A Long Overdue Update
Date: Jan 5th, 2010 12:50:44 pm - Subscribe
Mood: balanced
It's funny. I got bit by the blog bug a couple days ago, but I couldn't for the life of me remember where my blog was. I made a new account elsewhere and created a post. Then Tiffany commented here on my last post (thanks so much, Tiff) which made a notice arrive in my inbox. I deleted the new one and decided to return here.
I can't believe how long it's been since I've written. I read through the couple posts here and deleted them. They made me think about things I don't care to think about. That was a really horrible time for me. I withdrew from everything and everyone for a long time.
A lot has changed over the past year and a half. Not so much changed in my life (job, family, etc. are all still the same), but changed in my head. I'm not nearly as nuts, sad, and angry. My perpetual depression lifted somewhere at some point. I try to stay busy and not think about it too much. I don't obsess. I don't overanalyze, at least to the extent that I used to. I feel pretty healthy. Healthier than I have ever been.
I'm on vacation this week so I've been cleaning and reorganizing. This morning I dug through stacks of books and notebooks. I read through some of the things that I wrote years ago. It's almost embarrassing, some of it. A lot of it. I was so angsty. I mean, I know it goes beyond angst. I know how terribly I was doing then, but I can't help but feel a little silly about it. Pain is a fact of life, but misery is an option. I've opted out.
I am more positive. My sense of humor is still wicked, but I think that's just me, not bipolar. I'm almost an optimist, not to the point of stupidity, but hopefulness. I still have ups and downs, but I don't panic about them the way I used to. I've found it's hard to get deeply depressed when I feel good about myself and where I am. The chemicals tend to fizzle out when they don't have negativity to feed on.
Bill's been laid off for most of this year, but we're still doing okay. He's got a lead on a job that might pan out this week. I'm hopeful there. I will miss having him at home, though. It's awesome coming to a clean house and warm dinner after a long day. Alysa just had her 14th birthday last month. We still homeschool. It's freaking me out a little that I only have 3.5 years to get her prepared for college, but I look forward to her future. She's going to be an amazing adult. She is going to start volunteering at a horse farm in March. I think that will be good for her. Plus, she needs to start getting some letters of recommendation secured for school. She has the next few years planned out, the goals she wants to accomplish, things she wants to learn. I'm really proud of her.
That basically sums things up. I'll try to post more frequently. I do miss writing and keeping up with everyone.
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