put them all in the same little square. You wouldn't like it either if people treated you like they think your age group is. You are an individual, so are they, and they have a right to keep that individuality, just as you have.

End rant I guess on that one. The first day of the new job, and already a wise lesson given to me. Thank goodness I had already learned it. In my profession as a home health aide you learn that pretty darned fast. Respect the other, and they will respect you.
Mood: tired

eadwine There, that is that Wednesday, January 3rd 2007 @ 22:05 - Subscribe
Christmas tree has been cleared out now. That was my first Christmas in my own home. Quite interesting that taking the tree down takes less time than putting it up. Of course squeezing branches together is easier than fiddling them apart so the tree looks like a tree instead of this straight stalk.

For illustration, it took me all afternoon and part of an evening to set the tree up proper. It took me two hours to take it down again. WHY do we do this to ourselves, I wonder? Oh yeah.. because it looks pretty, because it is tradition. *mutter*

But yeah.. it does look pretty. Did look pretty, rather.

Anyway.. the balls are in a large box, everything else that was in the tree is also in there. The lights will be next year's challenge to untangle again, and the glimmery things that stick on you like sticky tape are also in there, after a big fight which of course I won *grin*

Work was just peachy. I actually don't regret that the holidays are over anymore, I mean.. I love my job, so, it's nothing bad to be going back to it. I did have a hoot at the morning client. I didn't even notice that she was making a joke until the punch line came, not being used to jokes like that coming from that lady.

She tells me in this angry tone of voice: "Yeah, did you know that Saddam called me? He was rude too!"

So.. I, in my total ignorance, ask: "Oh?"

"Yeah, he hung up on me!!"

Only then did that quarter fall and did I remember him being hanged and all that. Man, I actually saw the phone video, but with my memory and all *rolls eyes* it wasn't in my brain at the time.

Good thing I wasn't holding anything important and that there was nothing within spitting range. THAT kind of joke coming from her.. oh man.. *laughs*
Mood: amused

eadwine Ding dong Thursday, January 4th 2007 @ 23:29 - Subscribe
Time sure is flying by, week after week, month after month. This afternoon was my afternoon off, but there wasn't much off to it.

Immediately after I got home I put a new plant that a client gave me into the new soil I had bought especially for it. The plant is a fallen off bit of a Christmas Cactus. Here is an image of it:



This is not my plant. Mine is much smaller and has no flowers on it. It has bloomed on the mother plant, and hopefully I will be able to care for it properly so it will bloom for me too. I can't remember what color the plant is anymore, they come in a variety. It is either this color or orange, I believe the latter. Anyways, that is what I did first.

Right after lunch, I was home for about an hour, the doorbell rang. A delivery guy with a package I ordered just before New Year.

Then around 14:30 the doorbell rang again, the rental company had sent someone to check on my back door. I thought it was rotten and needed to be replaced, but nope that wasn't the case. There had been a mistake in putting the window in the door frame, no isolation was put in between the glass and the wood, so when it rained the water oozed down the window and down the door cracks. Mighty stupid. I will get another call sometime soon to make an appointment so they can reset the glass.

Then after that I figured that would be it, but no.. the neighbor came at the door, telling me she was going into town and if I would be so kind to receive a package for her. Sure, she does it for me all the time.

Next on the list was my own dad, who came to check out what the rental company man had said about the door, so I repeated that story to him.

By this time it was time for dinner which was a nice lasagna. Hadn't had that in a long time!

A little while after dinner, I was about to change into my PJs, the doorbell rang again. It was a neighbor of three doors down, she is the aide of a friend of my dad and told me dad had told her she could look at my coat hanger how it was hung (he forgot to tell me in all the hubbub), and I had her take a look. Utterly amazed (you have to know what this looks like really) she went back home.

I thought that was that, so.. I changed into my PJs and did some relaxing things on the computer. AGAIN the doorbell rang. Well goddammit! Can't a person have any rest anymore?! And again it rang. Grrr... I went downstairs, stuck my head around the door and saw the neighbor's kid. No.. sorry kid, no package.

BOOM, door shut, locked. That was the last time I would answer the door. Thank goodness it did stay quiet after that.

Of course I haven't even mentioned the amount of times the phone rang... *sigh*
Mood: irritated

eadwine Lesson Friday, January 5th 2007 @ 17:24 - Subscribe
Do not run up the stairs with your hands full.

That's all wink.gif
Mood: pained

eadwine Last day of the week Friday, January 5th 2007 @ 23:19 - Subscribe
Thank goodness tomorrow I can sleep in. The first week was rather tiring despite that it was only four days, but still. It was a rather full week none the less.

Next week however is a quiet one. I will have Tuesday, Thursday AND Friday afternoon off. Yay! Hooray for easy weeks. I haven't had one since quite a while before I passed the exam so it is very welcome.

I have been thinking and I have decided I will skip on the sewing lessons for a while to come. It is giving me more stress right now than it is giving me joy, and I want to do some things on my own without the pressure of sewing classes pushing me. I will call the teach tomorrow, ask how much there is still due fee wise and pay those off so I can wipe the slate clean on that one. A break will do me good. I will get back to it, just not for a while.

My ex husband came to visit me this evening, fun that was to see him again and talk about a few things. I showed him my place and he liked it alright; for one person to have a whole house instead of a flat is quite extraordinary. I agree with him on that one.

I guess it is time to get my butt off to bed, but I really don't feel like it yet even though I am yawning my face off. Ah well happy.gif *goes to do some stuff*
Mood: drained

eadwine Bush told: No more Iraq troops Saturday, January 6th 2007 @ 15:15 - Subscribe
It is about time!

quote:
The new Democratic leaders of the House and Senate fired a pre-emptive shot at the White House yesterday, rejecting an increase in troop levels in Iraq several days before U.S. President George W. Bush is expected to propose it.

"Adding more combat troops will only endanger more Americans and stretch our military to the breaking point for no strategic gain," House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid wrote in a letter to Bush. "It is time to begin to move our forces out of Iraq," the Democratic leaders wrote.


So I read in the Hamilton Spectator. It is about time they stood up to the ridiculous wishes, it is time to get them home and back with their families.

Some soldiers have been gone since almost the beginning, you know? They get to go home and then on the DAY they get to leave: "Oh, hey son, sorry, you're extended for another year".

Fuck that stupidity, and I am glad action is taken now.
Mood: victorious

eadwine Geeky stuff Saturday, January 6th 2007 @ 23:29 - Subscribe
Today was a day where nothing really happened, yet still plenty for a computer-lovin' lady. I tackled a few problems that I had on my latest Mepis install, and managed amongst others to finally get the media files to work on my system. I followed the wiki and installed all those packages that it wanted me to install. Then it STILL didn't work. Then I got the (in hindsight) brilliant idea to check on the mozilla-mplayer package, and there was an upgrade available. Figuring it couldn't hurt I upgraded the package and what do you know? Things worked after that. I can play anything my heart desires now on my system. Even DVDs are a possibility now, to burn them that is.

Though I would find that very funny yet intriguing if that would work, considering I don't have a DVD burner in my system. But I installed all that stuff none the less, who knows what one might need it for, and I have 20Gb on the root partition anyway, plenty to spare.

*looks around at a few readers* Geeks are bad huh, they make no sense at all at times. Don't worry, it'll get better happy.gif

Kdict was the following thing on my list. It didn't find the server and frankly, searching around for the new one that I had to enter took me longer than figuring out where to put the new server address, or rather, how to insert it. That is now also sorted out and when I want to know the definition of a word, all I have to do is paste it in the panel and hit enter and it'll load up. Pretty nifty.

Next on the list was Superkaramba. All I wanted was liquid weather, and the latest version wanted to install reportlab or something like that. Well, that took along quite a few dependencies and I wasn't looking forward to that, so, I grabbed an old .skz file I had laying around from the previous install. That worked like a charm, after I figured out again how to configure the thing.

Of course one would like that to autostart with the system, so one goes jumping through hoops again to get that fact to become reality. Having set everything the way it is supposed to didn't help enough. I had to make an entry to the Autostart folder myself in order to get the thing to run like I wanted it to, WITH the weather, not without and only loading the main program.

That was solved just minutes ago. *looks around again* Hmm.. I think I just managed to scare away all my readers in one effective blow...
Mood: accomplished

eadwine Some other ponderings Sunday, January 7th 2007 @ 00:48 - Subscribe
I have been thinking about this for a while, and I decided to cancel my sewing lessons. Why? Plain and simple because I seem to have too little time on my hands to actually work up the appetite, so to speak, to sit at the sewing machine as well.

Currently my computer is eating away a lot of time and my activities online have increased quite a bit. Then it felt more and more like an obligation than a hobby, and I was rushing at the last moment to get something finished before class. That is not how I feel a hobby should work. A hobby is something you do when you feel like doing it. Whether that is 5 minutes or hours on end is irrelevant. It should not be something done against your will.

