poetry blog by end-of- vernum.

The Jackson Pollock Primal Hurl Art Therapy Group for Particularly Messy Serial Killers
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vernum.	[today]Jan 18th, 2012 2:59:49 am - Subscribe
in the changing season, finally alone with myself, I can hear you - on the shore of molten winter; in whispering, tentative green and pendulous droplet - isolate what creates me; your voice separate from my thoughts - you surround the surface of my mind like frost on clear glass. spring comes - the sun warms; you melt from me and I am not less, only unhindered.
[I am]free.	[your thoughts]0

forward.	[today]Dec 6th, 2011 1:36:45 am - Subscribe
the joy of motion: I feel, therefore I must go forward. I live, therefore I must go elsewhere. never so alive as I am with a plan; perfection in departure. I breathe, therefore I cannot remain here - so I leave, and therefore I rebuild my world. striving to find the place I belong in, and once I have found it - to set off again.
[I am]speculative.	[your thoughts]1

fate.	[today]Nov 28th, 2011 11:58:50 pm - Subscribe
I ask myself more times than there are pebbles on the beach: why now and here? did my path divide? would I have gone another way? yet. the wheel turns, and things do change. and to see this place alight with warmth and laughter; to feel the sun on me and all the living things that grow and thrive; to smell the ocean, a glimpse of waves - the wheel turns and my path is clear: I was always coming here.
[I am]content.	[your thoughts]0

north.	[today]Oct 30th, 2011 12:52:17 am - Subscribe
just because you cannot see the majesty of this night sky doesn't mean I will close my eyes lay down my head become blind because you freeze at winter's touch does not mean I also wrap up and miss feeling the North, the thrilling chill on my own skin you can reject this place in favour of somewhere different, called home unwilling to understand but I was born to inherit the cold lands the forests, prairies and oceans just because you follow your narrow road and you don't catch the rain's scent does not mean I stick to the given path so I run for the fields breathe in the storm just because you choose not to belong here does not mean I do not claim this place that belongs to me.
[I am]irritated.	[your thoughts]0

retracing.	[today]Oct 24th, 2011 8:45:52 pm - Subscribe
illusions like scales from the eyes fall and now I see it. take me back to believing it was that easy. I have seen into the hearts of others, and now I see that what faith I held in you was fruitless. perception changed and vision altered so I can see that vain hope for better was a pacifying drug exhausting my reserves of courage. and now I see it: becoming alien to myself in naive distraction I can't identify the body attached to my soul but I can see that I was lost the moment I began trying - it was never going to be that easy.
[I am]cold.	[your thoughts]0

axis.	[today]Sep 25th, 2011 2:42:21 am - Subscribe
sometimes I am still and the world spins around me and I am the centre of a great wheel going round; I'm the axis in the storm's eye awake, I hold my breath and wait for the floor to decide throw open the window, drink cool dark air which tastes of the sea and calls me, like a needle finding north, to the ocean lost in chaotic tides, and the sand revolves beneath me I am the axis of earth, ocean and sky, circling I am still and the world spins around me in the storm's eye I sleep, breathing the salt air, and wait for the ground to decide.
[I am]still.	[your thoughts]0

better.	[today]Aug 24th, 2011 10:46:13 pm - Subscribe
we go on somehow. each day as your flame grows dimmer and fades the distance each moment draws and we go on. somehow. even without your light your spirit. because you were, I am better. and now I feel you everywhere you make us strong; you make us free our glowing hearts aflame, for you we go on somehow, even now. and I light this candle for you. [ My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we'll change the world. - Jack Layton 1950-2011 ]
[I am]sad.	[your thoughts]0

at dusk.	[today]Aug 22nd, 2011 11:20:48 pm - Subscribe
it was never - you were never. there's nothing here to see. looking over my shoulder, I find you were not following me - and now, at last it's clear that it never was; will never be. find me in the glow of dusk, streetlights - lit up in your bright headlights - smell of summer asphalt, your tires and the speed, my pulse. find me - I will get in and we'll go. scent of your skin; your closeness lingers in me - this scene that never was, and now I know will never be. and I didn't see: we did not miss our time - you had no time for me. so find me in the dark with your search lights, your headlights - I will ask you nothing; I have somewhere else to be.
[I am]underwhelmed.	[your thoughts]0

parting	[today]Aug 21st, 2011 12:47:55 am - Subscribe
goodbye. goodbye. [the only good learned from constant leaving - trailing from one place to yet another] goodbye, goodbye [is that you can take it with you: home is nothing to do with where you are] goodbye - goodbye [the only good in any number of partings is to discover you lost nothing and are whole] and so, goodbye; goodbye.
[I am]patient.	[your thoughts]0

hunger.	[today]Aug 8th, 2011 10:53:54 pm - Subscribe
restlessly wanting, I hear and follow and chase the echo I ache inexplicably for a thing I do not recognize or grasp so I fill and overflow with this: a desire I cannot make real toss and turn tonight, sailing out the storm of wide-eyed hunger perpetual scanning of hallways and corners fearful of missing it hopeful of some sign show me which way epiphanic insomnia endlessly craving, I wander in the wake of a dream slipping a ghost I pursue to edges of meaning and then... beyond.
[I am]inexplicable.	[your thoughts]0

shift.	[today]Jul 7th, 2011 10:48:40 pm - Subscribe
the wind changes shifting senses dry summer heat and now, late, the storm arriving these days spent learning never to expect anything, fate altered and restless air is electric, my signals crossed or I'd have gone elsewhere but you drew me - inexplicable magnet - chance transformed wanting to reach for you, a new path just to know how it'd feel, holding you to discover if you'd taste as I imagine like the summer storm these days I never expect anything, only wonder and hope and feel the air shifting something electric in you pulls me in signals crossing, wires sparking want you to see I am here, open, if your path changes a quiet storm in the summer twilight.
[I am]charged.	[your thoughts]3

divided	[today]Jun 17th, 2011 11:06:11 pm - Subscribe
a house divided against itself must fall. and a life divided? sectioned into fenced-off areas; keeping pieces in separate boxes - mirror: I see your mistakes in both of my own eyes, so I never get to be whole, and I never reconcile - how can I? halves, at odds, are parts of you and repel if you couldn't stay together, then how can I unite myself? if you couldn't love each other, how will my own bonds be strong enough? two sides recognize each other - I can't be one when I am both the pressure imploding divided, like you, against myself, I fall I am not equal to the sum of my parts, so I fail you shield your flaws from blame, and history repeats: I fall divided, like you, but against myself, my fate is sealed: I fall.
[I am]at odds.	[your thoughts]0

