The Jackson Pollock Primal Hurl Art Therapy Group for Particularly Messy Serial Killers
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lifelines.

[today]Dec 17th, 2009 11:21:15 pm - Subscribe

lifelines:
veins on
the back of
a fallen leaf

lifelines
that reach
across my palm
lifelines -
veins beneath
the skin
of my wrists

lifelines
you throw me
from dry land
as I drown
you don't see
my wrists
are bound

lifelines
I used to tie
my hands
together
believing I'd
never go under

life -
the blood
that pulses
through
lines -
the veins
beneath
my skin

lines
you throw
to save my
life
as I
let go

lifelines:
veins on
the back of
a fallen leaf

which floats,
then drifts
into the deep.

[I am]sinking.

 [your thoughts]0


wake.

[today]Dec 16th, 2009 11:35:20 pm - Subscribe

[a dream
of being
held
home
loved

a dream of
sunlight
candleglow
afterglow

of morning
and night
and city lights
green leaves

a dream
of being loved
by you
being home.]

only

a dream...
I am awake now
and once again,
alone.

[I am]hollow.

 [your thoughts]1


elixir.

[today]Nov 9th, 2009 9:15:47 pm - Subscribe

once
this was
the miracle elixir
it was the
draught of life

once
this was
the fountain
from which
all things
sprang forth

now
so dark, so sweet
the drink that
keeps me gasping
venomous addiction
stealing my light

now
this desiccated waterway
runs with rust
and the blood
of the life
it once begot.

[I am]meh.

 [your thoughts]0


knowing.

[today]Sep 16th, 2009 8:55:34 pm - Subscribe

so
small

in the face
of your
past and pain

so helpless
I'd give you
my life

to live again

things I saw
in your eyes
never needed
explained

without
knowing you
I know who
you are


I can't give you a miracle.
I can't keep you alive.
I will not forget this.

You'll stay with me for a long time.

[I am]so sad.

 [your thoughts]0


what i see:

[today]Sep 9th, 2009 10:16:23 pm - Subscribe

what i see in you
i see in myself
and it's dark
like a room
where you're not listening
to the lights
telling you where to go
and what not to bang into

what i see in you
i see in myself
and i smash the mirror
because i can't face it
not in myself
and not in you

what i see in you
i see in myself
and want to hurt you
because you're
supposed to be wiser
than i am
so where are you leading me?

what i see in you
i see in myself
the reversal hurts
i can't look at you
disgusted by it
guilty of it

what i see in you
i don't see in myself
nor in my future
i'll learn from you
i won't let this become me.

[I am]furious.

 [your thoughts]0


glass globe.

[today]Sep 1st, 2009 9:41:31 pm - Subscribe

a feeling of futility:

I, behind the
glass wall
not really
a part of
the bright lights
but separate
viewing
from here
the warmth and
the colour

I, within
the glass globe
here
inside my bubble
present but
isolated
safe but alone

I float in
my lonely way
out and over
the vast bay
preferring
observation
over any
involvement

I see you
below me
down there in
the mist
and come down
from my clouds
to be near you
if I knew how
I'd like to
let you in
but I don't want
to come out.

not touching,
not blending
not part of
anything
unwilling
to risk it
we embrace
and the glass wall
molds to
my shape
and if you
drop me
I'll break

but the
glass wall
remains.

[I am]unwilling.

 [your thoughts]0


denial.

[today]Jul 15th, 2009 10:02:21 pm - Subscribe

I'm not in your
photographs,
living it up.
I don't appear.

I'm not in your
outbox or inbox,
as you never
sent me a word.

I'm not
in your thoughts;
you erase what
goes wrong.

I'm not part of you -
amputated,
alienated
and lied to.

I'm not your friend
and I let you down
leave me behind
so I won't find out.

Denial is not just
a river in Egypt, love.
Hope I'm there to hold you
when the boat goes down.

[I am]medium.

 [your thoughts]0


respite.

[today]Jul 7th, 2009 11:00:57 pm - Subscribe

I will
draw you a map -
a topography of
suffering;
geography of pain.

I'll write you
a memoir
of what passed;
write headlines
on headstones:

I am here;
won't let anything
hurt you.
I will protect you.
you're not alone.

[I am]tired now.

 [your thoughts]2


immortalize

[today]Jun 26th, 2009 9:33:08 pm - Subscribe

immortalize this:
waking in sunlight
your breath
on my skin

before this glow fades
feeling like
we are one
breathe together

you are holding me
not only in
memory
but all around

keep this forever
beyond all
that falls between
now and onward

I belong to
your skin now
I am here
we are one

this is a moment
that I will
never allow
to pass.

[I am]content.

 [your thoughts]0


silence.

[today]Jun 8th, 2009 10:44:45 pm - Subscribe

I'll be here
to listen
to your silence

I'll wait
as long as
it takes

I have words
enough for
us both

and you
can't hear me
anyway.

[I am]unhappy.

 [your thoughts]0


the cut

[today]May 29th, 2009 12:21:21 am - Subscribe

get attention.
no. shut your mouth.
don't be
pretentious.

smile,
look pretty and
keep your thoughts between
your pretty ears -
don't say it
out loud.

polish 'til you shine, and
show them all
in photographs.
do not
tell them in words.

fabricate intrigue.
you may notice
that no one cares
how tortured an artist
you
really are.

steal spotlights.
no, don't let them
see you.
shut up; you're
not playing
hard-to-get.

and you're really
not that hard
to get.

you look good on paper.
but it's all
liquid crystal high definition
online television.
generally not flattering.

you didn't
make the cut
this time.

[I am]fed up

 [your thoughts]0


Spirit

[today]May 26th, 2009 10:13:58 pm - Subscribe

this is the
first time
I wake
without you

after the
long sleep
and bitterness
of winter

as wind and
sunlight
stir new things
into being

you should be
thawing and
turning
to the sky

unfurling
delicate green
and open arms
embracing

this is the
first spring
that comes
without you

the tug of
beginning
on my spirit
is less now

my skyline
is empty as
you stand tall
no longer

my roots
are no longer
so deep in
this ground

this is the
first time
that I wake
without you

and, from this
season
I will grow
alone.

[I am]wistful

 [your thoughts]0


return

[today]May 6th, 2009 7:51:22 pm - Subscribe

remember
how the
fragile words

would rush from
thought to paper
until I would
overflow

and build
something solid
and more real than
I had before me

remember
when you
didn't have to

have me around
but you
wanted me
anyway

we walked
on the grass
at dusk
and let it be
what it was

remember how
it felt
before colours
became formulae

before lines
became boundaries
when I wanted
only to make
beautiful things

I forgot
how good
these things
could be

yet I find
it all
comes back
to me.

[I am]relieved

 [your thoughts]0


fail

[today]May 5th, 2009 7:25:16 pm - Subscribe

so
I
fail

and I
face my fate

so I learned
a lot about
myself

and I gave
a lot
that I'd rather
have kept

but was
unwilling
to give it all

and I fail
as a result

and there is
nothing in my life
that I do
especially well

nothing
except write
poetry that
no one reads

and I don't know
what I want

but I need
a new me.

[I am]disgusted.

 [your thoughts]1


finally

[today]Apr 10th, 2009 6:03:26 pm - Subscribe

trying to
remember why

I
gave
this
up

draw a blank

voices echo

empty room

where my life was

all my poetry
in boxes
packed and ready
going nowhere

no one here
where I used to be

so they finally
took this
away from me?

