Eargasm

May 23rd, 2009 10:02:45 am - Subscribe
Mood: sour

Things have to change.

Again.

I didn't think it was a big deal. I still don't think it's a big deal but I can't let anything happen again. I have to make sure the illness doesn't get in the way of what I truly want. I've worked too hard to make this work. To make him happy. I can't do this to him. I can't allow anyone to worry. I play it off really well but then I slip up. I talk about what's really going on. I say stupid things when the oxygen escapes my brain. I say shallow things when the sickness progresses. This isn't who I want to be. I can't screw this up. He doesn't need this.

I'm torn. I can't have it both ways. I have to remember what is most important to me before I let this superficial mindset consume me once more. Before it destroys the person I've worked to become.

Moderation. Timing. Caution. Water.

I have to be more careful.

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