So I've moved in with a friend from work, its going quite well. She keeps trying to set me up with men though, which is kinda weird.
Got my own xbox finally, some sweet games on it. I'm an addict of GH3 ...
My GT is Sensarity if anyone else is an xbox nerd like me, add it.
anyway, I cant sleep, been too busy rearranging my room, got it done for the most part, having trouble finding a good tv to invest in. Bought one second hand, but found out you cant get to the input without a remote (which it didnt come with) so I can't even use it for gaming.
Lifes good none the less, I think
Ever have those days you feel so undesirable and uninteresting and have convinced yourself you are the most boring person on earth? Welcome to my every day life.
I think lately I've done well at convincing myself otherwise though. I have a girl thats interested in me, unfortunately we both suck at organizing schedules and being the man. My roommate said I was the coolest girl he has ever met with the best sense of humor (blush) and I got a review at work worthy of a twenty cent raise and praise from the boss. Life was going great, till my roommates started asking stuff from me I don't know I can give.
I need to talk to my mom.
The best part of my day though was this;
I thought it only appropriate to have a travel mug that best describes me in some way, since I work at a coffee shop.
I'm way too excited about it.
Kinda pathetic? Maybe not ...atleast before I took a picture of it ...and posted it ...
i'm so tired of myself, my sad, over emotional emo self. i hate being mad at someone, so furious about something so ridiculous, yet they don't see the problem, then when youre finally able to say how fucking pissed you are, you act like a bimbo just to keep the peace as if everything is ok.
well everything isn't ok
and i need to run away, run back home. i dont know if i want pity, or if i want to leave just so a year or two down the line, theyll have regrets. i dont even know if he'd miss me if i was gone. maybe thats what i want to find out.
dont even listen to me, i just want to whine to someone who isnt myself for a change.
Lifes been pretty great, met up with my lady friend and we watched some tv together. She asked to take me out to dinner sometime so as much as I hate to admit it, it might be my first actual date.
Hopefully it goes well.
I'm so addicted to Daria.
Lifes been boring, no work tomorrow, don't know what I'll do, but it should hopefully be fun.
I wanna start writing like I used to, idea after idea of amazing fictional work of a dream world I could only wish I was in. I wish i didnt lack the inspiration.
Where is my happiness. I think I'm happier alone even if I'm more lonely. F*k relationships and commitment, I live for me.
i'd sure like to come asore sometime.
Got an email from my mom. Brother OD'd again. Looks like the fool isn't gonna make a comeback this time. I wish this wasn't so fucked. She said she wanted me home and shes in the darkest part of her life ever. Why am I such an asshole for staying here? Why can't I leave my "perfect" happy life here to go stay with my famiy.
I guess I'm scared.
I'll be going for the funeral.
What a day to get called in to work. Why couldn't I read this email first before I made the call.
things have been strange. theres this girl im really interested in but im too stupid or insecure or something to go after it with as much enthusiasm as i know i have buried somewhere deep inside. shes great.
shes also got me addicted to this show. The L Word.
its further convinced me how big a lesbian i am and have been for longer than i should admit.
my roommate has been trying to get me to go back to being 'straight' for him but i cant keep lying to myself. i hate hurting him every time he asks me, but ever since ive come out to him things have been so awkward.
so aside from the l word and working, ive been entertaining myself with many episodes of daria, family guy and robot chicken. Of course much devil may cry 4 and halo 3 on the side.
i just bough The Darkness on ps3 and im quite excited to play it.
thus concludes another boring entry to my more than bland blog. but this is for me so ill do what i want =) i have more l word to be watched.
much love whoever made it this far, you're amazing~
I really don't want to work today.
Just wanna stay home, play videogames, chill on the computer.
Don't you hate wasting money and getting ripped off? Its such a piss off.
My new laptop is awesome, despite a few vista flaws, Ive figured most of it out. I got the last one in the store so unfortunately it was the one they kept in the display and everythings named STORE and shit.
I'm kinda annoyed, it said at the store and on the pc "250GB" it has two harddrives that add up to 222GB and like ...20 GBs are takin up by vista saving things i can't delete without permission.
I dunno, its weird.
Sorry I'm so boring today. Lemme think of something a little more interesting.
My work fired someone off the midnight shifts and they asked me to take over them 11-7this week. I only agreed to 1 for thursday and friday, so hopefully it wont be too horrible. Im just worried theyll ask me to keep doing it next week, then the week after. I think I made it clear only this week though. I hated midnights, I don't even get paid extra by the hour like I should.
That girl I liked, I don't know whats up with her, we stopped talking and aren't hanging out. It was unfortunate, I liked her. =(
|new computer, im so happy =D|
The girl who played dorothy was addicted to heroin i think.
Or some drug.
Sometimes I wish I understood myself better.
Should I feel pathetic for spending a good hour or two I was tired and wanting to sleep playing solitaire and only winning about 2 hands?
Either way, sleep doesn't mean shit.
Theres this girl I've met, she's wonderful. I wont name names and it is probably too early to tell anything anyway. Who knows, maybe she'll read my blog some day and this'll freak her out and she'll run. Anxiety makes me anxious.
Anyway, I'm getting to know her well and things are going great.
