Its been a long time...
Date: Sep 24th, 2006 12:52:38 am - Subscribe
Hey, Its been a really really long time since i've been here lots of changes, went from emo blog to aeonity blog. its crazy how long i've been away. Heres what happened in my life
I just had my 17th b day and it was a blast the only thing that wasn't so fun was that noone really came to hang out with me, oh well, everyone was out of town its understandable, i just slept all day. It was fun!
On another note...
My ex girlfriend became pregnant about 15 months ago, we had our first child Analise Nicole , She was born with a heart defect and passed away 84 hours later. I miss her with all my heart, Something happened between me and my ex, she said that she didn't want to continue the relationship, i told her we can'd do that to our daughter. she just left, and decided to go out with some other guy like nothing ever fucken happened...I can't belive it, my heart is torn into peices. She still says she loves me and wants to be with me, but its been a long time and she hasn't even attempted to do anything, i can't love or like anyother girl because i'm soo in love with her but i don't want to be, she left me and my daughters memories when she left. I don't know whats wrong with her, i really wish Ana was still here, then i would atleast have something.
I've had the most horrible past year of my life, and i can only see it gettin worse. Parents don't really help anymore either..
i hate life.
Date: Sep 9th, 2005 1:16:58 pm - Subscribe
so, i always buy my girlfriend stuff...all the time she dosn't do anything for me at all...she never even tries to surprise me with a gift from the heart. i was thinking last night that i need to stop-i have spent abroughly 600 dollars on this girl by buying her lunch everyday buying her gifts..driving her everywehre so i told her that i didn't want to giver her my money for lunch because she asked for it. and she totally freaked out and was calling me a asshole and blah...i really really need to either talk to her and tell her how i feel or dump her ass right now...
Very Emotional Blog...
Date: Aug 31st, 2005 7:26:58 pm - Subscribe
Okay, I wake up for school today (wednesday) at 6:00 a.m. so i go to school and i wait at my gf's locker same gf from previous blogs we been doing great! anyways she never showed up...i thought it was kinda werid but oh well so i went to class (german) and she showed up about 20 min late so i was like you sick? she said no i will tell you later. so i thought maybe she had car problems or something of the sort. anyways at lunch were walking to where we decided to eat that day and well she tells me this.
G/f speaking: i had to wake up at 7:00 for a dentist appt. and i woke up at 7:05 my dad was really mad at me and he said that i should just stop talking because i never listen to him. so i stopped becasue he told me to. and he was yelling at me i didn't know what he was saying then he hits me across the face 5 or 6 times and then pushes me down the stairs. and then my mom says go the fuck to work. so he went and i came to school
i rubbed off her foundation and i saw the bruises. and it was horrible i didn't know what to do in this sort of situation becasue its never happened before.. its 1st degree child abuse and i am not sure what the police can do really. just say don't do it again? her dad has a real real bad temper problem he alwasy bitches how he was in the marines when he was in desert storm. when really he was in flordia stationed he never went to iraq....he just think he did.
anyways i really really need some advice to help her becasue i wanted her to stay with me tonight but her mom wouldn't allow it she was saying oh i love you come eat come eat darling etc.. etc... its a totaly peice of bull shit how i want to kill her dad but that wouldn't help anything he would be dead and me in jail. All i can do is be their for her. etc..
EDIT* she is grounded from me and isn't allowed to see me becasue her parents think she needs to be punished for wkaing up5 min late. her appt was at 7:30 she woke up at 7:05...seriously..noone else was ready intil 7:28 and she was ready at 7:15 its soo not logical...i really want to just run away with her...
this could possibly be the worst day of my life....its like i just saw a car crash and see someone laying before me dying and i know i can't do anything but whatch the paramedics try to save them...i feel like i can't do anythign but be their for her and possibly report it to the police depending if it would make thigns worse or not..i discussed it with my mom becasue i trust her more than anyone in the world. she said just be their for her and talk to her every day etc..
i really hope her dad dies in a car accident tomrorow...its horrible for me to say that. but REAL men do not take their anger out on a child that they are sopose to love...she has 2 sisters and he never yells at them becasue they like hunting...thats the reason he is mad becuase she likes different things like being scene and she loves to swim she is a very very good swimmer...she beaks the A team all the time....i think her dad shouldn't be able to be around kids if your going to take all your anger out on one child that hasn't did anything wrong that has been a Straight A student since 1st grade and always obeys what you say...you don't hit them 6 times and throw them down the stairs....he is nothing but a drunk...he wasn't drunk at the time but he dose drink alot...i hope he dies from alchol poisining...i really hope Karma/God gives him what he deserves....please pray for her tonight she needs every prayer she can get...i know i will be praying for her....i know...because i love her....
