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Wake up alone. In my own bed, clean, sober, rested. No pain. No pink hand prints. No bite marks. Next to Xumonster. Next to New Walter. Find enough money in my wallet for breakfast. Go into a long day of work, leave with enough money to buy some fast food and a big soda for a late lunch. Arrive to an empty home. Free of strangers, free of fake laughter, free of dogs. Shower. Clean again. Beautiful again. Lost five pounds. Popsicle. Snuggles with Xu. Filth on TV. No six hour nap. Productivity. My fantasies have gotten much simpler with age. |
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This isn't out of hate or anger. This is nothing cinematic. Nothing saddens me more than finally accepting the truth and saying goodbye to my best friend. I just wish at one point he cared enough for honesty. But silly me. I was dumb enough to listen to his words while ignoring his actions. |
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My subtle pleas no longer left unanswered. Perhaps it's the blonde hair. Or maybe the look in my eyes revealing that I've finally dumped my baggage in the ditch on the way to class. My room needs cleaning. My wardrobe needs a minor update. My hair needs more purple. So relieved that I have a chance to rock out and engage in much needed napping for an entire week. I don't think I'll work as much as planned. It's all over for now. I'll keep the panic to a minimum. |
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I want nothing more than to be high right now. Tripping, floating, I don't care. I want to lay here and stare at the ceiling, thinking of everything and nothing at the same time. Granting the fortitude to travel in and out of consciousness and to dream a life outside of my physical self. I want the awe and beauty of inebriation. To be alone but not lonesome. I want to ride out the rest of my evening in a state of absolute contentment and mirth. I want to create something splendid tonight. I'm tired of feeling so cold. If I could be invisible I would curl up next to Spurlock and steal the warmth of his furry beard. I've grown quite confused by his behavior lately. I'll spare myself the trouble of waking up afraid and confused. Even if it means giving up each comfort I long for tonight. You're welcome, Morning Rachel. Now it's time to go write something worthwhile and drift into a normal, uneventful slumber. |
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Welcome back, Thunder. I've missed you all winter. I want to get laid tonight. I should have thought about that a few hours ago. I always forget how much planning and effort goes into convincing someone to sleep with me. Shower, shave, plaster face in whorey makeup, spend hour setting every strand of hair in place, purchase necessities, decide on a location, find ugly girls to surround me and depart when my goal is met, consume just enough alcohol to forget but not so much that I'm a complete mess. So far, I've been in my living room all afternoon, only leaving the couch to smoke and dance to ska. So not getting any tonight. Maybe Keli will force me to go out. Ugh. I need to get a credit card for the few times I actually have to purchase the music I want to listen to. *frownyface* |
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Didn't even bother shaving. I'd rather just talk to myself anyway. Cabin fever causes me to over analyze every bit of contact he throws at me. Liked my status, must mean he wants to date me. Xu hasn't been wobbly enough for me lately. Brax is really far away. I should have tucked him into my coat when I had the chance. Then we could be laughing and throwing things right now. I have a feeling he's not going to think I'm so awesome in a few years. Why the fuck is a decent radio transmitter so difficult to find? Returning bitch number two tomorrow. What to do about Eric. |