That is what it was becoming, and I have learned that when that happens it is time to stop and change what you are doing. So.. I cancelled them. Maybe I will start up again in the summer, maybe not. But right now it is just not happening, and I am glad I am rid of the weekly constraint I felt I was in of late.

Something totally different that kind of struck me by surprise. Short intro, health care recently changed in this country, and health care providers have to get permission to supply the care to the clients from the municipals. It used to be different and they were not in the loop at all, but now they are and they can determine who is allowed to provide care and who is not. Mighty stupid, but so be it, all in the hopes of the government to save money (stupid assholes..).

Anyway... where I currently work there is no problem. The company I work for has gotten the permission in that municipal, so, no problem there, the interesting part is what happened at the town I USED to work at, since the situation is quite different there.

The company actually sued three municipals, amongst those the one I mentioned above, and did so together with two other providers who got denied. The judge approved their case, and now they can keep on giving the old clients the healthcare they need. For now anyway, until those municipals once again decide.

It was really hard to leave the old town when I did, because I was offered the contract I have now, but currently I am wondering: I am insecure because of all those changes that are happening in the healthcare system here, but had I NOT had that contract, look what I would have been dealing with then!

Somehow I feel like I got away in the nick of time.
Mood: relieved

eadwine Carrots anyone? Monday, January 8th 2007 @ 20:39 - Subscribe
Yesterday I spent the entire day in my PJs. Ooohh bad girl! Hehe.. I just didn't feel like getting out of them and went with the flow.

I spent some time customizing the template. It should now be just peachy for people with an 800x600 resolution. I also added the previous and next links to the entries side since I couldn't find the navigation link at first in the left hand side.

I have also made the system have one entry per page, making it more a diary style than a blog style and currently I am looking for the way to change the text of the previous and next links to the titles of the entries in question. That would be a fun thing to have, since I did it that way back over at Diary-X, ages ago.

I must say, despite the fact that I am seriously missing two things (1. possibility to store more than one template, 2. list with style codes) I really like this Aeonity site. Actually, number 1 can be sorted by simply creating an offline backup, no biggie, but that list of code options is something I really miss, I keep on trying things hoping that at some point in time I will catch the correct code.

Aeonity has that community feeling, one that LJ definitely lacks. One has to really search for the meaningful blogs, and most of them are just filled with leet speak and text talk *puke* No thanks, it makes me shudder to read "u" instead of "you". It really doesn't take that much longer to write it out.

I have been ranting about that one for years already *laughs*

So.. I spent most my time at the computer yesterday. Today was the first day of work again after the weekend, and it went well. All my clients are still alive and well after the New Year's festivities and only one ate too much food. Then to hear she also gave her dog that stuff.. oh man, what NOT to give a dog is Dutch New Year food. Way too greasy. No wonder it puked *snort*

The afternoon was an extreme breeze. After walking for a bit (her on the scooter and me next to it) we went home and I did the outside windows, and while we were taking a drink it suddenly became "Let's visit our sister" day; two of her brothers came over. Quite fun, but work? Err.. next Monday? *grins*

She kept offering one brother a drink. Coffee? No? Tea then? No? Water maybe? No? *laughs* After she had run through almost the whole range of what was in her fridge I suddenly remembered the carrots that were in there too. And before I could stop myself I asked: "Want a carrot maybe?"

They all looked at me, dead silence, and then we hollered like there was no tomorrow. Boy that was such fun *giggles*
Mood: okay

eadwine Drunk driver kills self Tuesday, January 9th 2007 @ 21:39 - Subscribe
I already posted this in a forum but it made such an impression that I want to write about it here as well. I have an RSS reader, and this morning a Snopes thing came in about this 18 year old drunk girl who took her father's Porsche and within three minutes drove to her death.

For those who really want to, here is the link: Do not click this unless you really want to! I have warned you, this is not a joke, the pictures are NOT funny!!

First thing I thought after thinking "Oh shit her face came off" was "They should show that to the youngsters who get caught driving drunk". It was graphic enough to make an impact on me even, and I have seen a few gruesome things. Those pictures you see there sure stay with you.

But yeah, they should show them to those kids and hope they get the message. As far as I am concerned, include it in the programs. If it keeps one kid from drinking and killing him/herself and/or others, then it did some good.

Of course.. who thinks about that sort of thing when you HAVE drunk a lot. Drunk folk know better than anyone else, they are the man! But yeah.. those "walk-alongs", those doing it to look "tough" to their friends, those might be turned about still.

They had this slogan here in The Netherlands a few years ago: "Alcohol destroys more than you care about". Quite true indeed.
Mood: shocked

eadwine A cat leash Tuesday, January 9th 2007 @ 22:55 - Subscribe
My cat Dixie is an ex-outdoor now indoor cat, and past summer I actually already wanted to try this, but considering I just recently moved I wanted to make sure she was properly used to being indoors.

I have purchased a little cat leash, one of those safe versions that goes around the chest and around the neck and where the leash itself ties to the connecting bit between those two on the cat's back.

This thing isn't your regular leash, this is a make to size once and then snap on version. Of course the first thing one does is slowly get the cat used to the thing. Don't just slap it on the animal and think it gets used to it that way. That is THE way to scare the wits out of the poor kitty.

I started making the chest part to size first. When the cat was on my lap I petted her, soothed her with words till she all but drove off my lap (engine running wink.gif) and then carefully tried it for size. Make smaller, repeat, till it is finally the correct size. This didn't scare her one bit and I left it on for a little while and petted her some more. Then I took it off and repeated the whole thing for the neck part. Slightly more scary but still nothing to really worry about, apparently, according to the kitty.

I only left it on for a little bit, not both halves at the same time, just one half first, and then the other half. I have the whole winter to get her a bit more used to this thing, however I don't think it will be much of a problem TO get her to get used to it, considering she isn't screaming fire when I show her the leash.

Black kitty, bright red leash. Why not black? So I can see the darned thing when I need to take it off of her *laughs*

Oh.. mind.. we are talking about a cat who will be 16 in June, go figure. You can teach an oldie new tricks, as long as you take it slowly and with much care and love.


As for the stupid part.. when you disable your scripts in mozilla, especially your "change images" one, Google Maps will no longer work. To think I reinstalled an older version of flash to see if it worked then, deleted all my cookies and went through aaaalllll that trouble, just for a stupid check mark. Blah! grin.gif
Mood: stupid

eadwine A wish for the gift of death Wednesday, January 10th 2007 @ 22:53 - Subscribe
Today was different. The morning went just like it usually goes. I had a lot of fun at the client. The afternoon was different, very different.

The man told me he would likely have to leave his home and move to an elderly facility. I knew this was coming, he wasn't doing too well. He told me that he would have wanted to live out his life in that house, but that it wouldn't be possible anymore.

Then he told me he hadn't been able to visit his wife's grave in a few days, which is something he does every single day, unless the weather is really bad. He just couldn't do it anymore, it was too much for him.

I looked at him, and told him I had a question. "Do you want to go there, right now? I will take you with the car and we will go there. I will not have the "I can't go" if I can help it!" He hesitated a bit, I nodded that I honestly meant what I was saying, and he went to put on his shoes. We were going.

It was windy, it started raining when he prayed, and I silently, even though I am not a Christian at all, prayed along. I made a small wish, for them to be together soon.

How can one wish for a valued client to die? Someone who is such a nice person? How can you wish someone dead in the first place?

I didn't wish him dead, I wished for him to be with his beloved again, soon. I realized standing there at that grave that it might have been the last time that he has gone there, having been there every day for 14 years. Imagine that.. fourteen years.

They should be together, his suffering has lasted long enough already. Powers that be: let him go.

I wouldn't be amazed if one of these days I will get an email from my supervisor, telling me that he is gone. She will never know my silent wish and tell me she's sorry. But I will know different: it's better that way..
Mood: moved

eadwine Lots of people! Thursday, January 11th 2007 @ 19:55 - Subscribe
Just checked my stats, 100 hits, of course not all unique readers, but nonetheless, that IS impressive. I have only been writing here for little over ten days or so. I don't think even my old diary-x journal got that many in such a short period of time.

I am not writing for you, but I DO try and write so it is a bit entertaining to read. And for myself, so when I read it back I know I have had an entertaining time wink.gif Nothing like reading back your journal in.. say.. a year and see it go like this:

"I ate fries today, man they were good, played on the DDR mat a bit, this day is tiring".

Says zilch, reads like shit and is plain doing nothing to let me know what went on at that particular point in time. Hence I write this way. Anyway, thanks for reading me happy.gif


The day went by like any other at today's client. The only difference was getting there and getting home again. It was so windy that on the way there I had to keep both hands on the right hand side of the steering wheel, and on the way back on the left hand side, to avoid being blown off the road on the opposing side. Geez, it is windy today. Good thing I follow the back road most of the time, much less traffic so I can keep things under control much better without having to look all around me for people who decide to be stupid.