Work sucks. We had this "Always Fresh" check which each shift gets and it determines whether people who've worked there 3 months+ get a nice little extra chunk of cash on their next paycheck. As it turns out, my shift is the reason they failed it. Not that I care, I haven't worked there long enough to see any decent money. But I'm sure, with how dramatic my store is, there will be a lot of hate towards my "afternoon team" I dunno, work sucks and I'm glad I'm not in any way attached to it.
I just love money.
Theres this beautiful cat I want to adopt. He's white and deaf. I fell in love with the little guy and he doesn't have a home =( my roommate says he doesn't want another cat in the apartment because there isn't space. As well, my current bundle of love, Spectre, is too much of a handful for him.
For those who don't know.
I feed her.
I clean her litter.
I entertain her.
I pay her vet bills when necessary.
She doesn't even enter his room.
Apparently she gets in the way though, totally invades his life. Whatever to be honest. Meh I'm getting an email from the owner sometime tomorrow saying whether or not he's still in need of a home. Might take him anyway ...
Since when do cats take up space? ..
Its been a while. I got a new phone. Its got a camera and everything. And an 8GB iPod nano, which I'm more than thrilled about. Had it for a while, but got it after I last posted.
Sorry for my neglect. Work has been taking me over lately.
DMC4 is great by the way.
I'll try and be more consistant.
I might get a puppy
I finally got a new cellphone with a real plan. Though I have a three year contract, contracts always make me nervous but I'm sure it'll be cool.
Got a new iPod. 8 GBs, I love it.
If you can't tell, I had an excellent day out shopping on Friday. Got my phone, ipod and 3 awesome DVDs. Se7en, Pulp Fiction and A Clockwork Orange. Been waiting for a chance me and my two roommates are all off work, thats rare. But I wanna watch them with ..them~
Nothing much else to say. Works been crappy, and I've been going way too much. Today though, I do get to start my work week with the new girl and I like her a lot. She drives me to and from work which is nice, she lives like two feet down the street.
Been playing a lot of FF12 with my time off. Its such a crappy game but i wanna beat it before FF13 comes out in, I think March.
Devil May Cry 4 ...is going to be comparable with sex I think. But ...I'm a dork.
Anywho, gotta get ready for work.
Is it just me, or did January not even exist? I can't believe how fast this month went for me. Was probably because I never got much accomplished.
I had so much trouble sleeping last night. I'm going on 4 hours at the moment and I have work tonight. My roommate left for work an hour ago and I love his bed, I'll probably try to nap in that after this entry.
They hired someone new at my work for afternoons. I'm very glad she's going to be working with me. I need more people around me who have a sense of humor, patience, and respect. For some reason, I don't see that much at my work. My roommates also considering switching to my shift, which would be awesome.
I wanna write a lot this entry, but I really don't have much to say. I hate being on the computer lately, I've been way depressed and unmotivated to get out and do anything. I've finally got plans to go somewhere tomorrow, since I have the same day off as my best friend, for once. Maybe I'll have something interesting to write then.
I don't wanna work tonight either. Goin on 6 days straight. I feel bad, my roommates scheduled for 9 days straight, though he'll probably get out of it.
Not much going on with me lately. Been playing a lot of Halo 3. I'm such an exciting person, no? eh when you only have mornings to enjoy yourself, you don't have a lot of time to be creative.
thus begins the work week from hell. 3-11 pm ..5 days straight. Its money, so i took it ...but afternoons. I dont know.
My roommates are going to a movie tonight, I have to work.
...and why you lied to me.
I'm scared of letting myself fall in love any more. It seems every time I do, a week, a month, a year goes by and suddenly I fall for someone else. I hope nothings wrong with me and one day I will find someone who always keeps me satisfied, I'm just tired of relationships that end.
Works been so fucked up I can't stand it. Suddenly I'm not scheduled for an entire week, now they switched my times. Instead of 11-7am, I'm to work 3-11pm. My afternoons. The best time of every day and I'm supposed to work. I've decided I'm going to ask the manager about it when I get a chance, it may be temporary because they just fired someone off that shift. If they want to make it permenant though, I'm finished there. Perhaps I can switch to days if someone so desperately needed to take my night shift from me. But afternoon/evening is definitely not happening fulltime.
thats right above from where you are
for anyone interested, I think my old "true love" being back in my life was a good thing. It was nothing serious, he just got xbl and we played halo together. I think I did it, I'm over him. I have no feelings and hearing his voice and being attached to him again in some way made me realize it. I was hung up on him since we broke up like 3 months ago and now I can finally move on. I wish I felt this way sooner instead of clinging to something that wasn't there and never would be again. Nothing worse than the "whatif" that comes after an unfinished relationship.
Maybe all I needed was this closure, this small realization there really wasn't anything there anymore and I needed to see it myself after the wreck.
Maybe we all just need a little closure.
I have someone new in my life now, maybe things are looking up. I'm not going to say for sure though, cause everytime I have before, there'd be a lot of bumps on the road and many pitstops I've come across.
Forgive me for being lame. I've worked a lot this week and sleep has become one of those things I've decided to ditch in order to get things done.
I feel good though. I finally feel good.
I don't know what to do with myself
the one guy who broke my heart is back in my life ..wtf~
and have a
Happy New Years!
Sorry if I missed any.
I wish you all happy and safe holidays this season. =)