[I am]empty

 [your thoughts]1


rest in peace.

[today]Nov 28th, 2008 5:08:17 am - Subscribe

I don't want
numbers
they blur the page
before my eyes
a body count

even less
do I want
names
the missing
the grieving

another night
to mourn
and days of
sorrow coming

fear and fire
on the
blue green planet

as we slaughter
our people
ourselves
mass devastation

brother
sister
torture,
terror

we do not
forget
rest in peace
you die not
in vain
rest in peace

rest in peace
and may peace
take you home

we do not
forget
they cannot
forgive

my apocalypse
slithers near
waiting to strike
watching you

tearing the
beating heart
out of the world.

[I am]exhausted.

 [your thoughts]2


wintersleep

[today]Nov 21st, 2008 11:39:58 pm - Subscribe

don't know
why words like
snowflakes fall

no reason but
to speak of
the coming tide

subtle beauty
night calling
I desire only

words like
sunlight piercing
to warm me

bitter season
winter winds
now rending

words from
me like boughs
from treetops

to scatter on
frozen earth
like snowflakes

freeze still the
cheerful spring
of poetry

my white forest
empty, silent,
brittle, waits

no warmth
in words
to thaw us

don't know
why words like
snowflakes drift

unable to tempt
summer back
to this place.

[I am]sleepy.

 [your thoughts]1


daughter.

[today]Nov 8th, 2008 6:00:35 am - Subscribe

I put away
every sharp object:
pin and blade
and dangerous edge.

I still don't
trust myself
with scissors,
even these days.

Part of loving
oneself is
knowing how far
that love extends.

Part of being
a family is
knowing you'll
have to leave.

How far I've come,
to stand here and
to hold myself up -
courage, pride, strength.

I break so easily -
tears to drown me;
rage to scream
at you endlessly -

because I'm guilty
of knowing that
these days are
numbered few.

Regret sits
on the back step
with the pumpkin
we didn't carve

this year, because
I wasn't here -
unwanted, unaddressed
and necessary.

I'm not
your little girl
anymore -
I'm so sorry.

I didn't mean
to go
and grow up
and go away.

I stare at my wrists
hating time
for dragging me on
through life;

for tearing us
apart and
casting me
into future.

Oh, how I
want to remain -

I'm not your
little girl now,

but I'll always be
your daughter

and I'll always be
your big sister;

I'll always want
this house; I'll

never leave.

I put away
the scissors, and
my ink
and all my words.

I chose to live
that night, years ago,
for you, so now
I have to go.

Part of
being a family -
however torn,
however mad -

is knowing
you'll never
have to leave,
right?

I'll always have
what you gave me:
courage, pride,
strength and love;

and I'll always
be your daughter
your big sister -
always belong.

[I am]unhappy

 [your thoughts]2


quietest loneliest.

[today]Sep 27th, 2008 3:40:21 am - Subscribe

words
that die on
my tongue,

once
sole respite,
cage me -

accuse me
of ignoring
the truth.

I don't
want these
words.

my head
echoes with
absence.

my head a
graveyard for
words unsaid -

unholiest peace.

-

words move in;
use up all
the sugar;

trash my
fragile state
of unthinking;

tear off the
wallpaper,
exposing cracks.

I kill words
on the doorstep,
pre-emptive.

my domain
is of silence
and bitterness.

no one knocks
on my door
anymore:

loneliest relief.

[I am]tired.

 [your thoughts]1


adrift.

[today]Jun 18th, 2008 5:24:00 am - Subscribe

I drift; afloat
upon the tides
of time and emotion;
the waves of

my life:
a restless sea
uneasy and ever
shifting beneath me.

only glimpses,
in sunless moments,
reveal the depth;
the weight;
the darkness,

below the
surface upon which
I ride, balancing
so precariously -
it beckons,

it threatens
to overwhelm;
to pull me
in and under.

the instants of
shaken resolve
and loneliness cast me
close to the edge,

where I view
in dizzying clarity
the fathoms-deep
despair awaiting

and reel back
from the drop,
the light in me refusing
to be extinguished -
my saving grace.

adrift from all anchorage
save for that
within myself;

I sail on
over the deep, endless
grey ocean - alone.

[I am]precarious.

 [your thoughts]0


comfort eluded.

[today]Jun 9th, 2008 1:07:41 am - Subscribe

I wish I
were wiser.

three days later

I put away
my shoes
and my expectations

after that

I stop
looking at all
the photographs

and when that's done

slowly
I accept
that it's really over.

one of these
days, I'll learn

but until then
I'll probably
let me down.

the dress hangs
on the closet door;
I expect no more from it.

the chaos of good times
made irrelevant
by the reality I face.

I wish there
were more to me
than wishing

my life is one big
good intention
left unmanifest.

[I am]disappointed.

 [your thoughts]1


solitude.

[today]May 23rd, 2008 2:42:51 am - Subscribe

a sanctuary lost.

no longer
can I stand alone.
there is no comfort
in solitude.

my voice, once
the most steadying
sound in my world,
no longer speaks to me.

there is no shelter
left for me,
nor in me.
I seek respite in you.

turn me not away.

[I am]stressed.

 [your thoughts]1


city lullaby.

[today]May 12th, 2008 4:48:33 am - Subscribe

(inhale)
tires on asphalt
(exhale)
wind through leaves

night pulse
try to be still
calm the sounds
echoing streets

night breathes
and sings to me
the city's lullaby
my heartbeat

(breathe in)
traffic slows
(breathe out)
darkness claims

[I am]insomniac.

 [your thoughts]0


relative escapism.

[today]Apr 29th, 2008 2:43:08 am - Subscribe

a sad condition:

I hide
to hold out

into each
singular constant

I dive,
to drown

I dive
to be saved

I disappear
to end it all

and to make you
notice I am gone.

but if any do,
none speak -

so I dive
edge over edge

hoping you will
witness my fall

catch me before
impact.

a sad condition indeed.

[I am]detaching at various seams.

 [your thoughts]1


no words.

[today]Apr 20th, 2008 12:51:31 am - Subscribe

I am
sorrowful
because

you are so
beautiful
but

I have
no words
left for you

my eyes,
sick with grace
and fairness,

long for the
plain and
ordinary

there are
no love songs
left in me

you will
fade away
in silence.

[I am]untouchable.

 [your thoughts]0


wake.

[today]Apr 13th, 2008 11:45:19 pm - Subscribe

this is
my life.

you
were a dream.

I hated
waking
from you.

I breathe;
I move.

but sleep
eludes me.

and all
my beautiful words
desert me.

[I am]here.

 [your thoughts]0


goodbye.

[today]Mar 29th, 2008 4:13:07 am - Subscribe

you
are too
beautiful

to say
goodbye
to.

wait
for me, and
miss me,
darling,

because
I am
always

coming back.

[I am]returning.

 [your thoughts]0


off the deep end.

[today]Mar 7th, 2008 4:41:11 am - Subscribe

I fear this beautiful thing
has been scarred
by desire.

your depths beckon.
heedless of peril, I smile -
and in; down, down, I dive.

we die
younger
every day.

invincible -
clocks running
backwards to save us.

and your cool waters
so inviting,
ready to pull me in.

I drink not
for fear
that I should drown.

and as your tide calls,
I resist throwing myself
from the rocks -

this time -
I will make you
come to me.