Date: Jun 7th, 2005 8:31:40 pm - Subscribe
Mood: pisst off / angry / upset / no use to live
so its my friends b day and i get her something ya know...then my gf is like so you get her a gift and not me? i said..its her b day and she told me she got me something and i said i didn't ask for it i told you not to get me something and so i give my friend her present and then i kinda touched my gf's sunburn ya know and she starts hitting me (*i understand that*) then she starts kickign me (i am in my friends car with inline skates on *just got done at skatepart*) and so i had enough i said thats it its over and i got out of the car and i started to go away and she starts screaming at me if you leave i am going to be mad so i kinda taungted her then she flipped me off and walked away well being the person i am and the feeling she said to me and how she thought she understood me i thought that she would understand its a joke and welli just started to leave so she runs after me and yells why do you do this to me?
do this to you? look at all what you have done to me i should be saying the same thing to you.
then i leave and i go for about 4 blocks and she calls me and tells me to come back i said okay and blah she just asked my why and i didn' want to be there so i just sia di dunni won't do it again so i could leave beacuse i didn't want to talk to her at that moment and i still dont =/ my life is tooo dramatic or something haha
relationships aren\'t what they should be..
Date: Jun 6th, 2005 9:39:04 pm - Subscribe
so, i been thinking about this girl and everything ya know...and i still can't get it out of my mind that she is using me...to veryfy the facts she dated around 25 but did stuff with like 5...i guess but its still really shity situation...i can't really stand it but i really like her ya know but blah! its just blah blha blah blah blah haha i don't really know what i should do really...its kinda messeed up...oh well time will tell i guess
-Wish me luck!
i have had enough of life...
Date: Jun 3rd, 2005 10:22:06 pm - Subscribe
I recently have had a girlfriend for a long long time i can't really remember how long its been long-and i have grown acustumed to her company and her being their and i guess i started to love her (blah blah blah)
well recently i found out exactly how many guys she has been with since we started going out.....about 35 different guys....that bummed me out a whole bunch...i personally have been with 3 girls my whole life...*not counting dumb elementary school* just from 8th grade and up and well i don't really know what to do i have been just thiking about it alot and i don't know...it just really hurts inside me i guess knowing about all the stuff she has done etc...you get the picture/ my best friend told me this because he didn't want me to get (hurt) by this girl who pretty much gose through guys like i go through whey (protien drink - for body builders etc..) and well it suckes really bad....i spent today with her but i didn't really acknowledge that she was there...i kinda feel like a asshole but i have had much on my mind i am 115 dollars in the hole and thats not good for anyone who has been in debt...my mom and dad are fighting over my custudy or w.e and i don't want any part of it and summer just really really really sucks...i have no money i am pretty much flat out poor...my job dosn't pay me enough to get outa debt and well....i am pretty much stuck at home, i am loosing friends left and right to drugs etc...and then my gf found my old annual and told me every guy she ever dated...i was at the computer and she gose...hiim...him him him him him him him him him him ihim him etc...etc...it was about enough to make me break down right there....we are sopose to hang out tomorrow but i am goign to call it off and go to my secret spot and spend the day there just thinking about different thigns i guess. it really breaks me up inside to type all of this i can't really type tonight anyways i just blah i have that empty feeling in side when your guts kinda go inside your throat and you just have that horrible feeling and stuff, i guess i am just really empathic about things i dunno i just get really attached i guess to some people then when i find out something or they call it off i get really really sad for a long periode of time...i am guessing i am in a depression from 5th grade when my parents always fought with each othere andi was sorda forgotten among the mess *i am in 9th grade now* i probably sound like a fucken emo bitch or something many people say i am but i can't really help it...i try to be the cool headed kind of guy that cares about stuff but i really just can't handle alot of all the shit that has happened in just a year its amazing how much high school can change your life and the life of friends around you and your parents/loved ones...i recently started to belive alot in God and stuff but lately i doubt my belif in anything right now i just can't really endure stuff very well i guess maybe i have some emotional problems i have no idea...but i just wnated to post this so i can maybe tell some people that i don't know how i feel or something...i don't really know...............i never really know....
Date: May 8th, 2005 9:56:00 pm - Subscribe
Mood: in the middle =/
my parents are divorced and well i am sopose to be at my dads but he lives in the country and i don't want to go out their beforfe schol starts ya know? so i can get ready and walk to school cause i live like 30 seconds away haha and well my dad is being a asshole and yelling at my mom and i don't want part of it and its just horrible i might be a emo crying bitch but it sucks i am sure many peopl eknow exactly what i been/am going through.
i will post more about thsi tomorrow casue i don't have the energy tonight...
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