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silentjade i just want someone to love me - Subscribe
i try to tell myself and other people that i dont want love and i think that its stupid but i know inside i really do want someone. but one person i want is just so fucking close but so far away. sitting between the rice and the homunado theres the most intelligent, beautiful girl i have ever met. she thinks im the most idiotic, weird person. i always seem to act the stupidest around her. i guess its normal. theres like noone like her. we have so much in common. shes scared of porceilin dolls. we like the same music.

she probably likes jeremy and that gets me really jealous. i like to tell people i dont get jealous but thats a really big lie because i'm like the most jealous person. i hated her ex boyfriend steven just for the reason he was with her. i didnt even know him but i hated him.

shes the only girl i liked for her personality. i dont like her because she has a nice ass. well she does have one but thats not the main reason i like her.

im really pathetic. im need to stop thinking about her. i cant belive im jealous of jeremy he looks like a monkey!

-jade
0 Comments
Mood: breath taken
music: commander venus- my other car is a spaceship

silentjade \"if u love someone let them go\" Aug 10th, 2005 3:48:27 am - Subscribe
i guess that quote is kinda true. just that i dont really know because i never really been in love.i had deep affections for someone but it was only one sided. one sided affection. im not going to talk about it because i dont want to cry again. maybe one of these days i will talk about but not right now. anyways back to the quote, maybe theres diffrent meanings to it like if someone you loved died you just need to let go and except that the person died. this quote was just something that ive been thinking about.
0 Comments
Mood: wondering
music: bright eyes- easy lucky free( the music videos on top check it out, just wait it\'ll just take min. to work

silentjade ideas for a screenplay Aug 9th, 2005 5:01:15 pm - Subscribe
i have two dreams one to become a musician and the other is to be a movie script writer.

i was watching imaginary heros movie with commentary. and the director was like only 18 when he wrote the movie. he said that it was long and difficult to write the movie but it was well worth it.

he was also talking about how he took some experiences from his own life to make the film. i was thinking sbout all my experiences, and it came to me. why dont write a screenplay based on my own life. but exagarate a little. like amke my character addicted to drugs or something. and have parents that juat ignore me. that would be the base of the film. well thats all im going to write because i dont want anybody to steal my idea.

that would be really cool to write a screenplay and direct it.

-jade
0 Comments
Mood: inspired
music: bright eyes-lua

silentjade movies i watched today Aug 8th, 2005 10:21:27 pm - Subscribe





i love that movie. i just watched it again today.



that movie was awesome too. it had a great story. if u never watched it go to a ur local block buster and watch it because its a great movie.

-jade
1 Comments
Mood: hmmm....
music: boys to men- i swear (shut up i was in the mood!)

silentjade what happened recently Aug 8th, 2005 1:59:01 am - Subscribe
well brittany ended out not going to the mall with clint, so i didnt get to tell her what i relly thought of her, A BITCH! oh well at least im never going to see her ever again.

so me clint, ming, and ginni went to the mall. it was okay i guess but i just hate hanging out at the mall. i think its really stupid. but anyways, i was just so wired on red bull. i was extremely hyper and annoying. i was really pissing off ming. i just wanted ming and clint to show public affection. whats wrong with that. maybe they dont want people to come after them with pitchforks. i hate homophobic people like that. gay people are just like any other human being. just everyone was pissed off at me. i really need to lay off red bull.

i went to jeremy's house that day too. drank another red bull so i was super obnoxious and hyper. so jeremy was threatning to strangle me. i have a feeling gillian was getting sick of me too. oh well like i really care what she thinks. just kidding!

thats all that happened.

-jade
1 Comments
Mood: better that yesterday
music: bright eyes- poisen oak

silentjade im not invited Aug 5th, 2005 7:44:32 pm - Subscribe
clint called me a and told me that brittany invited him to go the mall tommorow. bitch didnt invite me. sure she we dont really enjoy each others company. but we should try to be cool with each other before she moves to texas. i havent had this much hatred for anybody as i do for brittany lester. well accept for cassie kenner. clint was telling me to go meet up with them there. but she would just yell at me and tell me to go away. she was one of those friends that i had no idea i was friends with her in the first place. im better off with the friends that i have right now. clint, ming and ginni, good bunch of kids, 2 queers and a staight girl. well anyways i need to run around my house and start yellingl"I HATE BRITTANY".