I will wait for the rain
to feel you on my skin
instead of diving in.

[I am]wary but hopeful.

 [your thoughts]1


I stubbornly refuse.

[today]Feb 25th, 2008 3:33:42 am - Subscribe

Forget me, life:
I'm not worth living.
I refuse to accept
the motions of time.

The hands of the clock
go round still, ticking;
but here inside me
shadows are motionless.

Forget me, world,
'cause I'm not moving.
I won't follow you
down into the dark.

You go on without me -
out into the endless
field of continuum -
and I'll just stay here.

Forget me, time.
I will not limp forward.
More pain in the finite
than I can contain.

In loving and in living;
in losing and letting go -
in death, ressurection:
indefinite agony. So I won't.

So forget me.

[I am]fed up.

 [your thoughts]1


undesired.

[today]Feb 22nd, 2008 4:42:50 am - Subscribe

undesired.
I struggle
against it
my battle
unmarked
unwanted
by you
falling apart
at the seams,
undesired
the very thread
of my being
unwound;
unspoken -
unwanted
cast out.

you confuse
aiming
to amuse
yourself and
conspire
to tire -
make me feel
undesired
I won't bite now
won't play
games never
make you stay -
from worlds away,
I appeal,
an unsealed deal
waiting for you
to sign or
repeal.
until you give me all -
your safety net,
collecting dust -
I await the fall.

[I am]exhausted. Seriously.

 [your thoughts]0


meteor.

[today]Feb 12th, 2008 11:32:06 pm - Subscribe

in
its teeth I
lie still,
knowing that
to fight
only
cuts me
deeper.

at the eye
of this storm
I bleed,
lonely,
watching
life going on
without me.

the archaeological
marvel
of me and my
petrified heart -
me,
the stone,
frozen in time.

I wander,
I wonder,
I wish; and I tire
of desire,
wanting only
not to
want
anymore.

so lonely,
so empty
I can't help
but feel that
I am a meteor
crashing
very far
from home.

I crave change
yet revile it
with care
you
preserve me
as I am -
left behind.

[I am]fossilized.

 [your thoughts]0


so I run.

[today]Feb 8th, 2008 12:19:28 am - Subscribe

across these empty reaches
of white and waiting
I flee understanding,
wanting to remain numb.

for my glass heart I fear -
words pursue me across the paper.
you live in all of my words
but you are no longer my home.

so I run; and every time I smile,
everything I taste or feel -
everywhere I go without you knowing
where I am - does not seem real.

stone that I am, I have not
changed my mind, nor yet let
the killer hope dissolve inside -
my glass heart has not worn to sand.

pain follows, but cannot have me.
and without meaning to,
I hope you read these words:
I live like a bird but love like a mountain.

so I run, I fly; I become a kite -
praying this lifeline you've thrown
won't hang me. I fall in flame and wait,
desiring to rise again from these ashes.

[I am]in pieces.

 [your thoughts]2


wasted.

[today]Jan 17th, 2008 7:09:20 am - Subscribe

terrible
to find the truth
of my own glory
as it slips away

so painful
to find the saying true:
you don't know what
you've got 'til it's gone.

unbearable
to think of all that time
I wasted
in sorrow

when all along
I had you!

then what had I
to complain of?

I had you.

what tear brightened
my eye,
what bitterness
escaped my lips?

I had you.
I had you,
and I did not
fear your loss.

oh, child,
you learn too late
of the joy you held
even in your pain.

and a joy so close,
so constant, it seems,
that I took for granted
that you belonged with me.

even then,
with you behind me
I should have been stronger
should have rejoiced

for I had you -
what more need I?

and here at the dawn
of the darkest of times

unbearable,
to see that I
might have been happy -
I had you.

so terrible
to think of chances wasted
while I still had your heart
forever.

[I am]most unhappy.

 [your thoughts]0


more than.

[today]Jan 10th, 2008 1:57:39 am - Subscribe

what do I have
when it's empty -
quiet and lonely -
in me?

I have you -
holding me close
in photographs;
a memory.

and where do I go
when the silence
here every day
is the same?

I have you -
your voice on my
answering machine;
a memory.

so what do I feel
when I'm drowning;
not wanting
another day?

I need you -
here loving me
in touch and sound;

not just a memory.

I need you
loving me for all I am;
not trying to forget -

I need more than a memory.

[I am]lonely.

 [your thoughts]2


drum dance.

[today]Dec 21st, 2007 6:54:29 am - Subscribe

the dance;
the tribal rite -
the drum:
thud
thud
slam

pound -
the beating
of a heart:
my heart
a drum:
thud
thud
slam

what comes
I know not,
but the
pounding
rhythm
hints of pain.

my heart,
thud
thud
slam,
warns me
to be afraid.

reckless tempo;
wild dance:
all is not
as it ought -
thud
thud,
slam

oh, something
is wrong;
I daren't
seek the truth -
the fire leaps;
the drum -
thud
thud
slam -

my heart
pounds harder,
terror rising.
this dance,
an ancient one
thud
thud
slam:

I know not
what I fear -
thud
thud
slam -

my heart,
the drum,
is wiser.
thud
thud
slam.

[I am]wary and afraid.

 [your thoughts]0


metamorphosis.

[today]Dec 17th, 2007 5:29:12 am - Subscribe

bitterness made beautiful:
my words like circles;
my heart the echo
of a distant drum's shudders.

an emptiness like strangers:
a canvas too forbidding -
possibilities unchanced,
the air awake with potential.

bitterness made beautiful:
a stab of agony carved in crystal,
a starless night cast in ebony -
the catharsis of loveliness;

despair's breathtaking imagery.

the lonely mountains mourning, the
white winter forests of my heart
awaiting the april of poetry;
the thaw that comes in words.

the chrysalis of pain's
transformation into wisdom.
collections of polished moments
line the museum of my memory.

so as the blade bites in,
I turn my veins into blank pages
and my blood into words;
so the wound becomes a story, a song,

a bitterness made beautiful.

the depth of hurt: an ocean
beneath whose opal waves I drown
the loneliness and sorrow
that I, in language, cast.

a bitterness made beautiful.

[I am]words.

 [your thoughts]1


water and wind.

[today]Nov 21st, 2007 5:52:19 am - Subscribe

I keep letting go,
ready to throw in
the metaphorical towel
at the drop of a
proverbial hat.

and every time
I swear
'never again',
somehow, you
bring me back.

I can't keep up
to your nereid ways;
you slip like water
away, again -
laughing.

but to rage
against you
is like cursing smoke:
you're gone before
I even inhale.

so I sigh and I wait
and you come back in time
you awake me;
I forgive you
all over again.

[I am]slightly brighter.
[inspiration]raidne again.

 [your thoughts]1


slip.

[today]Nov 21st, 2007 5:50:28 am - Subscribe

There's always
something running
through my head,
wearing me down.

There's always
someone yelling
in my world;
I let it go.

Always something
I've forgotten
or neglected -
I look away.

Always some
secret anguish
in my wellspring
of worry.

Ever a change
inevitable,
awaiting me -
I let it go.

Always packing up
my things
to leave again;
I let it go.

Ever disappointment
when escape is
not enough:
I numb the pain.

Thinking of myself,
no regard
for anyone else -
I let it go;
I let you down.

[I am]exhausted.
[inspiration]...more like lack thereof.

