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I awake from deepest sleep. jarring alarm; the day begins. and I breathe out. get up, dressed, and into class. I smile, I pretend I'm not alone for your benefit. I go to lunch and talk about nothing that matters. I laugh. I go back to my house, to my room, to my bed. and for you, I pretend it is a home to me. I lie awake in the night, reminding myself that I'm alive. my autopilot answers and responses are not me. I'm not a shell. and for you, I don't cry. I maintain my mask. I numb the emptiness; drug my mind with stories. and I sleep, dreaming deeply of you - just out of my reach. |
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oh, to live as you do, my bird - free as the wind; as the sea; as the storm. sky over rivers and oceans of sand like you, I am free at 35000 feet my troubles only stars in dusk's velvet this is life as I live it in deepest of dreams my life without limits at 35000 feet but dawn breaks wings falter chains are recalled and earthbound, I plummet into the light - falling 35000 feet to pavement. impact - I am myself again. born into cages; breathing in boundaries - oh, to be but a feather of your wing. to live without limits; to fly - but I hold myself in. |
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as we die - screaming or otherwise - diving into that light beyond. and we scream for rest, for peace; the anaesthetic to sleep and forget. to sleep in ignorance of life's pain; blissful relief from the torture of mortality. what is heaven? the afterlife, for pure of soul? heaven is screaming back out, right back into the light: this life. forced once more to draw breath, unable to speak. pain - the anaesthetic to forget. make our way around the sun, unceasing. memory gone, blindly turn to the light - believing, again your last breath will bring a halt. but life goes on. I long to rest. to die is not to sleep evermore. I'll not befriend death. be then my anaesthetic in this world, for I long to be once more oblivious. |
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the beauty of your fire the light of your passion, your intensity you light me up illuminating dark shadows in me burning like a sunrise behind your eyes, all I desire. your strength, your words. the beauty, terrible, heartrending beauty the terrifying, beautiful passion of your heart, your fire your eyes. |