I feel the illness growing. This is why I quit facebook the first time. The people, the past, the obsession.
The people I know
with people I know
makes me slightly insane.
The idea of soothing nicotine makes me even more insane. I can barely breathe.
It's like living with my mother. Trying to force feed meats into my system. I just want ramen all the time. Forget your food stamps. I just bought eggs.
How can one teach a class by only asking questions? I understand the intention but it seems a bit lazy. She'll never engage me without being him. Without spacetime. I'll quit going to class if she asks me to read out loud.
Neutrons =/= Newtons
I would have made a similar mistake. I'm just glad it was you and not me. I get nervous too.
Nothing makes sense when it isn't measured in spacetime. Nothing makes sense if I don't plan on sleeping with the one who gives me the information. I cannot learn this way.
I can't adapt. The race must move on without me.
So much to do. Too scared to get out of bed.
I would advise against touching.
And yes, my PMS gets this bad.
Your turn for the unicorn.
How do I forget her?
What's my deal? It's not like I'm taking a class or wasted a good portion of my life being Catholic.
I was searching Catholic Apocrypha out of boredom and stumbled upon a fantastic website by some idiot Christian extremist. I always enjoy reading anything with silly oldschool backgrounds and cheap blinky gif files.
I was reading this nauseatingly biased information about how Catholics aren't really Christians and how they found all this uninspired nonsense written by donkeys or something and vomited it into their bible.
Less colorful of course.
He/she/it gave reasons for why the apocrypha was not in the bible. Obviously it wasn't inspired nor does anyone really claim it to be but then it went on to say how it isn't in Hebrew and the Jews rejected it.
If I remember right, the Jews rejected another part of the Bible called the New Testament and I think a great deal of it was in Greek. How in the world did that get into the Bible, that doesn't belong there.
Ner. What do I know.
"Not even all Catholic 'Church Fathers' believed the Apocrypha was scripture."
If Catholicism isn't a credible religion, what makes Catholic Priests credible sources to what is true or not?
Reason number 7 the Apocrypha wasn't put into the Bible:
"It teaches immoral practices, such as lying, suicide, assasination and magical incantation."
(Assuming that word is supposed to be "assassination")
Because the Bible doesn't specifically tell you to stone your children when they misbehave. And people weren't constantly performing miracles or anything.
Damn Catholics and their witchcraft.
Hell is also real, apparently. There's a link at the bottom of the page that directs you to more fun information.
"Just because you've never seen hell doesn't mean it doesn't exist."
Just because the Bible was misinterpreted and there is no Greek or Hebrew translation for "fiery pit" doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
Excuse my double negatives.
"Out of the 120,000 people that die everyday, most end up in hell."
And you are able to determine this, how? Oh right, you are either God or know the guy on a personal level. I've never read that in the Bible but I also haven't yet read the whole thing nor have I interpreted it exactly how it was intended.
"The Bible says that nobody is good enough to get into heaven. Each one of us has broken God's commandments--not one person is excepted. You have personally lied and committed other sins.
For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God. (Romans 3:23)
[L]et God be true, but every man a liar...( Romans 3:4)"
I'd prefer not to get into a red pen moment here with how the use of the word "excepted" sounds really bad here but I would like to take the opportunity to point out that they should have used a different word.
As for the substance of the statement. How would either of those quotes imply that no one gets into heaven? We have sinned, yes, we are imperfect beings. If God does indeed exist, He created us this way. The first quote could mean that we are not as great as God. It doesn't necessarily mean that we are not allowed into God's kingdom. The second quote only shows that the person's previous statement is untrue.
The website also states that people who simply lead a good life will not get into heaven. So if you accept Jesus as your personal savior, you're saved regardless of who you murder? What exactly are we striving for and whose sins are worse and why? They state that the greatest commandment is to love God with all your heart. So if you obey that commandment alone, you will get into heaven? I suppose it's a good commandment and if you follow that the rest will fall into place. So why are the other commandments there if they are basically suggestions? If you follow those but not the first, you are screwed? Someone like myself with no temporal lobe or faith in humanity+ is screwed as well.