 [your thoughts]0


love this.

[today]Oct 28th, 2007 4:39:04 am - Subscribe

I cannot hear,
I cannot breathe.

and everything's breaking
something's
got to give -

I'm not giving
anymore.

to what do I owe?

you say time?
well, times change.

and lives,
and loves
and stories end.

I cannot breathe,
you cannot hear

what the hell is wrong?
something's got to give,
and I'm not giving
anymore.

what's going to
get me through?

you say love?

well, love this.

[I am]unlovable.

 [your thoughts]2


she's my requiem.

[today]Oct 25th, 2007 5:16:15 am - Subscribe

there's a song
in winter's silence
a melody
that speaks of frost

there are lyrics,
in my empty mind;
a tune,
and she's the song -

she's my requiem
the sound of tears;
the silence of snowfall.
she's the pain we carry,
bittersweet -
we all keep smiling on.

numb as I am,
the music screams
this lullaby,
and she's the song

and she's my requiem
I mourn a girl
I thought I knew;
I mourn a heart
I've always loved.

I mourn the song to which
I've known the lyrics
but never caught
the tune.

she's a song,
and she's

my requiem.

I hear you,

passing on.

[I am]missing my best friend.
[inspiration]raidne, again.

 [your thoughts]1


dreaming.

[today]Oct 13th, 2007 5:05:52 am - Subscribe

like a
black bear
in winter;

like an oak
at first frost;

like a
contented child,
warm and safe;

like tropical cities
at midday,
in the heat -

I sleep,

dreaming
deep.

[I am]hibernating.

 [your thoughts]1


shifting.

[today]Oct 8th, 2007 5:15:51 am - Subscribe

so tired
and bitter
uprooted,
I wander
asleep on
my feet and
no place to
call home yet

hopelessly
homelessly
searching for
something here
not finding
whatever
I have been
looking for.

one place to
another,
still nowhere
to call home.

[I am]worn out.
[inspiration]pack up + leave.

 [your thoughts]4


dying with you.

[today]Oct 5th, 2007 4:46:27 am - Subscribe

every night,
a part of me
dies
with you.

every time
in my dreams,
I see you
disappear.

heart pounds,
stomach twists,
head spins.

a human drum
tuned to the air,
I shudder.

behind closed eyes,
I watch
your demise
over and over.

you
could have been
me.

now
you're gone.

and gone
again,
every night -

I die
with you,

without knowing -

who were you?

[I am]anguished.
[inspiration]rest in peace.

 [your thoughts]0


burning beauty.

[today]Sep 29th, 2007 7:17:29 am - Subscribe

the beauty
of your fire

the light of
your passion,
your intensity

you
light me up

illuminating
dark shadows in me

burning
like a sunrise

behind your eyes,
all I desire.

your strength,
your
words.

the beauty,
terrible,
heartrending beauty

the terrifying,
beautiful passion

of your heart,
your fire

your eyes.

[I am]contemplative.

 [your thoughts]2


anaesthetic.

[today]Sep 29th, 2007 7:06:14 am - Subscribe

as we die -
screaming
or otherwise -

diving
into that light
beyond.

and we scream
for rest,
for peace;

the anaesthetic
to sleep
and forget.

to sleep
in ignorance
of life's pain;

blissful relief
from the torture
of mortality.

what is heaven?
the afterlife,
for pure of soul?

heaven is
screaming
back out,

right back into
the light:
this life.

forced once more
to draw breath,
unable to speak.

pain -
the anaesthetic
to forget.

make our way
around the sun,
unceasing.

memory gone,
blindly turn
to the light -

believing, again
your last breath
will bring a halt.

but life
goes on.
I long to rest.

to die is not
to sleep evermore.
I'll not befriend death.

be then my
anaesthetic
in this world,

for I long
to be once more
oblivious.

[I am]frustrated.
[inspiration]reincarnation.

 [your thoughts]1


life without limits.

[today]Sep 25th, 2007 4:22:48 am - Subscribe

oh, to live
as you do,
my bird -

free as the wind;
as the sea;
as the storm.

sky over rivers
and oceans
of sand

like you,
I am free
at 35000 feet

my troubles
only stars
in dusk's velvet

this is life
as I live it
in deepest of dreams

my life without
limits at
35000 feet

but dawn breaks
wings falter
chains are recalled

and earthbound,
I plummet
into the light -

falling
35000 feet
to pavement.

impact -
I am
myself again.

born into cages;
breathing in
boundaries -

oh, to be
but a feather
of your wing.

to live
without limits;
to fly -

but I
hold myself
in.

[I am]limited.
[inspiration]raidne.

 [your thoughts]0


motions.

[today]Sep 8th, 2007 8:29:14 pm - Subscribe

I awake
from deepest sleep.
jarring alarm;
the day begins.

and I
breathe out.
get up,
dressed, and into class.

I smile,
I pretend
I'm not alone
for your benefit.

I go to lunch
and talk about
nothing that matters.
I laugh.

I go back
to my house,
to my room,
to my bed.

and for you,
I pretend
it is a
home to me.

I lie awake
in the night,
reminding myself
that I'm alive.

my autopilot
answers and responses
are not me.
I'm not a shell.

and for you,
I don't cry.
I maintain
my mask.

I numb
the emptiness;
drug my mind
with stories.

and I sleep,
dreaming deeply
of you - just
out of my reach.

[I am]numb.

 [your thoughts]1


blood sunset.

[today]Jun 16th, 2007 6:56:52 pm - Subscribe

From here,
the sunrise
seems so long ago.
Where we lay
and the stars
faded into the dawn.

And I stand
in the last
crimson rays
of a beautiful day;
a sunset
like life's blood
finally draining away.

And it's beautiful -
these last days
in the dying light
are beautiful -
perhaps the most
wonderous yet.

In the crimson glow,
as the heat fades,
I won't think about
the coming night -
the darkness
that will rise -
the loss of the light.

These have been
the best days
of my life.

I can't think about
the approaching night.
With all that I am,
I cling to what is left -
these sunset hours
of the happiest times.

And I try to will the spark
of your sunlight to remain
alive.

[I am]here.

 [your thoughts]0


penelope's requiem.

[today]May 24th, 2007 10:18:15 pm - Subscribe

lay down here,
don't argue so.
all defenses down
soft and slow.

through skylights
we forgot about,
the grey light shows.
and the sound
of the rain
and the sound
of the rain
goes on.

sweet distractions;
forget your plans.
lose yourself in
holding nothing back.

through skylights
we forgot about,
the grey light shows.
and the sound
of the rain
and the sound
of the rain
goes on.

fully captivated;
no desire to leave.
remain at my side
and forget all your dreams.

a shadow at home
awaits you;
you won't come -
tears will fall like rain.

through skylights
we forgot about,
the grey light shows.
and the sound
of the rain
and the sound
of the rain
goes on.

through windows
you left behind,
a cold wind shudders.
and the rain
in my heart
the rain
in my heart
goes on.

[I am]lonely and bitter.
[inspiration]Penelope was the wife of Odysseus. He left home for seven years and had all sorts of fun while she waited for him.

 [your thoughts]0


impermanence.