-jade
0 Comments
Mood: mad
music: commander venus-the way things had to be

silentjade this song speaks to me Aug 5th, 2005 3:39:57 am - Subscribe
my colapsing frame by commander venus

Would you do that if it really meant

They would see you and would be convinced that you love me
And you didn't care who knew it?

Please believe me, when I say it's true
I have never felt as close to you, or anyone as I do right now
And I'm begging you, please don't leave yet

And this moment's glass in a fragile state
I've convinced myself that it won't crack or break
Like a heart, in the winter, when the air is cold
And your words, the same, I know them, I know them
I am broken, I am wounded
Watch me as my fragile frame collapses, collapses on me, on me
But it's not your fault you never meant to hurt me
You hurt (me)

And when it's 5:00 a.m.
And you're too tired to ever sleep
Well there's no rest for the lonely
I hope I die in my sleep

There's never been such hopelessness or devotion
Or devotion
Or devotion
What's devotion?

i dont know but i can kinda relate to this song. i love songs that i can relate to.
1 Comments
music: my collapsing frame by commander venus

silentjade untitled Aug 4th, 2005 10:37:16 pm - Subscribe
today was boring. i woke up at 11:30, ming called like an hour later i listened to him talk about clint until i got feed up and told him that i needed to go because my mom needed to use the phone even though my mom wasnt even home. then i took a nap for about 3 hours. watched some quality tv. good eats was on food network so i watched that. then i laid in my dark room and listened to bright eyes and david pajofor and hour. and now i'm sitting here typing this boring entry about nothing. nothing intresting has happened recently so my entries have been pretty bland. when something intresting happens i'll be sure to post it.

-jade
0 Comments
Mood: unexciting
music: rufio face the truth

silentjade why am i mean to the people i care about Aug 4th, 2005 1:29:10 am - Subscribe
i've noticed this. i'm so nice to people that i hate but to the people i really care about i'm a real bitch. i treat all my love ones like shit. the way i act to my parents isnt the way i should act. when they say i love u i just stand there and say okey. this one time i said they were bad parents. i dont know why the hell i said that. and the way i treat my friends isnt that great too. to clint and ginni i just dont treat them the way they should be treated because those 2 are about the only 2 besides my family that i love to death. and the way i act around gillian isnt that great either i tell her that she has a crazy eye and that shes too ugly to get any guy but really shes abosolutly beautiful with a great personality, she can get any guy she wants. i really need to change. just its something that i think about all the time. im going to try my hardest to start treating the people i care about with the respect they deserve.

-jade
0 Comments
music: bright eyes- easy lucky free

silentjade have pity on my gums Aug 2nd, 2005 9:46:10 pm - Subscribe
i had to go to the denitist today for teeth cleaning. my dentist is really nice but she likes to poke my gums alot. i felt like gums were going to bleed when she was cleaning my teeth. but the worst part about going to the dentist for me is when she gives me floride. my floride has a jelly consitancy and it tastes like an old orange when the orange isnt juicy. i was about to vomit is was that gross. i really think that they should come out with jolly rancher flavored floride. its the taste that makes it gross not really the consistancy.

i have 2 cavites so i have to go back to the dentist on saturday to get fillings and an x-ray.

i hate going to the dentist...

-jade
2 Comments
Mood: happy as a clam!
music: the postal service-sleeping in

silentjade 7 women, 1 homosexual, and carlos Aug 1st, 2005 6:05:37 pm - Subscribe
that movie had nothing to do with 7 women and 1 homosexual. that pissed me off. it was just like an expression. like it means that a guy needs to cheat. its really stupid the guy in the movie didnt even cheat on his wife. it would have been good if he did cheat on his wife and something bad happened beause he cheated on his wife. like that girl that he cheated on hi wife with gets pregant or his wife finds out. but no nothing happened. him and his wife lived happily ever after. i like movies that have a sad ending. i just dont like that movie.