I love your God. You totally have my full attention now.
"We deserve the death penalty. This includes both physical death (the casket) and spiritual death (when the soul is separated from God and cast into hell)."
That’s why we die every time we lie, have an impure thought or question the above statement.
Unfortunately this website is full of dead links and clickables. You read something interesting and you want to know more but then when you click on “Ex Priests and Other Former Nuts” it directs you to a sad announcement that the page has been removed by the host. However, one of the working links gives advice onwhat to do when you give up hellivision:
"Read good books--particularly the olde things. The olde divines were deep thinkers. Drink from their wells."
Do you want me to take that literally? I will drink from the well of some old author and prey to God that I don't get shot.
It annoys me greatly when people use caps to emphasize a point.
"As I live, saith the Lord GOD, I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked; but that the wicked turn from his way and live: turn ye, turn ye from your evil ways; for why will ye die... (Ezekiel 33:11)"
The Hebrew language doesn't have capitals and if they did I would hope they would have enough sense to know you don't have to capitalize everything of importance. Otherwise the entire inspired works would be capitalized, right?
"Did you know that if you do not belong to Jesus Christ you belong to Satan?"
No, please elaborate.
"You don't have to be a card carrying Satanist to serve Satan. You don't have to be a murderer, drunkard or drug addict, either. All you have to do is ignore Jesus Christ. If you don't have Jesus today, you are deceived and hell bound--you are a child of hell, a child of the devil."
I have difficulty responding to this without throwing fragile objects and swearing profusely.
Most Satanists are Atheists who view Satan as a symbolic figure of mankind. I hate the assumption that Satanism is all about worshiping some supernatural entity. I also hate it when people assume that all people who drink or do drugs are bad Christians or even bad people.
I don't even know what to say about the second part of that statement. Ignoring Jesus. Hmm. So were people just totally screwed before Jesus was born? I hate to think that people who are uninformed or "misinformed" about Jesus are completely doomed. Or that they are practicing Satanists.
I'm sure Jesus was a cool guy. Definitely someone we should all emulate. But it's really weird to think that people who don't accept Jesus as their personal savior are more doomed than the people who persecute them?
What exactly does it mean by not having Jesus? People throw that one around a lot but I don't think anyone truly thinks about what that could mean. To have Jesus.
I take that as, to possess Jesuslike characteristics. Awesome, accepting, generous, bitchin, somewhat rebellious of society's standards.
I have those. But do I have Jesus? I should ask this person; however, there is no contact information.
"Dear Reader, I am not online and therefore I do not check emails. May you find Christ and leave the internet and television alone."
Ok, I'll do that. In the meantime I'm going to continue quoting your website.
"Upside Down Cross - Symbolizes mockery and rejection of Jesus. Necklaces are worn by many satanist's. It can be seen on Rock singers and their album covers."
So Saint Peter must have been a rock singer or a Satanist. I remember something about him being crucified upside down since he didn't feel worthy of being killed the same way as Jesus. Seems like an innocent symbol. Notice I capitalize this word "Satanist" because it is, indeed, a proper name of a person belonging to the religion, whether you agree with it or not. Also, it doesn't need an apostrophe when made plural.
The page also features some inverted cross artwork and a really awful poem written by some troubled teen. Scary.
It then shows pictures of the Pope standing by an inverted cross. I know I like to make assumptions about the religious leaders based on things metal bands and teenagers write about.
I enjoy it that symbols are such a big deal. In another portion of the website Wiccans are compared to Satanists by showing how the pentagram is the same thing only flipped. They try to imply that Wiccans are Satanists simply because of that. So shouldn't that imply that Christians are Satanists because their symbol is the same only inverted?
On the note of Wicca and witchcraft
"The earthly father of all these stones was Adam. The lineage of Jesus Christ is traced back to Adam in Luke 3:23-38. Before Adam, there was no man...so...no, witchcraft is not older than worship of the true God. It came up in OPPOSITION to the worship of the true God."