[today]May 20th, 2007 5:07:18 am - Subscribe

I woke up to
the screaming of families;
I woke up feeling
my skin dissolve -

and I don't know where
my dreams run to;
in the light, where
all is revealed.

but it's real:
I looked on as
worlds were torn down
beneath fiery skies.

and all that I struggle for
can be lost in a moment
and all of my passion
could not save me.

there is no
reasoning with fate
or with a bullet,
or a blade.

any minute I could
wake up with
life collapsing upon me -
or nothing left at all.

so hold on to me.
hold me here; now -
one life or one love;
don't let it go.

I don't want to be alone.

[I am]struggling.
[inspiration]my difficulty coming to terms with my own mortality; with the impermanence of love and of life.

 [your thoughts]0


awake.

[today]May 6th, 2007 2:44:34 pm - Subscribe

all these weeks
asleep beneath
a metre of the darkness
I wrap myself in.

I don't want to
dream through this,
and I won't
look away anymore.

all those days
convincing myself
that this is just
how I am -

it's not.
and I'm awake
to choose my own way
I won't let life happen to me.

awake
and alive;
with your voice
in my heart,

and sunlight
everywhere
that used to be
dark.

[I am]:)

 [your thoughts]1


light

[today]May 4th, 2007 3:20:24 am - Subscribe

you see me
a confused, jumbled mess

I've tied
myself up in knots

chased my tail
until it was caught

and you look at me
with incredulity

why do I let
life get to me?

but all I want
is for you to

untangle me;
put me right again.

I run myself
into the ground

and fall to pieces
at a word

I drag you down
into my darkness

but all I want
is for you to see
the light I'm giving you.

[I am]pathetic.

 [your thoughts]0


twenty-one days.

[today]Mar 21st, 2007 1:09:20 am - Subscribe

Every piece of me
that goes into this suitcase -
folded neatly;
screaming quietly:
"twenty-one days!" -
it tears a hole.

Everything that I am
is here;
is you.
Home doesn't travel well
at all.

How can I leave?
How can I fly away?

I'll go, and I won't cry.
But every step I take
while far away
will bring me a step closer to home,
and every moment
a little nearer to it being over.

[I am]dreading the moment I leave.
[inspiration]I hate travelling.

 [your thoughts]1


pangaea

[today]Mar 16th, 2007 4:07:53 am - Subscribe

I fit into you
like South America
into Africa.

without you, I drift:
my thoughts
become oceans;
miles of water between jigsaw coasts.

buildings swallow people
(just like love)
and spit them out again
when fluorescence
makes their eyes ache
and their hearts long for the sun.

all the uncertain islands
of missing pieces
come together -
strong, solid ground -
in your eyes.

turn back
time-floods
bring us
together again.

[I am]quietly pining.
[inspiration]maps and primordial soup.

 [your thoughts]1


the river.

[today]Feb 22nd, 2007 5:11:14 am - Subscribe

I cannot speak -
my throat is cut.
time is short;
my days are numbered.

don't -
please don't -
force me back
into myself

I had nearly
I had very nearly escaped.

don't touch me;
I won't go.
I'll run!

I'll run,
I'll get away...

I cannot sing;
the river dreams
of skeletal birds
and twisted trees.

and the trap yawns -
I see my relfection
in its teeth,
waiting for myself.

waiting for me to come back,
to drag me in again.

I cannot scream -
my throat is cut.
relief is fleeting;
good days are numbered.

[I am]desperate >.<

 [your thoughts]3


words...

[today]Feb 17th, 2007 6:51:32 am - Subscribe

where your skin
begins

words fail me.

your breath is my
heartbeat;

your eyes
my relief -

words fail me.

you take me
into your arms.

I can be strong; I
can believe,

but I
cannot speak.

at the point
where you begin,

words are rendered
meaningless.

too insignificant
to colour passion -

words
fail me.

[I am]:)

 [your thoughts]0


frayed.

[today]Feb 15th, 2007 7:08:31 am - Subscribe

another chapter -
in which:

millions of metres
above my insomniac head,
a castle on a cloud
disintegrates into dust.

and I pick at
the remaining threads
instead of trying
to mend the hole.

I plug my ears
with cynicism
to keep from hearing
any more about heaven.

[I am]hovering between extremes.

 [your thoughts]1


eternal.

[today]Feb 13th, 2007 5:41:01 am - Subscribe

amaranth:
a flower never fading -

a mythical forever
that cannot be possessed.

ever sought for,
always lost;

beauty unmarred
by passing ages

I found its light
in the depths

amaranth,
forever does not exist.

I reach out, and you
wither before my eyes.

time touches all
no petal can elude its winter

amaranth
a flower never fading

amaranth,
a fairytale for open hearts

amaranth,
look into your winter now:

forever is not real -
forever is not real.

[I am]weary.

 [your thoughts]0


your thorn.

[today]Jan 30th, 2007 6:54:35 am - Subscribe

you turn
your face
away from me;

say I make you
sick -

I make you sick.

and with only words,
you make me into
the thorn.

I, the illness
that twists your stomach;

I,
the venom
that poisons your breath;

I speak as
your treacherous,
torturous disease:

oh, god,
what I'd give to be
free of your veins.

oh, my enemy and creator,
the thorn in your skin

would die to
return to its vine
and just be.

[I am]prickly.

 [your thoughts]2


time passes.

[today]Dec 31st, 2006 8:39:27 pm - Subscribe

upon the last day
frozen skies
and flat grey light

I reach back still
unwilling to lose my hold
on the days gone by
memories too dear
to let become simply that.

and still regrets
and fear for the unknown

what difference can I cause;
I that crawl but a corner
of this vast place?

the beautiful,
frightening thing
about time is
it passes.

the wonderful,
terrible thing
about life is
it ends.

and what have I
to prevent the ages
from sweeping me up
in their tides?

I have words -

I have words.

[I am]wistful.
[inspiration]2007.

 [your thoughts]0


eve.

[today]Dec 25th, 2006 6:54:21 am - Subscribe

in the deep dark,
harmony rings -
it calls to me, oh,
calls to me.

let sleep rest heavy
upon dreaming eyelids,
and come to me now,
come to me.

the weary world drifts
away into
oceans of light
and colour.

and I dream;
in dreams I find
the thread of a song
unravelling again.

and ever the promise
of light beyond -
calling to me:
oh, come to me.

[I am]content.
[inspiration]merry christmas.

 [your thoughts]0


stars.

[today]Dec 15th, 2006 5:12:45 am - Subscribe

lying in a net
of someone else's
golden star lights,
I can't help but feel colder.

breathing on borrowed time.
every touch burns;
every word aches-
beautiful cherished pinpricks.

and while each embrace
is bittersweet,
the empty spaces
are cold with desire.

repentance for tears
and loneliness in anticipation
but I can't help it;
I want you.

a swarm of what-ifs
swim round like fish
darting to brush my skin
sending a shiver

in dreams I fight
I'll scream at the mirror
don't look at me that way
we'll make it - we have to.

every chord played
upon my heartstrings
sick with longing
oh, I need you

I can't help it;
I need you

hopelessly holding out
against time
we cannot give in
neither in spirit nor words

a small, voiceless thing,
bound by root to earth;
I grow towards your fire,
careless that I may burn.

I can't help it;
I want you.

in some star-mariner's net
we lie shivering
in the light
confused, but together

life's unending traffic circle
at once
proves and disproves
the theory of forever

and I am afraid
you'll go, and leave me
stone-blind again;
strike the lyrics from my lips.

and you are afraid
that if we should part,
I'll not
breathe again.

