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saladsrock New Beginnings (Again) - Subscribe
Well, here I am again. When I decided to call the name of my blog, "My Journey Back To Thin" I was right on there, for this truly is a journey!

I started a Yahoo group, mainly for myself to journal in. The name of it is HALLELUJAH DIET JOURNEYS, and I will be posting in there (journaling) the majority of the time now.

I like the Yahoo group better for my journaling; it seems more personal to me, and easier in some way than coming on here to blog.

But I also feel that I have written some good stuf in here, and plan on returning occasionally to update and add, etc.
Mood: addicted

saladsrock Crashed, Burned, Got Back Up! Dec 22nd, 2004 7:34:42 pm - Subscribe
Here it is almost my birthday - I will be 48 in 3-more days - and, surprisingly, this feels good in a weird way! (go figure!)

Well, since I have last posted way back in late August - around 3-months ago - I have crashed hard on my Journey Back To Thin. Last summer was one of the absoloute worst summers of my life - and I have not had very many of those! It probably was not detectable in my previous posts, as it was not something that I was talking about, but I was going through hell last summer, and am just now, in the past few weeks, beginning to feel like I am maybe getting it "together" again, THANK GOD. I won't go into all that happened on here - no need for that - and besides, I just want to move FORWARD from this point on.

I also started smoking again, shortly after my last post, and have been smoking like a chimney ever since - sheesh! All that I can say about that is that I made the fatal mistake of having "just one" - knowing full well that I cannot smoke "just one." But that was the Nicodemon talking, and in my addict-state-of-mind, I listened, fell for it, and then of course crashed.

But one must go on. Now, I am looking at another quit-smoking date of January 1st.

And next week, I am joining the local Curves for Women. I am going to need a physical outlet when I quit smoking here in a few days, and I have chosen Curves over the local YMCA, at least for now. I am too big and fat to have any desire to work-out in a co-ed group. NO THANK YOU.

I plan on going to Curves a minimum of 3-days a week. I know it will really help me to feel better about myself. I want to get healthy and fit SO BAD!

As far as my healthier intake of what I am putting into my body, well, lets just say that I lost my good handle on it, and am going to have to start over in that area, which I will, but now, with my upcoming quit, that will probably most likely go on a back burner until I feel like I have the non-smoking thing back under control - ONE THING AT AT TIME!

I did this all to myself, so now I am just having to deal with the mess that I produced. HOW NICE.
Mood: Optimistic About My Future!

rendezvous Always and Forever Sep 23rd, 2004 8:25:20 pm - Subscribe
I always said i wouldnt
It would never happen to me...
But today, It did.
Senior year is here
Emotions are taking over.
Cap and gowns
Rings and souviners..
Its all taking over.
I cried today.
Mood: twisted
My Journey Back To Thin: the apprentice

rendezvous What If/ Everyman Sep 12th, 2004 2:52:33 am - Subscribe
Im reading a play called Everyman.. its good check it out. The book is really cheap too so GO BUY IT!

What if..

[x] I said I liked you:
[x] I lived next door to you:
[x] I started smoking:
[x] I stole something:
[x] I was hospitalized:
[x] I ran away from home:
[x] I got into a fight & you weren`t there:

What do you think about my:
[x] Personality:
[x] Eyes:
[x] Face:
[x] Hair:
[x] Mannerisms:
[x] Family:

Would you:
[x] Be my friend?
[x] Lie to make me feel better?
[x] Spread rumors about me?
[x] Keep a secret if i told you one?
[x]Let me borrow some cash?
[x] Hold myhand? [x] Take a bullet for me?
[x] Keep in touch? [x] Give me a hug?
[x] Try & solve my problems?
[x] Love me?
[x] Date me?

And, the 2nd one...

