i have had enough of life...
Date: Jun 3rd, 2005 10:22:06 pm - Subscribe
I recently have had a girlfriend for a long long time i can't really remember how long its been long-and i have grown acustumed to her company and her being their and i guess i started to love her (blah blah blah)
well recently i found out exactly how many guys she has been with since we started going out.....about 35 different guys....that bummed me out a whole bunch...i personally have been with 3 girls my whole life...*not counting dumb elementary school* just from 8th grade and up and well i don't really know what to do i have been just thiking about it alot and i don't know...it just really hurts inside me i guess knowing about all the stuff she has done etc...you get the picture/ my best friend told me this because he didn't want me to get (hurt) by this girl who pretty much gose through guys like i go through whey (protien drink - for body builders etc..) and well it suckes really bad....i spent today with her but i didn't really acknowledge that she was there...i kinda feel like a asshole but i have had much on my mind i am 115 dollars in the hole and thats not good for anyone who has been in debt...my mom and dad are fighting over my custudy or w.e and i don't want any part of it and summer just really really really sucks...i have no money i am pretty much flat out poor...my job dosn't pay me enough to get outa debt and well....i am pretty much stuck at home, i am loosing friends left and right to drugs etc...and then my gf found my old annual and told me every guy she ever dated...i was at the computer and she gose...hiim...him him him him him him him him him him ihim him etc...etc...it was about enough to make me break down right there....we are sopose to hang out tomorrow but i am goign to call it off and go to my secret spot and spend the day there just thinking about different thigns i guess. it really breaks me up inside to type all of this i can't really type tonight anyways i just blah i have that empty feeling in side when your guts kinda go inside your throat and you just have that horrible feeling and stuff, i guess i am just really empathic about things i dunno i just get really attached i guess to some people then when i find out something or they call it off i get really really sad for a long periode of time...i am guessing i am in a depression from 5th grade when my parents always fought with each othere andi was sorda forgotten among the mess *i am in 9th grade now* i probably sound like a fucken emo bitch or something many people say i am but i can't really help it...i try to be the cool headed kind of guy that cares about stuff but i really just can't handle alot of all the shit that has happened in just a year its amazing how much high school can change your life and the life of friends around you and your parents/loved ones...i recently started to belive alot in God and stuff but lately i doubt my belif in anything right now i just can't really endure stuff very well i guess maybe i have some emotional problems i have no idea...but i just wnated to post this so i can maybe tell some people that i don't know how i feel or something...i don't really know...............i never really know....
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