I will always
breathe for you -
I can't help it;
I love you,

and words
are too fragile
to tie down
to this living feeling.

I'll hold your light
and quell your fears;
I will be there when
the stars fall into the sea.

how can I help it?
I love you.

[I am]impressed - look! it's MORE fish symbology!

 [your thoughts]0


basket case

[today]Dec 9th, 2006 6:35:52 pm - Subscribe

I am holding myself together.
a breath of wind could
dissolve me
and scatter me in a heartbeat.

senses dulled by dancing lights,
I am a collection
of disjointed fragments.

please don't ask me any questions.
my voice
is not saying the same thing as my face,
and you're not looking
at me.

I am a basket case.
(put me in your basket
and take me away).

why are my tears
always so close to the surface now?
for you, I wear
my heart upon my sleeve.

feelings that slept drugged inside me
are awake now
and ready to spring without warning;
so keep watch -

several gears are loose:
I may break down at any moment.
travel at your own risk.

for you, I wear my heart
on my sleeve:
vulnerable and open.

through the rain and mist,
I see the sky.

I'm going back to
the pretty bright lights -

out and up and away.

[I am]fragile.

 [your thoughts]0


from stone to sand.

[today]Nov 16th, 2006 6:00:41 am - Subscribe

A rock
stands,

out in
the sea:

proud and
unyeilding.

You
and I -

this is my
rock island.

No sea-storm
can destroy us -

though time
and water

may wash
it away

and erode
strength into sand -

no force
of nature

can conquer it
completely.

From stone
to sand,

and sand
to glass;

we will hold
the cycle -

from ocean
into fire -

forever.

[I am]quite exhausted.
[inspiration]partly love and partly a big rock.

 [your thoughts]4


the cinderella clock.

[today]Nov 2nd, 2006 5:24:24 am - Subscribe

a bell
sounds
somewhere
inside me

ding
ding
ding

a clock
strikes
I can't hear
the time

ding
ding

how many
strokes?

ding
ding

no, wait
don't turn
back into
a pumpkin -
not yet.

[I am]disconnected. please try again.

 [your thoughts]0


ghosts.

[today]Oct 30th, 2006 6:59:37 am - Subscribe

[2003]
Lying on a busy street
In the gutter
Dirty rainwater washes over me
I am the fallen
Disgraced and torn
Bruised and bleeding
Cars roar past me
As I stagger to my feet
Howling wind
Flashing headlights
Coming through the fog and darkness
They pass by me
Standing helpless beside the road
I scream and yell at them
Frantically
But the people stare straight ahead
Is it that I am invisible?
No...
They ignore me
Blocking out what they do not wish to see
No one will help me
I am forsaken
Forgotten
I will die here
Alone
And I am powerless to change my fate
The rain starts up again
A nameless whisper in my ear
Tells me that the angels have forsaken me too
And now they cry for me
For all that I have lost
But I will not drown in their tears
For I am already drowning in my own...


[2004]
Through the fields of starlight
As the darkness fades away
When all the world is waking
Listen as I call out to you
Fire, water, earth and air
Lightning, thunder, rain
Join me in this dance
The new day dawns
The night has gone
Come sun
Come storm
Come death to me
To dance and rejoice
Come tiny violets
And ancient trees
Leave the earth behind
The sky above us
Is as deep as the sea
Come join me
Dance in the wind, the rain
All of us for always
Drink deep the breath of life
Sing with me
The ancient nameless, tuneless song
So many voices
One breath
One song
One voice
Until the endless golden sunset
Stretches across the sky
Laying us to rest
Amidst the shining stardust
For tomorrow is a new day...

[2005]
By the time you came
I was
Already gone

You didn't notice
But then
You never do

And I realize
It is too hard to understand
For somebody
Like you
Who has forgotten
How to feel

And you can't
Hurt me anymore
Than you already have

By the time you came
I had
Nothing left

So you need not worry
You took
Nothing from me

And I know
That you will never understand
That you cannot
Try to repair
What was never
Yours to break

And you can't
Hurt me anymore
Than you already have

By the time you came
It was
Already over

And in the days
Gone by
I was not waiting

And I realize
That you think
You understand this
Although you have
Forgotten how to feel

And you can't
Hurt me anymore
Than you already have

Am I dead
Or only sleeping?
Wake me
When it's over...

I have not
Forgotten
How to feel...



[2006]
It's...

...sidewalk chalk
and warm weekday afternoons
when I'd be home before
lunch time

it's
summer mornings
bright lemon sunlight
at the outdoor garden centre
holding hands

it's
me, it's mine
the way I am
the way my life has been
it's my past
but now it's
gone;
it's...
past.

her skin is white like
my grandmother's teacups
her short hair is
(another word for deep
brown - to the point
of being nearly black).

it's
her life.

this week
she wears her pain
but
next week
the bruises will be
faded into phantoms
of what has passed here.

it's
standing in front of the class
in second grade
while laughter crashes into me
hiding behind
my ideals
and a piece of paper
it's the bittersweet relief
before the tears begin.

it's
warm and sweet -
home, oh -
this room around me
the home that I had
isn't here any longer;
it's
gone.

it's
this planet
spinning
it's this heart
beating out my melody -

it's the memories
crammed into me
the way you took my painting
off of the refrigerator
six years ago this summer

and it's
the way that even so,
I still remember the butterfly's
painted wings
and the way I could see it
from my bedroom doorway.

it's
me, it's mine
the way I am
the way my life has been
it's my past
but now it's
gone;
it's...
past.

[I am]reflective.
[inspiration]my blood is words; my heart's rhythm, meter. Somehow, I have always been this way.

 [your thoughts]1


wayparting

[today]Oct 30th, 2006 2:18:27 am - Subscribe

learning
to let go;

I don't want
to drag out
this goodbye
any longer,
I just want
to

let it go.

I can't live
with her.

she can't survive
in this world.

and as soon as I
withdraw my lifeline,
she'll fall;
like all she ever was:
a breath of air and
dandelion seeds,
and I don't want that
to be me.

when she falls,
I don't want her
to drag me.

it's not enough
to say things will change:

I know
you're good enough
for your own world.

but angel, this place
is a cruel one
and I don't
want you to drown

like a sparrow
with broken wings.

and when you struggle
to fly,
you pull at my heart

but I
must be strong now,
and weather this winter
of emotions.

I must
let it go.

I've got to
let her go.

she's lost and confused;
turning around
and around, looking for the light

but all I can do
is to whisper goodbye.

she'll never
make it out of that forest
alive,

and she'll fall -
but I won't be with her
this time.

I'll turn from her cries
and walk

into
the sun,

a breath
of air and dandelion seeds

just passing me by.

[I am]...

 [your thoughts]1


atlas

[today]Oct 23rd, 2006 4:42:05 pm - Subscribe

there is another side to me,
barely visible.

I hold a strength inside
unsuspected.

I would not expect you
to know,

but I
could challenge anything.

and I, had I a reason,
could lift the world up.

too proud am I
to lean on you now:

I will stand up
I will not fall.

and if I can't
see your star,

I'll find another
to guide me.

and, if you give me reason,
I will hold the world up.

I'll stand up,
I won't back down -

but oh, how I would rather
fall into your arms.

I would
take shelter in you

rather than hold up
this empty sky.

[I am]strong enough.
[inspiration]feels like the weight of the world.

 [your thoughts]2


regret and apprehension.