01. Who are you? and whats our relationship?
02. How and where did we meet?
03. What's my middle name?
04. How long have you known me?
05. Tell me one good thing about myself?
06. When you first saw me, what was your impression?
07. My age?
08. Birthday?
09. My Favorite band at the moment?
10. Color of my eyes?
11. Do i have any siblings
12. Have you ever had a crush on me?
13. Whats one of my favorite things to do?
14. Do you remember one of the 1st things i said to you?
15. describe me in 3 wordz?
16. name 5 things i love?
17. do you think im good looking?
18. how would you describe me to someone?
19. would you ever date me?
20. tell me one thing you've always wanted to say but never did?
21. what do you like most about me?
22. if we could spend the day together, what would we do?
23. have we ever gotten in a fight?
24. do you think we will be friendz for at least 3 or 4 more years?
25. give me one nickname and explain why you picked it?
26. what do you think my weakness is?
27. do you think i'll get married?
28. what makes me happy?
29. what makes me sad?
30. what reminds you of me?
31. if you could give me any thing, what would it be?
32. when's the last time you saw me?
33. do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
34. do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and i would listen?
35. are you going to put this on your xanga and see what i say about you?
36. if i was an ice cream flavor, which would i be and why?
37. what song(if any) reminds you of me?
38. if you could change one thing about me, what would it be?
39. would you make a move on me?
40. do i cross your mind at least 1 time a day?
Mood: estranged..
My Journey Back To Thin: 7 days to live

rendezvous an answer? Sep 5th, 2004 8:17:28 pm - Subscribe
Will There Ever Be An Answer?


it drives me crazy that i have 0% control over anything in my life.. AND I MEAN NONE! Im soo ANNOYED people ALWAYS take advantage of me or whatever they want i just have to do or go along with!

My stupid BITCH "aunt" moved back in today.. and i just got a lil bit of info for her.. ITS NOT HAPPENING AGAIN! I am NOT putting up with her SHIT like i did last time and I WILL go off on her! I HATE THAT STUPID WHORE!

My mother decided to LIE to me again today.. QUITE A FEW TIMES! I really dont depend on her for anything anymore. Shes not even WORTH depending on in the least!

There was ONE and i repeat ONE good thing about today and thats the fact that my Aunt said that she would to my senior pix for me.. [she does weddings and specail events]. I cant wait! Her husband has a friend with this BEAUTIFUL house, and lake, and everything.. and so im gonna get my pictures taken on and near the lake.. Its so amazing over there. I cant wait!

Anyway, thats all i have for right now.. maybe i will have more later...
Mood: aggitated
My Journey Back To Thin: you\'ve got mail

rendezvous its like... oooo C2 Sep 4th, 2004 8:36:10 pm - Subscribe
Blah.. the boredom ofdoing layouts... Well, does anyone want to send me any stills from the Good Charlotte Predictable video? I neeeed some! AHH

Anyways, back to work for mee..

mm mm good!
My Journey Back To Thin: BB5! WOO

rendezvous its not everyday.. Sep 3rd, 2004 5:40:22 pm - Subscribe
it seems like i just update when i am pissed.. and thats probably true.. but when im pissed i never want to talk to people b/c i just seem to get even more people mad at me.

It was a fairly good week.. :-/ it had its ups and downs...

I made new friends, hung out w/some old friends, got to spend a whole day at the elementary school for my class.. and some more stuff i dont really remember

And now.. it seems like EVERYONE is blowing up at me for no reason! like.. no one really care that i had a bad day and dont feel well but still just want to make it even worse! UGG!

And when im mad i eat.. must call dominos!

WOW! i just ran a virus scan and i had 2026 infected files and 26 different viruses.. :-/ err
well, they're all gone now.. so YAY
Mood: bummed
My Journey Back To Thin: the real world

saladsrock Subway Sabatoge Aug 31st, 2004 10:45:14 pm - Subscribe
Ending Day 8.

I began working at a local Subway (restaurant-not rail commuter lol) two-days ago, and lo and behold, yesterday and today I was NOT 75% Raw...... which is my daily goal, as it is the main component -along with my regular walking - of My Journey Back To Thin....

Wondering now, wht to do....I need to think of a new game plan here; I do NOT want to leave My Journey, NO WAY!

Should I think of another method, like, allow myself one Subway meal on the days that I work - and then, after I leave work, nothing but raw the remainder of that day? I think that I would actually rather do it this way, then keep beating myself up every day for eating at work; that is stoopid!

The way that I see it is, I either eat at work or I don't - and with me just being new at this job, I know myself; it is just too darn difficult to be making all of those different kinds of subs, wraps, and salads, and NOT be sampling them - ESPECIALLY when, as an employee, I get a FREE lunch everyday...ACK!

