everystep's Blog

Mixed Feelings
Date: Junpm06 19, 2006 - Subscribe
Mood: torn
Listening to: Vienna by Billy Joel

Several things have happened over the course of this week, and now I don't know if I'm feeling appropriate.

One of my close friends and I were crushing on the same guy, only she thought I didn't like him anymore. She made up her mind and decided to tell him that she liked him.

I supported her and the rest of her friends supported her. So she got one of her other friends to tell him.

He just sort of shrugged her off and told the friend, "Oh, I figured she liked me."

Let's keep in mind that this guy is in love with himself and is extrememly arrogant.

I was really mad, because now my friend is broken-hearted. It really agitated me that he just totally blew her off like that. Just because he doesn't like her back doesn't mean that he can be rude.

I had thought that my friend should have been the one to tell him how she really felt, but she never got up the courage. Yet I still feel she is braver then I am, because I can't even bring myself to talk to him, much less tell him how I really feel.

I also felt a tiny bit relieved though, and this is the part that really makes me mad at myself. Why did I feel relieved? It was because he was still single and he was still free. Which means I might have a one in a million chance. Or maybe we should change that to two billion....

Either way, we were playing 'Who's Line is it Anyway?' in my English class and he and I put on a couple skits together. He ended up complimenting me and we bumped fists, so I was really happy. At the same time, my friend was in the class and I don't know how she was feeling, but if I were her I would have been feeling horrible.

And yet, she still doesn't know that I still like him. So I'm still confused. My feelings are all mixed up, like someone threw them into the dryer and turned the settings to 'tumble-dry'.

I honestly can say I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I'm happy, yet I'm feeling guilty because I'm feeling happy because my friend is feeling heart-broken.

So I guess it all boils down to this: Do I have the right to be happy?

And I still don't know the answer to that. I think I should be happy, and yet I think I shouldn't be. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel anymore.

Gah.




Comments: (0)

ReCaptcha:

Anonymous guest, why not register, or login now.