Apologize Later

Sep 19th, 2010 4:56:24 pm - Subscribe
Mood: itchy

It was completely set up.
Whether or not he allowed it to to surface into consciousness is another story.

I expected the lights to be on, movie ready to go. The apartment was dark. I had to double check my phone to make sure I hadn't completely imagined the conversation.

I hadn't.

I entered his house, hoping not to wake anyone with the door bell. I figured he was in the middle of some intense game or surfing the internet to kill time. Instead he was in bed, waiting for me. If I'm not mistaken, he was expecting me to just hop in with him.

The tv in the living room was conveniently not working so I agreed to watch the movie in the bedroom. He selected something we had both seen a million times, so it didn't exactly require full attention.

I pinned myself against the wall while he casually sat in the middle of the bed. He touched my leg and I tried to ignore it. He touched my hand and I touched back. I told myself over and over that it didn't mean anything. Old habits are hard to break. He doesn't mean anything by all this. I wanted to ask why he insisted on torturing with his feigned innocence but I decided I would take any affection I could get.

He pulled me closer to him where I couldn't resist diving in for a kiss.

I understand at this point. I've been there a million times. One thing leads to another and the guy suddenly decides that he's horny and just needs to put it somewhere. Only he didn't put it somewhere. He took the time to go down on me for a while. I finally had the strength to ask what the hell was going on.

It was a mistake.
I didn't mean for this to happen.
I didn't expect this to happen.
I'm so sorry.
We need to take preventative measures to make sure this never happens again.
No, I don't ever want to do this again.
I don't think you could handle that.
I don't want to hurt you.
I won't lead you on.

So noble.
The honesty was refreshing while it lasted.

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