At least Subway is known for its low-fat, low-calorie sandwiches, and isn't some greasy-spoon hamburger joint that revolves around a fryer and a grill; I do have THIS consolation.....(with the exception of their home-made fresh-daily cookies - YIKES!)

I think that what I am going to do is allow myself to eat my one free meal each workday, and then when I leave work, discipline myself to eat RAW ONLY. This just makes more sense to me than to be beating myself up each day for eating at work.....

Sadly enough, I realize that doing this is going to take me LONGER to complete My Journey, (by reaching my goal weight of 135 lbs.), however, since I am making the decision, then this is the price I am paying....
Mood: pensive

_ohhsotall Goodbye. Aug 31st, 2004 3:51:27 pm - Subscribe
Adios people.
Until next time.
Whenever that is.
Anything exciting that's worth telling,
I'll tell.
Longass details too.
But my life is pretty boring nowadays.
Catch me on LiveJournal or Xanga.
See ya. <3
Mood: Happy

saladsrock Beginning Day 6 Aug 30th, 2004 6:20:44 am - Subscribe
Well I learned something.
First though, I have decided to allow myself occasional salmon or tuna. Which of course is not on the HD, (Hallelujah Diet) and neither is dairy, which I have allowed myself my shredded cheddar on my salads. So I cannot really say that I am on the HD, because with the fish and cheddar, I am not following it 100%. But I guess my diet doesn't have to have a name to work, lol.

But getting back to what I have learned! Last night, late, I thought that I "just had to snack" and so I had 2-slices of Ezekial toast w/non-hydrogenated spread (which I will refer to from here on out as "spread") and "just fruit" fruit spread, and probably 1/2 can of pink salmon.

I feel OK about what I ate, but it was WHEN I ate it. Since the beginning of My Journey here, I have been waking up with a pleasant lightness in my tummy; a new feeling for me - and a pleasurable one! And I have found that I cannot eat very much late at night-and then expect to feel my best in the morning; it just don't work that way.

So I am going to have to get a grip on my night time snacking, and the later it is when I eat, the worse that I feel in the morning. YUK

Something tells me that I am going to HAVE to learn to apply self-discipline in this area - something that is new to me with my eating.

It can be done! I have quit smoking - so I KNOW that I have the strength that it takes withiin me to learn to NOT snack in the late evening! I need to decide on a time, and then decide that I will NOT eat anything after that time..... I will think on that today......
Mood: bloated

saladsrock Evening of Day 5 Aug 29th, 2004 8:38:41 pm - Subscribe
Went to morning church today, caught tail-end of Sunday School.

Intake 4 Today:

3 Very Small Baked Potatoes w/Non-Hydrogenated Spread.

I Toss Salad w/Mixed Greens, Red Cabbage, Shredded Cheddar, w/my homemade Poppy Seed dressing that is made w/olive oil and apple cider vinegar.

I Baked Sweet Potato w/Non-Hydrogenated Spread.

Am thinking about having some canned salmon........

Went to evening church.
Mood: OK

saladsrock End of Day Four Aug 28th, 2004 11:19:07 pm - Subscribe
Well had a successful day with my Journy. Went to an Herbalife meeting that I had been invited to; wanted to look at the opportunity.

I cut up a huge seedless watermelon this morning before the meeting, and got full on it, it tasted sooooo good to me! Then, at the meeting, they passed around those power/nutrition/weight loss bars, you know that kind, well, I thought, "I am really hungry right now, and these bars are supposed to CURB my hunger - what better opportunity than now to test them out!"

So I ate one. It satisfied my hunger. For about 10-minutes. LOL I don't regret eating it; it was an interesting test, and I think that I would have had to eat like, 5 or 6 of them to curb MY appetite, lol.

Anyhow, when I got home I had some more melon and then fixed myself a huge salad consisting of: Romaine, carrots, red cabbage, broccolli, endive, and some other assorted greens, sprinkled with raw pumpkin seeds and of course a handful of my shredded cheddar. Oh yeah, I threw in about 1/2 cup or so of raw salsa, and it was really yummy! I had a slice of Ezekial toast with the salad.

Later I had more melon; can't seem to get enough of it; it is really sweet and juicy!