-jade
1 Comments
Mood: angry
music: bright eyes-lovers turn into monsters

silentjade should i be sad or glad Aug 1st, 2005 12:17:29 am - Subscribe
clint called me today and told me that brittany called him and told hi that shes moving to texas. i dont know if i should be sad or glad that brittany's moving. yeah sure were not friends anymore and she was kind of a bitch when we were friends but we had some good times together. but then theres those other times when i would tell her about my problems and she would just laugh at me. i didnt really enjoy that. and also she didnt make me feel good about myself either. she would always say i'm fatter than her when really shes like 10 lbs heavier than me. but anyways i guess now that i think about it i'm glad that shes moving. but shes not as bad as casey kenner!

-jade
0 Comments
Mood: confused
music: the early november-make it happen

silentjade 2:30am and still awake Jul 31st, 2005 4:40:50 am - Subscribe
lately i've having this problem of going to sleep. i usally had no problem with going to sleep. i could take a nap in the afternoon and gonto sleep at 10:30. now i take no naps at all and go to sleep at 3:00am. its so hard to fall asleep.

setting aside my speeping problems heres an update on today. well ming called me 4 times today complaing to me that clint hasnt called him. "he promised that he would call me today". i was going to tell him that i dont care and to get a life and stop obsessing about clint. but i didnt want to be mean. so i made an excuse not to talk to him after the 4th time. i told him that i was going to the mall with my mom. it worked he didnt call back all day.

i went to wallgreens to get pictures developed. but on my way back home i saw the skater that clint used to like. so i called clint and we were talking and then i hear his mom yelling at him to get off the phone. so i had to hang up. i never get to have a real conversation with him anymore because he always has to get off the phone after like 5 min.

then i watched the movie with the drug attics. i was good. it taught me not to be a drug attic cuz you'll be poor and maybe die.

the rest of the day was a blur so i dont remember what happened after the movie.

need to try to go to sleep now. i hate staying up.

-jade
2 Comments
Mood: !?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
music: senses fail-stephen

silentjade i wish i dont turn out like that Jul 30th, 2005 3:14:47 pm - Subscribe
yesteday we went to the airport to meet up with my dads freind cesar. hes a nice guy and everything but like he a really lonely guy. his only friend is my dad and he lives in portland alone with his 2 dogs. and he wasnt really that attractive. i was thinking as i was sitting there at the foodcourt listining to him and my dads conversations that what if i turn out like him and live with two dogs and have no friends at all and no companion. damn that would suck to turn out like him.

-jade
1 Comments
Mood: scared
music: commander venus-my collapsing frame

silentjade jealousy Jul 28th, 2005 6:33:38 pm - Subscribe
ming has to ruin everything doesnt he. its official ming and clint are together. for some reason i'm jealous of ming. he took away my best guy friend from me. Clint just likes ming because ming's rich and they both like cars. ming told me that he was going to find someone for me in return for me hooking him and clint up. but i'm not intrested. it would probably one of his stupid friends.

if he ever hurts clint in any way i swear i'll make him pay. i'll choke him with his dior vintage leather belt. i should try to like him. because i have a feeling i'm going to see alot of ming in the future.

-jade
1 Comments
Mood: jealous
music: boys to men- i\'ll make love to you(leave me alone i was in the mood for boys to men!)

silentjade untitled Jul 27th, 2005 9:36:20 pm - Subscribe
i couldnt think of a title. so thats why i called it untitled.

i wrote a song about what happened on saturday. i was going to post it but i dont think its good. anyways i just wrote it to let my feelings. thats the reason why i like writing is because i cant express what im feeling by talking about it i have to write it down. i think thats why i like having a blog. to express what im feeling. i dont think i would ever post any of my songs.

well today i went to the dermatologist. dr.hale gave me another persciption for my face. now i have to use 3 creams now. IS MY FACE THAT BAD! then i went home and my dad yelled at me as soon as i got home. he started yelling at me because i dont clean the house. i dont think i have to because they make most of the mess. so i ran to my room. i listened to music. wow im bad daughter, oh well.

now im just in my room still listening to music. im really mad that clint likes ming. ming is really annoying. i think that clint just likes ming because ming is rich. clint is quite the gold digger. im just kidding clint went out with a girl who lived in a trailer park once.