Ten years worth of driver's license next month, I have seen a LOT of stupidity in those ten years, my goodness. *shakes head*

In any case, I got there safe, and I got home safely as well. The wind was blowing so hard that the entire apartment complex where my client lives was whistling in this continuous strange high pitch tone. The kind that makes your toes curl up in your shoes, basically. Ugh.

Her regular visitor came and made a remark that gave me an image I did not wish to see: "Man, it's windy, it is even going all the way through to the bathroom, I am nearly blown off the toilet seat!" Not a pretty sight.

This lady is something else. She is of the breed that makes it possible to talk about taking out the trash, just that trash bin, for over half an hour. Honest to goodness she has talent and should be an investigator; she looks at things from ALL angles. Even those you hadn't thought of before. She's ok though, as long as you steer around such topics, which obviously I didn't manage today and I sat there in amazement, looking at her talk about the thing. eep.gif

Then I got home, booted the system, started Mozilla and when I get back there is this popup screen. Could not load page. Something like that. Aeonity was down... oh crap. Instant withdrawal, I want to be able to access my diary, help! Started looking for backup services, I had seen one that went to the URL of your journal and would read out and then convert to pdf format. That site was offline, taken out of business. Ah poo!

I kept trying at intervals, but nope, nada. Thank goodness I found the groups site in my history file, and went to post, which (due to Google being soooo nice (NOT)) didn't go through. Then when the posts were approved by the mod ALL my posts showed up, so.. the notice of the site being down, in fourfold (or five maybe even hehe). *mutter* I don't much like Google groups, but ah well, it will have to make do, and when there is nothing else, trust me, you will use it.

I was glad to find people there, and we posted back and forth a bit. And when Aeonity's host finally decided it was time to get the site back on its feet we talked a bit over the chat system. It sure is fun getting to know the people behind this site a bit better, and I must say, I have truly found my home here.

(note: if you haven't signed up yet for an account, do it, I get paid for this you know!!)


Right. wink.gif grin.gif


Seriously, I meant what I said up there, and it feels good. I wish I could code, but all I know is simple html really, enough to create a site, a template, but not enough to truly be of any use development wise.

It feels like Diary-X used to be, a journaling site, but also a community.

Oh, message to Aeonity: please please please backup the coding on which this site is built, should things go kablooey the site will be back up again and working in a reasonable amount of time. A sudden harddrive failure without proper backups is what went wrong with D-X, I really do not want to see that happen to TWO journalling sites that I really like.

I'm glad it's back up and running now happy.gif
Mood: glad

eadwine Some smart people can do stupid things Friday, January 12th 2007 @ 23:33 - Subscribe
Today was again the usual routine, with one difference: the afternoon I had off. It has been a while since I had that one, with all the changes due to the schooling for work that ended the week before Christmas I had to cover various clients on the weirdest hours of the week, including that Friday afternoon. Thank goodness that is over now and it won't be more than sporadic I hope, of now. It's been a quiet week with three afternoons off, and I must say, even after a holiday, I needed that!

The client was wanting weird things today. There were black rims on her windows of the kitchen, from last time that I cleaned them and had forgotten to clean that rim. Or rather, that is what I initially thought when she told me. I didn't know exactly what she was talking about until she started working on them while I was told to just keep busy with cleaning the fridge. Fine by me, I had no clue what she wanted.

Well.. you know this rubbery stuff they put between a window and the wood? That is what she was talking about. That bit was dirty. But yeah, no wonder, most people (including me) have that problem; it is some sort of stupid mold that creeps in the smallest cracks there and whatever you do, it does not come out, no matter how much you clean.

So what does she do? She grabs this potato peeler knife and starts scraping it out. Sure that takes care of the problem for a wee bit, it removed 75% of the stuff, but with the scraping she took along the rubbery stuff too, so next time this window thing will be even worse. She is the kind of person that you just cannot tell this to because she is too stubborn to listen, so next time you can see that this lady here will have to clean them, again. Argh. Ah well.. breathe and move on.

Other than that and a lot of rain, nothing much happened that is noteworthy. I did think of a number of things to suggest as features for Aeonity, things I do hope will be added. I would love to have that edit date feature, unfortunately I don't have any of the old entries anymore. One reason is because I wanted to start fresh, the other is Diary-X going down almost a year ago, effectively losing all my entries I had in there. I had a backup of my private journal which is somewhere on a cd rom still, but my public journal under the same nick as this one, nope, gone with the wind.

Anyway.. the developers requested features and an editable date is something I used a lot to insert diary entries from my actual written journal into my online private one. Other than that I submitted a number to the group Aeonity has on Google groups. All I can do is wait and see what will be accepted and what not. I wish I could code so I could help out, but I am rather helpless where that is concerned. It is that Stephen is doing his own things now and he likely wouldn't do it anyway or I would point him here. Ah well, c'est la vie.

Tomorrow I have a family visit to go to, till late to boot, so I won't be home at a decent hour. At least I will be able to sleep in tomorrow morning and a wee bit on Sunday. One of my nieces is coming to check out my place, so sometime tomorrow before I leave I will have to vacuum and then hope Dixie doesn't make a huge mess of her litter bin, hehe.

Anyway, that is tomorrow, more then.
Mood: thoughtful

eadwine Gone all day Saturday, January 13th 2007 @ 23:14 - Subscribe
Boy I am glad to be home. We had a family visit today, a two hour drive away. Now two hours, even though we are in Holland so for Dutch terms that is far, isn't something we care a lot about, however when you are going north instead of south, THEN we do since we can't drive all the way through going 110.

You start out with a 120 stretch, then it goes to 100, then 70, then 100 again, then another stretch 120, then a stretch 100, then 80, and then all the rest 100. It sucks.

When we are going south it's 120 max speed all the way save for around a big city, but that is only briefly and then you're back up to speed. It just seems to go much quicker than the constant speed changes road is.

We had fun though, it was a good dinner, my niece once removed sang and her boyfriend accompanied her on the piano. Great singer she is, but then again, she has the studies and the technique for it down very well.

A niece from the south of the country joined in on the fun and right now she is staying at my dad's and she'll go back home by train tomorrow. Doing that all in one day will take way too long, she has an extreme journey to get all the way from down there to where we were having the party, brrr.

Tomorrow morning she will be coming over here to check out my house, effectively making her the only one from the south who has seen my new place in person. The rest will have to make do with pictures.

Then we will go and drop her off at the train station and go to my grandparents where my grandmother is celebrating her 82nd birthday, and after that we will have to go and show our face at an acquaintance because she is turning 60.

I can only hope to be back home in time for dinner and have a quiet evening for that remainder of the Sunday!
Mood: tired

eadwine Birthdays, birthdays Sunday, January 14th 2007 @ 21:59 - Subscribe
Good lord what a day.. first we went and took my niece to the trains. She hadn't slept too well, but as well as can be expected when you are in a strange house for the first time. She saw my place, and she just loved the colors. I am glad she got to see it for real now, her family will likely ask about it, being the only one ever having been down these regions. Everything is flat here, contrary to what she is used to.

We went and got a nice bouquet and then headed off to my grandmother's birthday. It was ok, one of my nephews told me that another car next to him, while waiting for the lights to turn green, almost got mugged. Imagine that! I hear these stories from people in the States, not from here. Though slowly but surely you have to start watching it when you go to the larger city areas, Rotterdam, Amsterdam, Utrecht, The Hague and such, make sure that you keep your eyes open and lock the doors when needed.

Nephew was lucky, the person banging on the doors and trying to open them was at the car next to him, stupid nut. He picks a car that has four people in it, instead of his car. He was on his own, and had he known what was in the car and in the tow he would have hit a big one. Nephew had for about 10000 Euros worth of music gear along, so...

Anyway, even though it was still a red light, he and the car next to him took off and away from that spot. Good thing it was three in the morning, never much traffic out then.

After we welcomed some other relatives we said our goodbyes and went to the second birthday that day. They were having that one at an inn, and when we got in.. boy was that place CROWDED. And I hate crowds, really, I do. I can't hear a thing they are saying then. Turns out that I and the mother of the lady who does my and my dad's hair (the birthday woman's daughter in law) somehow know each other already, but for the life of me I cannot place her anywhere. The moment I saw her I told her "I know you from somewhere.. but.. WHERE?" She didn't remember either. Ah well, too bad.

After having talked a bit with birthday's sister I pretty much had had enough. She was drunk as a fiddle, couldn't stop hauling you and poking you and I was just sick and tired of the whole thing pretty fast. Thank goodness we only went there for about an hour, we had shown our faces. It was good to be home again.

I need another weekend... *drops head on table*
Mood: alive

eadwine A day with a surprise at the end Monday, January 15th 2007 @ 22:32 - Subscribe
and not in a good way, I'll add.

The morning went ok, just one thing that illustrates my work a lot of the time when something actually goes wrong. I had cleaned the lampshades last week, and one of the lampshades was over the TV. This lady said: "I don't know what you did last week, but that shade just has dirt on it like you won't believe."