[today]Oct 19th, 2006 5:22:10 pm - Subscribe

if you
were here

I'd listen
to everything
you'd say.

everything.

because even
if I never
doubt again,

I love you.

but today's just
another day.
and I know

that this is just the way it is.

I will
get used to it.

but I miss you.
I love you.

I will
get on with my day,

but I miss you.

[I am]regretful and apprehensive.

 [your thoughts]1


into lights.

[today]Oct 15th, 2006 5:04:38 am - Subscribe

hold my breath
for hours
staring at all the
pretty bright lights
above me

if only you
could force me to
listen to the sound
of my own voice

you'd make me breathe
again

would make me breathe.

[I am]out of it.

 [your thoughts]1


The Gatekeeper.

[today]Oct 8th, 2006 5:31:57 am - Subscribe

You are welcome to cry
on my shoulder, if need be.

I'll do what I can to hold you up
and be there.

You always believe that I know
much more than, in fact, I do;

but I am not the gatekeeper -
my words are only ideas,
never instructions.

I know what you desire
and I possess it not;

the way into her heart
is something you must
discover for yourself.

I am not the gatekeeper:
please don't look to me;

I can only give you directions
I cannot lend you the key.

And yet, here I am standing
why are they all drawn to me?

I am not the Keeper of Hearts
and I never will be.

[I am]tired.
[inspiration]people who like my friends.

 [your thoughts]1


I'm here.

[today]Oct 2nd, 2006 4:31:10 pm - Subscribe

and it will take me years
to understand
why dawn follows the night:
I would never see the light.

we are all too young to die,
too old to sleep,
too far away
to listen much.

tides wash away
to open water.

in the light,
emptiness -

in the darkness,
memory and sound.

she cried
on our shoulders -
he swam out
into cold water.
took a breath,
dived in -
she always loved him.

we would go back
at any time -
too young to sleep,
too old to die;

too caught up in sorrow
to sing very much
anymore.

where darkness parts
and we stand,
together,

where memory and sound
is still
and calm
and empty in the light;

and the song
banishes the fear,

a voice
in fallen leaves -

I do not claim to understand,
but I am here.

[I am]missing it.
[inspiration]this weekend.

 [your thoughts]0


a history of bad days.

[today]Sep 28th, 2006 4:08:54 am - Subscribe


I
am
imprisoned.

Trapped
by
your visions.

My time
is a waste
of yours.

I
am not
good enough.

If
you are
near,

my life
is a history
of bad days.

[I am]so far away.

 [your thoughts]2


11.11 p.m.

[today]Sep 24th, 2006 5:34:26 am - Subscribe

To be together always
to remain close
and always laugh.

To love you forever
and always have
your love in return.

To share with you my life
and be a part of yours.

To be your home,
as you are mine.

To always be happy
with you
and always make you happy.

To keep you safe
and hold you close -

forever.

Until death do us part.

[I am]so in love.
[inspiration]forever.

 [your thoughts]2


sing

[today]Sep 23rd, 2006 3:58:31 am - Subscribe

if
I had
my own way

one day
would
dawn
without fear.

if
this world
were a stage
the sun
a spotlight,

I'd play
my role
without
hesitation.

if I
could live
one sunrise
to twilight

without
regard
to time
and fear,

I would
sing
out loud.

[I am]wandering (not wondering).

 [your thoughts]2


the turning of leaves.

[today]Sep 21st, 2006 4:40:06 pm - Subscribe


I open my window
to the sunlight

as a dandelion turns
to the morning.

but time
is against me,

and autumn whispers
of the leaves that fall.

in white winter's grasp
all is still.

I am but a spark
beneath frozen earth

asleep
under opal blankets.

into the winter,
I follow the sun

far beyond
the horizon.

[I am]poetic.
[inspiration]September.

 [your thoughts]6


regarding her grey heart

[today]Sep 19th, 2006 5:29:36 pm - Subscribe

she's a raincloud
in a clear sky
and no one claims to understand

why she'll always see
the darker side
and welcome winter in.
but there's always something -

somewhere in her heart
she hides her worry
sets out to meet the day
like nothing's wrong

but the grey
always shows through
and no amount of sunlight
can hide it

and
everybody's got it now
so that means that you
should want it too.

she holds her storm
beneath transparent layers
never looks happy enough
to pass for normal

colours wear away
and the grey of her heart
always comes through
in the end

she feels alone,
day after day,
for who could love
a heart that aches constantly?

only yours.

take my cold hands
and begin to
unpin my heart from my sleeve

and put it
into your pocket,
safe and warm.

[I am]not empty.

 [your thoughts]2


a requiem

[today]Sep 10th, 2006 9:22:55 pm - Subscribe

home?

I had one once.

I remember
when I was too young
not to take it for granted.
I remember when
every night, I fell asleep
in the same bed.

home.

a place I could
navigate in the dark.

I knew it so well.
I loved it so much.

home?

that's a place where
you feel safe
and sometimes happy.
I had one once.
I still remember.

I'll never forget
the walls,
the lightswitches, the windows

the trees in the yard
the smell, the sound.
the radio on in the evening,
the television on at night.

the love and security.

the tension. the arguments.

more than anything -
its sheer dependabilty
to always be there.

but where has it gone?

[I am]really sick.

 [your thoughts]4


autumn

[today]Sep 6th, 2006 3:58:35 am - Subscribe


in forests deep
leaves turn to gold.

in lands far and wide
the winds are changing.

a chill upon the air;
a storm surfacing.

what is this
approaching?

the song
takes on an undercurrent,

a new season
nearing.

the land shivers
through the northern wind.

and I stand
overlooking

facing the dawn
of a new time

what is this
inside me?

I do not fear -

I no longer fear.

[I am]comtemplative.
[inspiration]the beginning of a new era of me.

 [your thoughts]3


through

[today]Aug 10th, 2006 2:23:04 am - Subscribe


storm
lie awake
bright lights
running
loud sounds
running
late night
no jacket
turn a corner
streets shining
wide awake
heart slamming
rain pounding
losing sleep
still running
everything sparkling
through the rain
running
to you.

[I am]

 [your thoughts]5


onward

[today]Aug 2nd, 2006 4:22:13 am - Subscribe


as I stumble
through,

I gather
what I may

moments to
keep my heart alive

and I
hold them close

to keep myself
from falling away...

I will live a year
off of only today.

[I am]in love
[inspiration]today...

 [your thoughts]1


a little bit lost.

[today]Jul 30th, 2006 3:47:47 am - Subscribe


help me find
the smile
I've lost -

I swear to God,
it was here
just a moment ago.

tell me what's
worth living for;
tell me
what's worth fighting for

because the life
that I thought I had
is dancing out of reach

and since I lost touch
I don't know
which way is up
or where to turn.

I'd write a letter
but I'm afraid
I might let on

that the walls
are closing in
on me
and my life.

so tell me
what's worth living for
within this grave
I've dug myself;

remind me why
I'm fighting
to get away from here
where do I belong?

it's for you
I know that this
is for you
and well worth it;

but I can't
remember where
I was supposed to meet you
hours ago.

turn your light
back on
and help me
find my way through.

[I am]worn down.

 [your thoughts]2


sleepless

[today]Jul 28th, 2006 4:56:59 am - Subscribe


like
a toy sailboat
in an ocean storm,
I turn
and I toss
upon currents
of half- formed thoughts

yet again,
I succeed
in making myself
sick
so here I lie,
awake
long into the night.

insomnia
snaps its fingers loudly
before my
closing eyes

wide awake,
I wish only
that I could lie
beside you
as these long hours
crawl past.

