Date: Apr 12th, 2005 12:02:21 am - Subscribe
Lately, I have been thinking about lots of things like. dumb stuff
why are were here?
is their a god?
what happens when you die?
gay stuff like that not all religion shit that just a couple of examples i guess i put up their. and tonight a girl asked me if my best friend since birth and i were finally friends i was like wtf? and she was being bipolar (no seriusly she is but she denies it) she has MASSIVE mood swings and tries to attack me when i confront her about her *possible* problem i told her the facts and said it wouldn't hurt to just know for sure right? and well i don't know all my life i felt alone like i couldn't connect or had the same interests as anyone in the whole fucken town and well it sucks lol. i have been alive for 15 years and havent found one person i can acually talk to things that go on in both our minds gets really old fast =/ so i don't know maybe i am messed up in the head or something i have no idea i probably am or maybe i just think and feel different that most people. like school its a act to put on for your friends and teachers etc...then when you come home your the *normal you that you know* or w.e it is i don't know have lots of questions that answere them selves and well i just have realized everything in my life i went though it did it alone i don't know if this is normal or not but i guess it is for me cause i do it so much. then i think sometimes do all my friends think i am werid or fucked up? then i come to the conclusion i don't really care because all they are are friends i have for now in a nother 3 years i probably won't ever see them again and i will be alone like i usually feel or really am. most of the people i meet in this town have no infuence on me, and when they start acting like teens it annoys me i don't kno why maybe cause i am designed that way or ma mature level is gay or something i have no idea. but i tend to think about things in the worst place like at a party then someone will ask me whats wrong and i won't say anything usually cause i am deep in thought and they will think i was being a asshole when i really didn't hear them intil they mentioned it to me later that week or day or w.e and woudl eb like O.o wtF? lol, but i don't know i guess i have decieded i will search for something this summer i don't know what but i hope when i find it i will know by then hopefully....
Long long long time...
Date: Mar 12th, 2005 6:10:16 pm - Subscribe
Its been a long time since i posted i guess i been really busy and all with all kinds of things but i just guess i should post so everyone knows i am still alive =)
Date: Feb 16th, 2005 6:51:48 pm - Subscribe
school is one of the most stressful things i have ever encountered yet...if your familiar with the accelorated math program you might know what i am talking about. when you get behind you pretty much fail...well i was behind like 20 objectives and well i got caught up to like 14 behind and well i still had a bad grade and i told my mom cause i was happy i got caught up.....wrong idea she totally just yelled at me for being behind and pretty much said it was all my fault why i was behind and it isn't that shit is hard when you get behind =/ well i told her i couldn't stay after school casue i had to whatch my sister and then she said its not my fucken fault you have to whatch her its your fault and then i thought *what the fuck?* my fauly thast total b/s i said and she just kept bitching and bitching and bitching and you know what i don't fucken care anymore...This Is Pretty much just like the song i wrote
Desperation With A Hint Of Vodka....i guess i am going to go lay down...
Hey Long Time!
Date: Feb 14th, 2005 5:46:34 pm - Subscribe
wow its been a amzingly long time for me to update i been doing lots of homework and messing around i guess i did manage to make a nother new website outa my like 100 this is my portfolio website i put work into cuase its for my portfolio for my photography i do i might turn it into a mini business who knows!!!!
Date: Feb 2nd, 2005 5:40:46 pm - Subscribe
hey everyone i havent posted in a long time hahaha its becuase i been grounded due to some grades i got but i usually have a way of convincing my mom to let me get to a computer hehe =) but nothing has happened lately but i have a friend coming down from botno to see me and i am soo excited i havent seen her since last summer she is one of my friends and ah i am soo hyped up to see and talk and hang out with her yea...its pretty cool hahahhaha i got some pictures from the show if you guys want to see them here they are!!
Me(screamer) spencer (one with guitar) and addison (one with the hat/bass guitar)
and you guys can check out the rest at
haha i am lazy so i just do that cuase i am on a laptop
so i am ganan go later!!!!
This is Desperation...
Date: Jan 21st, 2005 7:08:05 pm - Subscribe
Today i got really tired and i went to bed i woke up feeling like i was just like half asleep and half awake it was a shity feeling then i remember my dream was pretty dam awsome-
but otherwise that i guess thats about it i really havent been doing school homework so i should do that tonight i been lying to my mom and teacher and i plan to forge my dads sig *i don't like with him* so they dunno what it looks like so it should be a good plan...i hope...
Date: Jan 17th, 2005 10:31:07 pm - Subscribe
Well today we decided to practice for a upcoming show (for those who have never been to a show or have any idea what a show is here is the def! *a show is known as a rockshow consisting of many different bands just to play for fun usually set up in a building/garage/aphi-theater most of our shows are put on in a place called the old armory and its in the basement with a mini stage and its a real fun time most of the bands are hardcore and some are emo/rock and we just play have fun mosh hardcore dance and have a good ol time!*
anyways we havent practiced since the last show *month and a half ago* and we have 6 days to come up with a couple new songs...well it didn't work haha the show is this saturday and if your in the williston area check it out! but we have 4 songs 2 of them new that we will play and well we just are to damn good and technical we make up songs so slow becuase we put to so much effort in them but i guess in the long run it works out the show isn't that big of a importance to us anyways so i guess it should work out fine but i hope it all gose well because i am just aaaaah stressed out this week highschool math sucks.
but i guess thats about it...sooooo.......i must go do somethign like sleep or something....
Best Friends Means To Pull The Trigger...Best Friends Means To Get What You Deserve...
Date: Jan 16th, 2005 12:11:03 am - Subscribe
Just listening to some TBS and i just got upset because all i see are couples and them being happy and i am alone with noone that i know that likes me i dunno maybe its just my being jealus that they have something and i don't or maybe selfishness that i want to have what they have but i hope someone will come along becuase i don't like being single its just not..."secure" not having anyone their to catch you when you fall ya know? you have friends they can do the same but they don't give you the affection you lack and need...most of all outa relationships i miss the afection of it all and being with that person and being able to love them and them to feel the same exact way back and taking back sunday pretty much hit the spot haha sitting in dark rooms writing lyrics (but the room is dark?) haha well thats not tbs lyrics but i dunno where it came from maybe its becuase i am typing insanly or something but i just have to hope right? becuase its either i dated all the girls that are acually my level/age or they are already dating someone and they are happy as can be, or their older than me and stuff but i live in pretty small town 12000 maybe and its not that big of a highschool (freshman) and it sucks hahahha oh well maybe we will get a student(girl) from a different town and she will be all rockish and emo and it will be a match hahaha oh well keep on hoping i guess!!!
Date: Jan 15th, 2005 11:32:47 pm - Subscribe
Well i havent been doing anything tonight except chating on msn and being bored outa my mind i can't stand winter i like it but when its -57 out its insane.. but i guess it has to get cold sometime but north dakota isn't very much fun so i guess i best make due with it. it gets hard to type when its that cold...(wonders off) but back to my point...who else hates it when their isn't anyhting to do on a saturday night when your guitar amp is broke and you have noone to be with.....
Date: Jan 15th, 2005 10:45:22 pm - Subscribe
Hey I found this place and i love it!!! its soo cool its way better than that gay xanga (everyone at my school likes it but i don't becuase its not cool) haha but hmm what to write about...not sure but I am sure i will post here often and well this place rocks so much so i will catch you guys later!!!
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