I washed the darned thing out last week, I KNEW I hadn't dried it off proper, but that couldn't be it now, could it? Well, indeed, it was not my fault. I showed her there was paint on the thing. Yes, actual white paint. Well.. obviously I did NOT handle the paint jar so I kind of jokingly seriously made this comment about blaming the help so easily. A lot of people do that, without thinking of how it makes the helper feel. We are only trying our best, it doesn't really help when you blame us for things we didn't even cause in the first place.

Ah well, you take a deep breath and move on. The afternoon was more fun, less stress, lots of laughs and generally good. I left for home on time and that was interesting. My radio died. I must remember to bring a book tomorrow or I will be super bored. When I play a CD it plays, but when I want to press a button, ANY button, it turns off briefly and then turns back on again. Very confusing. Anyway, I'll have that checked out sometime and in the mean time I will pass my time reading I guess. Maybe I'll bring my belt radio along *shrug*

I got home, and immediately went to wash my windows. This morning I had gotten a call on my cell that the people who will come and re-set my window will do so Wednesday afternoon at 14:30, so I wanted that window at least to be somewhat clean so it is easier to work with and less grit in the gooey stuff.

Once that was done I put on my PJs and just lounged watching a DVD while I had some spaghetti for dinner. Then the phone rang. It was my dad telling me about his friend. He walks with him on a daily basis, although lately there hasn't been much walking because the guy's leg was bothering him so much. The doctor couldn't find what the cause was, so they sent him on to a specialist, and this afternoon his home doc made a house call...

He has cancer in the liver, there are spreads throughout the hips, the one upper leg, his spine and a bit on the lungs as well.

When I heard that I thought "Done deal, end of game". He is going to be admitted tomorrow, but he should actually have gone in today. But he didn't want to since there were things to take care of first, which is logical. They are going to test what exactly it is, where it has started and to see if it is treatable, and if he WANTS to be treated. As far as he is concerned, his life ended when his wife died, so.. when he is given the choice, it'll likely be made easily enough.

His helper is a lady who lives on the corner of my block, very nice woman and we have spoken and visited a few times. I told my dad that she could come over for a chat or something anytime, just not this evening since I was in PJs already *chuckles*

After we hung up and I went back upstairs I decided to call her, and then cancelled that plan too and just put my regular clothes back on and went there. She really appreciated the gesture, and it was the least I could do.

So.. the day ended in a rather strange way. I have been through this before though, with my mother, this year 12 years ago, so I know what it is like. I hope this man will be able to without pain as well, just like she has. You wish pain on no-one, especially not this kind.
Mood: shocked

eadwine Ye normal day, thank goodness Tuesday, January 16th 2007 @ 23:20 - Subscribe
Thank goodness today went by without a hitch and I was able to leave early at the second client. The drive to work was different without a radio on and being able to sing along like I usually do. I had these empty bottles in the trunk, and I could hear them rolling around in the plastic bag I had put them in. I was this close to yelling back to be done with that racket already. Usually I don't hear such things.

The first client on a Tuesday is the most difficult one in the week, not because I don't like her, but because she is very precise in her doings and will correct you if you as much as name things wrong.

I called the cabinet in the hallway the shack, and when I got back from getting my coat she said: "That is not a shack, it is a full sized normal cabinet you know". Oh well gee.. sorry. *laughs* I took a deep breath, counted to ten and let it go, there are worse things in life to get all worked up about.

Got me a french fry for lunch and then went to the parking lot to eat it in the peace and quiet I had there, took out my little portable belt radio and listened to the news using that. At least I was somewhat informed of the global happenings that way.

Afternoon client was his usual cheerful self, went to vacuum after I had managed to stop him and wait for me to finish dusting. On one hand he wants me to do things, on the other he wants me to stop doing what I am doing and "it's not necessary, come on". It is, just that he doesn't see it *laughs* Personally, I don't mind slacking off a little every now and then, but I do want things to be at least reasonable.

Got home earlier than expected and took things nice and easy. I didn't feel like even going to work today, this general ugh feeling, the feeling you have when you just KNOW it is going to be a loooong day. I was wrong though, thank goodness.

Tomorrow is only a half day, and in the afternoon the window re-placer people will come by and hopefully fix the water issue I have with the door. Good thing I told them to come Wednesday by the way, when I saw the weather report for Thursday it pretty much said: stay indoors unless you want to be blown off the road.

Weather is out of whack, very out of whack over here. At least we don't have that ice problem that is happening in the States, that would seriously mess things up over here. We don't have the sort of regulated snow days so that would pose a problem alright. I just wish the season would make up its mind already.

I upgraded Ktorrent today by the way. I was running this way old version on this system and saw there was a full number version update. I halted my current download/upload, closed Ktorrent completely and upgraded the thing to the latest available. Sure looks good now, has more options and after some tips that I found on the net I was able to get a faster speed. The trick? Increase the upload speed to about 80% of my max. As soon as I turned that up things went much faster grin.gif First time Torrent user, it sure shows *grin*
Mood: tired

eadwine The wheel of life Wednesday, January 17th 2007 @ 21:58 - Subscribe
The wheel of life turns, and once again I am on the path of understanding death's place. All around me now there are people who are walking their last walk. One client, my dad's friend, and I just heard of a young new mother, of whom we all hope will pull through, but fear what is about to take place.

Two of these people have led full lives, one of them is, in our eyes, too young. The wheel of life teaches us many things, but the basics boil down to experiencing all sides in one's lifetime, and when the time has come, it is time to move on. It is not taking physical age into account, for there are people, children even, who die.

Why children are taken, we don't know. Often it is for the better although we cannot see it that way. It's a difficult matter, that is for sure. But every death that happens is for a reason, a life is never for naught.

My dad has been asked by his friend to take care of the basics. Canceling subscriptions, making sure addresses are correct, getting the funeral cards, all that sort of stuff. His friend is very down to earth about it, and I admire the man for being that way. His two sons, he doesn't want to burden them with it all, hence he asked my dad. A good choice, as those two have other things on their minds than their father's newspaper.


The door was fixed, at least I hope it was. Time will tell. I updated the template yet again so I have a spot to include links to other diaries without them taking too much attention. Tomorrow we have a storm warning, yet again, up a notch from what we had last week. The strongest winds are not due to arrive until late so I should be able to get home in one piece as I don't have to work in the afternoon.

As for that young mother, I can only wish for the best to happen, which isn't always what we want unfortunately. That part isn't in our hands.
Mood: introspective

eadwine Heavy storm in the afternoon Thursday, January 18th 2007 @ 23:16 - Subscribe
Good lord that was some storm. We even made it to CNN!

First I had to get to work, which went ok. No big problems. As I was driving there I started thinking poetry. Poetry of the likes like this:

"There the bird goes, higher speeds never reached, turn, whoosh along, watch that pole"

And as I said that last bit out loud a pheasant decided to cross the road, so I added: "and that pheasant"

Work is always weird at that client. We get along just fine, but often I want to do something and it gets completely ruined because something happens, or simply because the client wants me to do something completely else, or NOT do something. That is about as confusing as it is.

We talked about the wind, bad weather indeed. When you sat down on the toilet you would hear the wind howl. When she went I told her to grab a good hold of that seat to avoid being blown off. Big giggles ensued as she rushed to the shite house.

All I had to do after I had left was fill up the tank and get me a few light bulbs. My shower bulb decided to go poof this morning, and I haven't even thought of replacing it yet *shakes head* Ah well.. tomorrow is early enough.

The wind was VERY heavy. I had to hold on to that steering wheel alright. One time there was this HUGE gust from the left which moved the car about a meter. Good thing I was driving in the middle of the road at that time. Even though the back road I use is wide open to weather influences, I still believe it is safer than using the highway in these conditions.

Closer to home some creative driving was asked for. Traffic from the usual sides, of course, but also from above. Add to that roadblocks of various sizes and you have creative driving. I only hit one small branch, but that one wasn't big enough to make the car go ouch.

I was glad to be home and safely indoors. Rain was pouring down so hard that I closed the bedroom window. That thing never gets closed so.. it didn't fit anymore. Easily remedied: open window (hold on tight) and close with a whack.

The neighbor's yard at that time was already a mess.

I sat down at the computer again, chattering away with someone when I got the marvelous idea to check the back yard after I had read an alarm to stay indoors had been issued by the government. One look and oh shit. One of the trash cans was on its way to the back door, the bird feeder house had fallen over, but that wasn't the worst. The fence in between the gardens was leaning my way very heavily. One side, the side on the house, had come loose and every time the wind blew it came heeling over even worse.

I grabbed the spade and rammed it in the ground to use as a strut, but the fence was moving back and forth so violently that that thing was way too short and small to do any good. I already envisioned tomorrow morning with the whole fence on my garden, and no more barrier between me and the neighbor. Kind of sucks, you know.

I looked about the house, going into different rooms, to see what I could use and then suddenly I saw the solution. I removed the flag from the pole and took it downstairs, shoved one end in the ground and the other end up against the fence. Meanwhile of course making sure that said fence was not going to crush me underneath it.

