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velouria Double Standards and Step Daughters - Subscribe
1. Husband gets upset with me if I talk to him while watching TV. A few minutes later, if his adult daughter comes and talks to him, he carries on a conversation with her and stops watching TV.
2. Husband ignores his adult daughter's sneakers that have been on top of the vent on the kitchen floor for weeks. He gets upset if I mention that they need to be put up. A few months later, I leave something in the living room overnight. He asks me to put it up the next day because he does not like stuff laying around. A few weeks later, I mention that his adult daughter's slippers have been under the glass coffee table for weeks. His response is, "yeah. I just don't know what she's going through now."
3. Husband asks me to vacuum, unload the dishwasher, do our towels or other chores. He does not expect his adult daughter to do any chores.
4. Husband does the majority of chores. I say his daughter and I need to pitch in and do more around the house. I offer the idea of a chore board to hold us all accountable. He will not do it because of his adult daughter.
5. Husband does not like clutter on the kitchen table. He says nothing about all his daughter's clutter on the table. Eventually, he will put it away for her. He gets upset if I leave anything on the kitchen table.
6. Hubby's daughter really only cleans her room and washes her own clothes more than 50% of the time. He cleans her bathroom, collects her dirty towels and washcloths from her bathroom, washes, dries, folds and puts them away. He cleans up after her in the kitchen. She takes of advantage of him, and he enables her. He keeps saying he is trying to show her how to take care of her self. That is done during childhood. She already knows but chooses not to do it. She leaves several loads of her towels - last week, there were 4 loads of her towels - She left them there for him to fold. Finally he folded them. He gets mad at me for being mad that he is doing her laundry.

My husband's daughter never communicates with me. These examples are from a very high percentage of the times she has communicated with me. Communication is rarely friendly. I am either the butt of a joke or just receive a non-friendly response.
1. Husband and his daughter do not use flatware to portion out wet cat food. They use plastic spoons and throw them away. I used an iced teaspoon to portion out some food for my old cat. I left the spoon in the half full container to give her more in a bit. The daughter came home and saw it and said "so is that the cat food spoon now?" She knew it was not my husband. He would not have any reason to do it. He never gives her two cats wet food, or my cat for the matter.
2. I purchased a new candle and was really excited to use it. Husband and his daughter come home at the same time, and she comments as soon as she walks in "What is that smell" in a dissatisfied tone. She knew it was me with a candle or something. He asked me to extinguish the candle because it was strong.
3. A year later, I have a cinnamon candle that I am burning. I know she will be home soon and fully expect her to say "What is that smell" as she walks in. That is exactly what happened. He again asks me to extinguish the candle. If there is a new scent in the house, she knows it must be mine.
4. My husband and I are newly married (3 months) and it's his daughter's birthday. I ask if we are going to sing Happy Birthday. She immediately and forcefully says in a baby voice "No!" I am completely shocked at it, but it does not phase my husband at all.
5. Many times I have tried to communicate with his daughter, and I only get 1 word answers. If it is a "no," she has often done it with the same rude forceful baby voice, "No!"
6. We find out my husband's son is having another child. I say to him kidding, "What if she has twins!? haha" His daughter immediately responds from her bedroom , "Go do your room!" I was shocked she would say that.
7. She often acts like she has to take up for her dad like I am being mean to him. We were talking about sports teams (I am not into sports) and I was saying I'd always support my state's team (TN). He is from Kentucky and supports them. His daughter is from TN but supports KY. He was kidding around and said something about TN being beat by someone. I called him a butthead or something silly and said I hope KY loses. She responds that she really hopes TN gets creamed.
8. Hubby makes dinner. I don't say I love it because I'm not going to lie. She makes over how it's the best thing ever. I look like the bad guy.
9. We visited hubby's brother and sister in law (wonderful people!). At a restaurant, I order a burger with a certain cheese that is liquid. I didn't realize it was cheese and thought it was mayo. She snidely, yet innocently remarked "you didn't know that when you ordered it?" No one realized she was being rude because they don't know about our relationship. Once again, one of the few times she communicates is when I look stupid in the situation.

Things I think I have improved on
1. When my husband gets offended at something I say and over-reacts and acts like he can't do anything right or that I don't value him or that he has nothing important to say or that he has no knowledge/wisdom to share: I have started telling him I am not going to engage in that behavior. He can have a pity party and 'Woe is me" session without me. (i know there is a better way to do this)

Mood: sensitive

velouria Pixies Update Sep 20th, 2010 10:23:03 am - Subscribe
About a year ago, I had planned to see the Pixies in Washington, DC but was unable to get tickets. I actually did get tickets - front-row-center-seats, but Ticketmaster freaked out and lost them.