change.	[today]Apr 24th, 2011 3:25:52 pm - Subscribe
before towers took root; before train tracks splintered out like veins, the rolling foothills, the river valley belonged to the man at the station who asks if I can spare a dollar, because I remind him of his daughter. he explains where I can catch my bus (I look lost) he says he's been there all day hoping to net that spare change - no luck yet. and all I can see is the prairie - once, before the sidewalks, before the stores. that's the kind of change we hand out to those who wait. I remind him of his daughter - but I'll look after my father for all of his days; and this daughter has let him down, just like the land that should have been his. I don't have a dollar to give him, so I go, but my soul stays beside him - on a bench at a station in a city on the prairie - also hoping for change.
[I am]regretful.	[your thoughts]0

erosion.	[today]Apr 16th, 2011 10:36:12 pm - Subscribe
all of it beyond me now, floating away I'm trying to learn that I can't stay - yet I still reach back, grasp the next solid thing I know to be true and feel it dissolve - the foundation I'm built on is washing away; all of my elements unstitched, I'm adrift.
[I am]lost.	[your thoughts]0

all things	[today]Apr 3rd, 2011 10:03:45 pm - Subscribe
an education in the fine art of goodbyes; a lesson in loving and letting go. acceptance: last to arrive in sorrow - the passing of all that I thought I held. teach me how to let go, and release me. I open my hands - finally, freefall - I see now: all things are transient.
[I am]hopeful	[your thoughts]0

alternate	[today]Mar 26th, 2011 9:17:10 pm - Subscribe
gravity intensifies my orbit slipping sideways until you become the centre drawing me in spinning me round these parallels \|the things \| \|that might \| \|have been\| the membrane between alternate worlds force you into being, in the future, and to exist a little closer to my core.
[I am]hopeful.	[your thoughts]0

wings	[today]Mar 23rd, 2011 2:22:27 am - Subscribe
and I don't know why you should have any hold on me now except once in your eyes I saw the sky reflected and though I could never see beneath your surface for a moment at least I knew your mind though you elude me when I try to look deeper I yet sense your longing; your intention to fly earthbound as I am, you fill me with wonder the rush of your intensity and inscrutable ways, subtle hint of your darkness drawing me, inexorable, and the thrill of the thought of a moment upon your wings.
[I am]overtired.	[your thoughts]0

reality	[today]Mar 21st, 2011 2:20:06 pm - Subscribe
(in my dreams) no time at all has passed so I go and I find you and there you are, before me (and in dreams) there are miracles so I end up in your arms how could it be otherwise? (and in my dream) you open the door and I see your face - so perfect - and I'm relieved: you're real. I thought it might have been a... and I wake (of course) in a room I recognize and you're a million miles away not knowing I think of you nor that I ever did I find your photograph and there, your perfect face not smiling for me - only in dreams do you look at me that way. (and you are far away and I... don't want to wake.)
[I am]frustrated.	[your thoughts]3

unlearning.	[today]Dec 5th, 2010 9:17:31 pm - Subscribe
unlearning what came with the price what I paid dearly to know: that life has walls and you stay in yours once you find them unlearning ways of seeing to bleed away the poison of thinking I know anything at all unlearning to remember what the words were like the bloody elves and that idiot shoemaker, words turned the world for me until I looked for them to find they were never there I'll lie here in the dust of my ruins serenading poetry until it returns I'll unlearn every snare, every trap and trick to capture words taught by every teacher of every creative art until I return to the base of the temple of language where I worshipped before I believed I was god I'll take any oath submit myself to be blinded from the eyes of the world at my door I cast the jury from inside my head to judge my feelings no more becoming stone in silence until the universe is gone from here until I remember that once, ages past, I was a poet in my soul until I recall where my soul is and that writing's in my very blood I'll continue unlearning until I'm worthy of the words' return.
[I am]wistful.	[your thoughts]0

better unsaid.	[today]Mar 26th, 2010 12:13:10 am - Subscribe
every passing day and every day breathlessly lingering these words try to leap from my lips it's getting harder not to say and when I open to your knock the relief makes my knees weak and when again we part at last you leave me with the sweetest ache you make sure to leave a space for me to feel you still within every day passing or standing still it's getting harder not to say the words leaping from my helpless lips: I love you; don't go away - I want you to stay.
[I am]helpless	[your thoughts]1

lifelines.	[today]Dec 17th, 2009 5:21:15 pm - Subscribe
lifelines: veins on the back of a fallen leaf lifelines that reach across my palm lifelines - veins beneath the skin of my wrists lifelines you throw me from dry land as I drown you don't see my wrists are bound lifelines I used to tie my hands together believing I'd never go under life - the blood that pulses through lines - the veins beneath my skin lines you throw to save my life as I let go lifelines: veins on the back of a fallen leaf which floats, then drifts into the deep.
[I am]sinking.	[your thoughts]0

wake.	[today]Dec 16th, 2009 5:35:20 pm - Subscribe
[a dream of being held home loved a dream of sunlight candleglow afterglow of morning and night and city lights green leaves a dream of being loved by you being home.] only a dream... I am awake now and once again, alone.
[I am]hollow.	[your thoughts]1

elixir.	[today]Nov 9th, 2009 3:15:47 pm - Subscribe
once this was the miracle elixir it was the draught of life once this was the fountain from which all things sprang forth now so dark, so sweet the drink that keeps me gasping venomous addiction stealing my light now this desiccated waterway runs with rust and the blood of the life it once begot.
[I am]meh.	[your thoughts]0

knowing.	[today]Sep 16th, 2009 3:55:34 pm - Subscribe
so small in the face of your past and pain so helpless I'd give you my life to live again things I saw in your eyes never needed explained without knowing you I know who you are I can't give you a miracle. I can't keep you alive. I will not forget this. You'll stay with me for a long time.
[I am]so sad.	[your thoughts]0

what i see:	[today]Sep 9th, 2009 5:16:23 pm - Subscribe
what i see in you i see in myself and it's dark like a room where you're not listening to the lights telling you where to go and what not to bang into what i see in you i see in myself and i smash the mirror because i can't face it not in myself and not in you what i see in you i see in myself and want to hurt you because you're supposed to be wiser than i am so where are you leading me? what i see in you i see in myself the reversal hurts i can't look at you disgusted by it guilty of it what i see in you i don't see in myself nor in my future i'll learn from you i won't let this become me.
[I am]furious.	[your thoughts]0

glass globe.	[today]Sep 1st, 2009 4:41:31 pm - Subscribe
a feeling of futility: I, behind the glass wall not really a part of the bright lights but separate viewing from here the warmth and the colour I, within the glass globe here inside my bubble present but isolated safe but alone I float in my lonely way out and over the vast bay preferring observation over any involvement I see you below me down there in the mist and come down from my clouds to be near you if I knew how I'd like to let you in but I don't want to come out. not touching, not blending not part of anything unwilling to risk it we embrace and the glass wall molds to my shape and if you drop me I'll break but the glass wall remains.
[I am]unwilling.	[your thoughts]0