So that was my intake for the day. I am hoping that when I weigh myself in the morning that I will have lost at least another pound - I need to stop weighing myself every day like that, and just stick with once a week - less stress!
Mood: well

rendezvous Standing On The Edge Aug 28th, 2004 8:54:39 am - Subscribe
Ok, So over about the past year i've been trying to think of some songs for my graduation in May. Being from Georgia.. almost EVERY year they have some sort of COUNTRY song.. and this year that is NOT happening! And last year they almost picked a CHRISTINA A. SONG! That is NOT happening either!

So.. i could really only think of 2..


There are places I'll remember
All my life, though some have changed
Some forever, not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places had their moments
With lovers and friends, I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life, I've loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life, I'll love you more

Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life, I'll love you more

Standing On The Edge (of tomorrow)

I'm standing at the edge of tomorrow
And its all up to me how far I go
I'm standing at the edge of tomorrow

I've never seen such a view before
A new world before my eyes
So much for me to explore
It's where my future lies

Today I'm standin at the edge of tomorrow
From here the future looks bright for me
And it's all up to me how far I go
It's my time to break away
I'm standing at the edge of tomorrow today...

What do you think of those songs? Or does anyone have anything others??? [ones that HAVENT been used a million times!]
Mood: trapped
My Journey Back To Thin: [n/a]

saladsrock Day Four Yet Aug 28th, 2004 7:35:09 am - Subscribe
My tummy really is feeling empty - or are these feelings not so much from being empty as from the process of shrinking? I LIKE THIS THOUGHT!

It makes sense to me that tummy shrinking would would feel just like these sensations that I am having; it is difficult to explain, but it is kind of like a knawing, empty, burning-type feeling in the pit of my tummy - I LIKE IT -

But it is also giving me the sense that my body needs to rest for awhile, that perhaps it is doing some work inside and needs for me to just lie down and be still for awhile, so I believe that I will do just that.

saladsrock Day Four Beginning Aug 28th, 2004 7:09:42 am - Subscribe
Woke up eary this morning and do I ever feel light; it was the first thing that I noticed when I woke up. And the scales show that I have lost 1 lb. so far. Not real impressive, lol. But I know that I am doing everything right, regular excercise, no meat, no sugar, no flour, no fried, no dairy. (except what I am allowing myself for my salads.)

So the weight WILL begin to drop, I KNOW it will - my body is probably in shock right now is all LOL.

But today, Day Four, seems like this is THE day for things to start "kickin' in."

I have this sense that I had to make it to this day first - maybe kind of like a "beginning purge," or a "beginning cleanse," that is what it feels like - like NOW, TODAY, my BODY is ready to start, along with my mental self, which has been ready since 5-days ago, lol.

But thats OK; I have put my body through alot, so if it needs to take its time getting used to this new way of eating, then so be it. I can tell that my belly inside is definatly beginning to shrink - Hallelujah!

Took my Barley Green powder when I first got up, and am now eating a fresh, ripe pear as I write this. :-)
Mood: effervescent

saladsrock A Good Day Aug 27th, 2004 11:05:25 pm - Subscribe
Did great with my diet. Have not gone off it once! grin.gif

I let my walk slide today cause it was sooo hot and muggy outside; but thats OK cause I walked every day this week, so I figure a day of rest is good for me.

Short blog tonight; good day, nothing new or different, lol.

Will write more tomorrow or the next time I feel I have something to write about; I will not necessarily post something in here everyday unless I feel that I have something to say; I figure that is the time to journal, then, the words come real fluid-like...
Mood: successful

saladsrock Day Two Still Aug 26th, 2004 11:26:44 am - Subscribe

And steer me right off My Journey Back To My Thin Self!

Right now I am around 90% Raw - and this is easier for me than "trying" to not eat the garbage, (S.A.D.) or to eat "less" of it; that technique just does NOT work for me.

I used to smoke cigarettes, and I could never "cut down" or "just smoke occasionly" - because I am a NICOTINE ADDICT - seriously - and I know that I can NEVER take another puff, because, like an alcoholic, who cannot have "just one drink," I am "just a puff away from a pack a day!"

And so it is with my other addiction - (and my ONLY other addiction, thank God!) - Garbage Food! I am coming to realize that I need to get myself OFF of it entirely, 100%, in order to be able to heal from it, and to then reap the benefits of totally healthy eating!

