the show last weekend
Date: Sep 2nd, 2005 11:13:29 pm - Subscribe
Mood: stoic
Man, my band had a really awesome show last saturday. Makes me feel a little better, because the last show we played just pissed me off. This time we played second to last, and I guess everyone left after we were done. That's always a good thing. There wasn't any good moshing, but everyone was up front and at least like the show. But I'm really tired of typing right now, so I'm going to go.
Comments: (2)
Murder, the perfect art...
Date: Aug 11th, 2005 6:04:15 am - Subscribe
Mood: melancholy
It's been an interesting couple of days. I've done almost nothing while an immense sorrow builds in my heart. Nothing new there. I certainly need a change before I'm completely overloaded with pain. Oh well. It seems I can order the guitar I want tomorrow. It's the coolest freaking thing I've ever seen. Maybe when I get that I'll feel a little better. Probably not for long, though. I seem to just be destined for torment. I don't have any self pity, though. There are many suffering more than I am. And I'm not talking about the poor starving kids in Africa. I just find it hard to care about people all the way on a different continent. Let's just say, they have their problems and I have mine. They don't have to worry about the problems I have, and I don't have to worry about starving. I think that's fair enough. Many many people are feeling much worse than me at this very moment. Here's to them...
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Work set me free
Date: Aug 8th, 2005 6:12:45 am - Subscribe
Mood: achy
I spent today working on a farm and I feel pretty good. Physical labor can really get rid of feelings you don't want. I don't even have the energy to feel depressed right now. But I made some money and got to let out some energy. I need to get a good job like that. But I didn't wear a long sleeve shirt and now my arms are cut up all the way down from hay. It looks like I made a really amateur attempt at cutting. 
... Good day. But I'm pretty tired so I won't make this entry too long. So now I have nothing to do tomorrow, and having nothing to do just breeds too much thinking. Too much thinking leads to depression most of the time. My fingers are all swollen up and it hurts to type. Man... I guess I'll go. I could actually use some sleep tonight. Kinda strange cause I never sleep. Oh well.
Comments: (1)
Crimson, the color of pain
Date: Aug 7th, 2005 4:29:23 am - Subscribe
Mood: brooding
Once again, I find myself here. I'm feeling better than the other day, but this life still seems like such a falsehood. What is really the point? Perhaps just to spite all those who would wish me dead? I suppose that is a good enough reason to live. At least in my mind it is. My mind is admittedly a bit twisted. It's bound to become this way after all the shit that has happened. The days of just working, going to sleep at the end of the day, and never thinking a lot are over. Thinking too much is actually encouraged by our society. It's not necessarily a good thing. Some people just shouldn't be allowed to think. Or especially think that they're intellectuals or something. But according to this society, even the opinions of fools must mean something. I'm sure everyone agrees with me. It's not really a point that's even worth argument. It's pretty depressing. I can feel my heart sink even as I type this. How did I end up being this way? Would it be more fun to be happier and a bit less bitter all the time? It's impossible to go back in time. And if my mind regressed, I would probably feel bad about losing the intellect I once had. I don't believe anything is ever worth killing yourself over. Maybe if you knew what happens after life. But not the way I am now. Death is my only fear, the only thing that keeps me up at night paranoid. My heart beats fast and I can feel the icy grip of fear grasping my chest, a worse feeling than any physical pain that I'm familiar with. I need to calm down, really. This is something I wish I could just stop thinking about, but it's hard to stop once you've begun, you know? Enclosing darkness might not be so bad. Ending all the feelings that once bothered me. But I don't think I'll ever be ready for the embrace of death. Never. Eternal life is thought of as a curse in this day and age, but I would give anything for it... So, yeah, suicide can never be the answer. Not for me, at least.
Comments: (3)
alone in darkness
Date: Aug 2nd, 2005 4:23:39 pm - Subscribe
Mood: dark
Man, life is really harsh. It's been a hard time lately. Verything has just been falling apart for me. Don't even know what to do anymore... Wrote some good lyrics the other day. Really sad lyrics. Think I'll use them for a new song. This life is just a tragedy. I know I'll just keep on living. I can't stand the thought of anything else. I don't really want to fade away. I just don't really know what I want right now. I want things to change. But until I do, it's just a deep pit of depression that I have to endure. It's worth living, but life is very painful. I mean, nobody ever said that it would be easy, right. But this is really Hell. Like I've been abandoned here in this horrible place called my life. I don't really know.
My Emo Name is xPainWarriorx.
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Comments: (4)