denial.	[today]Jul 15th, 2009 5:02:21 pm - Subscribe
I'm not in your photographs, living it up. I don't appear. I'm not in your outbox or inbox, as you never sent me a word. I'm not in your thoughts; you erase what goes wrong. I'm not part of you - amputated, alienated and lied to. I'm not your friend and I let you down leave me behind so I won't find out. Denial is not just a river in Egypt, love. Hope I'm there to hold you when the boat goes down.
[I am]medium.	[your thoughts]0

respite.	[today]Jul 7th, 2009 6:00:57 pm - Subscribe
I will draw you a map - a topography of suffering; geography of pain. I'll write you a memoir of what passed; write headlines on headstones: I am here; won't let anything hurt you. I will protect you. you're not alone.
[I am]tired now.	[your thoughts]2

immortalize	[today]Jun 26th, 2009 4:33:08 pm - Subscribe
immortalize this: waking in sunlight your breath on my skin before this glow fades feeling like we are one breathe together you are holding me not only in memory but all around keep this forever beyond all that falls between now and onward I belong to your skin now I am here we are one this is a moment that I will never allow to pass.
[I am]content.	[your thoughts]0

silence.	[today]Jun 8th, 2009 5:44:45 pm - Subscribe
I'll be here to listen to your silence I'll wait as long as it takes I have words enough for us both and you can't hear me anyway.
[I am]unhappy.	[your thoughts]0

the cut	[today]May 28th, 2009 7:21:21 pm - Subscribe
get attention. no. shut your mouth. don't be pretentious. smile, look pretty and keep your thoughts between your pretty ears - don't say it out loud. polish 'til you shine, and show them all in photographs. do not tell them in words. fabricate intrigue. you may notice that no one cares how tortured an artist you really are. steal spotlights. no, don't let them see you. shut up; you're not playing hard-to-get. and you're really not that hard to get. you look good on paper. but it's all liquid crystal high definition online television. generally not flattering. you didn't make the cut this time.
[I am]fed up	[your thoughts]0

Spirit	[today]May 26th, 2009 5:13:58 pm - Subscribe
this is the first time I wake without you after the long sleep and bitterness of winter as wind and sunlight stir new things into being you should be thawing and turning to the sky unfurling delicate green and open arms embracing this is the first spring that comes without you the tug of beginning on my spirit is less now my skyline is empty as you stand tall no longer my roots are no longer so deep in this ground this is the first time that I wake without you and, from this season I will grow alone.
[I am]wistful	[your thoughts]0

return	[today]May 6th, 2009 2:51:22 pm - Subscribe
remember how the fragile words would rush from thought to paper until I would overflow and build something solid and more real than I had before me remember when you didn't have to have me around but you wanted me anyway we walked on the grass at dusk and let it be what it was remember how it felt before colours became formulae before lines became boundaries when I wanted only to make beautiful things I forgot how good these things could be yet I find it all comes back to me.
[I am]relieved	[your thoughts]0

fail	[today]May 5th, 2009 2:25:16 pm - Subscribe
so I fail and I face my fate so I learned a lot about myself and I gave a lot that I'd rather have kept but was unwilling to give it all and I fail as a result and there is nothing in my life that I do especially well nothing except write poetry that no one reads and I don't know what I want but I need a new me.
[I am]disgusted.	[your thoughts]1

finally	[today]Apr 10th, 2009 1:03:26 pm - Subscribe
trying to remember why I gave this up draw a blank voices echo empty room where my life was all my poetry in boxes packed and ready going nowhere no one here where I used to be so they finally took this away from me?
[I am]empty	[your thoughts]1

rest in peace.	[today]Nov 27th, 2008 11:08:17 pm - Subscribe
I don't want numbers they blur the page before my eyes a body count even less do I want names the missing the grieving another night to mourn and days of sorrow coming fear and fire on the blue green planet as we slaughter our people ourselves mass devastation brother sister torture, terror we do not forget rest in peace you die not in vain rest in peace rest in peace and may peace take you home we do not forget they cannot forgive my apocalypse slithers near waiting to strike watching you tearing the beating heart out of the world.
[I am]exhausted.	[your thoughts]2

wintersleep	[today]Nov 21st, 2008 5:39:58 pm - Subscribe
don't know why words like snowflakes fall no reason but to speak of the coming tide subtle beauty night calling I desire only words like sunlight piercing to warm me bitter season winter winds now rending words from me like boughs from treetops to scatter on frozen earth like snowflakes freeze still the cheerful spring of poetry my white forest empty, silent, brittle, waits no warmth in words to thaw us don't know why words like snowflakes drift unable to tempt summer back to this place.
[I am]sleepy.	[your thoughts]1

daughter.	[today]Nov 8th, 2008 12:00:35 am - Subscribe
I put away every sharp object: pin and blade and dangerous edge. I still don't trust myself with scissors, even these days. Part of loving oneself is knowing how far that love extends. Part of being a family is knowing you'll have to leave. How far I've come, to stand here and to hold myself up - courage, pride, strength. I break so easily - tears to drown me; rage to scream at you endlessly - because I'm guilty of knowing that these days are numbered few. Regret sits on the back step with the pumpkin we didn't carve this year, because I wasn't here - unwanted, unaddressed and necessary. I'm not your little girl anymore - I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to go and grow up and go away. I stare at my wrists hating time for dragging me on through life; for tearing us apart and casting me into future. Oh, how I want to remain - I'm not your little girl now, but I'll always be your daughter and I'll always be your big sister; I'll always want this house; I'll never leave. I put away the scissors, and my ink and all my words. I chose to live that night, years ago, for you, so now I have to go. Part of being a family - however torn, however mad - is knowing you'll never have to leave, right? I'll always have what you gave me: courage, pride, strength and love; and I'll always be your daughter your big sister - always belong.
[I am]unhappy	[your thoughts]2

quietest loneliest.	[today]Sep 26th, 2008 10:40:21 pm - Subscribe
words that die on my tongue, once sole respite, cage me - accuse me of ignoring the truth. I don't want these words. my head echoes with absence. my head a graveyard for words unsaid - unholiest peace. - words move in; use up all the sugar; trash my fragile state of unthinking; tear off the wallpaper, exposing cracks. I kill words on the doorstep, pre-emptive. my domain is of silence and bitterness. no one knocks on my door anymore: loneliest relief.
[I am]tired.	[your thoughts]1

adrift.	[today]Jun 18th, 2008 12:24:00 am - Subscribe
I drift; afloat upon the tides of time and emotion; the waves of my life: a restless sea uneasy and ever shifting beneath me. only glimpses, in sunless moments, reveal the depth; the weight; the darkness, below the surface upon which I ride, balancing so precariously - it beckons, it threatens to overwhelm; to pull me in and under. the instants of shaken resolve and loneliness cast me close to the edge, where I view in dizzying clarity the fathoms-deep despair awaiting and reel back from the drop, the light in me refusing to be extinguished - my saving grace. adrift from all anchorage save for that within myself; I sail on over the deep, endless grey ocean - alone.
[I am]precarious.	[your thoughts]0

