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I'm tired of feeling stranded. Lack of funding cements me to Kansas. My progress in college has plateaued. I feel like I'm stuck in time. Taking the same classes over and over again, never any closer to graduation. Making the same mistakes. Experimenting with addictions and mental states just to amuse myself. Life is happening for the people I grew up with. I miss people who never give me a second thought. I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to be me anymore. |
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You, imbrued with lust violating my being Why again? Why you? |
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I realize my posts have been really depressing for like, a year. So today I'm going to write about the happy things in my life. Xu woke me up today by walking all over me, meowing. When I opened my eyes he was sitting on the table in front of me, inches from my face, staring. He's quite creepy at times but I love him. It's kind of pretty out. Sleet, ice, clouds. I hate driving in this weather but I enjoy the calm spookiness of it. I don't have any cigarettes or money so I've been enjoying clove cigars. They remind me of my slutty days, the dorms, Bryce, Chelsea, Meat Day, and pretty much every perception I possess of beauty. My second class was canceled. I'm neither happy nor upset about this. It's a decent class where we basically just hang out and write. I enjoy it but it gets rather mundane. My plans for tonight: finish up on homework. Hopefully someone wants to hang out. Even if it's just Lucas and Megan. Otherwise I might just waste another night on chatroulette. This is my life. It's boring but I'm sure you were getting tired of reading about breakups and drug withdrawal. I'm content. |