I did see the Pixies September 10, 2010! :-)
It was awesome!!
Mood: enraptured
Music: Pixies

velouria Twisted Nov 23rd, 2009 3:15:23 pm - Subscribe
My analyst told me that I was right out of my head
The way he described it, he said I'd be better dead than live
I didn't listen to his jive
I knew all along he was all wrong
And I knew that he thought I was crazy but I'm not
Oh no!

My analyst told me that I was right out of my head
He said I'd need treatment but I'm not that easily led
He said I was the type that was most inclined
When out of his sight to be out of my mind
And he thought I was nuts, no more ifs or ands or buts
Oh no!

They say as a child I appeared a little bit wild
With all my crazy ideas
But I knew what was happenin', I knew I was a genius
What's so strange when you know that you're a wizard at three?
I knew that this was meant to be

Well I heard little children were supposed to sleep tight
That's why I drank a fifth of vodka one night
My parents got frantic, didn't know what to do
But I saw some crazy scenes before I came to
Now do you think I was crazy?
I may have been only three but I was swingin'

They all laughed at angry young men
They all laughed at Edison and also at Einstein
So why should I feel sorry if they just couldn't understand
The litany and the logic that went on in my head?
I had a brain, it was insane
Oh they used to laugh at me
When I refused to ride on all those double decker buses
All because there was no driver on the top

My analyst told me that I was right out of my head
The way he described it, he said I'd be better dead than live
I didn't listen to his jive
I knew all along he was all wrong
And I knew that he thought I was crazy but I'm not
Oh no!

My analyst told me that I was right out of my head
But I said "Dear doctor, I think that it's you instead
'Cause I have got a thing that's unique and new
It proves that I'll have the last laugh on you
'Cause instead of one head... I got two
And you know two heads are better than one"
Mood: twisted

oblongbox strangeways Oct 29th, 2009 7:44:13 pm - Subscribe
So being 21 isn't exactly panning out as I had hoped. Now as they say about rock bottom, nowhere left to go but up. I believe that might apply here. Or I'd like to believe that because if that's not true then.. well that just fucking sucks for me.

But sticking to the positive side of the street here...

Let's say I have the ambition to be the star behind all the stars. This week we shot a few scenes for the video segments, me assisting on set. It was a pretty fun time working with Keith, kind of a famous and super nice guy. No big deal, you guys recollect a little show called Degrassi?
Let's say I want to do big creative things and not get stuck in some job that demands I abandon all chances of enjoying my youthful years. Because I've got the rest of my life to become an adult, it only moves forward after all. There's no rush. I'd hate to regret not having done the things I wanted to. I think I'm doing a pretty good job of minimizing regrets so far.
So perhaps this whole 'heartbreak -> destructiveness -> returned bliss -> heartbreak -> destroying myself once more in style' sick little period of time can come to an end and blossom into something nice and pretty. I'm hopin' like a muthafucka for a little chrysalis like turnaround in recent events. I'm learning loads but still unsure of how to use all that properly in the real world with real people who are out to get you one way or another. Some tricky shit.
But the conclusion I've reached is that there's Hope of a way up and out of this. If I don't pass out from all this coughing that's happening first.
Mood: brown
Music: pumpkin painting

oblongbox word games Oct 20th, 2009 7:48:29 pm - Subscribe
-Have you ever seen a witch before?
-Sure, around Halloween I see them all the time.
-No, I mean like a real witch.
-Well, no. I guess I haven't seen a real one.
-Have you seen a lion before?
-Yeah, I've seen them at the zoo. I think at the Calgary one maybe.
-No, I mean like a real lion. Like in Africa, where they're real. In some countries, lions just come in the house. You ever seen a real lion in your house?
-No...just at the zoo.
-Well, how about a snake. Sometimes a snake will be in my house and it's no big deal. Just a snake. You ever seen a real snake like that?
-No, I haven't seen one of those either.

I love this kid! We need to get more of them in. So polite and so delightfully foreign. This club needs to kick off a wee bit faster, so I can feel like I'm actually doing something productive with this personal side project. An hour just isn't enough.
Mood: blue
Music: some straightforwardness + making up words

oblongbox calls Sep 7th, 2009 7:35:29 am - Subscribe
How are things with you?

How is your health?

Do you get many visitors out at the farm?

