Lately, I have been thinking about lots of things like. dumb stuff
why are were here?
is their a god?
what happens when you die?
gay stuff like that not all religion shit that just a couple of examples i guess i put up their. and tonight a girl asked me if my best friend since birth and i were finally friends i was like wtf? and she was being bipolar (no seriusly she is but she denies it) she has MASSIVE mood swings and tries to attack me when i confront her about her *possible* problem i told her the facts and said it wouldn't hurt to just know for sure right? and well i don't know all my life i felt alone like i couldn't connect or had the same interests as anyone in the whole fucken town and well it sucks lol. i have been alive for 15 years and havent found one person i can acually talk to things that go on in both our minds gets really old fast =/ so i don't know maybe i am messed up in the head or something i have no idea i probably am or maybe i just think and feel different that most people. like school its a act to put on for your friends and teachers etc...then when you come home your the *normal you that you know* or w.e it is i don't know have lots of questions that answere them selves and well i just have realized everything in my life i went though it did it alone i don't know if this is normal or not but i guess it is for me cause i do it so much. then i think sometimes do all my friends think i am werid or fucked up? then i come to the conclusion i don't really care because all they are are friends i have for now in a nother 3 years i probably won't ever see them again and i will be alone like i usually feel or really am. most of the people i meet in this town have no infuence on me, and when they start acting like teens it annoys me i don't kno why maybe cause i am designed that way or ma mature level is gay or something i have no idea. but i tend to think about things in the worst place like at a party then someone will ask me whats wrong and i won't say anything usually cause i am deep in thought and they will think i was being a asshole when i really didn't hear them intil they mentioned it to me later that week or day or w.e and woudl eb like O.o wtF? lol, but i don't know i guess i have decieded i will search for something this summer i don't know what but i hope when i find it i will know by then hopefully....