I am floating on a silent sea of discontent and I am lost. Alone in the darkness, a hapless victim of a dangerous seas fickle current.
The sky above me offers no compass, no flickering stars or waning moon. Only an unrelenting shade of black. I know it is only a dream but I cannot seem to wake myself from this suffocating slumber. My arms and legs will not move and the only way I know I am still alive is the steady rise and fall of my breasts. What is it I seek? Is it companionship? Someone to hold my cold hand in his and bring the color back to cheeks as pale as empty parchment? I am no longer sure. I thought I was better off alone. I am the strong one, the loner, the empty shell that seeks nothing to fill it.
I will seek out a man long since pushed into the one of the dark dusty closets of my memory. Perhaps he will be my savior, my prince charming who shall lower his lips to mine and awaken me from this endless sleep or perhaps like before he will simply be my undoing
It was a cool night. I could see the white pillows of breath as they escaped from between my chattering lips. Like so much cotton fluff released unto an inky palette. I went to the House of Regalis. Of course, he did not know I was coming and I knew it was the soft raping of my knuckles against his door that woke him. He still had the heavy fog of sleep in his light blue eyes.
I have always loved his eyes. Even when we were children, lost in our innocence, unaware of the world's harsh ways, I loved them. They were mesmerizing pools of pale blue with a drop of indigo directly in their center, with striates of jet black surrounding them. He would often tease me about the way I looked into them. I think he was merely uncomfortable with the intensity of my obvious fascination.
But this evening those eyes were clouded with sleep and also a degree of displeasure over the fact they were no longer closed. He took me by the wrist, rather harshly I might add and yanked me inside. My heart beating quickly as he closed the door behind us and then pushed me up against it.
Both his arms coming up to cradle the sides of my head. I could feel the rage pouring off of him and by the tone in his voice I knew he was far from pleased with me. "Eutrice you are a bigger fool than I had ever imagined." To which I replied in a coy voice that he had always hated. "But my dearest cousin, you would not have me any other way."
It was then that some of the tension rolled off his shoulders and he actually smiled and shook his head. "Go sit at the table and I will prepare some blackwine." I watched him as he walked away and I noticed that my heart did not slow it's racing beat. This man enthralled me and it was a dangerous game I was about to play. I may end up the Queen or the pawn. But I would make the first move on the board.
He walked to the small kitchen that lacked the luster of a woman's touch. There were remnants of past meals littering the counter tops as well as a stack of dirty dishes that most women would find shameless. I quirked a brow, he turned his head in time to catch sight of it and simply informed me to not start it.
I let it go, for tonight was not about his housekeeping skills, it was about my need of him. I am not talking about in a sexual capacity, though I will admit I do find the man oddly attractive. My comrade, my brother in arms, my only friend and childhood play mate. I had kissed him once, only on the cheek of course, I am not so bold or stupid to attempt anything beyond that. He did not run off, so I assume he found it tolerable.
We have not traveled down that road since. But my eyes did stray to the tangled mass of bedding and for a moment I pictured myself there tangled up with him among them. I have never explored my carnal side and to this day my virtue remains in tact. But at the age of 24 I must say I am more than a little curious about what goes on between a man and a woman behind closed doors.
"Eutrice! You have not heard a word I have said have you?" My eyes drifted back from his bed to him and I looked at him with a shake of my head.
"I was day dreaming, I am afraid." I was a dreamer. I always have been and he knew it. Honestly, there is very little about me that he does not know. And in some ways that is dangerous. But, it is better to keep him close now. I have no one else and I think he knows this as well. I have amassed a sizable fortune over the course of the last two years and I need his help and this is the reason for tonight's visit. I wet my lips and gripped down on the edge of the table as these words slipped past my lips far to easily.
"I need you to help me kill a man."