I am letting myself have baked potatoes or baked sweet potatoes once a day; I eat them plain, no butter, no nothin' on them - and believe it or not, they are pretty good!
There is alot to of positve regarding this Mono-Eating.......
Mood: inspired

saladsrock Day 2 Beginning Aug 26th, 2004 8:49:52 am - Subscribe
WEll Good Morning, Self. I woke around 5 A.M. with a nasty headache - thought about taking some headache medicine, then decided to just lie back down and see if it would pass - got back up around 7:30 with the same nasty headache - so caved and took some headache medicine. I think it is starting to go away, but impatient self that I am, I just took a 3rd pill to hurry it along.

But I am feeling better or I sure would not be sitting here typing! I cannot help but wonder if the headache is from detox....hmmmm - it is hard to tell, because I get them like this every now and then, when on the S.A.D.

When I took my first meds earlier, I didn't want to take them on an empty stomach so I ate a slice of Ezekial Sesame toast; which of course has NO flour in it, just all-sprouted grains...I put some non-hydrogenated "butter-type spread" on it, called "Smart Balance;" from the ingredients, I see that it is much better than butter or chemical margarines that are hydrogenated -yuk!

I didn't really want to take those meds, but I have stuff to do today, and a headache like that really puts a kink in things! I will eat some fruit here in a bit.

All for now!
Mood: PUNY

saladsrock Day One Still Aug 25th, 2004 11:39:06 pm - Subscribe
OK, had a good day. When the Hubb got home with the money, I was soooo ready to go get food! I had a baked sweet potato, up until then, and I was ready for some salad, bigtime!

So I got groceries, and ate my peaches, which were OK, but was dissapointed in them; seems it is just hard to find really good peaches, and when I do, yum yum!

I ate a big salad, filled with romaine, red cabbage, red onion, chopped zuchinni, and shredded cheddar. I have decided to allow myself my shredded cheese on my salads; I can do this and still feel very comfortable that I am still going to be losing the weight nicely, although, I am sure that adding the cheddar will slow the process down some, I am confident that the lbs. will still begin to come off; this is not the first time that I have eaten this way, so......

I topped off my salad with Paul Newmans brand of Balsamic Vinegarette dressing, which I love. Tomorrow, or maybe yet this evening, I plan to make my Poppy Seed dressing from the HD dressings recipes.

I am a compulsive eater, and I ALWAYS want to be snacking at night, but now nothing passes these lips but thin and healthy! I have been snacking on gala apples and plums; they are surprisingly good for a sweet tooth!

I gotta re-learn my eating habits, and re-train my taste buds. One of the reasons that I want to make my own salad dressings is so that I can control what goes INTO them; alot of the processed dressings are loaded with sugar and various chemicals - NO THANKS.

Since today was his payday, the Hubb ordered a pizza and cinnamon-sugar bread sticks from Pizza Hut - and I did excellent - did not have a bite of either, and now it is all in the fridge for him to finish tomorrow - am I proud of myself here or WHAT! :-)

I am very strong and motivated right now, and am enjoying these feelings here on my first day. I know that difficult, tempting times lie ahead for me in the next few weeks, so I will come back to this time then, and read this!

This is all going to be soooo worth it, to look in the mirror and see my thin body at 135 - ppl I have not weighed that in a long, long, long, LONG time!!
What I am really looking forward to is watching my BELLY dissapear - YES!
Mood: empowered

rendezvous Five-card game Aug 25th, 2004 10:40:06 pm - Subscribe
my quote of the day...
You can't have six cards in a five-card game!
-Rusty [Brad Pitt] Oceans Eleven

What a looong day. I dont really think that i have much to talk about. We did NOTHING in eco. [like always], then i had an anatomy test.. [100% of course =D], and i just had some vocab in lit. Nothing big at all.. SUCH a boring day..

Althought.... i did see }him{ today... just once outside of my lit class. *sigh*if only..

*)REMINDER(*: get movie back from Thad!

i fell asleep reading my book today.. i woke back up at 9. but yeah... haha

Im goin to sleep soon.. so yeh.. update tomorrow and hopefully ill have something to actually talk about.
Mood: burned-out
My Journey Back To Thin: futurama