So you can prove that Wicca did not exist before the Bible because the Bible says so. This is called circular reasoning and should be avoided, much like using all caps to empasize a point.
Back to Catholics
"The Great Whore, the Catholic Religion, is drunken with the blood of the saints. "
So Catholics dig saints. People martyred for their beliefs. Imagine emulating someone like that. Sheesh. Who would want to pay respect to those whores? Shortly after talking about how Catholics worship saints, it goes into a list of all the horrible things they did during the Inquisition. I've asked around. Most Catholics aren't proud of the Inquisition. That's why it's not going on anymore. I don't understand why that is on the same page as the saint criticism. Catholics recognize people who died for their beliefs, they also kill people for their beliefs. Ok. So they were wrong. They recognize this. I think the pope even apologized for it a few hundred years later. They don't do it anymore. They believe in a communion of martyrs. They must be the Antichrist?
Apparently the Inquisition is still in effect today. I stand corrected.
"A lot of Catholic priests don't even believe in God. The Catholic priesthood is a job."
A job that pays so well, might I add. I'm assuming religious leaders of other churches and groups don't get paid? Let's just throw in that Dennis Rader went to a Protestant church. Is this information significant? No Does it completely disprove Christian beliefs or the imporatance of Protestant Christianity? Not really.
"Hitler was Catholic"
Just like Denis Rader was a Protestant. How does this prove anything?
No one is safe.
"Evolutionists say that YOU used to be a fish. Do you really believe that? Sounds like a Brothers Grimm fairy tale to me. It takes more faith to believe an amoeba is my daddy than God created me. Where are all those elusive transitional forms like a lizard with feathers? There should be MILLIONS of them but NOT ONE IS FOUND."
Ugh. There's this thing called plate tectonics. It's really interesting. It's explains the idea that top layer of earth is a lot younger than the ones closer to the core. I would imagine you have to dig pretty deep to find where all the billion year old animal fossils reside. Also, the deeper you dig, things get kind of hot and have a tendency to melt, distroying billion year old fossils. Billion.
It then goes on and on about how there is no proof. There is pleanty of scientific evidence backing up the theory of evolution, that is why it is so widely accepted. Also, it it so hard to accept it as a theory? It should be taught in schools and if you're afraid your children will be corrupted by it you must have a pretty unstable set of beliefs.
I pretty much have to stop here and go do something worthwhile.
So basically to summarize the website:
Catholics are bad.
Know cursive by the age of five.
Women in the kitchen.
Hell is real.
TV is bad.
All religions are cults.
Popes are the Antichrist
Science is bad because it disproves your beliefs.
Abortion is bad and third trimester abortion is still legally practiced.
Be knowledgeable about the Bible and this website, but not anything else.
I work harder than you.
You're older. You know more.
I am so young.
But you're no different.
Yeah, I'll get off the damn computer.
As well as your damn lap.
It is easy to get distracted when you're waiting on help.
Even easier when your help wants to touch you all the time.
Don't get preoccupied as I divert you.
I am no worse than you.
However, you excel at hiding flaws.
I planned to allow your help.
You know how I love to have it announced.
Could you be a little more condescending?
I struggle with myself.
Unlike you, I need to know my place.
How could I possibly know what is right for me?
I don't even try.
Could you use some big words to throw me off?
You don't do it intentionally, you're naturally smarter.
I am just a little girl.
Perhaps you could read to me and emphasize my error with your red pen.
I am not your student. I am your classmate.
I don't have six years of schooling to show how much more I know.
Join me down here.
In the depths of modesty where you belong.
My day was terrible.
I am sad.
I am stressed.
My life is a little out of control at the moment.
I wrote suicidal poetry on my leg during a panic attack at work.
This is lame.
This is not what I came here to talk about.
My roommate is incredibly trashy. I haven't quite figured her out. I really don't want to. I'm left with no choice. She fascinates me.
