Day of Disappointments

Sep 10th, 2010 3:10:54 pm - Subscribe
Mood: peachy

I hurried to Ideal Societies to see how my secret friend responded to my proposal. Either he forgot that it was there or he didn't attend class because my drawing remained untouched.

Last night I called Jeremy again. He responded to everything I said with "fun times" and nothing more. I realize it's awkward but I wish he would just say it's awkward or that he doesn't want to talk to me rather than deflect everything I say to him. He asked me about Shannon and I told him that ever since I moved upstairs we stopped being friends. I thought the statement was full of potential questions or comments but he simply replied with "fun times." I was completely silent for several minutes. I couldn't think of anything else to say. Either I was too boring for him or he was just really uncomfortable. I tried to think of a way to change the subject to something that might interest him but he didn't give me much to work with. Finally he broke the silence and said "Well what happened with her?"

I just told him I didn't know. I asked him what he wanted to do on Monday, if he was still planning on seeing me. Every suggestion was sarcastic or ridiculous. All I wanted was a moment of seriousness that never came. At some point he mentioned something about how he was working on becoming a better person. I asked him what he meant and he told me he didn't know. I asked him what he didn't like about himself but he didn't know. I repeated what he said and asked him to give examples of what he meant but he didn't know.

I hung up, completely unsatisfied, remembering why our relationship ended. Fighting sucks but never taking anything seriously is just as emotionally draining.

Dan wasn't at the union. I could have used the company of someone as miserable as me.

I don't want to go back to class. I suppose I can't be disappointed any more today since I have absolutely no expectation of anything remotely happy or interesting happening.

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