comfort eluded.	[today]Jun 8th, 2008 8:07:41 pm - Subscribe
I wish I were wiser. three days later I put away my shoes and my expectations after that I stop looking at all the photographs and when that's done slowly I accept that it's really over. one of these days, I'll learn but until then I'll probably let me down. the dress hangs on the closet door; I expect no more from it. the chaos of good times made irrelevant by the reality I face. I wish there were more to me than wishing my life is one big good intention left unmanifest.
[I am]disappointed.	[your thoughts]1

solitude.	[today]May 22nd, 2008 9:42:51 pm - Subscribe
a sanctuary lost. no longer can I stand alone. there is no comfort in solitude. my voice, once the most steadying sound in my world, no longer speaks to me. there is no shelter left for me, nor in me. I seek respite in you. turn me not away.
[I am]stressed.	[your thoughts]1

city lullaby.	[today]May 11th, 2008 11:48:33 pm - Subscribe
(inhale) tires on asphalt (exhale) wind through leaves night pulse try to be still calm the sounds echoing streets night breathes and sings to me the city's lullaby my heartbeat (breathe in) traffic slows (breathe out) darkness claims
[I am]insomniac.	[your thoughts]0

relative escapism.	[today]Apr 28th, 2008 9:43:08 pm - Subscribe
a sad condition: I hide to hold out into each singular constant I dive, to drown I dive to be saved I disappear to end it all and to make you notice I am gone. but if any do, none speak - so I dive edge over edge hoping you will witness my fall catch me before impact. a sad condition indeed.
[I am]detaching at various seams.	[your thoughts]1

no words.	[today]Apr 19th, 2008 7:51:31 pm - Subscribe
I am sorrowful because you are so beautiful but I have no words left for you my eyes, sick with grace and fairness, long for the plain and ordinary there are no love songs left in me you will fade away in silence.
[I am]untouchable.	[your thoughts]0

wake.	[today]Apr 13th, 2008 6:45:19 pm - Subscribe
this is my life. you were a dream. I hated waking from you. I breathe; I move. but sleep eludes me. and all my beautiful words desert me.
[I am]here.	[your thoughts]0

goodbye.	[today]Mar 28th, 2008 11:13:07 pm - Subscribe
you are too beautiful to say goodbye to. wait for me, and miss me, darling, because I am always coming back.
[I am]returning.	[your thoughts]0

off the deep end.	[today]Mar 6th, 2008 10:41:11 pm - Subscribe
I fear this beautiful thing has been scarred by desire. your depths beckon. heedless of peril, I smile - and in; down, down, I dive. we die younger every day. invincible - clocks running backwards to save us. and your cool waters so inviting, ready to pull me in. I drink not for fear that I should drown. and as your tide calls, I resist throwing myself from the rocks - this time - I will make you come to me. I will wait for the rain to feel you on my skin instead of diving in.
[I am]wary but hopeful.	[your thoughts]1

I stubbornly refuse.	[today]Feb 24th, 2008 9:33:42 pm - Subscribe
Forget me, life: I'm not worth living. I refuse to accept the motions of time. The hands of the clock go round still, ticking; but here inside me shadows are motionless. Forget me, world, 'cause I'm not moving. I won't follow you down into the dark. You go on without me - out into the endless field of continuum - and I'll just stay here. Forget me, time. I will not limp forward. More pain in the finite than I can contain. In loving and in living; in losing and letting go - in death, ressurection: indefinite agony. So I won't. So forget me.
[I am]fed up.	[your thoughts]1

undesired.	[today]Feb 21st, 2008 10:42:50 pm - Subscribe
undesired. I struggle against it my battle unmarked unwanted by you falling apart at the seams, undesired the very thread of my being unwound; unspoken - unwanted cast out. you confuse aiming to amuse yourself and conspire to tire - make me feel undesired I won't bite now won't play games never make you stay - from worlds away, I appeal, an unsealed deal waiting for you to sign or repeal. until you give me all - your safety net, collecting dust - I await the fall.
[I am]exhausted. Seriously.	[your thoughts]0

meteor.	[today]Feb 12th, 2008 5:32:06 pm - Subscribe
in its teeth I lie still, knowing that to fight only cuts me deeper. at the eye of this storm I bleed, lonely, watching life going on without me. the archaeological marvel of me and my petrified heart - me, the stone, frozen in time. I wander, I wonder, I wish; and I tire of desire, wanting only not to want anymore. so lonely, so empty I can't help but feel that I am a meteor crashing very far from home. I crave change yet revile it with care you preserve me as I am - left behind.
[I am]fossilized.	[your thoughts]0

so I run.	[today]Feb 7th, 2008 6:19:28 pm - Subscribe
across these empty reaches of white and waiting I flee understanding, wanting to remain numb. for my glass heart I fear - words pursue me across the paper. you live in all of my words but you are no longer my home. so I run; and every time I smile, everything I taste or feel - everywhere I go without you knowing where I am - does not seem real. stone that I am, I have not changed my mind, nor yet let the killer hope dissolve inside - my glass heart has not worn to sand. pain follows, but cannot have me. and without meaning to, I hope you read these words: I live like a bird but love like a mountain. so I run, I fly; I become a kite - praying this lifeline you've thrown won't hang me. I fall in flame and wait, desiring to rise again from these ashes.
[I am]in pieces.	[your thoughts]2

wasted.	[today]Jan 17th, 2008 1:09:20 am - Subscribe
terrible to find the truth of my own glory as it slips away so painful to find the saying true: you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone. unbearable to think of all that time I wasted in sorrow when all along I had you! then what had I to complain of? I had you. what tear brightened my eye, what bitterness escaped my lips? I had you. I had you, and I did not fear your loss. oh, child, you learn too late of the joy you held even in your pain. and a joy so close, so constant, it seems, that I took for granted that you belonged with me. even then, with you behind me I should have been stronger should have rejoiced for I had you - what more need I? and here at the dawn of the darkest of times unbearable, to see that I might have been happy - I had you. so terrible to think of chances wasted while I still had your heart forever.
[I am]most unhappy.	[your thoughts]0

more than.	[today]Jan 9th, 2008 7:57:39 pm - Subscribe
what do I have when it's empty - quiet and lonely - in me? I have you - holding me close in photographs; a memory. and where do I go when the silence here every day is the same? I have you - your voice on my answering machine; a memory. so what do I feel when I'm drowning; not wanting another day? I need you - here loving me in touch and sound; not just a memory. I need you loving me for all I am; not trying to forget - I need more than a memory.
[I am]lonely.	[your thoughts]2