It worked.



I hope the royals won't mind. *laughs*
Mood: worried

eadwine Whacking my internet connection Saturday, January 20th 2007 @ 23:51 - Subscribe
Ugh, I hope it stays up now for a while. At least till I post this and go to bed *chuckles*

Yesterday morning the last dream I had before waking up was that everything had fallen over; the entire fence around the garden all gone. I was very pleased to find things still standing and secure enough to last a day of work. After checking the flag pole one last time I headed off and just hoped the day would go by fast.

I had a very productive day, but I sure was tired as hell for not getting a proper restful sleep that night. The morning went by without a hitch, I had lunch, and then, fifteen minutes early, went to client number two which I usually have on Wednesday afternoon. He's the one who isn't doing well, who I took to the graveyard last week.

I immediately started doing the same thing as with the morning client: wash windows all around the house. Man, those looked like a storm had hit them. *winks* Pretty messy, very muddy. After that I did the plain old same old same old, then went into the cellar and gave it a quick dust'n'mop. I only took a short break and continued immediately, resulting in the fact that I was all done half an hour earlier than normal and he told me that it was ok for me to go if I wanted to.

That was something that THAT day you wouldn't have to say to me twice, so off I went to get my dad.

As soon as he got off the phone (difficult client of his that just does not stop yapping) we went to the store and looked around for things we could use as a strut. We decided on poles, however I suggested we go and ask those folks for any ideas they may have. One never knows if someone has a better idea on solving the issue.

"Oh.. heh.. you're the first to come here with a fence problem. I had to strut mine too. Hey we have some scrap wood beams lying around that you can use if you want. You can take those along for free. Prop them up against the fence, secure the things and you're set. You can tell the lady at the cash register that Alex said it's ok and walk right out."

You should have seen the look on her face when my dad told her "Alex said it was ok, byebye" and off we went with six of those things under our arms. Priceless, both the beams and the look. I knew we would have screws at home, so no need to get those things.

When we got back it started drizzling a little bit so we had to hurry a little to not get too wet. First we had to get the bolt out of the fence that used to be attached to the wall. It had been yanked straight out, including a bit of stone. Dear goodness, must have been some wind alright.

When the first strut was in place you could immediately see the improvement. That thing wasn't going to fall over any time soon now. All the struts were put up, and what was left was screw them to the fence. Well.. that was a no go. The screws turned out to be too short still, so this morning I went to get long (LONG!) ones and when my dad came over things were secured nice and tight within half an hour. We also rammed iron V profiles into the ground at the bottoms of the struts to avoid them sinking away into the ground. The fence currently doesn't even move an inch when there is a bit of wind. Great.



Looks like shit of course in my garden, but oh well. It is either that or look at my neighbor's yard. Trust me, that is even more shit than the current looks of mine.

I spent the rest of the day lounging a bit and cleaning out some papers, less messy is good. The only thing that irritates me is my internet going down twice without notice from the internet people. Not a clue what happened, but I am thinking it might be the torrent I am getting.

Ah well.. Currently things are working thank goodness so I can at least update the blog.

Blah this must be a really boring entry to read hehe.. deal. *nods firmly*
Mood: contructive

eadwine And gone is the weekend Sunday, January 21st 2007 @ 22:14 - Subscribe
Geez time can sure fly. I slept in till a frightening 11:30 in the morning, quite something for me. But then again, I was up at 7:30 already to check emails and to startup my torrent (I turn the computer off at night). I fiddled some left and right and by 8:30 I went back in. It WAS 2 in the morning after all, that I went to bed the first time, and I need the hours.

Though the bed was comfortable I wasn't able to actually GET to sleep until the neighbor had good and well left for church. Now, I don't mind churchgoers, but man, can you do it without that racket? Urgh. Every time I was about to fall asleep BOOM, some door, or something fell or whatever. Exactly the moment I dozed off. Blah, not fun.

I rolled over, pulled the covers around my head so this little section of the face still stands out and finally managed. Until that 11:30 no less. Ah well.. who cares, it is the weekend after all and I had no plans.

I got back at the computer and noticed there was a nice sun out. A welcome change after all that wind, that is for sure! I immediately got dressed and went downstairs to get some garden work done. Just a plain weed and rake. Of course I always do this without my hearing aids (oh.. to my readers who didn't know this yet, I am over 50% deaf, both ears) since I like the silence around me as I work. Less distraction.

One downside to that: when people walk by and do more than just say hey. Which is what happened. I just told the guy I hadn't put my ears in, he wasn't articulating enough so I couldn't even read what he was saying. He greeted and went on his way again. Thank goodness no-one else came up to me. Only the little neighbor kid I noticed, trying not to stand out while watching me through the curtains *chuckles* He grinned as I waved secretly at him, as if we were sharing something that was just for him and I.

I moved to the back after that, which was a bit more work. Quite strenuous at some points, and I even found some more lava stones in the dirt as I went along. At least now the dirt looks ok again around the struts, and when the weather gets better those struts will get a treatment so they won't rot away. Currently it just isn't the weather for it, freeze coming, and lots more rain.

I did put the bulbs in today, a little late, I know, but it's better than leaving them in their bag. I can throw them away then anyway. I put a stick in the soil where I planted them. Knowing me I would weed them right down again, poor things *laughs*

It was well past 14:00 when I was finally done with both sides, and that was a good thing, because not even half an hour after that it started to look threatening again, and was raining not soon therafter. Good.. water for my bulbs.

At least I did something constructive with my day. My sewing machine and serger are cleaned and oiled again, I actually ran a load of laundry and managed to watch a movie in between all that and my net being down again *glares at provider* Ah well, at least it never lasts long, 2-3 hours at the most. I can deal with that.

Me and a whole day without the net? Err.. not good, not good at all. Been there done that, massive withdrawal *laughs*
Mood: constructive

eadwine After storm cleanup Monday, January 22nd 2007 @ 22:25 - Subscribe
No matter what the weather was like, unless it rained too hard, I was washing windows today. And I don't mean the OS Windows. I know I will be doing that job all week, honestly things look horrible at my clients, so it's necessary.

The morning was spent with my equally deaf client who told me she got a call from a day time facility lady who would come over and talk about some details with her. It's so she can get out of the house for a bit, be interactive with others. Many people love it, many hate it and wouldn't want to be seen dead there.

Thing is she heard something wrong. Instead of the Dutch word for day (dag), she heard roof (dak). Same sound exactly except for the last letter. Well.. being deaf involves one big thing: trying to figure out what people say.

Many think we cannot hear well, and thus when we ask people to repeat something they feel the need to increase their volume quite a bit. That my dear folks is NOT necessary. All we want you to do is articulate better. I can hear you from in the other room, sure. I cannot understand a thing you are saying though since I hear the sounds of the words, but not the words themselves. That is also why I lipread, so I can read what people say. Do not hold a cup in front of your mouth when talking to me, because then I won't be able to understand.

In any case, she heard the word wrong and all this time she was talking to this lady as if she was coming over to fix the roof *laughs* At some point in time that lady apparently realized that my client hadn't quite caught on to what she was telling her and told her so. It is embarrassing then to be in the client's shoes. I know but too well how it feels. Here you think you are doing fine and having a great conversation and all of a sudden this other person tells you something completely different.

I have answered many a question with some stupid answer. "Oh you were talking about THAT!" *groan* Please open a hole in the ground so I can sink into it, thank you.

The morning went rather fast, I had to hurry it up even to get it all done. At some point in time when I was already long done washing windows the client came down and told me she looked out the window, saw it was raining quite a bit, and was wondering where -I- was. Well.. I told her.. I was outside washing that last window when splash hit. However, I wanted and had to finish that last one, so.. I simply took my aids off and tucked them in my pocket and went on with the work.

People seem to think it is bad to get wet, I actually like it when I am in the right mindset, as long as my hearing aids don't get wet *chuckles*

I did my groceries at lunch time and then went on to my afternoon client where I worked on the kitchen and.. yep you guessed it.. the windows on the outside. It looked like someone had thrown a sand pit at it, geez. But she was SO glad that she could look outside proper again. For many of these people looking outside is pretty much all they have to do during the day, except for watching TV that is, so.. windows are important to them.

After work I went straight to the vet to get my cat's food. She is on a special senior diet to keep her urinary parts from infecting. It works like a charm, but she needed a refill. I also noticed this wet cat food package there, same stuff, just Sheba like. I brought one home with me just to try it.

When I got there I immediately put the winter freeze covers on the car windows which will save me some ice removal tomorrow morning. Yes folks, we are getting temperatures below zero. Finally.

After that was done it was time to try out the new kitty food. Oh man when I opened that thing a wee bit and let her take a sniff the sirens opened. Ever heard the sound that the Ghostbusters car makes in the movie? She sounded like that. I even called my dad so he could hear the racket, it was crazy, I had a hard time actually feeding her, I was laughing so hard. Needless to say: I think she likes it.