[I am]probably going to throw up.
[inspiration]ugh.

 [your thoughts]4


on fire

[today]Jul 27th, 2006 5:42:38 am - Subscribe


sky's on fire; awash with
crimson and marigold

a beautiful picture -
from the window, inspiration strikes

gathering pencil, paint and easel
aiming
to capture the sun

the air is warm and still
barefoot, she runs
into the street;
enraptured by the sky

without thinking, onto the road
without looking

headlights -
sound breaks the barrier -
one moment, clear as glass

a sunset,
the world's requiem

a street awash in crimson
reflects the marigold sky

the sun
captured in blood

the light fades,
a silent song.

[I am]a little bit scared of myself.

 [your thoughts]3


sixteen summers

[today]Jul 26th, 2006 4:55:44 am - Subscribe


a dime-sized star
burns a hole
through the clear day

in the shade,
the voices of silence
are not so far
below the surface

the murmur
of the road
distant

a breeze ripples
the stillness

the leaves
whisper

another day
like any

of sixteen summers
that I
have seen

just a day
like any other

and like any other,
I'm thinking
of you.

awake,
aware of
the passing of time

that dime-sized sun
counting sand grains
left in my hourglass

another blur
of light and sound

today is
yet another day

like any of
sixteen summers
I have lived here

just one day;
and like any other,

I would choose to be
no place but
here.

[I am]cold.
[inspiration]just a day like any other.

 [your thoughts]1


boundary

[today]Jul 24th, 2006 4:29:08 am - Subscribe


why
do we
insist

upon
drawing
lines in
the sand?

looking
at a
photograph
of the earth,

I find
myself
expecting
to see

borders
and dividers
superimposed
upon its
surface.

what for?

do you
mean
to tell me
that

the wonders
of
this planet
can be
withheld?

am I
to
believe

that I
cannot go

anywhere
I please?

[I am]content yet philosophical.
[inspiration]a map.

 [your thoughts]2


owww.

[today]Jul 23rd, 2006 5:45:31 am - Subscribe


typeface
begins to
swim
upon the page

words dance
and re-arrange
before my eyes

incomprehensible
can't follow

bright lights
pinwheel
like
a carnival

dragging
a jackhammer
through my thoughts

scattering

thunder begins
in complement
to the lightning
inside my skull

spinning and twisting
ad nauseum

constant pounding
drives away
any rational thought

thudding
and
crashing

throbbing

blinding me

spinning
and everything

stops.

[I am]in pain.
[inspiration]hopefully it's evident in the poem.

 [your thoughts]0


candle

[today]Jul 22nd, 2006 2:45:00 am - Subscribe


in
the room of my heart
firelight
makes shadows dance

wide awake
I move slowly
as though
I am dreaming

remaining still
lest you
dart past my hands
a frightened minnow

in
soft darkness
the city lights
your face

eyes
finding my own
breathing
upon embers

with this flame
upon the hearth
the room
is warm and safe

with you
inside my heart
my mind
is a different place

I fall
asleep
with your smile
on my lips

slowly
as though
dreaming
within a dream.

[I am]beginning to notice that I use fish as imagery in a lot of poems.
[inspiration]last night.

 [your thoughts]4


get the hell away

[today]Jul 20th, 2006 1:12:06 am - Subscribe


had I
a wound
for every
bitter word,
I'd be drenched
in blood
by eight o'clock

because you don't
let up
you never
let it go

the only way
I ever heal
is by getting
the hell
away
from here

I'll scream
back at you
but only because
I don't know
what else to do...

as you
twist me
into
this hideous
creature
that I
never meant
to be

tears could
numb the pain
and release it

but it's too
bloody late
to cry;

I've already
swallowed
your poison

so don't try-
just don't
even bother -
to apologize
or feel
any remorse,
because
it wouldn't save me.

every day
I find myself
fighting
for my life

the only way
to feel safe
is to
get the hell
away from here.

[I am]so mad that I feel sick.
[inspiration]is exactly the same every time.

 [your thoughts]2


to the people of my past:

[today]Jul 18th, 2006 3:56:52 am - Subscribe


unwittingly -
unwillingly -
I pass through your shadow:

nothing but a ghost
wandering the hallways
of my thoughts,

a name upon
pages past
in my unfolding story.

I do not wish
to be drawn
back into your life;

your piece of my heart
has long
been abandoned.

the gap you left
inside of me
is no longer here.

the girl that once
you left behind
is not who I am.

but I
have not
forgotten.

how could I?

you inspired
volumes
of my heart's despair.

I must wonder
if you ever realized
who you were to me...

lent me strength,
left me crippled;

alive with joy
to end in heartache;

shared my laughter
and broke my illusions;

took my trust
and left me with nothing.

I wonder
where you are -
who you are now.

had I
a page
of your past?

[I am]getting tired.
[inspiration]the thought of all the people I used to be close to.

 [your thoughts]2


innocence falls

[today]Jul 18th, 2006 12:47:27 am - Subscribe


you would be
a miracle
if only you
were not condemned

your fragile life
is beautiful;
slipping through
our hands.

from the first,
your wings
too thin,
too weak to fly away

doomed the second
that you fell
into this place
from safety

had I the power,
I would mend you
and set you free
return you to the wind

but I hold little hope
for your life:
the innocent
fall yet again.

[I am]wistful
[inspiration]the first of our butterflies to emerge.

 [your thoughts]1


will you?

[today]Jul 17th, 2006 3:58:06 am - Subscribe

I would
like to
believe
that this
serenity
will
last
this time.

I wish
I could
tell myself
now that
I am
happy,
I won't
ever
be
sad
again.

and I
won't ever
be
alone again.

hypnotic
bright lights
convince me
that all
is well

while in truth
the night
awaits
my vulnerability

I awake from
my trance,
and

I can't
imagine
why
I am
still
afraid.

but I
cannot rid
my eyes
of the images
left
by light

I haven't
a choice
but to
hope

to hope
and to know
in my
deepest
of all instinct

that you will
still catch me
when
I fall
down...
.
.
.

[I am]not sure why I wrote this.
[inspiration]is yet unknown to me.

 [your thoughts]3


small fish

[today]Jul 16th, 2006 7:00:24 am - Subscribe


a small fish
in an angry ocean's tides;
a lost feather,
sailing upon a storm -
caught in the current;
carried somewhere else
from where I've
been before,
I'm
not fighting against it
anymore.
I will not
lose my perspective
again.
I am
a dot
like everybody else.
as a fallen leaf
upon a river,
I follow you -
down
and down.

[I am]calm and happy.
[inspiration]the feeling of being in a crowd at a concert.

 [your thoughts]2


one

[today]Jul 14th, 2006 3:27:02 am - Subscribe


My life is
a blur of colour and sound.
My life
is a stone that longs for wings.
My life is a question
asked upon the edge of sleep;
my life is breathless,
but not endless.
My life is
deep beneath
the reach of tree roots;
my life is the sun.
It's a poem
half-finished;
a soul awash
in an ocean of wonder -
my life is breathless,
but it is not endless.

[I am]introspective.
[inspiration]ride on bus to airport yesterday - the beautiful world passing in a blur.

 [your thoughts]3