drum dance.	[today]Dec 21st, 2007 12:54:29 am - Subscribe
the dance; the tribal rite - the drum: thud thud slam pound - the beating of a heart: my heart a drum: thud thud slam what comes I know not, but the pounding rhythm hints of pain. my heart, thud thud slam, warns me to be afraid. reckless tempo; wild dance: all is not as it ought - thud thud, slam oh, something is wrong; I daren't seek the truth - the fire leaps; the drum - thud thud slam - my heart pounds harder, terror rising. this dance, an ancient one thud thud slam: I know not what I fear - thud thud slam - my heart, the drum, is wiser. thud thud slam.
[I am]wary and afraid.	[your thoughts]0

metamorphosis.	[today]Dec 16th, 2007 11:29:12 pm - Subscribe
bitterness made beautiful: my words like circles; my heart the echo of a distant drum's shudders. an emptiness like strangers: a canvas too forbidding - possibilities unchanced, the air awake with potential. bitterness made beautiful: a stab of agony carved in crystal, a starless night cast in ebony - the catharsis of loveliness; despair's breathtaking imagery. the lonely mountains mourning, the white winter forests of my heart awaiting the april of poetry; the thaw that comes in words. the chrysalis of pain's transformation into wisdom. collections of polished moments line the museum of my memory. so as the blade bites in, I turn my veins into blank pages and my blood into words; so the wound becomes a story, a song, a bitterness made beautiful. the depth of hurt: an ocean beneath whose opal waves I drown the loneliness and sorrow that I, in language, cast. a bitterness made beautiful.
[I am]words.	[your thoughts]1

water and wind.	[today]Nov 20th, 2007 11:52:19 pm - Subscribe
I keep letting go, ready to throw in the metaphorical towel at the drop of a proverbial hat. and every time I swear 'never again', somehow, you bring me back. I can't keep up to your nereid ways; you slip like water away, again - laughing. but to rage against you is like cursing smoke: you're gone before I even inhale. so I sigh and I wait and you come back in time you awake me; I forgive you all over again.
[I am]slightly brighter. [inspiration]raidne again.	[your thoughts]1

slip.	[today]Nov 20th, 2007 11:50:28 pm - Subscribe
There's always something running through my head, wearing me down. There's always someone yelling in my world; I let it go. Always something I've forgotten or neglected - I look away. Always some secret anguish in my wellspring of worry. Ever a change inevitable, awaiting me - I let it go. Always packing up my things to leave again; I let it go. Ever disappointment when escape is not enough: I numb the pain. Thinking of myself, no regard for anyone else - I let it go; I let you down.
[I am]exhausted. [inspiration]...more like lack thereof.	[your thoughts]0

love this.	[today]Oct 27th, 2007 11:39:04 pm - Subscribe
I cannot hear, I cannot breathe. and everything's breaking something's got to give - I'm not giving anymore. to what do I owe? you say time? well, times change. and lives, and loves and stories end. I cannot breathe, you cannot hear what the hell is wrong? something's got to give, and I'm not giving anymore. what's going to get me through? you say love? well, love this.
[I am]unlovable.	[your thoughts]2

she's my requiem.	[today]Oct 25th, 2007 12:16:15 am - Subscribe
there's a song in winter's silence a melody that speaks of frost there are lyrics, in my empty mind; a tune, and she's the song - she's my requiem the sound of tears; the silence of snowfall. she's the pain we carry, bittersweet - we all keep smiling on. numb as I am, the music screams this lullaby, and she's the song and she's my requiem I mourn a girl I thought I knew; I mourn a heart I've always loved. I mourn the song to which I've known the lyrics but never caught the tune. she's a song, and she's my requiem. I hear you, passing on.
[I am]missing my best friend. [inspiration]raidne, again.	[your thoughts]1

dreaming.	[today]Oct 13th, 2007 12:05:52 am - Subscribe
like a black bear in winter; like an oak at first frost; like a contented child, warm and safe; like tropical cities at midday, in the heat - I sleep, dreaming deep.
[I am]hibernating.	[your thoughts]1

shifting.	[today]Oct 8th, 2007 12:15:51 am - Subscribe
so tired and bitter uprooted, I wander asleep on my feet and no place to call home yet hopelessly homelessly searching for something here not finding whatever I have been looking for. one place to another, still nowhere to call home.
[I am]worn out. [inspiration]pack up + leave.	[your thoughts]4

dying with you.	[today]Oct 4th, 2007 11:46:27 pm - Subscribe
every night, a part of me dies with you. every time in my dreams, I see you disappear. heart pounds, stomach twists, head spins. a human drum tuned to the air, I shudder. behind closed eyes, I watch your demise over and over. you could have been me. now you're gone. and gone again, every night - I die with you, without knowing - who were you?
[I am]anguished. [inspiration]rest in peace.	[your thoughts]0

burning beauty.	[today]Sep 29th, 2007 2:17:29 am - Subscribe
the beauty of your fire the light of your passion, your intensity you light me up illuminating dark shadows in me burning like a sunrise behind your eyes, all I desire. your strength, your words. the beauty, terrible, heartrending beauty the terrifying, beautiful passion of your heart, your fire your eyes.
[I am]contemplative.	[your thoughts]2

anaesthetic.	[today]Sep 29th, 2007 2:06:14 am - Subscribe
as we die - screaming or otherwise - diving into that light beyond. and we scream for rest, for peace; the anaesthetic to sleep and forget. to sleep in ignorance of life's pain; blissful relief from the torture of mortality. what is heaven? the afterlife, for pure of soul? heaven is screaming back out, right back into the light: this life. forced once more to draw breath, unable to speak. pain - the anaesthetic to forget. make our way around the sun, unceasing. memory gone, blindly turn to the light - believing, again your last breath will bring a halt. but life goes on. I long to rest. to die is not to sleep evermore. I'll not befriend death. be then my anaesthetic in this world, for I long to be once more oblivious.
[I am]frustrated. [inspiration]reincarnation.	[your thoughts]1

life without limits.	[today]Sep 24th, 2007 11:22:48 pm - Subscribe
oh, to live as you do, my bird - free as the wind; as the sea; as the storm. sky over rivers and oceans of sand like you, I am free at 35000 feet my troubles only stars in dusk's velvet this is life as I live it in deepest of dreams my life without limits at 35000 feet but dawn breaks wings falter chains are recalled and earthbound, I plummet into the light - falling 35000 feet to pavement. impact - I am myself again. born into cages; breathing in boundaries - oh, to be but a feather of your wing. to live without limits; to fly - but I hold myself in.
[I am]limited. [inspiration]raidne.	[your thoughts]0