Last thing I did was order a Diary-X mug from Stephen. I really like to have one, and even though it costs a bit to get it shipped overseas (I told him to please wrap it carefully, things get thrown here!), it is part of the long past of blogging that I have. I mean.. I joined in August of 2000, and kept both my diaries (one private, one public) there till almost a year ago.

Well.. let's hope tomorrow the roads won't go icy, I am not much in the mood for a slippery road. Thank goodness it is only the morning, let's hope it is dry then so I can.. yep you guessed it.. etc. etc. I rather like keeping busy, time passes fast that way.
Mood: alright

eadwine Chilly, who? Me? Tuesday, January 23rd 2007 @ 23:02 - Subscribe
Good lord it was cold today, at least.. for me it was. I know many are used to temperatures far below what we are getting here, but for me it is terribly cold. I am a bit of a warm blooded person I guess.

The day started with me having to de-ice the windows of my car, filling up the antifreeze windscreen wash tank and then very slowly driving off, hoping that in the mean time my windows wouldn't freeze shut again. Thank goodness for those foil things that you can lay over the front and back windows. Note to self though: take those things off last, just before driving off, the windows will freeze over after all once they are removed. Quite irritating, that.

My fingers were freezing cold, my toes were not doing much better, and even right now things are extremely chilly for me. But yeah.. I cannot quite crank up the heat to a whopping 25C here, I pay for that gas you know *laughs*

When I got there I half and half decided to wash windows again, however, nope. That lady told me to do that next time, we needed to change the bedlinen. No problem, I rather change the linen than stand outside in the cold washing those windows. Honestly, it was VERY necessary, but ah well. Good thing is this client doesn't see too well, so it won't bother her as much as it does the others.

After finishing at her place I very carefully again drove home, parked the car but didn't put the foil over yet, since this evening I went to my dad to get my hair cut. I call it a mow job really, all that is needed is for the tips to be trimmed again and I am all set. Long hair CAN be very easy to maintain.

At about 16:00 I got an email from my planner, saying that my Thursday morning client had been admitted to the hospital, so she didn't need an aid. I could call the Friday morning one and ask if it was ok to move her forward a bit, that way I will have Friday off and have a long weekend. Well, that was something that she didn't have to tell me twice! I called and it was ok. So.. I have tomorrow, full day, then Thursday, half day and in the afternoon a refresh of a course I had recently that I passed with honors and then.. WEEKEND! Yay! happy.gif

I left for dad early, because when I glanced outside I saw my car slowly freezing over again. Ahh fun.. no I was not having that same story again that I had this morning, uh uh. So.. loaded up the old paper that I needed to take away and went on my way.

Why is it that people always want to drive the wrong way? The paper dump is a one way street, pretty much. You enter on one side, you exit on the other. Not too hard to understand you'd say. Well.. there are always those around who wish to enter at the exit point. It IS nice and handy, sure, considering the depot is at the exit point, but they made it one way for a reason you know! *mutters* Stupid morons. Also.. the road needs an overhaul. I feel like I am driving a landrover instead of a Corsa. Man...

I got to dad safely and after a bit of fiddling at home with some music files (the funeral music of his friend) we went on our way. The hair dresser is the daughter in law of the 60yr old that we went to, the one with the drunk sister.

My dad told them about the news of his friend, they hadn't heard it yet, and of course they were very sorry to hear about that. My dad was first on the list, and while he was being "mowed" the hair dresser lady told us a story about her kids.

She has a daughter of about 2 years old and she had a friend over to play, a boy. They were playing upstairs in her room and at some point in time mom heard her daughter say that she needed to go pee. "Oh," the boy said, "I'll go with you".

Kids being kids and all.

Mom went sitting on the stairs to evesdrop. She wanted to know what was going to happen of course!

When her daughter was done the friend went. He did his thing standing up. She wasn't used to this since her dad always does things sitting down. "This is how I do it", he said. "Ohhh, but that is not right! You will make messes then!" "No I won't, see?"

That was pretty much all that happened, but apparently daughter was quite impressed, for she went to her mother that evening and asked: "Mom, can I have a wee wee too?" *laughs* Oh man, we had tears rolling over our cheeks from laughing when mom told us about it.
Mood: pleased

eadwine Easy day Wednesday, January 24th 2007 @ 22:48 - Subscribe
There.. finally up to date on mepislovers again. I got home later than I expected today since my dad called me RIGHT as I wanted to drive off with the request to please come over. He was trying to find a song by Rudolf Schock, Alle Tage ist kein Sonntag. Seemingly quite hard to find, and the library isn't much help as it seems to be lent out for at least 34 more days.

Well.. we don't HAVE 34 more days since this is for my dad's friend who is dying. My dad was on the phone while I was searching for the song, and he said that his voice was faltering because of hunger.

Hunger.

Hunger means dead within the week most times. When I hear the word hunger on someone who is dying I know things are going to go fast. Man I hope I don't die that way.. quick and painless is what I would opt for. But I guess anyone would, hmm?

The morning again was first spent by clearing the car windows of the ice that had accumulated on them. I left the covers on the front and back on till the last moment and I must say: that worked MUCH better than what I did yesterday, so I will remember that now and not make the same mistake again. I do have to refill the windscreen wash again, since that stuff really is needed for the first 5-10 minutes or so. If you don't use that, the windshield will immediately freeze over again.

When I got to the client I got to hear what damage she had had due to the storm last week. The roof of the build-on had blown off (poor pigeon that is housed in that build-on), and the window of the garage had blown straight out so it had to be boarded up till the glass can be replaced. Quite messy.

Also.. her neighbor woke her up really early last morning.. her husband had had a stroke and she was in a panic. Good thing my client used to work for the Red Cross ambulance services, so she knows how to calm people down and to keep them that way. The guy is still in hospital with a one side paralysis. He can't speak yet, and it's only a matter of time before we know if he can ever come home again.

She came over while I was there and asked if we would be so kind to pick something up for her. Of course we would. My client is lucky that she has a helper with a car *laughs* She has this invalid pass that I can put on the dash, so we can park on special spots close to the stores, quite fun to see the looks of other people when I turn into one of those spots.

We got the necessary groceries, got some things for me as well and then went on our way again. It was way past 10:30 when we got back. After that it was coffee, make beds, run the vacuum through the house and by then it was lunch time.

I did go to the store to get me a photo frame for some pictures that I still need to get. I don't even have any of my dad, nor my brother, my passed on mother or even my grandfolks. Nothing at all. Time to change that. I got two of those frames, with a dark brown wooden look outer rim. Pretty heavy things too! Now all I need is pictures to put in them.



After lunch it was same old same old at the afternoon client. He is doing reasonable and I gave him the tip to put a chair on the top of the stairs, so as soon as he gets up there he can sit down and rest. It is what my morning client does, and it works for her, so why not for him? So.. when I was done up there I moved a chair from a room to the hallway and now all I can do is wait and hope that he will use it! It will be much better than come upstairs out of breath and then still have to go on to find something to sit on. At least the chair will give him immediate relief.

Right after I had left him I got that call from my dad to please come over, which turned out to be for that one particular song. We found one on a second hand site, an LP (for the kids: that is a really huge black CD shaped thing that needs a needle to play music), and he just told me that he would go and buy that one. Hopefully it will be in on time AND in one piece!

Big news thing today was the fact that a right wing party, the PVV, had put up a suggestion to have richer prisoners pay for their own stay. Especially the 65+ ones who will get their full elderly pay from the government, and they don't have to pay a dime of it to something else like rent or such. So basically it is a lucrative way to live off the state for.. say.. a year or two, and then you will have 900 Euros a month in your pocket. Not fair at all.

Us tax payers are paying the stay of these convicted folks (not just the 65+ ones) and it is time that they paid up for what they did wrong! Doesn't happen often that I agree with the right wing, but in this case I most certainly do. They got themselves into the situation in the first place, so they only have themselves to blame. And hopefully then our well earned money can go to something proper instead of to those morons.
Mood: good

eadwine Feeling good today Thursday, January 25th 2007 @ 23:59 - Subscribe
It's weekend already! Boy am I glad that is the case. I can sleep in tomorrow and I don't have to worry about the upcoming snow and slippery road conditions because of it. I can stay nicely in my warm bed, and roll over one more time. I can hop in in a bit, and not set the alarm.

Of course I always wake up at 07:30, but heck.. at least I don't HAVE to get out. That is worth enough to me.

This morning I left extra early in order to make sure I could find a place to park the car. Over at the client they are putting a new layer on the parking lot, making sure it stays nice and smooth and not lumpy bumpy like it is now. They closed the entire thing, AND the way to it, completely. Nothing can get through, not even pedestrians. Those have to walk all around the building now in order to get to the store. Great thinking folks. These are elderly people, many cannot walk that distance anymore! *shakes head*

So.. it being closed off all week, I expected quite some progress when I walked in and looked out of the window. You know what I saw? No progress at all. Yes, the mud had been removed, so it was clean now, but aside from that? Nothing. Not even the big potholes were filled up. So.. we are looking at yet another week worth of this mess before I can park my car there again. You should have seen the surrounding streets, complete chaos. I parked over at the train station, that lot is large enough. Takes a walk then to get to the client, but so be it.