She works two jobs. She works five days a week in housekeeping and waiting tables. I estimate that she makes around $700 a month. Rent is 350. She is always three weeks late. This would make sense if she didn't get $300 in food stamps every month. I'm not sure where her money goes. I never ask because it's not my place. Plus I'm sure if I sit in the same room with her long enough she'll probably tell me.
She had a fancy new french manicure today.
She asked me if Walmart would cash her check tomorrow. I told her she could do it tonight but she was afraid she would spend the money on alcohol. Because it is so difficult to just leave a set amount at home or in her vehicle or even a separate section in her purse.
She decided tonight that she would drink away the pain of this ongoing "boyfriend" drama. She's been seeing this guy, Devin, for about two weeks now. They met at a bar and he constantly talks about guns. A few days ago he offered a girl a ride on his moped.
Kasey finds this distasteful.
Devin doesn't think he did anything wrong.
She is upset that he doesn't see anything wrong and insists he did something wrong.
He refuses to believe that he did anything wrong.
So why are they still screaming at each other on the phone every night? Why does she feel compelled to vomit every detail to anyone with the capability of hearing?
If someone upset me that badly, I would be so embarassed that I even associated with that person that I would simply stop talking to them and then it would be a funny story for later.
She's 32 years old. My landlord is younger than she is.
I will never understand the motives of the working poor. I feel the only way I could possibly understand her reasoning and poorly linked chain of thought is by traveling back to the age of 12 when everything could be solved by punching someone on the playground. When comments about another's appearance were actually used to "win" arguements.
Ah someday I will finish my post about social classes. Someday when I obtain a better understanding of the upper class as well as the working poor. I work with these people, and I now live with them. I'm so curious and so disgusted at the same time. I could study sociology for years and never fully understand how people can be so different, simply by difference in income.
"I didn't even go to work today, know why?"
"I just wanted to get drunk. I'm really drunk right now, I just said fuck it."
I'm not even going to bother. I'll just let Shan deal with it.
My stomach has been killing me. My diet kind of sucks right now. I'm sad and sexcrazed. I sleep 6 hours every afternoon in addition to all the sleep I get at night. I feel pretty much worthless. I dropped a class halfway through the semester. I've been making cheesy playlists to cruise around to later. Lame and expensive therapy. I need gas. I don't have to eat for the rest of the month.
So much money owed.
I'm doing fine, I swear.
Get off of Chelsea's facebook. She's not coming home. No, she doesn't miss you.
Fallout Boy sucks. Why am I listening to this? Fuck. It makes me feel like rocking out. I used to do that in my empty dorm room. I must be hell to live with. I need a place by myself. Some rustic house in the middle of no where, surrounded by trees and animals.
A bridge piercing would be nice if I had some money or a roommate with a dire need to shove needles in me.
I should read Exodus or something.
Are you ok?
Oh, no answer? Busy, right.
Well let me just guess with this one. Could it be that I didn't cuddle with you enough this morning? I know, there must be something wrong with me. I must be coming down from a manic episode. I must be hormonal. It must be the crazies on their monthly vacation in my brain. Or the hysteria from built up sexual frustration. It couldn't possibly just be a slight annoyance with you.
You do realize what you do to me, right? When you touch me, it rarely gets me off almost never wears me out. Instead, it makes me want more and more and more. So unless you're willing to fuck me, keep your hand out of my pants. You know it feels nice. It feels great. But it doesn't feel so great when I wake up three hours later and need to get ready for class.
As for this "don't touch me in the morning" thing that you have been bringing up every twenty minutes for the past two weeks, I fucking heard you the first time. I get it. The thing is, I have to get up early in the morning. It's not an option. I'm no more of a morning person than you are so excuse me for trying to make this painful proceedure semi-enjoyable for myself. If I don't get a shower or coffee with Shannon, it would really be nice to get a little affection from the person who talks me into staying the night, every night. The one who kept me up the night before and is the reason I'm so tired.
But I'll respect your wishes.
Just don't act so surprised when I do.