motions.	[today]Sep 8th, 2007 3:29:14 pm - Subscribe
I awake from deepest sleep. jarring alarm; the day begins. and I breathe out. get up, dressed, and into class. I smile, I pretend I'm not alone for your benefit. I go to lunch and talk about nothing that matters. I laugh. I go back to my house, to my room, to my bed. and for you, I pretend it is a home to me. I lie awake in the night, reminding myself that I'm alive. my autopilot answers and responses are not me. I'm not a shell. and for you, I don't cry. I maintain my mask. I numb the emptiness; drug my mind with stories. and I sleep, dreaming deeply of you - just out of my reach.
[I am]numb.	[your thoughts]1

blood sunset.	[today]Jun 16th, 2007 1:56:52 pm - Subscribe
From here, the sunrise seems so long ago. Where we lay and the stars faded into the dawn. And I stand in the last crimson rays of a beautiful day; a sunset like life's blood finally draining away. And it's beautiful - these last days in the dying light are beautiful - perhaps the most wonderous yet. In the crimson glow, as the heat fades, I won't think about the coming night - the darkness that will rise - the loss of the light. These have been the best days of my life. I can't think about the approaching night. With all that I am, I cling to what is left - these sunset hours of the happiest times. And I try to will the spark of your sunlight to remain alive.
[I am]here.	[your thoughts]0

penelope's requiem.	[today]May 24th, 2007 5:18:15 pm - Subscribe
lay down here, don't argue so. all defenses down soft and slow. through skylights we forgot about, the grey light shows. and the sound of the rain and the sound of the rain goes on. sweet distractions; forget your plans. lose yourself in holding nothing back. through skylights we forgot about, the grey light shows. and the sound of the rain and the sound of the rain goes on. fully captivated; no desire to leave. remain at my side and forget all your dreams. a shadow at home awaits you; you won't come - tears will fall like rain. through skylights we forgot about, the grey light shows. and the sound of the rain and the sound of the rain goes on. through windows you left behind, a cold wind shudders. and the rain in my heart the rain in my heart goes on.
[I am]lonely and bitter. [inspiration]Penelope was the wife of Odysseus. He left home for seven years and had all sorts of fun while she waited for him.	[your thoughts]0

impermanence.	[today]May 20th, 2007 12:07:18 am - Subscribe
I woke up to the screaming of families; I woke up feeling my skin dissolve - and I don't know where my dreams run to; in the light, where all is revealed. but it's real: I looked on as worlds were torn down beneath fiery skies. and all that I struggle for can be lost in a moment and all of my passion could not save me. there is no reasoning with fate or with a bullet, or a blade. any minute I could wake up with life collapsing upon me - or nothing left at all. so hold on to me. hold me here; now - one life or one love; don't let it go. I don't want to be alone.
[I am]struggling. [inspiration]my difficulty coming to terms with my own mortality; with the impermanence of love and of life.	[your thoughts]0

awake.	[today]May 6th, 2007 9:44:34 am - Subscribe
all these weeks asleep beneath a metre of the darkness I wrap myself in. I don't want to dream through this, and I won't look away anymore. all those days convincing myself that this is just how I am - it's not. and I'm awake to choose my own way I won't let life happen to me. awake and alive; with your voice in my heart, and sunlight everywhere that used to be dark.
[I am]:)	[your thoughts]1

light	[today]May 3rd, 2007 10:20:24 pm - Subscribe
you see me a confused, jumbled mess I've tied myself up in knots chased my tail until it was caught and you look at me with incredulity why do I let life get to me? but all I want is for you to untangle me; put me right again. I run myself into the ground and fall to pieces at a word I drag you down into my darkness but all I want is for you to see the light I'm giving you.
[I am]pathetic.	[your thoughts]0

twenty-one days.	[today]Mar 20th, 2007 8:09:20 pm - Subscribe
Every piece of me that goes into this suitcase - folded neatly; screaming quietly: "twenty-one days!" - it tears a hole. Everything that I am is here; is you. Home doesn't travel well at all. How can I leave? How can I fly away? I'll go, and I won't cry. But every step I take while far away will bring me a step closer to home, and every moment a little nearer to it being over.
[I am]dreading the moment I leave. [inspiration]I hate travelling.	[your thoughts]1

pangaea	[today]Mar 15th, 2007 11:07:53 pm - Subscribe
I fit into you like South America into Africa. without you, I drift: my thoughts become oceans; miles of water between jigsaw coasts. buildings swallow people (just like love) and spit them out again when fluorescence makes their eyes ache and their hearts long for the sun. all the uncertain islands of missing pieces come together - strong, solid ground - in your eyes. turn back time-floods bring us together again.
[I am]quietly pining. [inspiration]maps and primordial soup.	[your thoughts]1

the river.	[today]Feb 21st, 2007 11:11:14 pm - Subscribe
I cannot speak - my throat is cut. time is short; my days are numbered. don't - please don't - force me back into myself I had nearly I had very nearly escaped. don't touch me; I won't go. I'll run! I'll run, I'll get away... I cannot sing; the river dreams of skeletal birds and twisted trees. and the trap yawns - I see my relfection in its teeth, waiting for myself. waiting for me to come back, to drag me in again. I cannot scream - my throat is cut. relief is fleeting; good days are numbered.
[I am]desperate >.<	[your thoughts]3

words...	[today]Feb 17th, 2007 12:51:32 am - Subscribe
where your skin begins words fail me. your breath is my heartbeat; your eyes my relief - words fail me. you take me into your arms. I can be strong; I can believe, but I cannot speak. at the point where you begin, words are rendered meaningless. too insignificant to colour passion - words fail me.
[I am]:)	[your thoughts]0

frayed.	[today]Feb 15th, 2007 1:08:31 am - Subscribe
another chapter - in which: millions of metres above my insomniac head, a castle on a cloud disintegrates into dust. and I pick at the remaining threads instead of trying to mend the hole. I plug my ears with cynicism to keep from hearing any more about heaven.
[I am]hovering between extremes.	[your thoughts]1

eternal.	[today]Feb 12th, 2007 11:41:01 pm - Subscribe
amaranth: a flower never fading - a mythical forever that cannot be possessed. ever sought for, always lost; beauty unmarred by passing ages I found its light in the depths amaranth, forever does not exist. I reach out, and you wither before my eyes. time touches all no petal can elude its winter amaranth a flower never fading amaranth, a fairytale for open hearts amaranth, look into your winter now: forever is not real - forever is not real.
[I am]weary.	[your thoughts]0

your thorn.	[today]Jan 30th, 2007 12:54:35 am - Subscribe
you turn your face away from me; say I make you sick - I make you sick. and with only words, you make me into the thorn. I, the illness that twists your stomach; I, the venom that poisons your breath; I speak as your treacherous, torturous disease: oh, god, what I'd give to be free of your veins. oh, my enemy and creator, the thorn in your skin would die to return to its vine and just be.
[I am]prickly.	[your thoughts]2