At least I got there well on time, since it was 08:45 that I rang the bell. The client happened to have a record of that German artist Schock, but not the particular song on it. I got word from my dad though that the thing has been sent off today, so it should get to him by tomorrow or the day after, which will be on time.

The friend is not doing too well. He has trouble breathing (so I can guess the cancer has raced up into the lungs now), but at least he is not in pain, except for when he has to cough. I have debated a little on whether or not to visit him, but have decided against it for several reasons, both selfish ones and unselfish ones. It is for one way too busy for him to have more than one at a time, added to that that he is my dad's friend and not mine. And the selfish reason is that I want to remember the man the way he was, not the way he is now.

I know that when my mother had died I couldn't get that image of her dying out of my head for weeks. I wanted to remember her the way she used to be before she got sick, and I got really angry at myself and basically the situation that I wasn't able to remember her any other way than sick, and also dead in the coffin. I didn't have nightmares or anything.. just that I couldn't picture her anymore the way that she was. Even now when I look at photographs, they seem unreal. And it's been over 11 years now, go figure.

So.. no.. I won't go visit, and I also will not go to the funeral, UNLESS there is a closed casket. But that is a rare thing over here. They don't close it unless there are severe disfigurements or something to the face. In any case: the basic idea is that I want to remember him the way he was, a large strong man with a very outspoken opinion about things he cared about.

Hmm.. I got derailed quite a bit.. the afternoon went just peachy. The repeat course was fun, it was a hoot that I was the only one who could still run out the straight facts as they were on paper, since I just passed the exam after all. I volunteered to show things, just like that.

I am not like that.. I am really the more quiet type, but I sense in myself that I am changing, feeling more confident about myself and it shows by me being more outgoing in group settings. I guess I have been able to put the bullying teenage years that haunted me throughout my twenties behind me.

I can honestly say that I love my thirties, I have finally grown up to a person I like much more than the insecure wall flower that I used to be twenty years ago. And by the looks I am still growing up. I regret a number of things I have done in my life, but I sure as hell learned from them and I wouldn't be who I am today if it wasn't for them.

Let's hope the record arrives tomorrow. I am sure dad will let me know the minute it gets there. *crosses fingers*
Mood: confident

eadwine Snow! Friday, January 26th 2007 @ 12:26 - Subscribe
Well.. it's not much but it's something. The first snow of the winter. I looked outside and oh pretty. About time too, that it snowed.



Currently it is all gone again, but maybe later today it might snow a little more. We'll see. I took the opportunity to test the cat harness I had gotten a while ago and after a bit of sweet talking Dixie accepted the thing being put on and then I snapped the leash on the back end. Out we went.

She was crawling down first but then she apparently realized that she was to walk pretty much freely to where I let her. Just not too close to the fences since I don't want her climbing up all of a sudden and jumping over. Kind of hard to follow her then with the leash in my hands.

She took it ok, sniffed the surroundings and everything went well, until my neighbor decided to come out and call in one of her animals. Dixie crouched against the ground and wouldn't move but backwards so I picked her up and took her back inside. No use pulling on a cat leash since for one it makes the cat scared of the leash and for two, it hurts their little paws. I want to be able to take her out again sometime, that won't work anymore when she gets scared of the harness.

I am very satisfied though of how it went, she did very well indeed. Once inside I closed the door behind me and pressed the two snap closures open and she was free again. I proceeded with lots of petting, sweet talk and some candy which resulted in a cuddle session hehe. Cute animal.

I talked to my dad over the IM a little this morning and as we were chatting the mail arrived, WITH the records in question and dad said they were in very nice condition indeed. Currently he is off eating at the elderly home, and when he comes back he'll put the track on a CD. Thank you internet, and also thank you to the person with the records for not lying about their state. You never know with that sort of thing.

He also asked me if I wanted to come along this evening. I told him about my doubts on that, about the image I had of my mom and all. He told me that he doesn't look like a dead guy, he still has his rosy cheeks. He just can't talk as much anymore, and just whisper when he does talk. He does still have his sense of humor though.. my dad told him that no matter how long or short he thinks he has left, to at least push it beyond the month's end, to screw over the elderly pay. *laughs* You get paid in advance here after all, at the beginning of the month. The guy had to laugh at that one alright.

So.. after asking if the friend would appreciate it, I decided to go see him after all, one last time. Dad will pick me up in about 4 hours or so and we will go to the hospital together. Wait and see I guess.. and I will try to prepare for the worst possible look so it can only turn out better than that.
Mood: apprehensive

eadwine Alle Tage ist kein Sonntag Friday, January 26th 2007 @ 22:41 - Subscribe
Well.. I went, I saw him. He didn't look as bad as I had thought, but he had lost a LOT of weight. His energy level is really low.. he told us that when he has to go bathroom there are two nurses that will help him. "You will ring sir when you are done?" Yes he will.. well.. when you get back in bed, he told us, you are so goddamned happy to BE back in there, so tired you are.

He can only whisper indeed. Though it is a strong whisper I couldn't understand all of what he said, but dad helped out on that one. He is indeed still in good spirits, his humor is still there. He asked me how work was going where I was now.. I had the distinct feeling he wanted to know that I was ok where I was, with what I was doing.

I didn't share my worry about the new health care rules, my fears about losing most of my current clients and having to deal with telling them that. It pisses me off, I can get so angry for what the old government did to the country. They sure as hell damned the healthcare department. But I kept quiet about that, and told him about my one client who knew Rudolf Schock, knew the song and that she started singing it right off.

The song text is quite gripping too. I have pasted it below, and put the translation (roughly anyway) next to it.

Alle Tage ist kein Sonntag,
Alle Tag gibts keinen Wein,
Aber du sollst alle Tage
Recht lieb zu mir sein.
Und wenn ich einst tot bin,
Sollst du denken an mich,
Auch am Abend eh du einschläfst,
Aber weinen darfst du nicht.

Laß grünen, laß blühen,
Laß reifen das Korn,
Laß welken die Blätter
Von Zweig und von Dorn
Verschneit unser Garten,
Wir warten, wir zwei,
Denn wir glauben alle Tage
Die Mainacht herbei.

Und wird es dann dunkel ,
Graues Haar und grauer Sinn,
Laß leuchten, laß leuchten,
Wie froh ich dann bin.
Und wenn ich einst tot bin,
Sollst du denken an mich,
Auch am Abend eh du einschläfst,
Aber weinen darfst du nicht.		 Not all days are Sundays,
Not all days there is wine,
But on all days you should
Be very precious to me.
And once I am dead,
You will think about me,
Also on the night before you fall asleep,
But you may not cry.

Let it be green, let it bloom,
Let the corn ripen,
Let the leaves wither
Of twig and of thorn
Our garden covered with snow,
We will wait, us two,
We believe that all days
The May night is here.

And when it becomes dark,
Gray hair and no more desire,
Let it shine out, let it shine out,
How happy I am.
And once I am dead,
You will think about me,
Also on the night before you fall asleep,
But you may not cry.


It's mostly for his kids. They will have lost both their mother AND their father once he is gone. No more parent to fall back to.. and I must say, I hope I will not be in their shoes for a long time to come.. the mere thought of losing my dad freaks me out. Inside, the idea alone makes me panic.
Mood: emotional

eadwine MSN and webcam Saturday, January 27th 2007 @ 22:16 - Subscribe
I did something useful today. Yesterday really late (and I am talking 4am kind of late) I was able to use my webcam on amsn in linux. YAY! The only downside was that I couldn't configure it. No adjusting of brightness and such, so the day time user saw me as a big bright blob. Not fun.

Today I downloaded the latest amsn package and after getting a .deb of it and installing that I found that I could actually change the settings now! I loved it! I still do.

The only issue left was the firewall, and that was sorted simply by changing over to Firestarter instead of Guarddog. It still complains I am behind a firewall when I go into the preferences, but it does connect. And with the router in between to boot. So.. now I have usable MSN with webcam in linux. Finally after two years there is no need for me to boot back to windows for that feature.

YAY!
Mood: ecstatic

eadwine Day of non-significance Sunday, January 28th 2007 @ 22:27 - Subscribe
Nothing important happened at all today. Nothing even worth noting I guess.. but ah well. The weekend is over again *cries* I wish it would last a little longer, but.. I shouldn't whine, I have another one next week.

I woke up around 7:30 this morning.. went to the computer and checked on a few things, talked with my friend from Australia *waves* and tested the cam with him. Yep, works.

About an hour or so later I went back to bed and instead of resting a LITTLE more I got a LOT more. I didn't wake again till 11:30. Must have needed it I guess *shrug*

What did I do this afternoon? Umm.. cruised around on the web, watched a few episodes of House (LOVE that series by the way) on the DVD, answered and wrote a few emails *waves at Linux friend* and in the evening we spent an hour to try and get anti-aliasing working on the amsn. It looked a little.. well.. very off, compared to other apps.