-jade
1 Comments
Mood: hmmmmmmm
music: the postal service- suddenly everything changed

silentjade ah finnally a breath of fresh air Jul 27th, 2005 1:10:10 am - Subscribe
i finnaly got out of the house. it was raining. thats was weird that it rained in arizona. especially in the summer.

first we went to ulta. i was going to get matrix shampoo but the were all out of the conditioner. so then i looked for paul mitchell shampoo but that was too expensive. $20.00 for a bottle of shampoo! i want good shampoo but im not going to pay $20.00, im not my sister. so i found texture line 2 for $25 that was like the price of one bottle paul mitchell. im just not sure if its going to be good. ill try it out tommorow.

then my parents dragged me to home depot cuz there going to paint there room. we were there for like 2 hours trying to find the perfect shade of red. i was about to kill myself. i hate home depot. was so happy when we left home depot. but no they wanted to go to blockbuster. i just wanted to go home. i dont remember what we rented. i can go and look but im to lasy to walk all the way to the living room.

its 11:09 pm and im tired im going to bed.

-jade
1 Comments
Mood: ???????
music: taking back sunday-your so last summer

silentjade i hate the summer Jul 25th, 2005 5:46:55 pm - Subscribe
im so bored. theres never anything to do. this sounds weird but i wish school was back because i had something to do. i miss making up weird stories. like about the family that lived on top of the mountains. haha i love that story. i remember this time when i told this girl mariah that ginni's dad calls her doll baby. haha its kinda an inside joke so its kinda hard to get what it means. when used to tell people that eels come out from toilets.i had so much fun making up stories.
well got to go. im hungry.

-jade
1 Comments
Mood: bored
music: hidden in plain veiw- bleed for you

silentjade update on yesterday Jul 24th, 2005 12:38:40 pm - Subscribe
well yesterday i went to my moms friends b-day.

it was so embarressing. i walked in t the house, i didnt know that everyone was praying so i said "holy shit there's a lot of filipinos then jeremy told me that they were praying. i didnt know they were praying, i cant tell when people are praying its not my fault.

then me and jeremy, gillian,and gicel when to CVS to get some red bull cuz jeremy forgot it a home. but then when we got there he relized he didnt have enough money. jeremy's a dumbass i dont understand why he calls me a dumbass. then we went to dominos and i got an amplication it told the guy i need this job cuz my family needs money for rice cuz were starving. then i asked him if we could just eat pizza without asking. it was funny you would have to be there to think it was funny. then we went back to the house we were bored and we decide to take weird pics we put a bra on top of jeremy's head and i then i pinched the top so it looked like i was pinching his nipples on his head. we just took one cuz my camera ran out of battery. that was bassically what happened other things happened but i would rather not talk about it.

-jade
1 Comments
Mood: tired
music: senses fail- cute when you scream

silentjade today\'s schedual Jul 23rd, 2005 1:30:08 pm - Subscribe
well first of i need to thank those who left me a comment on my last entry. it really means alot to me.

today im going to my moms friends house. it'll be ok i guess since gillian and gicel are back and i wont be alone with jeremy. jeremy said that he would bring a four pack of red bull to the house. that kid is addicted to red bull. everytime im talking to him on aim he always talks about how good red bull is. jeremy and i always have things to talk about. i love having a staight guy friend. i used to have only have gay guy friends and straight girl friends but now i have a staight guy friends. all i need now is a lesbian friend. maybe gillian is. that would be a suprise.

well anyways gotta go get ready.

-jade
3 Comments
Mood: ignorant
music: steel train-for you my dear