time passes.	[today]Dec 31st, 2006 2:39:27 pm - Subscribe
upon the last day frozen skies and flat grey light I reach back still unwilling to lose my hold on the days gone by memories too dear to let become simply that. and still regrets and fear for the unknown what difference can I cause; I that crawl but a corner of this vast place? the beautiful, frightening thing about time is it passes. the wonderful, terrible thing about life is it ends. and what have I to prevent the ages from sweeping me up in their tides? I have words - I have words.
[I am]wistful. [inspiration]2007.	[your thoughts]0

eve.	[today]Dec 25th, 2006 12:54:21 am - Subscribe
in the deep dark, harmony rings - it calls to me, oh, calls to me. let sleep rest heavy upon dreaming eyelids, and come to me now, come to me. the weary world drifts away into oceans of light and colour. and I dream; in dreams I find the thread of a song unravelling again. and ever the promise of light beyond - calling to me: oh, come to me.
[I am]content. [inspiration]merry christmas.	[your thoughts]0

stars.	[today]Dec 14th, 2006 11:12:45 pm - Subscribe
lying in a net of someone else's golden star lights, I can't help but feel colder. breathing on borrowed time. every touch burns; every word aches- beautiful cherished pinpricks. and while each embrace is bittersweet, the empty spaces are cold with desire. repentance for tears and loneliness in anticipation but I can't help it; I want you. a swarm of what-ifs swim round like fish darting to brush my skin sending a shiver in dreams I fight I'll scream at the mirror don't look at me that way we'll make it - we have to. every chord played upon my heartstrings sick with longing oh, I need you I can't help it; I need you hopelessly holding out against time we cannot give in neither in spirit nor words a small, voiceless thing, bound by root to earth; I grow towards your fire, careless that I may burn. I can't help it; I want you. in some star-mariner's net we lie shivering in the light confused, but together life's unending traffic circle at once proves and disproves the theory of forever and I am afraid you'll go, and leave me stone-blind again; strike the lyrics from my lips. and you are afraid that if we should part, I'll not breathe again. I will always breathe for you - I can't help it; I love you, and words are too fragile to tie down to this living feeling. I'll hold your light and quell your fears; I will be there when the stars fall into the sea. how can I help it? I love you.
[I am]impressed - look! it's MORE fish symbology!	[your thoughts]0

basket case	[today]Dec 9th, 2006 12:35:52 pm - Subscribe
I am holding myself together. a breath of wind could dissolve me and scatter me in a heartbeat. senses dulled by dancing lights, I am a collection of disjointed fragments. please don't ask me any questions. my voice is not saying the same thing as my face, and you're not looking at me. I am a basket case. (put me in your basket and take me away). why are my tears always so close to the surface now? for you, I wear my heart upon my sleeve. feelings that slept drugged inside me are awake now and ready to spring without warning; so keep watch - several gears are loose: I may break down at any moment. travel at your own risk. for you, I wear my heart on my sleeve: vulnerable and open. through the rain and mist, I see the sky. I'm going back to the pretty bright lights - out and up and away.
[I am]fragile.	[your thoughts]0

from stone to sand.	[today]Nov 16th, 2006 12:00:41 am - Subscribe
A rock stands, out in the sea: proud and unyeilding. You and I - this is my rock island. No sea-storm can destroy us - though time and water may wash it away and erode strength into sand - no force of nature can conquer it completely. From stone to sand, and sand to glass; we will hold the cycle - from ocean into fire - forever.
[I am]quite exhausted. [inspiration]partly love and partly a big rock.	[your thoughts]4

the cinderella clock.	[today]Nov 1st, 2006 11:24:24 pm - Subscribe
a bell sounds somewhere inside me ding ding ding a clock strikes I can't hear the time ding ding how many strokes? ding ding no, wait don't turn back into a pumpkin - not yet.
[I am]disconnected. please try again.	[your thoughts]0

ghosts.	[today]Oct 30th, 2006 12:59:37 am - Subscribe
[2003] Lying on a busy street In the gutter Dirty rainwater washes over me I am the fallen Disgraced and torn Bruised and bleeding Cars roar past me As I stagger to my feet Howling wind Flashing headlights Coming through the fog and darkness They pass by me Standing helpless beside the road I scream and yell at them Frantically But the people stare straight ahead Is it that I am invisible? No... They ignore me Blocking out what they do not wish to see No one will help me I am forsaken Forgotten I will die here Alone And I am powerless to change my fate The rain starts up again A nameless whisper in my ear Tells me that the angels have forsaken me too And now they cry for me For all that I have lost But I will not drown in their tears For I am already drowning in my own... [2004] Through the fields of starlight As the darkness fades away When all the world is waking Listen as I call out to you Fire, water, earth and air Lightning, thunder, rain Join me in this dance The new day dawns The night has gone Come sun Come storm Come death to me To dance and rejoice Come tiny violets And ancient trees Leave the earth behind The sky above us Is as deep as the sea Come join me Dance in the wind, the rain All of us for always Drink deep the breath of life Sing with me The ancient nameless, tuneless song So many voices One breath One song One voice Until the endless golden sunset Stretches across the sky Laying us to rest Amidst the shining stardust For tomorrow is a new day... [2005] By the time you came I was Already gone You didn't notice But then You never do And I realize It is too hard to understand For somebody Like you Who has forgotten How to feel And you can't Hurt me anymore Than you already have By the time you came I had Nothing left So you need not worry You took Nothing from me And I know That you will never understand That you cannot Try to repair What was never Yours to break And you can't Hurt me anymore Than you already have By the time you came It was Already over And in the days Gone by I was not waiting And I realize That you think You understand this Although you have Forgotten how to feel And you can't Hurt me anymore Than you already have Am I dead Or only sleeping? Wake me When it's over... I have not Forgotten How to feel... [2006] It's... ...sidewalk chalk and warm weekday afternoons when I'd be home before lunch time it's summer mornings bright lemon sunlight at the outdoor garden centre holding hands it's me, it's mine the way I am the way my life has been it's my past but now it's gone; it's... past. her skin is white like my grandmother's teacups her short hair is (another word for deep brown - to the point of being nearly black). it's her life. this week she wears her pain but next week the bruises will be faded into phantoms of what has passed here. it's standing in front of the class in second grade while laughter crashes into me hiding behind my ideals and a piece of paper it's the bittersweet relief before the tears begin. it's warm and sweet - home, oh - this room around me the home that I had isn't here any longer; it's gone. it's this planet spinning it's this heart beating out my melody - it's the memories crammed into me the way you took my painting off of the refrigerator six years ago this summer and it's the way that even so, I still remember the butterfly's painted wings and the way I could see it from my bedroom doorway. it's me, it's mine the way I am the way my life has been it's my past but now it's gone; it's... past.
[I am]reflective. [inspiration]my blood is words; my heart's rhythm, meter. Somehow, I have always been this way.	[your thoughts]1