I will spare you the details of it not working on this machine for an hour and compiling errors and all that jazz, but.. it works now. And I hope I won't have to do that install again anytime soon! Good lord almighty.

Oh yeah! I remember.. I did that too, wipe a priest.

Sorry about that but we'll agree to disagree, alright? Gotta love the extremist religion kind. *shakes head*

Well.. time for me to shower and then hop in the bed for the necessary Z's.
Mood: yawny

eadwine I have to press which button? Monday, January 29th 2007 @ 22:35 - Subscribe
*eyes remote, manual on lap, wondering*

Well.. I got the clock set up right, and the language was already in Dutch, so that part at least is settled correctly.

My dad asked me yesterday if I would like to have a VCR, to record things at times. The machine belonged to the friend of his, and I asked that if he would be ok with it, then I would gladly have it.

So.. I took it home today, bought an extra cable for it that in hindsight I didn't need but oh well, and got the thing connected correctly with my dad's help over the phone. It isn't that hard to connect a machine like that, but keep in mind that over here we have this digital box that we can put in between so we can have both digital and analog signals, and the recorder has to be set up with both signals in order to have all channels available.

So.. it got set up and during a break of America's Next Top Model I managed to set up the clock on the thing. It was all ok, except for the day number, which I had to push the up button for. So.. I push the button on the remote, again, again.. nothing. What the.. turns out I need to push the up button on the MACHINE. Oh.. now had they made that a little clearer.. anyway, I managed.

Follow TV and all that other stuff is a whole other ballgame that I will break my head over tomorrow or sometime when I have some time on my hands.

The work day was easy. The morning consisted out of a few things. Pulling the covers back on the bed, cleaning a toilet and, last but most certainly not least cleaning the freezer. And clear out the ice too. The lady was so happy when I was done. More room, smells better, is clean, and drawers open and close again like they should. Wow.. miracle!

Afternoon was a little more work, but nothing too strenuous at all. At some point in time I was cleaning out the shower and the client was dusting, and I asked if I could play a CD. That was ok, turned the player on and out comes this.. umm.. sing along Dutch songs music kind. I can like it, but I have to put my mind to it. However, as I could hear from the shower, the client loved it as I could distinctly hear her singing along while she was working. I couldn't help but smile at it, that sort of thing makes me so happy.

Got home and went to my dad where I got to hear the latest update on his friend. They took an X-ray to see how far the cancer had spread and where I last time said his spinal cord was just a bit affected, it turned up black now on the X-ray. Black.. Jesus.. this is one aggressive cancer alright! *shakes head* He was on morphine patches yesterday, today they put him on a drip, against the pain. At least he doesn't have to suffer any pain, the only symptoms right now that we can see is that he has lost a LOT of weight and that he is terribly tired all the time, which is logical since his lungs are affected as well.

Something totally different.. I just got a response in for a quote I asked of shipping and handling of a toy sewing machine. Usually these quotes are somewhere between 10 and 20 USD to The Netherlands for these machines.

The first thing I said when I read it was: "Are you shitting me?" The quote came back UPS almost 120 USD and USPS well into the 80s.

Umm, you must be joking, right? Not charging for handling fees either, is the statement. Where is that bulge-eyed smiley when you need it. Jeesh! *shakes head and deletes watch from My Ebay*
Mood: puzzled

eadwine Mentally drained Tuesday, January 30th 2007 @ 22:14 - Subscribe
Somehow I feel mentally drained right now. I was actually intending to leave the dishes for a second overnight, but I forced myself to do them after all. Glad I did, it sure was a shitload. Bah.

Why I feel this way? Not a clue right now, just that I am tired... wait... yes I do. I'll get to it.

The morning was normal. Before I left for work I got an email from my team leader telling me I hadn't signed the consent form after taking the refresh course. Err.. I told them I had already signed it upon passing the exam, and they said it was ok? Confusion galore there.

Heck I don't give a shit if I have to sign or not, I was just saving the trouble of a double sign. But sure, find me the form, I will sign consent of work method if they need me to *rolls eyes* Once should be enough in my humble opinion. Oh well, it'll sort itself out again.

The morning client told me during the coffee break that her nephew had died. Cancer. She knew it was coming, yet still, it always is unexpected. They had kept the man unconscious, he never woke up again. The only real downside is that he died while his wife was home having a well deserved and recommended by the doctors sleep. So.. she feels pretty bad of course. Even though there is nothing one can do for a dying person, one wants to support the person as best as one can, it's in our nature I guess..

I went for a fry on lunch break, however the person I expected to be there (the daughter of the admitted to hospital Thursday client) wasn't there, so I still don't know what is going on there and whether or not I have to go there this Thursday. Wait and see. I'll email my leader tomorrow about it.

Afternoon client tells me this story about a person he knows who three weeks ago was only complaining about a pain in the neck and upper back. Guess what? He's dead now. That makes two in one day.

I told him about my dad's friend, and how he is doing, and he sighed. Yet another one. I don't know if it is something I see a lot of late, whether it is coincidence or whether it is because I am putting special attention on it, but man.. people are dying like flies around me, it's insane!

I went home around 15:45 after giving him a few pointers on what needs special attention, and picked up some CDs and the Scart cables of my dad that I didn't need and went to him. Next I decided to give the car radio that is not wishing to cooperate a go, and I got the radio out of its casing, only to find the stupid cables too short to put on the radio without having a children's arm available. Dammit!

I was not going to manage to get the cable back on, so.. I decided to call the dealer and have them do it. I got this most amusing person on the line proceeding to explain to me how I could still get to connect the radio without having to go there. Take apart the ashtray below the radio, and then you will have a hole just big enough to reach the cables and force them into place again.

Upon asking why on earth the cables were not long enough to be able to do this without the disassembly he told me to call the manufacturer's factory and tell them so. They had done so many times (he spoke the truth on that one, I could hear it!) and the men together had lost quite a few layers of skin already to justify these calls.

He said that upon hearing what I had tried already and determining that I knew where things were situated and what they did, he had a full conviction that I would be able to fix this unpluggage issue myself and that things would be just peachy after that. So.. I told him I'd give it a go, but if I didn't manage I'd come dealerside alright. He wished me good luck and off I went to get things disassembled.

And.. long story short on having to go back to my place to get the rattle screw driver since I couldn't reach one of the damned screws.. I managed and I can now enjoy radio again. Yay!

Right before I managed to fix this whole issue we went and saw the helper of my dad's friend. To tell her it was best to not go visit him anymore. Not that it wasn't possible, just that it would be better for her if she wanted to remember him the way he used to be.

I told her to take the advice, trust my word on it (which is really why I went along with my dad) since I have seen and experienced what this can do to a person. And there we are at the root of my feeling drained. I went through this with my mother, I KNOW what it is like to not be able to remember a person the way s/he was before things went sour. You want to be able to remember them all healthy, all happy and smiling, not sick in a bed with trouble breathing and morphine drips all over.. you really don't.

Dad also said that he hardly recognized anyone anymore. He had his clear moments where he would recognize my dad again, but he's going worse really fast now.

I remember sitting at a client one day.. drinking my tea next to him while he was in his bed. He'd breathe in, then breathe out and stop, and after what seemed like ages this huge gasp and a few breaths again, repeat. Trust me, that is not the way you want to remember a person. The last time I was there I was pouring coffee and tea more than actually doing a household, taking care of the visitors who wanted to say bye bye before he actually left.

There are those who say bye bye to a corpse in a coffin. One bit of advice: you are too late. No need to say bye bye anymore then.

Then dad and I went to his house to close the curtains. Dad told me that according to the friend's wishes they had already called a real estate agent and when he came and looked all he said was: what a HUGE place! I actually told my dad (considering he said that had he known about the place back when he would have bought it) that if he still wanted the place this would be his chance, now or never. I know the friend wouldn't mind one bit.

We went into various rooms, my dad asked me if I wanted to have the couch.. told him no, logically speaking.. it is too large for my living room. We went through the bookcase, found two books on cats and one that immediately caught my eye: Memoirs of a Geisha, by Arthur Golden, Dutch version. Told my dad that it was a bestseller, but that he had to ask the sons first if it was ok that I took the three books.

It feels so unreal.. walking around in that house knowing the person who once lived there will never come back. Looking at things one last time. His car was still there. Told dad to tell the sons that they need to let that run sometime or otherwise the car will say: "Suit yourself but I ain't starting".

It was .. different. It felt like I was floating in that house. I was there but part of me didn't want to be there and shut itself off. I had to shut part of me down to avoid crying over the whole situation of unfairness.

You see the pictures there, the furniture, the paintings on the wall.. the things he had brought back from Indonesia, the land where he had met his wife. All those things, all those items on the wall and around the house breathed a certain life that was lived there, the aura around the soul so to speak. They still breathed, they tell a story, a story that will be split up now in