None of these are heard at first try and I end up repeating them over and over, screaming them into the phone until my questions finally go through and I've lost interest in hearing the answers to them.
Fuck, is reception really all that bad or do you just not want to talk to me and this acts as an excuse to end it early? It's like trying to establish a phone connection with the land of the dead. Which I guess it is in a sense. Of the few replies I get, I hear of a family across the river that just dropped off one by one. Pop. Pop. Pop. Cancer or spontaneous death or something. Apparently there's much dying going on around this time at the village.
I got a new boy cousin yesterday. That was the positive note to these shitty calls.

Some fucking morning.
Mood: longing
Music: afternoon plans

velouria Pixies! Aug 20th, 2009 6:58:33 pm - Subscribe
Nov 30, 2009!!! I'm going to see the Pixies in Washington, D. C.
I have already planned out the air/hotel :-D
I just have to buy the tickets Sept 11!!
Mood: Excited
Music: The Pixes

oblongbox tearin off wings Aug 14th, 2009 7:19:35 pm - Subscribe
The peaceful getaway is under siege!

Last night I dreamt of bugs covering the bedspread in a churning sheet of black. I swiped my arms out at it in the dark to try and clear the specks off of me to no avail. They're everywhere. They're on the clothes that I have to shake off twice before putting on. Once the inside, once the outside. Noone likes bugs in the crotch. Oh my! How unladylike. I've been vaccuming them up. Washing them down sink drains. Dropping them down the beerbottles of Warsteiner Premium Dunkel that occassionally find their ways into my hands in moments of awesome boredom. And still they persist.
To my utmost annoyance.
Logic would have it that you don't smash open the ceiling when you've got 8 people under one roof. Especially if you're well aware that an army of gross winged but incapable of flight crawlies will be unleashed like a plague upon them.

But at least with these little critters I am learning to tolerate bugs. At least these don't bite, just crawl half ass at you and then twitch around when you pick em up. I am by far superior to the other girl children in that I don't squeemishly run away from that room. I bravely face nights asleep amidst all that chaos. And I pride myself on that. 21 and I ain't afraid of no (not capable of flying thank goodness! but equipped with wings) ants. Fuck yes!

2 more sleeps and then a bus sleep and then I'll have a warm body to smother with affection once more. Can't wait.
Mood: haunted
Music: sleemann i want you

oblongbox Pucker up Aug 13th, 2009 8:46:03 am - Subscribe
Perched upon a mountaintop in a brightly painted house amidst other brightly painted houses. Like a colouring book resort.
Vacation it up some before hopping aboard a bus and making my way on back to home sweet home. Two weeks away. Two weeks too long. Text messages tinged with smut can only take you so far until the real thing is all you want. Technology only exasperates things after so long.

Back to my sucker love.
It's heavensent.

The best feeling is back on but with a hint of variness to it. Some caution this time.

555 miles away.

Soon m'dear.
Mood: serene
Music: dr.pep in the hottub

oblongbox R.T. kflajfljdlfjaljf Jul 29th, 2009 3:38:43 pm - Subscribe
Monday morning was by far the worst. Prior mornings have been either busy with fretting over how to get through work with minimal waterworks or trying to sleep at some strange house on an uncomfortable couch while attempting to quell another consecutive whiskey hangover (a bottle a day keeps the thoughts away!). But monday was truly awful...
Lying in bed while all the debris slowly washed up on me. Fragments of conversations, inside jokes (fuck those formed so quickly and easily), nights, those long lovely mornings, traces of warmth, the smells, smiles, the looks and laughter. Everything that can't be there anymore.

I may have discovered the worst feeling in the world. Funny how it so seamlessly follows a blissful period of the best feeling in the world.
A white to black rapid flurry of change. And words. Followed by a red crash. No prelude, no nothing. Just all that raw emotion because I cannot help but be such a fucking girl that is incapable of being graceful about anything.

As Sarah said. A punch to the face. Why would you try and get punched again?
You'd think that only a complete masochist would willingly go through that again.

Maybe I really should go and fall in 'love' (just pretend) with some hard working italian man. One with a hairy back and a penchant for tossing out compliments. I hear they do that lots over there.
Just run off. Chopped off hair is one step closer to a new me with more sense and blocks in place. Like a mini moat. Alligators and all that toothy shit before you get entry into that fuzzy warm red place (and don't be dirty now).

Things were going too well and so it was time to quit.
Try and understand that.
Mood: lonely
Music: formulaic romcoms