wayparting	[today]Oct 29th, 2006 8:18:27 pm - Subscribe
learning to let go; I don't want to drag out this goodbye any longer, I just want to let it go. I can't live with her. she can't survive in this world. and as soon as I withdraw my lifeline, she'll fall; like all she ever was: a breath of air and dandelion seeds, and I don't want that to be me. when she falls, I don't want her to drag me. it's not enough to say things will change: I know you're good enough for your own world. but angel, this place is a cruel one and I don't want you to drown like a sparrow with broken wings. and when you struggle to fly, you pull at my heart but I must be strong now, and weather this winter of emotions. I must let it go. I've got to let her go. she's lost and confused; turning around and around, looking for the light but all I can do is to whisper goodbye. she'll never make it out of that forest alive, and she'll fall - but I won't be with her this time. I'll turn from her cries and walk into the sun, a breath of air and dandelion seeds just passing me by.
[I am]...	[your thoughts]1

atlas	[today]Oct 23rd, 2006 11:42:05 am - Subscribe
there is another side to me, barely visible. I hold a strength inside unsuspected. I would not expect you to know, but I could challenge anything. and I, had I a reason, could lift the world up. too proud am I to lean on you now: I will stand up I will not fall. and if I can't see your star, I'll find another to guide me. and, if you give me reason, I will hold the world up. I'll stand up, I won't back down - but oh, how I would rather fall into your arms. I would take shelter in you rather than hold up this empty sky.
[I am]strong enough. [inspiration]feels like the weight of the world.	[your thoughts]2

regret and apprehension.	[today]Oct 19th, 2006 12:22:10 pm - Subscribe
if you were here I'd listen to everything you'd say. everything. because even if I never doubt again, I love you. but today's just another day. and I know that this is just the way it is. I will get used to it. but I miss you. I love you. I will get on with my day, but I miss you.
[I am]regretful and apprehensive.	[your thoughts]1

into lights.	[today]Oct 15th, 2006 12:04:38 am - Subscribe
hold my breath for hours staring at all the pretty bright lights above me if only you could force me to listen to the sound of my own voice you'd make me breathe again would make me breathe.
[I am]out of it.	[your thoughts]1

The Gatekeeper.	[today]Oct 8th, 2006 12:31:57 am - Subscribe
You are welcome to cry on my shoulder, if need be. I'll do what I can to hold you up and be there. You always believe that I know much more than, in fact, I do; but I am not the gatekeeper - my words are only ideas, never instructions. I know what you desire and I possess it not; the way into her heart is something you must discover for yourself. I am not the gatekeeper: please don't look to me; I can only give you directions I cannot lend you the key. And yet, here I am standing why are they all drawn to me? I am not the Keeper of Hearts and I never will be.
[I am]tired. [inspiration]people who like my friends.	[your thoughts]1

I'm here.	[today]Oct 2nd, 2006 11:31:10 am - Subscribe
and it will take me years to understand why dawn follows the night: I would never see the light. we are all too young to die, too old to sleep, too far away to listen much. tides wash away to open water. in the light, emptiness - in the darkness, memory and sound. she cried on our shoulders - he swam out into cold water. took a breath, dived in - she always loved him. we would go back at any time - too young to sleep, too old to die; too caught up in sorrow to sing very much anymore. where darkness parts and we stand, together, where memory and sound is still and calm and empty in the light; and the song banishes the fear, a voice in fallen leaves - I do not claim to understand, but I am here.
[I am]missing it. [inspiration]this weekend.	[your thoughts]0

a history of bad days.	[today]Sep 27th, 2006 11:08:54 pm - Subscribe
I am imprisoned. Trapped by your visions. My time is a waste of yours. I am not good enough. If you are near, my life is a history of bad days.
[I am]so far away.	[your thoughts]2

11.11 p.m.	[today]Sep 24th, 2006 12:34:26 am - Subscribe
To be together always to remain close and always laugh. To love you forever and always have your love in return. To share with you my life and be a part of yours. To be your home, as you are mine. To always be happy with you and always make you happy. To keep you safe and hold you close - forever. Until death do us part.
[I am]so in love. [inspiration]forever.	[your thoughts]2

sing	[today]Sep 22nd, 2006 10:58:31 pm - Subscribe
if I had my own way one day would dawn without fear. if this world were a stage the sun a spotlight, I'd play my role without hesitation. if I could live one sunrise to twilight without regard to time and fear, I would sing out loud.
[I am]wandering (not wondering).	[your thoughts]2

the turning of leaves.	[today]Sep 21st, 2006 11:40:06 am - Subscribe
I open my window to the sunlight as a dandelion turns to the morning. but time is against me, and autumn whispers of the leaves that fall. in white winter's grasp all is still. I am but a spark beneath frozen earth asleep under opal blankets. into the winter, I follow the sun far beyond the horizon.
[I am]poetic. [inspiration]September.	[your thoughts]5

regarding her grey heart	[today]Sep 19th, 2006 12:29:36 pm - Subscribe
she's a raincloud in a clear sky and no one claims to understand why she'll always see the darker side and welcome winter in. but there's always something - somewhere in her heart she hides her worry sets out to meet the day like nothing's wrong but the grey always shows through and no amount of sunlight can hide it and everybody's got it now so that means that you should want it too. she holds her storm beneath transparent layers never looks happy enough to pass for normal colours wear away and the grey of her heart always comes through in the end she feels alone, day after day, for who could love a heart that aches constantly? only yours. take my cold hands and begin to unpin my heart from my sleeve and put it into your pocket, safe and warm.
[I am]not empty.	[your thoughts]2

a requiem	[today]Sep 10th, 2006 4:22:55 pm - Subscribe
home? I had one once. I remember when I was too young not to take it for granted. I remember when every night, I fell asleep in the same bed. home. a place I could navigate in the dark. I knew it so well. I loved it so much. home? that's a place where you feel safe and sometimes happy. I had one once. I still remember. I'll never forget the walls, the lightswitches, the windows the trees in the yard the smell, the sound. the radio on in the evening, the television on at night. the love and security. the tension. the arguments. more than anything - its sheer dependabilty to always be there. but where has it gone?
[I am]really sick.	[your thoughts]4

autumn	[today]Sep 5th, 2006 10:58:35 pm - Subscribe
in forests deep leaves turn to gold. in lands far and wide the winds are changing. a chill upon the air; a storm surfacing. what is this approaching? the song takes on an undercurrent, a new season nearing. the land shivers through the northern wind. and I stand overlooking facing the dawn of a new time what is this inside me? I do not fear - I no longer fear.
[I am]comtemplative. [inspiration]the beginning of a new era of me.	[your thoughts]3

through	[today]Aug 9th, 2006 9:23:04 pm - Subscribe
storm lie awake bright lights running loud sounds running late night no jacket turn a corner streets shining wide awake heart slamming rain pounding losing sleep still running everything sparkling through the rain running to you.
[I am]	[your thoughts]5

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